Lying to Taylor, even if it was for his own good, didn't sit right with me. I felt incredibly guilty, as I imagined I should. So I walked to the park, hoping to clear my mind.
I couldn't believe how things have changed. It all started out so innocently. I was just one of a million young, obsessed fans. Eventually, I grew out of it. But when my parents decided to move to Tulsa, the first thing that came to mind was that I might meet Taylor Hanson. However, I went through my senior year without a single run-in. By the time I was ready for college, I'd given up the fantasy.
Move-in day. Who should be living across the hall from me? The one and only Taylor Hanson. Although it took a lot of work on my part, I treated him like any other person. We even became friends, close friends. It was during Christmas break when I made my "confession" to Taylor. We shared the sweetest kiss ... but I was studying in Spain the following semester. It was all downhill from there.
I looked at the bench a few feet to the right of me. Taylor was sitting there with his head in his hands. He looked so unhappy, and it was all my fault. I'd hurt him. And he wasn't just anyone - he's someone I care deeply about. It's all my fault. I'm such an awful person.
Against my better judgement, I sat down next to him on the bench. "Taylor? For what it's worth, I never meant to hurt you. In fact, that was the exact opposite of my intentions."
He took his head out of his hands and looked at me, eyes filled with confusion. "Could've fooled me. How long have you been in Tulsa anyway? Did you even plan on contacting me and letting me know you're in town?"
I fought the urge to reach out and touch him. I won this battle. "I've only been here three days. And yes, I planned on contacting you... eventually. It's just... you see... I was messed up back then. I didn't want you to see me like that. You deserve better. I wanted, no NEEDED, to straighten myself out first. You deserve better than what I can give you." I had said too much, but I knew it was what he needed to hear.
A smile played on his lips. "Looks like you and Zac finally agree on something." Finally he couldn't hold it in any longer, and a smile spread across his face.
I smiled back. I lost the next battle, and ran my fingers through his hair, and then gently caressed his face. Taylor grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away. My heart sunk, but I should've known better.
"Taylor, words cannot express how sorry I am." I sighed heavily, looking down. I couldn't look him in the eye. It hurt too much.
"I know you are," he softly replied. I saw a hint of tears in the corners of his eyes. Mine immediately began to cascade down my face. I had never felt such remorse in my ENTIRE life. Not even when... well... not ever.
"Laura, it's all too much too soon. I... I need time - lot's of it. I eventually want to see you again, but just not anytime soon. I'm a mess. I can't concentrate in practice. I feel so out of control. I need to get myself together." Taylor took a deep breath and paused. "But I DO want to see you again."
"Taylor, I don't expect anything from you. Well, that's not exactly true. I expect you to hate me. You SHOULD hate me. Look at the way I treated you!" By now, I was sobbing uncontrollably.
"I don't... I don't hate you Laura. I'm just hurt. I need time." Taylor checked his watch. "Look, I gotta go. I'll be in touch, though."
As he walked away, I knew he wouldn't call. He was just going to teach me a lesson. And I deserved it.