The Pink Taco

"Dude, are these really edible?" Zac asked as he leaned over the counter, brandishing a pair of edible underwear. Zac's blue hair was a total mess, but I was pretty sure that was fully intentional. He was a skate punk to the fullest extent he could be, right down to the tattoo across his shoulders that read "SK8 OR DIE" which my mother loved. He wore his everyday work gear of a battered "Rolling Thunder" t-shirt and a pair of battered shorts so baggy I wasn't exactly sure how they stayed on and a pair of Air Walks that had seen better days as evidenced by the duct tape wrapped around them. Oh, and of course, his constant companion, his skateboard. Zac worked in a skate shop, making and tuning skateboards. He was actually really good at it and was making quite a name for himself among the extreme athletes. An original Zac Hanson board was sought after.

"It says so on the package." I answered rolling my eyes. I think I get asked that about twenty times everyday. I had started out at The Pink Taco as a cashier. I mean, when I first started working here that was all I could do, run the cash register. Every time a customer asked me about any of the merchandise in the store, I blushed and lost the ability to speak. But over time, I guess I learned how to compartmentalize everything. Because now, I can have perfectly normal and civilized conversations about butt plugs, vibrators, lubricants... Hell, the word strap-on is as common to me as "hello." I always have to laugh when my girlfriend tells people that she came in here to buy a toy and took me home instead. "I've never tried it so I can't say for sure."

"Well, you ought to," Zac said eyeing the package with a gleam in his eyes. "What do you think the odds of me getting Scar to wear these are?"

"Scar?" I asked acting puzzled although I knew exactly whom he was talking about. "Scarlett, your girlfriend?"

"Yes, you moron," Zac answered glaring at me.

"I'd say you have about as much chance of that as you do getting her in a skirt." I said snorting. Scar was not the most feminine of flowers. In fact, I'd wager that she could take on most anyone female or male and come out victorious. She was tough as nails. She was nice enough, but she was one hard girl. A certified skate punk with the scars, piercings and tattoos to prove it. And her electric green hair set off Zac's perfectly.

"Yeah, you're probably right." He said standing up and scanning the store. "So, how much of this merchandise have you and Lola tried out?"

"Again, that is none of your business." I answered. I surveyed the shop. It was fairly empty; one guy over in the magazines scanning the room to make sure no one could see his boner and a klatch of girls standing in the toy section whispering furtively. As I looked at them, I had the sneaking suspicion that none of them were 18, but I figured unless they tried to buy anything, I wouldn't bother them. One of our regulars walked in just then; the bell above the door sent out the familiar tinkling sound.

"Good morning Tay!" Martin called as he headed towards the front counter. He dropped a five-dollar bill in the tip jar.

"Hey Martin!" I said rolling my eyes. "Don't you ever get tired of seeing my nipple ring?"

"Never!" Martin exclaimed as I pulled up my shirt to expose my pierced nipple. I heard the girls over in the corner begin to titter again. "If you don't want to lift your shirt each time I come in, you need to take down the sign on the tip jar!"

"Hey, that wasn't my idea." I said protesting. The storeowner had decided that it would be hilarious to put out a tip jar that read "leave a tip, see my nipple ring" right after I got pierced. She thought it would not only be humiliating to me, but also endless hours of entertainment to see who would actually pay to see me lift my shirt. Truthfully, it was almost entirely our gay customers who would stuff the tip jar each day.

"Tay, have you ever though about waxing your chest?" Martin asked as he did each time he came in.

"No, I still haven't considered it." I said dropping my shirt.

"One day, I'll figure out how much to tip you so I can tweak that nipple." Martin said smiling as he headed over towards the DVD's.

"I don't even know what that could possibly be." I mumbled turning back towards Zac. "So, why exactly are you here?"

"Geez Tay, not happy to see me?" Zac asked around a mouthful of something.

"It's not that, but as a general rule you want something when you come to visit." I said watching as he blushed a furious red. "Dude, are you eating those panties?"

Umm…” Zac said his mouth full.

“You know you’re paying for those, right?” I asked rolling my eyes.

“Okay,” Zac answered around the red mess in his mouth. He pulled out his wallet and threw a credit card at me. He swallowed very obviously.. “I just wanted to see what

“16.86.” I said swiping the card. “Damn, that is one expensive snack.” I placed the receipt in front of him for his signature. “So, how did they taste?”

“Not bad.” Zac answered picking at his teeth. “Like a cross between cherry fruit leather and licorice.”

“Ah, you’ve tried the edible panties!” Madame Anjee said from behind me. She was the salty owner of The Pink Taco and Puffin' Stuff where Isaac worked. "Hey sexy.”

“Hello Madame.” I said quickly kissing her cheek as she pinched my ass. “You know, one day, I’m gonna sue you for sexual harassment.”

“Yeah, you and your brother.” Madame Anjee said winking at Zac. “In fact, I just left your brother. He said to hurry you up cause he’s hungry.”

“Okay,” I said taking my name badge off.

“Yeah, I just left him in the humidor massaging the cigars.” She said smiling widely. “I think he needs to get another hobby or maybe an inflatable girl.”

“I’m sure that Margie would love him coming in with some crazy sex toy.” I said as I grabbed my bag off the floor behind the counter.

“Come on, you know that Margie loves all the stuff in this store!” Madame Anjee said as she climbed on her stool. She was a total trip. She was this tiny little bundle of craziness. From her caramel Afro down to her black leather bustier and corset to her six-inch stilettos to her red silk bathrobe just hanging on her elbows, she was the ultimate dominatrix. “Don’t you dare leave without giving me a little sugar.”

I leaned down and kissed her cheek, breathing in her singular scent. “Be back soon.”

“Yes, you will be.” She said as the door closed behind Zac and I.

“You know, she just doesn’t come off as a genius.” Zac said as we walked into Puffin’ Stuff. “I mean she has this amazing head for business…”

“She has an amazing head for something.” I mumbled. “Hey Rory, is my loser brother around?”

“Uh, yeah,” Rory said looking up from a magazine. His eyes looked big and bug like through his very thick glasses. “Last time I saw him, he was in the humidor. Go back and get him if you like.”

Isaac was my boss, technically. He was the general manager for both of Madame Anjee’s stores. To her, he was completely indispensable. She paid him well. So well, in fact, that he was always nattily dressed, his girlfriend was beautiful… Rockstar girlfriend beautiful. Everyone always wondered what she saw in the general manager of a sex and smoke shop. Margie was a model of some stature and slowly moving up in those ranks getting better and better gigs. But she was one ice-cold beauty. I could never figure out what it was that Isaac saw in her. Her long legs, waist length blonde hair and brilliant green eyes just couldn’t make up for the fact that to her affection was a smile from across the room.

It goes without saying that I preferred Lola. She had the most amazing brown eyes; they danced and sparkled with laughter. She wasn’t gorgeous like Margie, but she was warm and loving. As we watched TV, her head fit perfectly in the hollow of my shoulder; our fingers entwined naturally as she whispered naughty little secrets in my ear. And her concept of affection went way beyond just a smile. She was always up for trying anything that came into the shop. I was pretty sure I loved her and her saucy ways.

“Ike, you shouldn’t fondle the Cubans…” Zac said as he pulled the door to the humidor open. “They don’t seem to like it much. Or that’s the word on the street.”

“Shut up, you’re such a tool.” Isaac said without even turning around. “What do you want?”

“What is it with you and Tay? I have to want something to come visit?” Zac said shaking his head.

“Actually, yes.” Isaac said as he straightened his tie and smoothed his vest.

“Seriously, I just wanted to go to lunch with you guys…” Zac started a distinct note of hurt in his voice.

“Oh, okay,” Isaac said as he gently slid the door closed behind him. “Let me just grab my wallet.”

“Dude, you don’t seem to understand me.” Zac said kicking his skateboard up, causing Isaac to wince as the board came dangerously close to one of the class cases holding tons of imported cigarettes. “I thought I’d spring for lunch, for a quick celebration.”

“Celebration?” I asked, wondering what under the blue sky Mr. Irresponsibility could have to celebrate. I mean he made skateboards for a living so that he didn’t really ever have to work. And the only reason he was so good at riding was because he was too lazy to get a job that would pay enough to buy a car. He said that the idea of working 9 to 5 made his skin crawl. So, he had honed his boarding skills.

“Okay,” Isaac said a little skeptically. “But I have to say that McDonalds gives me heartburn.”

“Oh no, not the Mac.” Zac said smiling wickedly. “I was thinking of a little Zio’s action.”

“Really?” I asked suddenly worried that for real, I’d end up paying since Isaac hadn’t gotten his wallet.

“Yeah, there is lots of cause to celebrate.” Zac said as we climbed into Isaac’s spotless truck.

“What?” Isaac asked.

“Not yet,” Zac said the wicked smirk on his lips again.

The drive to Zio’s was pretty quick and fairly uneventful. The small talk was of the type that I can never remember once the sentence leaves my mouth. In fact, I find it hard to pay attention long enough to make appropriate responses. It’s one of my habits that I think Lola wishes I’d get over. When we pulled into the parking lot, I had no clue what Zac and Isaac were talking about. I had mostly been lost in my thoughts, trying to think of what Zac could have to celebrate.

“So, is Scar pregnant?” I asked as we slid into our booth.

“What?” Isaac and Zac asked in unison.

“You said we had things to celebrate.” I said tracing the pattern on the Italian tile table with my finger. “And the announcement of a baby is always a cause for celebration in our family.”

“I can’t believe you assumed that!” Zac said.

“Sorry, I just assumed.” I said shrugging.

“Well, my big news is that I’ve found a sponsor.” Zac said sounding a little crestfallen. “I’m going on tour and my boards are going to be mass produced. I’m officially a designer.”

“Congrats,” Isaac said clapping Zac on the back.

“Very cool!” I said. “Sorry, about the assumption.”

“No worries,” Zac said his eyes glued to the table.

“Not to throw a wrench into your plans, but…” Isaac began. “This all sounds an awful lot like a 9 to 5 job.”

“Well, there is more.” Zac said quietly staring at the bottom of his glass of water.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Scar and I are getting married.” Zac said quickly.

“Again congrats!” Isaac said again clapping Zac on the back. This time, he put a little too much English on it. Zac retaliated by slugging Isaac in the arm.

“Thanks.” Zac said still not looking up at me. “We’re going to go to the Justice of the Peace next week. I was wondering if you’d be my witnesses.”

“Of course!” I said smiling. “Damn, I thought you and Scar would be the last to get married.”

“Yeah, like very last…” Isaac said his eyes narrowing. “I was thinking not just after Tay and I but after Zoë.”

“Well, I love her and it just felt like a good time.” Zac said shrugging.

“Cool.” Isaac said leaning back.

“And, the tour has kick ass insurance and for her to be added we have to be married…”

“Why would that matter?” Isaac asked.

“I don’t know, it just does.” Zac snapped back.

“So, when is she due?” I asked.

“February 18^th.” Zac answered finally looking me in the eye.

My smile totally smacked of “I knew it,” but now was not the time to be smug. And really, I think I was needed more to help pick Isaac up off the floor.