Scott

Tay flinched a little, but said softly, "Just let him panic, if it helps him feel better."

"THANK YOU, TAYLOR!" I broke, his voice still on the verge of yelling.

"You know . . . I bet everybody would think it's fake anyway."

Tay's eyes remained on the photo. "There's enough fake pictures of me on the internet anyway, one more won't hurt."

Zac chortled and turned to Dave. "There's one of Tay in a Speedo, one of him in a dress, and --" I paused and burst out laughing, "One of him in, well, the buff!"

Dave cracked up, too. Taylor rolled his eyes and then diverted them.

"That's hilarious!" Dave was shrieking.

"I know!! Hey, Tay says it's not real, but maybe Scott could give us the real word on it, seeing as how-"

"Okay, out! You're not helping me any!" I barked.

"Yeah, just get out if you're going to be like that, Zac," Tay muttered.

"Sure, no problem, if you're going to be like that. C'mon, Dave, I'll show you the pic. It's hilarious."

Dave shot Taylor a look. "It's not real, right?"

Tay shook his head demurely, tossing the photograph aside and putting his head down. "No, but don't say I didn't warn you. It looks a lot like me, but it's definitely not."

Zac and my brother bounded out of the room with ceaseless energy.

I sighed a frustrated sigh. I knew they weren't as concerned about it as I was, but they would have been if that was them in the picture instead.

"At least we have somebody to turn to about this," Tay said, turning his face towards me and gazing at me with soft blue eyes.

I stared at him for a moment.

"However ineffective it might be."

His lips creased a frown for a moment. "I'm sorry, but they're right, Scott, being so panicky isn't going to help our situation."

"Oh, well, so sorry I CARE," I retorted, angry someone wasn't with me.

Taylor's face reflected alarm. "You do not have to talk to me like that. I didn't do anything to you."

I turned away, not liking the hurt on his face at all. It didn't become him in the slightest. I tried to relax my muscles for his sake, but it felt like my nerves were razor sharp, on the edge, that sick panic feeling in my stomach, making me in a foul mood. He was right. I didn't have to talk to him like that. But I wasn't meaning to.

"I just wish you would start worrying about it, 'cause something like this can ruin us. I know we're not as famous as you, Tay, but we're just getting popular in the States, and we don't need anything knocking us down."

"Scott?" asked Taylor softly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"You ashamed?"

"Of what?"

"Of . . . me. Of being with me."

"No, Tay, that's a stupid question. Why are you even asking that?" I pried.

"It just seems that way to me, all of a sudden. We love each other . . . right? We're stronger than this. Don't act so afraid."

I turned around and crossed my arms. "Sorry, I just - I can't -"

"Scott?"

"What now?"

"You are ashamed."

Taylor

Scott's empty gaze offered me no clues to his real feelings. I didn't want to accuse, because I didn't know how he felt and it wasn't right of me to insinuate something that I know would hurt my feelings if he asked it of me.

I said slowly, "Maybe - maybe not of me, but of this whole situation."

He uncrossed his arms and fiddled around with the buttons on his sleeves. "Yeah, so what if I am? Sorry, no offense to your sexual preferences, but this isn't something I'd normally get myself involved in. I don't think I'm gay, or bi, I just - this is just something that happened."

"Okay," I whispered, and turned my head straight again, my forehead on my crossed arms, hiding my face from Scott and shrouding myself in comforting dimness. I found myself rambling. "Yeah, Zac's right. Everybody knows I'm gay anyway. At least you have something left to protect."

Instead of comforting me, Scott said, "You don't hide it very well."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, it's just that, I think it's kind of obvious. You don't get comments about looking like a girl if you don't look like a girl. I mean, the hair, the clothes, and what is that thing on your arm?"

"My armband," I replied, my hand flying up to touch where the band was on my lower right arm.

"Well, it just makes it kind of obvious," Scott shrugged.

"Why am I supposed to dress a certain way and wear my hair a certain way so I won't be called a girl? How'm I supposed to hide who I am? Do you want me to be somebody else?"

"No, I don't want you to be anybody else," Scott said, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. "I'd have to say it'd be nice if you were a girl, but then we wouldn't be in this situation, now, would we?"

"Sorry I had to go and be walking in your way at the airport. How clumsy of me to let you knock me down. I'm so sorry I have to know myself and know who I am and not be a walking contradiction like you, Scott," I said dryly. "I wouldn't exactly call you straight, even if that's what you say you are. I think it's kinda weird . . . why do you say you are one thing and act like another?"

"Please. I know you'd like to think I'm gay so you won't be 'alone' or whatever, but don't start falsely accusing me." Scott turned around again as I looked up at him, blocking off his face from me like I had just done to him.

"Who's falsely accusing who?" I mocked. "You're acting like I'm a flaming fag, Scott."

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right, Taylor?" Scott snapped. Then, he let out a bitter laugh. "Oh. Wait. I guess you do both, huh?"

I sucked in a breath full of air, dismayed and shocked.

"Right!" I found myself retorted. "Oh my fucking God. I like a guy! Oooh, I must be delusional or extra-horny or something! Yep! I wanna hump every damned thing with a dick that walks by! I already saw what you had to offer, I think I'll move on to the bell boy now, or hey, better yet, I could do your brothers!--"

"You can leave my brothers out of this, Taylor."

"Fuck you, Scott. You're acting like an idiot. You seem to have forgotten that you're involved with me, and about the things we've done."

"Yeah. Sure. I was a real easy target, wasn't I?" Scott muttered, turning around again. I felt the daggers in his voice and saw the fire in his eyes as he glared at me.

"What are you talking about?!" I demanded.

"Susceptible. Open-minded. I'm not a walking contradiction. I know I find some guys attractive, and that was your window, wasn't it? I must have been so easy-"

"Like hell you were a window for me! You made yourself completely open, and I did not even make a move on you! You were the one who kissed me! You don't have any idea what you're talking about!" I raged, sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

Scott

Taylor's blue eyes glistened with uncried tears and anger as he suddenly sat up to face me. I wanted to back up, but I was already against the window, and was trapped in his smoldering stare, little shards of his voice ringing in my ear painfully. I recoiled, but then quickly crossed my arms like I was physically protecting myself. I knew he had me cornered there.

"What can I say, Tay - I guess . . . I guess I was just . . ." I paused and laughed. "Horny."

Silence ensued.

Neither of us spoke.

It was the long sort of pause where every noise begins to sound incredibly poignant in the silence of the room. I began to be able to hear the Los Angeles traffic in the distance. I looked at Taylor. He diverted his eyes, and suddenly, he turned from me, so I wasn't able to see his face. Somewhere, a horn blared from an angry driver, and it seemed like it lasted ten minutes, and was as loud as a foghorn. My brain was racing, but I couldn't say anything. I didn't have to. Taylor spoke.

"You lied."

His voice was soft, and revealed nothing.

"You used me."

His voice wavered.

"I was never anything -"

I wanted to talk. I couldn't. I felt the sob in my throat, but it wouldn't come out, nothing would.

"-But an experience."

"I didn't use you," I whimpered.

"No!" Taylor shouted. Then, he dropped his voice again. "No. You wanted a first kiss. You got one. You wanted experience, I gave you that. There was no need to make it this way. I don't regret it. I just regret that your feelings are not the same as mine."

"Tay-"

"Go."

"No, Tay, I-"

"Go now."

"Who won't you let me talk?"

"Because you're just going to try to cover it up. Now go. I don't want to talk to you right now. I don't know if I ever will again." He pointed a shaky finger to the bedroom door. "You need to go now. I want you to go. I don't want to see you. Just go."

"Okay, I'll go," I relented softly. "But I'll come back."

"Don't come back. There's no point. Leave me alone."

"Why can't I see your face?" I asked him desperately.

"Because I don't want to see yours. Go. I mean it."

"Okay, Tay . . . I'm going."

I began to move slowly to the door. Taylor moved in the opposite direction of me, hiding his face the entire time. I felt so helpless now. The doorknob was freezing cold as I touched it. I slowly opened the door.

"Stop stalling and go!" Tay's voice cut. I rushed through the door and slammed it behind me. Everyone in the room looked up at me. I caught Dave's big eyes on me, and the sob that had been trapped earlier suddenly escaped from my throat.

"Scott?"

I didn't know what to say. There was nothing to say now. In a heartbeat, I'd just somehow screwed up everything even more. Just when I thought everything was bad, life had turned me around and fucked me up the ass. I found myself running down the hotel corridor. I didn't know what would happen now.