I sat on the bench overlooking the pond in my backyard. Taylor wasn't due for another half-hour, but I needed to get out and think. This had been our favorite spot, and many memories were made here. I smiled, remembering my "big confession" five years ago.
(flashback)
"Taylor?"
"Yeah, Laura?" He had a serious expression on his face.
"Um... I... I... have a confession to make."
Tay nodded his head, encourging me to go on. I took a deep breath. "ItwasmethatrippedyourshirtatParamusfouryearsago."
He let out a soft chuckle. "I did not understand one word you just said."
I took another deep breath. "ItwasmethatrippedyourshirtatParamusfouryearsago," I repeated.
Taylor stared at me wide-eyed. After what seemed like eternity, he finally spoke. "That was you?" I meekly nodded my head yes, and he began to laugh.
I felt my face burn with embarrassment and the tears well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry. Really. It was an accident. I was pushed from behind. I reached out to the nearest thing to keep myself from falling. It just happened to be you. I am really, REALLY sorry." I hung my head in shame, allowing the tears to spill over.
"Laura, look at me." I turned to look into those caring, crystal blue eyes. "It's no big deal," Taylor explained. "Besides, I'm glad I was able to break your fall," he softly added, brushing away my tears.
Our eyes locked in the most electric gaze. Slowly, we leaned in...
(end
flashback)
But that was a long time ago - five years ago. We were mere freshmen at Oral Roberts University. We were just floormates, friends. Then, things got complicated.
The sound of twigs snapping under someone's feet brought me out of my thoughts. Taylor sat down on the bench next to me. I looked at him. Those beautiful eyes that had once been filled with care were now delivering an icy stare.
"Well?"
Taylor continued to stare me down, demanding an explaination for my behavior. I sighed and looked back at the house. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him the whole truth. At least, not now anyway.
"I'm waiting, Laura."
I turned my attention back to Taylor. "I'm SO sorry, Taylor." I desperately tried not to break down.
"You've said that already in the parking lot. What you didn't say was why you never came back without so much as an explaination or a simple goodbye." His stare remained icy, but his voice was filled with hurt.
"I know. I know. It's just... after I studied in Spain spring semester... something... something happened. So, Mom and Dad rented out the house, and we moved back to Jersey. I finished school there. So many times I wanted to call you, to hear your voice again. But I couldn't... I... I was afraid." My voice cracked with emotion.
"Afraid of what? Laura, you could've told me anything, ANYTHING. I thought you knew that." Taylor paused, and the barrier he put up between us slowly began to disinergrate. "I wouldn't have stopped caring," he softly added.
If he only knew. But he wouldn't know. I couldn't let that happen. It was too soon. The wounds were too deep and still fresh. So I did what I had to do. I brushed him off.
"It's getting late and I should be getting back," I said flatly while standing up.
"So, that's it? You tell me 'something happened' but won't tell me what that 'something' was, and I'm just supposed to accept that?" The hurt returned to Taylor's voice and the anger to his face.
"Taylor, I care about you. I'm only... it's for... I'm trying to protect you." This was going to be harder than I anticipated.
"Well then, please, stop caring because I don't want your protection." He stormed off without so much as a glance back.