Missing Christmas

“Whose bright idea was it to schedule a show on Christmas Eve?” Taylor demanded slumping down into the chair in the dingy dressing room.

“Come on Tay,” Isaac said resting against the counter next to where his girlfriend sat. She reached up and began rubbing his head. His newly shorn hair made a lot of people want to just rub it over and over. She leaned her head on his shoulder after exchanging a quick kiss. “You agreed that playing the Jingle Ball was a good idea.”

"Yeah, I know,” Taylor sighed. He hated the pangs of jealousy that Rowan’s affection created. But he really missed Natalie. “I just didn’t think about what that implied…”

“This has been a shitty fall,” Zac said sniffling deeply. He had caught a cold overseas and hadn’t been able to shake it. Maybe if he could stay in one place long enough to actually catch up on his sleep he could get better. But this constant traveling just wasn’t helping at all. “First we miss Ezra’s birthday, then we’re in Japan for Ike’s birthday. Then we totally miss Thanksgiving, which is my all-time favorite holiday… Man, think of the food we missed out on! And now, I’m going to wake up on Christmas morning alone, again. What next? Mom and Dad cancel the New Year’s party?”

At the mention of Ezra’s name, Taylor’s face took on a sad far away look. “Man, Ez is actually old enough to kind of get it and I’m not going to be there.”

“I’m sorry,” Isaac said hoping that Taylor wouldn’t slide back into his funk from the end of the tour. “I wish there was some way I could get us home.”

“As grandma would say: If wishes were fishes…” Zac began.

“…we’d all cast a line.” They finished as one.

“I know it sucks,” Ike said his fingers threaded through Rowans. “Tell you what, when we get back to the apartment, I’ll see if I can find you an earlier flight.”

“Thanks,” Taylor said grabbing his bag off the floor. Natalie and Ezra were in Georgia with her family. He was flying down to meet them the next morning, but that just wasn’t the same thing. Not the same thing at all. “I just want to head back to the apartment because I’m starving and quite frankly, Zac sounds like shit. I think he needs sleep.”

“I agree; I need sleep.” Zac croaked suddenly feeling the tired sinking into his bones. “Man, I'm so glad we still have our apartment to go to."

“Still, I would give all that I have to wake up tomorrow morning to the smell of cinnamon rolls baking and coffee brewing.” Isaac said softly as he grabbed Zac’s hand and pulled him off the couch. “I hope everyone likes their presents. I hate not being there when they open them.”

“Do you think it’s too late to call Nat and Ez?” Taylor asked checking his watch. But really, he wasn’t asking anyone. He pulled out his phone and quickly dialed Natalie’s number.

The ringing in his ear sounding shrill, after three rings, the phone picked up. Instead of a live voice, he heard her honeyed tones on her voicemail message. “Hey, you’ve reached my phone, I can’t answer right now. Please leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.”

“Hey baby, I was hoping to talk to you and Ez, but I guess you’re out.” Taylor said trying not to sound too sad. “I hope you’re having fun with your family and Kate. The show went great, but the New York crowd is always good and a little crazy. If you get this, call me. I should be up most of the night. I love you and miss you.”

As he hung up the phone, he could hear Zac leaving a very similar message on Kate’s phone. “…so call me whenever. I love you. I miss you. I want you. Bye baby.”

"Guys, I know it sucks, but all of this was decided months and months ago." Isaac said as each of them grabbed their jackets and backpacks. "I mean, you both agreed that Christmas morning was good enough, we could have gotten tickets for tonight if we'd planned ahead."

"Now you tell us." Zac spat his words lost in a cough. Isaac turned to him about to fight with him about his tone and attitude, but he was bent over in a coughing fit. The cold air hitting his lungs had caused them to spasm. Taylor wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck shivering at the humidity. Isaac stepped out to the curb and raised his hand.

Sometime during the show, the snow had begun to fall. And it was falling quickly, turning the cars parked along the road into white behemoth's hibernating until the weather was better. There were the inevitable fans gathered at either side of the stage door, but the thickly falling snow had kept the number reasonable. The snaps and pops of cameras weren't blinding. And instead of demanding autographs or that the guys pose for pictures with them, they mostly just wished them "Merry Christmas."

Taylor smiled at them noticing that the enormous snowflakes gave them an almost angelic look. Most of the girls were wrapped from head to toe, snowflakes caught in their eyelashes, cheeks an astounding pink. He could see the child in each of them, see the little girls they had been, see the joy of Christmas reflected in their eyes. There were a few girls dressed to the nines, teetering in their high heels and looking ridiculous. Perhaps, they still held the strange hope that they would be the chosen one. The one to make his or Isaac's or Zac's life complete. Never knowing that the three of them stood in perfect circles. His little family of three, soon to be four was all he needed. And tonight, he really needed them. He felt the tears threatening jus as a cab pulled up.

"Man, this sucks." Taylor said as he climbed into the cab.

"It really does." Zac said gasping for air. "You know, Rowan, you could totally make everyone happy and get up and make us all a big breakfast."

"I could, but I won't." Rowan said from where she sat on Isaac's lap. A sly smile on her lips.

"Ah, but it would make the man you love so happy." Taylor said softly.

"Now see, that is what I don't get." Rowan said her clipped Northern consonants and vowels so different from the smooth Southern tones I was used to. "What do they do in the South? Do they teach all the girls from birth that they should want to cook for their men?"

"No, it's just that in the South, the world revolves around the kitchen." Isaac explained absently playing with a lock of Rowan's long hair.

"Well, that would explain it." She said softening into Isaac. Soon, the hand that was playing with her hair disappeared under her coat. "Growing up on the Upper East Side, our house came with just the most rudimentary of kitchens."

At this mention, both Isaac and Zac groaned. Not because of her mention of growing up in New York. Not because of her use of too big word like rudimentary when basic would have sufficed. Not even because of her and Isaac's fairly flagrant public display of attention. But because of what they knew came next. "Uptown girl / She's been living in her uptown world..."

Isaac was almost done with the song as they pulled up in front of the apartment building down in TriBeCa. Rowan was giggling madly as Isaac's hands moved under her coat. Zac had his eyes closed and was making distinctly sick sounds. Taylor felt the hot tears from earlier pricking at his eyes. He missed Natalie and Ezra like nothing he could ever describe. There were no similes or metaphors for the way he missed them. All he knew was that he needed them like oxygen. As they disgorged from the cab, he tipped his head up, watching the snow fall straight down, wishing he could see the stars that were shining. Because, he knew that they were shining on Atlanta and Tulsa. If he could only wish on the stars.

"Tay, come on..." Zac intoned tiredly.

"Oh, sorry." He said as he scooted into the lobby of the building. They stood in a loose semi-circle facing the elevator, Zac looking at his feet, Isaac and Rowan lost in each other's eyes and Taylor looking out towards the sky, willing the moon or stars to show their faces.

"I don't think I've ever been this tired." Zac said his voice barely a whisper.

"Dude, you say that after every tour." Isaac said as they moved into the elevator.

"It's true, you do." Taylor said as Zac started to scowl.

"Well, maybe it's true after every tour." Zac said his lip jutting out in a pout. He sniffed mightily, but as he did the pout was replaced by a look of happiness. "Do you smell that?"

"Oh man, it smells like Christmas!" Isaac said closing his eyes.

"Roast ham, yams, mashed potatoes, roast corn, peach chutney, cranberry salad, wassail, cinnamon rolls, red velvet cake, popcorn..." Taylor said leaning his head back against the wall behind him.

"You can smell all that?" Rowan asked. All three boys nodded their heads affirmatively. "Next year, we have Christmas in Tulsa with your family."

"Deal," Isaac said as the elevator doors slid open.

The delicious smells grew stronger in the tight lobby between their apartment and the one across the hall. "Whoever lives there is having a feast." Zac said as he shed his far too warm coat. "Hurry Ike, my bed is screaming my name."

Taylor had dialed Natalie's number again. It was so late, too late for Ezra to be up or out. Again, her voicemail picked up after a few rings. He sighed as he snapped his phone shut. It was so rare that he couldn't reach her, but she could have gone to a midnight service somewhere. "Ike, hurry!"

"Hey, who left the lights on?" Isaac asked as he pushed the door open.

Spread before them was a Christmas feast like none they'd ever seen. The table was literally covered with food. Lights had been strung all over the apartment, a fire burned in the fireplace, a tree stood in the corner more presents than they'd ever seen scattered around underneath it. Sitting before it on the floor sat Kate, Natalie and Ezra carefully stringing popcorn.

"What the..." Taylor began.

"Merry Christmas!" Natalie and Kate said jumping up.

"Daddy!" Ezra exclaimed jumping to his feet and running towards Taylor.

"What is all this?" A beaming Zac asked as Kate leapt into his arms.

"Come on," Natalie said as she slid into her husband’s arms. "We couldn't let you miss Christmas."