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Sandalwood
She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written,
'cause she's never been in love with you before. Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood.
I want to kiss the back of your neck,
But I'll be the one, I will have chosen. I'm trying to keep cool, but everyone here likes you
Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood.
Your hand,
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During the show, I stood surrounded by family and friends. The guys played a show that I knew was inspired. They played with abandon, their joy flowing over the crowd, filling in the spaces. I loved to watch Taylor standing at his keyboards, hair hanging over his eyes, sweat dripping off his chin and nose. Isaac stood at the edge of the stage, his smile magnificent, the corners of his eyes crinkled. That night was epic for Isaac; he broke six guitar strings. Each broken string was met with laughter. And finally Zac. I was so worried about him before the show began, but as he sat behind his drums something changed. He became the Zac I knew, the joker, the beat-boxer, the livewire. The concert was one of the best I’d ever seen. And in the end, that is saying a lot since I’d seen most of their shows in the last six years.
I watched my daughter dance with her aunts and uncles. She sang along with her daddy and her uncles. Despite her nap earlier, I could tell that she was growing tired. I knew soon that she would come up to me and asked to be picked up. But, before I could pick her up, Emory reached down and grabbed her. Emory pulled Annabelle close, her fingers smoothing through her hair. Emory placed a kiss on my baby’s forehead, her eyes filling with tears. Annabelle melted into her aunt, trusting completely in the fact that she was loved completely and as safe as she would be in Taylor’s arms or mine. Soon, her eyes started to slide shut her thumb finding it’s way into her mouth. Emory stood swaying gently back and forth Annabelle asleep in her arms.
“Do you want me to take her?” I asked over the sound of the music.
“No, it’s alright.” Emory said smiling at me. “The show is almost over and pretty boring.”
“Boring?” I asked taken aback.
“Just a standard show,” Emory shrugged. “No big deal… And I feel like all the freakies are staring at me.”
“Well, yeah,” I said looking out and noticing that there were a lot of fans watching what we were doing.
“Did you know that someone leaked my hospital reports to the Internet?” Emory asked.
“I’m sorry.” I said giving her a quick one-armed hug.
“I hate that my life is being turned into a sordid fanfic.” Emory spat. “I don’t know how you can take all this.”
“I guess it comes with the territory.” I said shrugging.
“Well, that isn’t what I signed up for,” She said as she turned to go backstage. “I don’t remember agreeing to turn my life into fanfic.”
Sometimes, it seems to me that my life is stranger than the fiction that is written about me. I mean I know that there are stories on the Internet about Hanson. I would have to be a fool not to know. The favorite way to get rid of me was for Taylor to fall madly in love with someone else, usually someone who amazingly enough had the same name as the girl writing the story. Often, it was my infidelity that drove Taylor into the arms of another woman. But it was always Taylor who left me. And he always gets custody of Annabelle. Another favorite way of getting me out of the way was just killing me off. Hell, I had been killed off in so many ways already, it was a miracle I wasn’t paranoid. And talk about diseases! I had been in car accidents, fallen over cliffs, been randomly impaled by falling space debris. Honestly, the ways to kill me off in fan fiction was myriad and creative. But the reality was that I was here to stay. I was going nowhere. The truth be told, my life, the simple act of living was so much more bizarre and complicated than anything any of those girls could ever manufacture.
I knew the online stories crawled under Emory’s skin to stay. She hated that people were always imagining ways to get rid of her. I tried to explain to her that it was all just harmless fun, or mostly harmless. I understood that sometimes the words were hateful and hurtful, but it came with marrying into Hanson. Again, it came with the territory. Anne seemed to have a really good handle on dating a famous man. She understood the craziness surrounding this type of life. And we all thought Emory did too. But really, her first introduction to this life was really insulated. Sure, she came on the road with us in Europe, Asia and Australia, but that was during the first bloom of love. When Isaac first saw her, he was bowled over, smitten by the lilting voice, the thick red curls, the dancing green eyes. They were so into each other, so completely overtaken with the blossoming love that the world could have been falling down around them and they wouldn’t have noticed.
And then of course, Emory came to the United States. And then, she could have been immersed in the craziness that surrounds them. But Zac was sick and we were home. And to be completely honest, being home in Tulsa is very, very different. In Tulsa, we were mostly ignored. The only time we were ever really noticed or anyone made a big deal out of us was if there were fans from out of state. Emory truly had always been insulated. On her first full tour, they were newlyweds and the fans still hated me completely. Now, she was in the full blast of everything. I sighed as she and Annabelle disappeared backstage. I wished more than anything that I could figure out a way to make things better, to make this easier for her.
As the show wound to a close, I made it my mission to find Zac, to talk to him, to force him to tell me what he meant. And then it happened. I came to the stunning realization that in a family the size of the Hanson family, it is next to impossible to get someone alone. And no matter how much I wanted to talk to Zac alone, it just didn’t happen. But I should have known that it wasn’t going to happen. Especially since the person I wanted to corner was one of the main attractions.
But try as I might, I could never corner Zac to ask him what he meant. Each time I walked towards him, so did half the room. Post show in any other city was pretty mellow with no fans backstage. But in Tulsa post show was actually busier and more crowded than pre-show. Fans, friends and family filled the backstage area. The flash of cameras popping was distracting. Soon after walking backstage and getting a very wet and sweaty hug from Taylor, I knew that I wasn’t getting any answers from Zac. I just needed to know so many things. Such as, what did he mean, by saying that he'd reached the end of all things? Why did he feel like Frodo? Was he about to sacrifice all that he was to the fires? And really, what fires? I mean, we all face our own Mordor, but what was Zac's?
I was getting anxious by the end of the night. If I didn't know better, I would have assumed that Zac was avoiding me... But really, how could he be avoiding me when we sat at the same table, stood in the same circles, he even put his arm around me at one point. And yet, every moment, he had a death grip on Anne's hand. I watched as her parents tried to have a private moment with her and he just tagged along. When they said goodbye, Anne had to actually ask Zac to let go of her hand.
Then without much warning, the evening was over. Suddenly, Taylor was herding Annabelle and I to our car. Zac sped by without so much as a backward look. I was worried and distracted and couldn't understand what was going on. I felt helpless and that was not a feeling I enjoyed. Taylor and Annabelle’s ceaseless chatter was on the outside of things as I watched Zac’s car careen into the night. From where I stood, I could see Zac’s route. At the bottom of the hill, he turned right off of Boulder Avenue onto 3rd Street instead of left towards the freeway. Where in the world could Anne and Zac be going? I somehow resisted the urge to call Anne to find out.
I wanted so badly to call Zac’s cell phone and just beg him to come clean, to tell me what he meant, let me in on the secret. But I knew that I would get nothing from him, especially now with Anne in the car with him. As Taylor buckled Annabelle in her car seat, I found myself wandering towards the gate that Zac had just driven through. As I got closer to the gate, I could see the girls standing outside there. They couldn’t see me yet, but I was making sure to stick to the shadows.
“Cleo?” Taylor called as I walked away.
“Huh?” I said turning.
“Where are you going?” He asked the concern in his voice undeniable.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. Really, where was I going? Was I really thinking I could follow Zac on foot? Hardly, that boy is a crazy driver. I sighed as I climbed into the passenger seat. Taylor had the car in gear and was rolling forward before I even had the door closed. “Anxious to get home?”
“Yes,” he said looking at me as we rolled around the corner and into the view of the gathered crowd. Taylor reached over and grabbed my hand as the screams started. He placed my hand on his thigh a wicked smile stealing over his face. As we pulled out of the gate and even with the gathered hoard, I had to smile back at him. As the flashes popped around us, I laughed knowing the fans would never know why Taylor was really smiling. But being felt up generally had that effect. “I have plans for you…”
“Taylor Hanson, you are a wicked, wicked man.” I said as he pulled out onto Boulder Avenue. “And really, I have plans for you! I don’t know if you’re up to my plans.”
“You should know better,” Taylor said. “I’m always up for anything.”
“I know baby,” I said smiling at him. No matter how upset or distracted I was, I always knew one thing, Taylor loved me. The very thought of his love made me flush warm and no matter how bad I felt, I knew it would all be okay. I had my forever, my happily ever after taken care of. Still, I felt my heart breaking for Zac. He truly seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wanted to help him, to take some of the overwhelming weight for him, but for some reason, he had chosen to bear this load by himself. And much like Frodo, he was changing into something that I didn’t really recognize. And now, he found himself standing at the end of all things, staring into the fires. It seemed to me like he knew that by destroying the weight, he was going to destroy himself. I felt warm tears oiling my eyes.
Streets that had given me so much comfort this morning suddenly seemed empty and lonely. Zac had been my best friend since that day in the hospital when he was sure he was dying, since he had the balls to tell me that I needed to stop hurting Taylor, from the moment he held my hair as I puked by the side of the road. Time had cemented our friendship. I knew why he came to our room with that letter, not to talk to Taylor but to me. Taylor knew it too. I wiped at my eyes as I felt a warm hand on my cheek.
“Hey? Are you okay?” Taylor asked the playfulness erased from his face. I looked at him as the breath hitched in my chest, my chin quivering. “Cleo?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I said threading my fingers through his.
“Are you sure?” He asked his eyes watching the road. I could tell that he wanted to look me in the eye, comfort me somehow. “You don’t seem very okay.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said softly. “I’m okay, but…”
“But, what?” Taylor asked after my silence stretched longer than he felt comfortable with.
“Tay, have you noticed how different Zac has been lately?” I asked. It suddenly felt hugely important to talk to Taylor about what I was worried about.
“Of course,” he said a look of relief passing over his features. “I am so glad to hear that this is why you’re so upset. I was worried I had done something bad.”
“Well, it is bad.” I said. “Zac is obviously having some sort of meltdown and no one is reacting at all.”
“Yeah, there is something going on, but what should we do about it?” Taylor asked shrugging. “He’ll talk when he’s ready. I mean he made a complicated decision with huge consequences without even really talking to anyone about it. It’s almost like he didn’t even consider all of the options or choices…”
“Tay, that’s not fair,” I said reacting to the criticism fairly strongly. “I don’t think he made the decision not to contact that girl lightly!”
“Whoa, don’t get mad!” Taylor said reaching over and squeezing my knee. “I agree, I don’t think he did either. All I’m saying is that I don’t think he made a truly informed choice.”
“Why do you say that?” I queried resisting the urge to push his hand off my knee. I didn’t want this disagreement to turn into a full-fledged fight.
“Because…” Taylor said slowly. I could see the wheels in his brain working, trying to think of how to say something that I wasn’t going to agree with in the safest possible way. I hated that he felt he had to be that careful with me. “Even though he knew the consequences, without at least hashing it out and getting outside opinions, how could he make an informed decision?”
“Taylor, I think you’re forgetting something,” I said softly. “It was his decision. Nothing we said should have meant anything. This is something he will forever have to live with.”
“No, I didn’t forget that.” Taylor said both of us falling silent. This was a discussion that could have no real winner. I reached for Taylor’s hand, pulling it to me and kissing it. “The thing is… It feels like he is saying that Belle is not worth any sacrifice. That is what I can’t forget.”
“I love you,” I said softly. As much as I disagreed with Taylor’s train of thought, I also recognized that this was his opinion. I had to respect that he just felt differently than me. Annabelle was my life. I couldn’t even imagine my life without her. But, I also couldn’t even imagine having to raise her on my own. A baby would totally change Zac’s life; change it in ways that Annabelle didn’t change Taylor and my lives.
“I won’t ever forget that,” Taylor said. Now as we drove in silence, it was comfortable. This was what love was supposed to feel like. Both of us lost in our thoughts, but still completely present for each other. Sometimes, I wonder how we went from where we started to where we were. But then again, when something was so right, I felt it was a crime to question it. I turned in the seat to check on my sleeping angel. I was surprised to see that the rocking of the car hadn’t put her to sleep. She was right there on the edge of sleep, a stuffed dog clutched to her chest, her thumb firmly planted in her mouth, her blue eyes shining in the passing headlights.
“Hey baby,” I said softly. Her eyes blinked at me sleepily. She sighed sleepily as she pulled her thumb out of her mouth.
“Mommy, I think you forgot something.” Annabelle said her voice lisping and tired.
“What’s that baby?” I asked watching Annabelle yawn impressively.
“You don’t have your seatbelt on.” Taylor started laughing as she popped her thumb back in her mouth.
“Yeah Cleo,” Taylor said sighing. “You forgot the most important thing.”
“Be quiet,” I said rolling my eyes. The tension that had gripped us only moments before was totally banished by a simple comment from Annabelle. I sighed happily as I clicked my seat belt into place. “Happy?”
“Blissful,” Taylor said as we turned onto our street. The first thing I noticed were the lights glowing warmly in the windows, then I saw the small klatch of girls gathered in front of our house. Really, there weren’t as many as before. And I knew that as long as they were quiet and under control, Taylor didn’t mind going out and talking to them. He pulled into our driveway and rolled the window down. “Hey ladies!” The response was enthusiastic, but restrained. I was happy about that, I didn’t need Annabelle awakened by a lot of screaming girls. I could hear requests for autographs and pictures. Taylor smiled and nodded his head at the requests. “Hey, tell you what, let me park and get my baby inside, then I’ll come back out.”
“You are too good,” I said as he pulled into the garage.
“I know,” Taylor said as he lifted Annabelle out of her car seat. “I hope they don’t mind that I stink.”
“Tay, that doesn’t matter to them…” I called as he went upstairs. I went to get a bottle of water out of the fridge when my phone started ringing. I fished the phone out of my pocket. Anne was calling. “Hello?”
“Cleo, can you talk for a minute?” Anne asked quietly.
“Sure,” I said walking into the living room and snapping off the light over the fireplace. “What’s up?”
“I don’t know what to do…” She said quietly.
“About what?” I asked standing at the window and watching Taylor work the crowd. He posed for pictures and signed everything shoved in his face. He looked so happy and comfortable surrounded by fans his hair shining, the collar of his black velvet jacket turned up against the cold.
“Cleo, I think there’s something wrong with Zac.” She whispered.
“Wrong?” I asked settling on the couch.
“Come on, he’s your best friend,” she said a deep sigh in her voice. “You have to have noticed that he’s changed… And I’m going to bet good money that you know why.”
“Anne…”
“No really, there is something going on and I am scared.” Anne said her voice breathy. “I didn’t take him back for him to break my heart again.”
“I think he’d rather be gutted than hurt you.” I said honestly. “Whatever is going on is about him, not you.”
“So, you do know!” She said her voice urgent. “I knew you did.”
“Anne, I am so not the person you should be talking to about this.” I said rubbing my forehead. I hate being in the middle of anything and this was the worst. I loved both of them.
“I just…” she started. I could hear her tears through the phone. “Cleo when he came home… Everything was just so messed up. And he was so damaged… Maybe I shouldn’t have taken him back.”
“Do you regret your decision?” I asked feeling my heart clench. The fear of losing her gripped my heart, turning it into a balled fist.
“Yes,” she said her voice very strong, very sure of itself, despite the whisper. She sighed deeply. “No… How could I ever regret taking him back? I love him so much that it hurts.”
“I know the feeling,” I mumbled as Taylor stood out front talking to the girls. His hands, hell, his whole body caught up in the dance of conversation. I loved that when he talked his whole body talked. His hands flailed about wildly accentuating his every word, the actions becoming bigger and broader the more passionate he was about something. “Why do you think there is something going on?”
“I don’t know.” Anne said. “Haven’t you noticed how different he has been lately?”
“Anne, I don’t know if I can comment.” I said watching Taylor meander across the lawn, calling answers over his shoulder, shuffling through the leaves scattered on the overgrown grass.
“You haven’t noticed?” Anne asked.
“I just can’t say anything.” I said sighing. Taylor took the front steps in two long strides and threw the door open.
“So, you know something…” Anne said her voice so sad it was breaking my heart.
“Anne, talk to him,” I said as Taylor burst through the front door.
“Cleo?” He called.
“In here,” I said covering the mouthpiece of the phone. “Seriously, if you have a question about Zac, you should talk to him.”
“I know, but he’s like a wall,” Anne whispered. Taylor settled onto the couch next to me. He was cold, I could feel him shivering as he wrapped his arms around me. I put my warm legs over his lap and allowed him to pull me into his lap, my warmth leaching into him. He put his cold hand up my shirt and kissed my neck. He smelled like he had been working, hard, which, of course, he had. But underneath it all, there was an essential sweetness, a warmth. He smelled for all the world like sandalwood. I held him close, running my fingers through his hair. “I get nothing from him, but platitudes and assurances. But I know there is something going on.”
“Anne, I’m not sure what to tell you.” I said. My phone beeped in my ear, I held it out and saw Emory’s number. “Can you hold on for a second?”
“Sure,” Anne said sadly.
“Hey,” I said as I clicked over.
“Hello Cleo,” she said. It was hard to read her voice because of her lilting accent she usually sounds happy.
“How are you Emory?” I asked.
“I’m good, happy to be in my home.” Emory said sighing.
“Me too, so, so happy to be home.” I said snuggling into Taylor even more. “So, what’s up?”
“Um, what are you doing tomorrow?” She asked.
“I don’t know,” I said shrugging. Suddenly a thought washed over me. “Actually, I’m going shopping for something for Ike’s birthday!”
“That’s why I’m calling,” she said laughing. “I need to go the mall to get something and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me.”
“Of course!” I said enthusiastically. “Hey, I’m on the other line with Anne, do you mind if I invite her?”
“Absolutely not, I was actually going to call and see if she wanted to join us.” Emory said laughing. I loved to hear her laugh. It had been too long since I’d heard her really laugh. “I’ll let you get back to her.”
“Okay,” I answered. “What time should I expect you?”
“I want to get an early start, so what if I’m there by 9:45?” Emory asked.
“Fantastic.” I replied. “I’ll see you then.”
“Goodbye,” Emory said before she hung up.
My phone automatically switched back over to Anne. “Hey, sorry, it was Emory.”
“No worries,” Anne said quietly. “Well, Zac just came to find me. So, I guess I’ll go in and get some sleep.”
“Hey, wait,” I said before she could hang up.
“What?”
“Tomorrow, Emory is meeting me here to go to shopping for Ike’s birthday,” I said watching as Taylor’s face took on a confused expression.
“Oh yeah, Zac wants me to pick up something for him.” Anne said sighing.
“Well, Emory told me to invite you.” I said trying not to laugh at Taylor. He seemed so confused by the whole concept of Isaac’s birthday. “She’s meeting me here at a quarter to ten.”
“Ugh, my parents wanted to take my car to go over to OKC to see the bombing memorial.” Anne said.
“Call Emory and ask her to pick you up.” I suggested. In the background, I could hear Zac talking, prodding her to get off the phone. “I mean I just talked to her, I know she’s up.”
“Yeah, I’ll call her,” Anne said sounding distracted. “Zac really wants me to go out to the hot tub, so I’d better go.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning.” I said knowing that she still wanted to talk, but with Zac there and with me sitting in Taylor’s lap, it just wasn’t possible.
“Yeah,” Anne said softly. “Night.”
“Night,” I said snapping my phone closed. “Yes Taylor, it is Isaac’s birthday.”
“When did that happen?” He asked cradling me like a baby. He smoothed my hair over my shoulder.
“Well, on November 17th, 1980, your mom gave birth to her eldest child…” I said slowly.
“Ha ha, very, very funny.” Taylor said rolling his eyes. “I meant, when did time move so fast? When did it become the end of November?”
"The way it always does," I said smoothing my fingers through his hair and leaning my forehead against his. "Way too fast."
"Man, time does move fast." Taylor said wrapping his long arms around me. I felt a shiver race down his spine. I grabbed a blanket off the arm of the couch and wrapped it draped it over us. There we sat in our living room on a blue couch that we had inherited from my parents.
In fact, most of the furniture in our living room was something someone had given us. The couch and loveseat set was out of my mother's formal living room. The loveseat still had the red stains on it from the spectacular death scene Thad and I acted out for our friends. And the arm of the couch always had a blanket draped over it because of the scorch marks. Thad had wanted to see if a magnifying glass would start a spider on fire. Sure enough, it did. The coffee table and side tables had been in waiting room of my mother's office all my life. That room had gotten a much-needed update soon after Taylor and I were married. Margaret had put the tables aside for me and told my mother "there isn't much sense in Ducks buying a whole new set of tables when these have hardly seen any use." And she was right. Their dark wood shone from the years of polishing by Margaret, although the pen marks from Thad and I coloring with sharpies still showed. The almost Persian rug came from Diana and Walkers bedroom in the MOE house. There were spots that were threadbare and many stains, but really, did that matter? Every stain had a story to it, a spilled bottle of nail polish remover as we tried to remove permanent ink from Isaac's new dress shirt made one corner lighter, the large dark spot in the middle is where Zac laid on the floor after Taylor beaned him in the nose with the rock he'd just launched off the see-saw, a small repair from where Isaac had decided to do his first experiment with scissors. Those marks made it that much more precious to me.
It was always so strange to me to see how timeworn all of our furniture looked next to the ultra-modern, totally new home of Isaac and Emory. But then again, that comparison worked on so many levels. Honestly, I think there is nothing wrong with new love. In fact, new love is the most exciting kind of love. But sometimes, new love was slippery and grasping. It pulled a person in before they new what was going on, before they could react. It burned so fast and so hot, you were incinerated before you could react. Old love, on the other hand, was smooth and comforting. It was a slow burn that warms everything around it and never consumes. I definitely preferred my comfortable old love.
I watched as the girls sat on their cars or leaned against the trees in the park strip. They had their arms pulled in tight trying to conserve their warmth. "You know, it's awfully cold for them to be just standing out there."
“I told them to go home,” Taylor said yawning. His eyes drooped closed as he leaned his forehead against mine.
“Tired, baby?” I asked putting my hands on either side of his cheeks. He nodded mutely. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his head into the crook of my neck. I kissed him softly on the back of his neck, reveling in the feel of his hair beneath my lips. We sighed in concert; I had to smile at that. How much more in sync could we be. As we sat both of us quiet and content, I watched the girls slowly filter away. Taylor’s breathing was so shallow and regular, I was sure he was asleep. I loved rocking my baby to sleep, either one of them. My fingers found their way into his hair, smoothing through the still damp locks. This was the comfort of my old love, careworn as it was. I felt my stomach fill with butterflies as his fingers moved softly down my back, slipping down as he moved deeper into sleep. In fact, I felt myself following him that way. Sleep comes so easily when I’m wrapped in Taylor’s arms, in fact everything seems to come easier with Taylor. As everything moved towards the inevitable edge, the Grandfather clock his uncle had given us tolled 2 am.
“MOM!!” Taylor screamed out the open sliding glass door. Cold air came through the open door along with the sounds of the celebration as the fireworks continued outside. “Mom, hurry!”
“What is it?” Diana asked as she rushed into the family room. Her cheeks flushed with the exertion, but also with the exhilaration of the evening. New Year’s was always a great party and a huge celebration for the entire Hanson family.
“Oh my God,” I said pulling my dress up off my lap. “How did all of that water come out of me?”
“Mom, Cleo’s water broke.” Taylor said an edge of panic in his voice. “That means… That means…”
“That means the baby is coming,” Diana said smiling. She settled onto the couch next to me, her hand grasping mine.
“Oh God.” Taylor said slumping onto the arm of the couch next to me. “Oh God…”
“Ow, that really hurts!” I said as my first minor contraction hit. My hand involuntarily tightened over hers. “Oh man, that really, really hurts!”
“Honey, it’s going to get so much worse,” Diana said laughing at Taylor and I and our inability to do anything.
“I think I need to throw up,” Taylor moaned his head in his hands.
“Honey, I think you need to get Cleo to the hospital.” Diana said smoothing my hair off my forehead. “Do you have your bag with you?”
“Yeah, but…” Taylor began.
“But what?” I said as the baby seemed to move all the way down into my cervix. I swear that I could feel my hips spreading.
“Mom, I’m too drunk to drive Cleo to the hospital…”
"Cleo?" Taylor said softly. His hands were warm against my skin
"Hm?" I said breathing my response in my sleep.
“Hey, wake up sleepyhead.” He whispered into my ear.
“Ugh, why?” I said stretching.
“Because, as much as I love you,” Taylor said his words hot on my neck. “You are far too heavy to carry up the stairs.”
“Oh, okay,” I said opening my eyes to see Taylor’s staring straight into mine. I was still in Taylor’s lap. “Hey sexy.”
“Cleo, you have to get off my leg.” He said grimacing.
“What?” I asked sighing.
“My leg is asleep…” Taylor said flexing his leg under me. “In fact, I think it may be dead.”
“Oh please,” I said struggling to get up.
“No really,” he said grimacing as he flexed his foot back and forth. “It’s ice cold and I have no feeling in it.”
“Oh sorry!” I said reaching down and grabbing both of his hands. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Me either,” Taylor said sucking his breath through his teeth as he jumped upright. “Oh Lord, that hurts!”
“Come on, lean on me.” I said as I slid in under his arm.
“Lean on me, when you’re not strong/ I’ll be your friend/ I’ll help you carry on…” Taylor sang as he limped towards the stairs. His foot must have been totally asleep because he was really putting a lot of weight on me.
“Keep it up and Belle is sleeping on your side of the bed,” I said pinching his butt.
“So not a threat,” Taylor said as we hit the landing.
“That’s not what you said when she kicked you in the nads last time,” I said trying to get my hair out from under his arm. “Dude, you are pulling all my hair out!”
“Cleo, my leg is still asleep!” He said as I scooted out from under his arm. I felt him tipping towards me as I pulled away.
“Oh shit!” I said grabbing both of his hands as he started falling backwards. “Don’t fall!”
“Oh God!” Taylor said as he fell forward onto me. I tried desperately to keep him upright, hell, to keep myself upright, but no such luck. We fell to the floor at the top of the stairs with a very noisy thud. We both were suddenly hit with an incredible case of the giggles, both of us putting a hand over the other’s mouth.
In Annabelle’s bedroom, there was a squeaking of bedsprings. Both of us fell silent. Really, sleeping with Annabelle is surprisingly hard. I think we were both holding our breath. When no little voice called out for me, I thought we were safe. “That was close!” I whispered.
“It really was.” Taylor breathed. He leaned down over me and planted a firm kiss on my lips. Soon, that one kiss led to another and another and another. Our breathing sped up, our hearts were pounding, clothing was shed. I had my leg around Taylor, my arms around his neck. Taylor kissed along my jaw, each of us sighing and moaning in our shared passion.
“Mommy?” I heard a quiet voice call. Taylor pulled away from me his eyes wide. “Daddy?” I heard the squeak and shift of Annabelle’s bed followed by the shuffle and slap of bare feet. The door squealed as she pulled it open. We must have looked like two deer in the headlights. She stood there her thumb in her mouth staring at us. The three of us were locked in a moment. Annabelle’s forehead pulled down, puzzled by what she saw. Finally, she popped her thumb out of her mouth and asked the first question that must have come to her. “Did you fall down?”
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