I bounced my right knee up and down as I sat next to AJ at the airport. Her flight had been delayed. But considering the weather, it was no surprise. I glanced at her. She was staring off into space. Her expression said she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.
I let my mind wander as AJ and I sat in silence. Here I was, mentally preparing myself to say goodbye for the second time. A SECOND time. It was tearing me up inside. As soon as we get closer, in every sense of the word, we only end up going our separate ways. Goodbye. I never thought that one word could hurt so much. It certainly never did all those times I said it to Susan. For some reason, my mind began to wander to Taylor. Laura left for Spain, and he never said goodbye. He never said goodbye. Finally I couldn't take it any longer, and put my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my knees.
"Zac?"
"Yeah, Amanda?"
"I don't want to go." She paused. "I am because I have to, though. But I don't want to. I want you to know that. Remember that." She sniffed.
"I know. It's just... this is hard for me, and new, too. I've never been on this end of the stick before."
"Well, it's not easy on my end, either. I feel so guilty for leaving. I'm the reason you're hurting so much." A lonely tear slid down her cheek.
"Don't you EVER feel guilty, Amanda Jean. Do you hear me? NEVER feel guilty. Meeting you was the best thing that happened to me. I don't regret it for a second."
"I don't know how to thank you," said a sniffling AJ.
"Thank me? For what?"
"For everything. For accepting me unconditionally like you did. For playing basketball with the tomboy. For flirting with the woman that occasionally surfaces. For looking at me the way the teenager longed for. For being you."
I hugged her, tightly. I buried my face in her neck, inhaling the faint scent of her perfume. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but refused to let them fall. I needed to be strong for Amanda. So I let go of her and stood up.
"Where are you going? You're not leaving, are you?" Her eyes begged for me to stay and touch her again.
"No, I'm not leaving. I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay?"
AJ nodded her head.
After a semi-short walk through a maze of people, I found myself in the men's room. I let my guard down and a few random tears fell. I didn't even bother to wipe them away. They'd only be replaced with fresh ones. I composed myself and splashed some cool water on my face. I took a couple of deep breaths, looking hard and long at the reflection in the mirror. Finally deciding that its haphazard appearance would have to do, I left.
Little did I know what was going on while I had been in the men's room...
"Now boarding flight 359 to New York."
"No, wait. This can't be. Zac's not here," AJ said to herself.
"All first-class seats, now boarding."
"Oh, God. Zac, where are you?"
"Now boarding coach, rows A though H."
"Zac, hurry up. I need you here."
"Flight 359, coach, rows I through P, now boarding."
"No! I can't go, but I have to. I... goodbye Zac." AJ walked down the ramp and boarded the plane.
"Now boarding coach, rows Q through Z."
I finally made my way out of the maze. I scanned the seats for AJ. Nothing. Suddenly, an awful feeling washed over me. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. A knot formed in my stomach. Slowly, I walked up to the counter. "Did flight 359 to New York take off?" I asked the clerk.
"Everyone's boarded, and the plane just started taxing."
"Thanks."
I walked towards the window and watched the plane take off. I sighed. I didn't say goodbye.