"I know she'd want it that way..." Christopher Cross sang the last line of "Think of Laura." Without getting out of bed, I hit the repeat button on the CD player, and the song played again. As the song began, Zac appeared in the doorway.
"Taylor, what's wrong? You've been like this for the past two days," said a concerned Zac.
I didn't answer. I just laid in bed, my face buried in my pillow.
"Come on, Tay. You're scaring me," said Zac poking me, trying to get some sort of response out of me. "It's Laura, isn't it?" Zac asked, still poking me.
With that question my body tensed, and Zac knew he was on the right track. He turned off the CD. "Tay, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything. You're my brother, and I love you. PLEASE talk to me."
Well, he was going to find out sooner or later. I rolled over. Zac's eyes were full of concern. Warm tears ran down my face, and there was a knot in my stomach. I wondered if this was how Laura felt every time she tried to tell me the truth. "Remember when I told you Laura said 'something happened,' and that's why she didn't come back? Well... when she was in Spain... she... she... she got pregnant. She has a daughter, Madeline."
I waited for Zac to say 'I told you so.' He didn't, though. Instead, he pulled me into a sitting position and gave me a hug. "It'll be okay, Tay. You'll get past this," he said soothingly.
"Get past this!?! How can I possibly get past this? Laura had SOMEONE ELSE'S BABY! And Madeline will be a constant reminder. Zac, I loved Laura. I loved her so much. And then she went off and... how could she be so careless? I THOUGHT I meant something to her. How could she do this to me!?!"
Zac just stared at me, arms crossed in front of his chest. "JORDAN TAYLOR HANSON!! HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELF-CENTERED!?!"
I stared at him, wide-eyed. If anything, I expected him to take my side.
"Do you REALLY think Laura intended to get pregnant in the hopes of hurting you? REALLY, Tay. Have you even thought once of all she's been through? I would've thought you'd be more understanding. After all, you have SIX brothers and sisters. Here she is, ON HER OWN, raising a daughter, and all you can think is what SHE did to YOU!?! Just in case it slipped your mind, YOU were the one afraid to make a committment. And besides, it took you TWO DAYS to tell me. Now put yourself in Laura's shoes. There's no easy way to tell someone you love you had a one night stand."
"It just hurts so much, Zac," I said, my voice quivering.
"Taylor, of course it hurts. But it only does because you love her. If you didn't, none of this would matter. You have to talk to Laura. Set things right. Forgive her. Love her."
"I don't know Zac. I just... I close my eyes... and I see... and it makes me sick. I want to tell her it doesn't matter, but I'm afraid to hold her." The tears spiled over again. I haven't cried this much in a LONG time.
"I know it hurts. Tay, I know it does. But you need to talk to her, set things right. One way or another, you need to find closure. But you're not gonna find it unless you confront this head-on. And no matter what Tay, I'm here for you." Zac gave me another hug.
"Thanks, Zac." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "When did you get so smart, anyway?" I asked.
"Since I started spending more time with Ike," he said, laughing. I laughed, too. It felt good. It was the first time I laughed in the past two days.
Zac continued, "I spoke to Ike yesterday. I asked him if he knew what was with you. He told me what happened between you and Laura. He saw her the other day. She's a mess, Tay. I know I was real hard on her for deserting you and all, but I was wrong. She had the best of intentions at heart. It couldn't have been easy, any of it. I was wrong to judge her so quickly without all the information. That's why you HAVE to talk to her, Tay."
"Zac, how do I do this? How do I make things right again?" Zac was right. At the very least, I needed some sort of closure.
He shook his head. "I don't know. But I DO know that Laura's gonna have to meet you halfway. It's gonna take a lot of effort on BOTH your parts."
One question remained though. Could SHE forgive ME for all the nasty things I said?