With the exception of the eleven o'clock news on the TV, the house was quiet. Everyone, myself being the exception, was in bed. I couldn't sleep. All day long memories of last night replayed over and over in my mind.
It felt so good to be in Taylor's arms again, to kiss him again. I wanted nothing more than to spend the night with him. But I couldn't. It would, in the end, only cause him emotional pain. I just couldn't do that to him. Also, I couldn't do it to... I just couldn't. End of story.
But at the same time, I could still feel myself in his embrace. I sighed. Mom was right. I was going to have to tell Taylor the truth. Well, I knew I would... eventually. It just seemed as if I would have to make my second confession sooner than originally anticipated. I couldn't be angry with myself, though. I had long since learned to accept the consequences of my actions.
Someone knocking on the front door interupted my thoughts. I looked out the peep-hole. Standing on the front porch was a shivering Taylor. I opened the door and let him in.
"Taylor, what are you doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is? Everyone is asleep." What the hell was he doing here?
"I know it's late, and I'm sorry. It's just that I finally, well, found my courage I guess. I just... I'm... I'm sorry about last night. Really and truly. I had no business... I shouldn't have... I'm really sorry. Please, accept my apology." Taylor looked as though this kept him up all night after I left.
I shook my head in disbelief. "Taylor, I should be apologizing to YOU. It's NOT your fault, and you have NOTHING to be sorry for. I led YOU on, and I'm sorry." I sighed. "It seems as if I've said those two words to you more in the past three weeks than I ever had in all my life. They probably don't mean anything to you anymore." I hung my head, staring intently at the carpet.
Taylor lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. "Oh God, Laura! Please, don't EVER say that. EVER. You mean the world to me."
Well, I could pretty much guarantee I wouldn't after he learned the truth. Speaking of the truth, now was as good a time as any to tell him. "Taylor, I have something to tell you."
He smiled. "What?"
I sighed and closed my eyes. "Taylor, please stop smiling. This is NOT good news, and you're only making it harder than it already is." With that, some tears found their way from the tear ducts to my cheeks.
"Laura, you don't have to tell me now. You can tell me tomorrow, or whenever you're ready. I just want to put the past behind us now," Taylor said, kissing away my tears.
Honestly, I didn't know if I would ever really be ready. Regardless, it had to be done. Now, before it's too late. Before I hurt him even more than I already did.
"Taylor..." I said softly, only to be silenced by a kiss. With each kiss, tomorrow was looking better and better. But in the long run, it would only make things harder, make them worse. I HAD to tell him before we picked up where we left off last night.
"Taylor, I have to tell you something. NOW." There was an urgency in my voice. I looked deep into those blue eyes I often found myself lost in.
"Taylor, I..." I kissed him. I completely chickened out. I'm such a coward. What was I doing anyway? Taylor didn't deserve this.
He returned my kiss, only deeper. Just before we had a reply of last night, a small voice dampened the mood. "Mommy! What is that man doing to you?!?!" Taylor pulled his hands out from under my shirt and took two steps back. I turned around. There, at the entrance to the living room, stood Madeline.