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The
Song Remains the Same
I had
a dream, oh now
Hear
my song, yeah
California
sunlight, sweet Calcutta rain
Sing
out Hare Hare, ooh, dance the Hoochie Koo
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The first 40 minutes of the ride to the radio station were uneventful, mostly vocal warm-ups (for the guys) and silent reflection (on my part). I listened to voicemail on my cell phone (from Hell) and plugged what may or may not end up being pertinent information into my palm pilot (of doom) and ran over everything Ashley (the road manager) had planned for the day. I was ostensibly hired to be their assistant, but really I was just a glorified gopher and laundry lady. And sometimes, a surrogate parent. I made sure they showed up where they were supposed to be as close to on time as humanly possible (they’re infamous for being late everywhere and as far as I can tell, it’s because they decide to leave when they should already be there), I checked to see if they needed anything (a quick word of financial advice, go and buy stock in the Colgate-Palmolive Co. immediately, I buy at least 3 tubes of toothpaste, 4 or 5 toothbrushes and a new can of shaving cream each week, because they each liked a different type and for reasons known only to themselves -- or more appropriately, unknown -- they could not remember to put these items back into their shaving kits), I dressed them in clean clothes (well, not literally, of course they dressed themselves, but every day I went to each of their rooms and gathered up what I thought was dirty and took it back to my room to be washed) and I had more fun than I thought one human being was capable of having. Oh and I taught Zac. I guess that was the reason I was hired in the first place.
“Um, Cleo,” Taylor said quietly as I watched a very dark city fly by the window of the van (at this point, you might ask where we were and that would be a very good question, in all honesty, I had absolutely no idea, we were -- in the south somewhere, Texas, I think). “Why are you wearing a pair of my boxers?”
“What? I’m not wearing your boxers.” I said pulling the sweater as far over the boxers as possible. “These are my shorts...”
“So, when did your shorts get a fly without a zipper?” Taylor said pointing to the fly, which was gaping open and showing a patch of lime green underwear. “Those are definitely my boxers! They’re the new Façonable boxers I bought with you at Barney’s in New York. Remember? We stayed in the Trump Plaza and you made a comment on how this is what happens when white trash gets a lot of money, in front of his daughter?”
“Um... Oops!” I said remembering how his daughter had stared down her nose at me. It was just awful. Zac could barely contain his laughter until we got into the van.
“And aren’t those the underwear Jarrod gave you for your last birthday? The very underwear you swore you’d never wear?”
“Shh!! Not everyone in the van needs to know that, especially Zac.” I whispered directly into his ear.
“Don’t you think Zac’ll figure it out eventually?” Taylor whispered back. His breath was warm on my neck. He smelled of a combination of cologne, Colgate and coffee, a smell I will always associate with him. “Don’t you think when we are in a well lit room, both he and Ike will notice?”
“I don’t know, you and your brothers are pretty oblivious...” I said. I should have changed, if Taylor was making this big a deal out of it, I could only imagine what Zac’s reaction would be. Zac lived to make my life a living hell, any chance he had to tease me was seized and wrung dry. “I mean, you three hardly even notice my existence let alone my appearance.”
“Well, I’ll bet that changes now that Zac’s seen you naked.” Taylor said raising an eyebrow and looking pointedly at my body. I could feel my cheeks flushing. “Actually, I was never even positive you had breasts until today. Well let me take that back, I always knew you had breasts. But now I’ve again been faced with their reality.”
“Tay! That is gross.” I was not entirely comfortable with him commenting on my body. Really, I wasn’t comfortable with any of them seeing me in the altogether, but especially Taylor. “Hey, you’re my boss, I could sue you for sexual harassment.”
“Hey, I just call ‘em as I see ‘em.” Tay said looking at me barely containing his laughter. He reached out and pulled me into a close, but rare hug. He is one of those amazing creatures who hugs with his whole body. And his hugs while rare are something I always looked forward to receiving. “And boy, did I see ‘em.”
“Just shut up!” I said as the driver pulled up in front of a boring, featureless building. This building looked so much like all the other buildings we had seen so far this tour. I seriously wondered what city we were in; it can be bothersome to have to ask the DJ what city it was. They always looked at me as if I were insane when I asked, “just to clarify, what city is this exactly?” As soon as the van turned into the parking lot, the screaming began.
There is a note only a 13-year-old girl can hit and about two hundred girls hit it at exactly the same moment. I noticed all three of the guys jump. You might think they would be used to this by now. But, really, there is no way to prepare for the sheer volume of their voices. Zac stubbornly turned his face away from where the girls were jumping up and down hoping their heroes would notice them. Ike quietly dropped his face in his hands and began to rub his temples. I could tell Ike was once again developing one of his headaches. And Tay was quietly cursing as he looked at the spot on the front of his shirt where his coffee spilled when he jumped. Good thing I carried a spare shirt for him for occasions such as this. I mean, it’s as if he loves coffee so much he has to wear it. I’d bought him at least 5 spill proof mugs since the beginning of this tour and much like his toothbrush, he cannot seem to keep track of them.
“Oh goody! The scream squad has already arrived.” Zac sneered. All three of them were bothered by the hordes of screaming girls (everything would be alright, if only they wouldn’t scream), but Zac was the only one who looked on them with contempt. “I don’t feel like having my hair pulled this morning.”
“Zac, be nice.” Ike said from behind his hands. “If they weren’t here, then we wouldn’t be here. But my lord, do they have to be so loud at 7:00 in the morning, I mean, the sun isn’t all the way up...”
“Cleo, get on the phone,” Taylor said, pulling on the clean shirt I had just handed him. “See if there’s a back door, maybe a service elevator from the parking terrace...”
I was way ahead of Tay. I’d already pulled up the appearance information on my palm pilot (of doom) and dialed the promotion director’s number. “Okay, we’ll just do a quick pass through the parking lot, give ‘em a little something... then, we’ll pull around the south side of the building and into the parking lot. Go all the way to the back to the service elevator. Someone will be waiting for us there. Is that okay? Do you think you can smile for a few seconds Zac?”
“I suppose, if I have to.” Zac said sighing.
“Hey, if you need something to smile about just think about Cleo’s breasts.” Tay said laughing. This comment earned him not only Isaac and Zac’s laughter, but also a very hard slug from me. From now on, I’m riding up front with the driver.
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