I dragged the laundry basket out to the living room. I'd just finished removing every article of clothing that looked at least REMOTELY dirty from my closet. In an attempt to remove Laura's words from my mind, I was actually cleaning my room. Slowly and surely, it was looking less and less like the pig-sty my mother had proclaimed many times to be an authority on.
I scanned my room, trying to decide which disaster area to tackle next. I chose to go where I've never gone before, under my bed. I crawled under, all the while running yesterday's scene over and over in my mind, which was totally defeating the purpose of cleaning.
I rolled out from under the bed, all sorts of things in hand, dirty socks, moldy pizza from last week, and a bunch of CDs. I began to sort through the CDs. At the sight of one, I nearly dropped it.
(flashback)
"Tay? Tay, where are you?" The bedroom door opened. "You know,
you really should've come to the airport. It really upset Laura that you weren't
there to see her off," Ike said, sitting on the bottom bunk that I now share
with Zac since he moved out.
"I hate goodbyes," I mumbled into my pillow.
"Yeah, well, for whatever reason she asked me to give something to you."
"What?" I asked, rolling onto my side.
"This."
(end flashback)
I put the CD in the stereo, and Elton John's voice filled the room. At college, Laura had introduced me to his music. Well, that wasn't entirely true. I knew his later songs, but she played his earlier ones for me. She showed me that not all songs from the seventies were, in fact, disco.
Elton John's CD, Love Songs, had been Laura's favorite. She played it endlessly. And, thanks to her, it became one of my favorites, as well. So it wasn't really a suprise when Ike handed it to me along with a letter that day. The letter basically said that she wasn't really leaving. That by leaving the CD, Laura was giving a piece of herself to me. That just like she couldn't live without it, she couldn't live without me, and would be back for the both of us.
But we were eighteen then, now twenty-four. And all the time she's been back, she's never claimed it. She probably forgot about it. This can only lead me to believe that when she lived in New Jersey, she forgot about me as well.
(flashback)
"Is Laura there?"
"Who?"
"Laura."
"Do mean DiGiacamo?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry. She doesn't live here anymore. The family moved."
"I'm sorry."
"No problem. Bye."
"Bye."
(end flashback)
Out of longing for her, I'd want to play this CD over and over. But as soon as I'd hear Elton's voice, hurt and anger would rush over me. I would get this urge to smash the CD into a million pieces. But it was Laura's favorite, and to break it would be to break her. That was just something I couldn't bring myself to do.
The opening notes to an all too familiar song flowed from the speakers. Laura had asked me to learn this song. She had said that 'my soulful voice would bring this song to another level.' It seemed so stupid at the time. The song was sad, and we were happy. To sing it with any sort of emotion behind it was next to impossible. But not anymore. And just like how you don't forget how to ride a bike, I sang along with the CD.
It's sad... It's a sad, sad situation, and it's getting more and more absurd... It's sad, why can't we talk it over? Oh, it seems to me that sorry seems to be the hardest word..."
My voice blended with Elton's, and I began to understand the true meaning behind the lyrics. 'I'm sorry.' We had over-used those two, small words and drained them of their meaning. And now, when we really needed to say them, they weren't enough. And to find the right words was just too hard. Yes, sorry indeed seems to be the hardest word.
When the song ended, I removed the CD from the stereo and placed it in its case. Then I grabbed my car keys and left. I knew what I had to do. I wasn't sure where this one simple action would lead us, but there was nothing else I could do. It was a chance I was just going to have to take.
I rang the doorbell and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. I knew Laura wasn't home, and maybe that was for the better. I was going to do what I had to do, and leave the rest up to her. The door opened.
"Hi, Taylor."
"Hey, Maddy."
"Mommy's not home right now. She's at work."
"Maddy!" Mrs. DiGiacamo's voice drifted from the living room." What have I told you about answering the door?"
"But Grandma! Taylor's not a stranger!"
With that, Laura's mom appeared at the door. "Taylor, please come in."
"Oh, no. I can't stay. I just wanted to drop something off for Laura."
"Oh," she said, looking disappointed.
I handed her the CD. "Could you please make sure she gets this?"
"Certainly," she said.
I started to walk away.
"Bye, Taylor!" Maddy shouted.
I turned around, smiling. "Bye, Maddy!"
"Taylor?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you baby-sit me again soon?"
"We'll see."
She waved and walked back into the house, closing the front door.