'You look like shit Laura,' I told myself while looking in the bathroom mirror. My skin was pale from lack of sleep. My eyes were red and puffy from crying all night. I turned on the water in the shower, letting the steam fill up the bathroom.
As I undressed, I saw the stretch marks just below my hips, courtsey of my pregnancy. I heard Taylor's words again. 'How could you have been SO CARELESS, SO STUPID!?!' "I'm SO sorry, Tay," I said softly while stepping into the shower. "So sorry."
I went downstairs in search of breakfast. I settled for a bowl of cereal and sat down on the couch next to Madeline. She was watching "Seasame Street."
"Morning, Sweetie," I said, kissing the top of her head. "How'd you sleep last night?"
"Good," she replied, not taking her eyes off the television set.
"Any more nightmares?"
"Nope," was the reply.
"Grandma and Grandpa go out?"
"Yup. They said they were going shopping for me!" I rolled my eyes. The week before Madeline's birthday was going to be a long one.
"Mom?"
"Yes, Maddy?"
"That man, Taylor..."
"Mmm-hmm..."
"Well, he's really cute."
"Yes, he is," I said, sitting Maddy on my lap. "Yes, he is."
Madeline and I were singing the closing song of "Seasame Street" when the doorbell rang. "Be right back," I said, tickling her sides before getting up to answer the door.
Much to my suprise, standing out on the front porch was Isaac. "Oh, wow! Isaac!"
"Hey, Laura. You look good."
"Thanks," I said, blushing. Ike had always made me blush. Kinda in that same way dad did when he caught me kissing a guy, particularly Taylor. "So what can I do for you?" I asked, trying to be polite. I had a feeling I knew why he was here anyway.
"I came to talk to you. Mind if I come in?"
"Oh, no. Of course not." I moved so he could pass into the foyer.
I led Ike into the living room. Madeline was channel surfing. She stopped when she came to the Disney channel.
"Madeline, this is Taylor's older brother, Ike. Ike, this is my daughter, Madeline."
She got off the couch and walked over to Ike. She stuck out her hand just like she did for Taylor last night. "Call me Maddy."
I could tell by the look in Ike's eyes that Maddy had completely won him over. Ike was going to make a great father.
"Ike and I are going into the kitchen to talk. What are you watching?"
"The Mickey Mouse Club."
I laughed to myself. I couldn't believe that show was still on. It's about as old as the television itself.
"Want anything to drink?" I asked Ike as he sat down at the kitchen table.
He shook his head no. I sat down across from him. "Madeline's a great kid Laura. You did all right."
"Thanks," I replied. It meant a lot coming from him.
"I still can't believe you went through with it. I know you said you were going to name your first daughter Madeline, but..." He smiled.
"Well, 'Madeline' IS my favorite song. And hey, the opportunity presented itself. If you play your cards right, I'll name my next one Lucy," I said, trying to make light of the situation. I took a deep breath. "So, I guess Taylor told you everything, huh?" I asked, looking at my hands, fingers intertwined.
Ike's face and tone became serious. "Yeah. He called me last night. Tay'll come around. He's just a little hurt right now. He's not thinking of all you went through: having and raising a girl by yourself, finishing school, plus the burden of how and when to tell him. He's being selfish right now."
I sighed. As much as I appreciated Ike's understanding, he was being way too hard on Taylor. "Ike, Taylor's not being selfish. He has every right to feel what he's feeling. I've caused him to suffer so much. I know eventually the pain will subside, but I don't expect his forgiveness. What I did was unexcusable, careless, and stupid. I should've known better. Worst of all, I hurt someone I love in the process."
Ike shook his head. "You're wrong, Laura. Taylor WILL forgive you. He loves you too much not to. Remember that day you left for Spain?"
I nodded my head yes.
"Well, I remember asking Taylor why he didn't go to the airport to see you off. He said it was because saying goodbye would hurt too much, and he hated saying goodbye to those he loved. He's always loved you, Laura. That day, he told me you taught him what real love is. But it was new for him, and he was scared. So he decided to wait until you came back to tell you. Only, you never came back..." Ike's voice trailed off.
Once again, the tears spilled over. This suprised me. I was pretty sure I'd had dehydrated and didn't have any more left to cry.
"It'll be okay. It'll work itself out. You'll see," Ike said, getting up and giving me a hug.
I wanted to believe his words. I DESPERATELY wanted to. But I didn't have enough hope to invest. This obstacle was just too big to overcome. Most importantly, this wasn't just about Taylor and I. A third party was involved too, Madeline. I had sworn to myself the day I found out I was pregnant that I would protect my baby. And this is one promise I intended to keep no matter what.