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Simon
Your
cage the only place where they will leave you alone 'cause the weak will
Not one word was true you're alright |
Somehow, we made it out of the radio station and back down to the van before 9:30. We would be back in the hotel by 10:30 and hopefully asleep by noon. Zac had gotten his requested autograph from Cassandra and was beaming with pride. We all felt quite humbled from our meeting with Mindy and her mother, but still Zac had been pretty happy when Cassandra met us at the elevator and handed him an autographed photo of herself in a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader uniform. He climbed into the front seat, Tay sprawled on the middle bench, and Ike and I ended up together on the backbench. As the van pulled out of the parking structure, Ike reached over and pulled me against him, leaning my head on his shoulder. Almost immediately, I felt myself slipping into a state of unconsciousness. As the van pulled onto the freeway, I could tell Isaac was asleep by the steady rise and fall of his chest, Taylor was softly sighing in his sleep and Zac had leaned his chair back so I could see his eyelashes splayed across his cheeks. My last thoughts as I fell asleep were of just how comfortable I felt and just how much I loved all three of them. Any woman would be lucky to have any one of them. And here I had all three.
My thoughts were distinctly different when we arrived at the hotel. As we all roused from sleep, none of us were exactly pleasant. In fact, I’d venture so far as to say we were surly. Zac ran from the van into the hotel, ignoring completely the girls shrieking his name. Isaac smiled, but didn’t stop to shake any hands or pose for any of the requested pictures. And Taylor, well, Taylor being Taylor just had to stop and pose for a few photos, but he wouldn’t sign anything.
As I slowly trudged through the unruly crowd, I heard my name called a few times. I stopped next to Taylor and looked around the crowd to see who had called my name. As I turned on the step, I nearly fell off, so I grabbed Taylor to stop myself from falling and well, he caught me. So, there I stood (well, I was partly standing, mostly hanging off of Taylor) in front of a hotel in Dallas, Texas, Taylor Hanson’s arms around me with a crowd of about 100 girls as witnesses. I quickly apologized to Taylor and started back up the steps into the hotel. Throughout the crowd I could hear girls murmuring. The only words I caught sounded a lot like whore and bitch. This unfortunately was something I was getting used to, not something I liked, but I’m used to it. Then, as I was opening the door to the hotel, someone grabbed my hair. “Ow!” I said turning to see a plain, chubby girl of about 15 standing there with a handful of my hair. “What’d you do that for?”
“Because, Cleo, you’re a slut. And you’re a huge bitch to break poor Taylor’s heart.” The girl with greasy flat hair and a forehead full of pimples said. Then she pointedly looked me up and down, much like a guy checking out some hot babe. “And, your body is not all that great.”
“I never said it was,” was all I could think of to say. I just shook my head and entered the hotel. I was tired and hot and now, I was pissed.
“What’s wrong?” Taylor asked as he caught up with me at the elevator.
“Oh well, I was just sworn at and called a whore and a slut to name just a few of the choice nouns thrown at me while walking through the crowd.” I began rubbing my head where the girl had grabbed my hair. “And to top things off, I just had one of YOUR fans rip some hair out for “breaking poor Taylor’s heart.” What a fucking psycho!”
“I’m sorry.” Taylor said as we got on the elevator. He knew I was sincerely angry, ‘cause I rarely if ever dropped the “f” bomb. Seriously, I rarely use that word, but when I do, it feels strangely satisfying. He gently laid his hand on my shoulder, but I angrily shook it off. “Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned you on the radio.”
“Ya think?” I asked sarcastically as the elevator doors slid open. I threw my bag across the hall so it banged into my door. I pulled out my key card and slid it into the lock. I was so angry I was literally shaking, so this actually took quite a while.
“Cleo...” Taylor began, but I quickly cut him off by putting my hand up.
“Taylor, I suggest we not continue this conversation.” I said gathering up the stuff that had scattered on impact. “I am very tired and fairly pissed off. Just go to your room and get some sleep. In a couple of hours, this will all seem funny to me. Talk to me then.” I stepped into my dark room and slammed the door shut. I could feel him standing out in the hall wanting to talk to me (he may have even knocked softly on the door, but I was so pissed I couldn’t even hear). I needed time to calm down. Really, I wasn’t mad at him, I was just mad and tired and frustrated. After a few moments, I stepped into my room and heaved a deep sigh. There were calls to be made, laundry to be folded, and bags to be prepared for tonight’s journey and eventually, a nap to be taken.
I had made about 10 calls to various radio stations, fan groups and charities while folding all the laundry I had done the day before. We would be in the next city for 3 whole days (not including concert day, ‘cause the day of a concert is often just one long panic attack), so I’d be able to do more laundry (and finally take care of the huge pile of dry clean only clothes). I had gathered all of my things and shoved them into my various suitcases, boxes, bags and wardrobes and placed them all at the foot of my bed. While we were at the concert, the luggage fairy would come and gather up all of our things and put them in the bus.
I had just climbed into my bed, when there was a soft knock at the door between my room and the boys’ room. I just rolled over onto my back and sighed. I really didn’t want to talk to Taylor right now or what if it was Zac looking to continue our conversation from the bathroom. I thought maybe, just maybe if I ignored it the person would leave. The knock came again, just a little more insistent. I jumped up and ripped the door open to find a startled Isaac standing in front of me in just his T-shirt and a pair of boxers, well, at least we were dressed alike. “Ike,” I began, actually surprised to see him. “What can I do for you?”
“Can I come in here and take a nap?” He asked.
“Sure, no problem.” I said as I moved out of the way so he could come in the room. “Why?”
“Because, Taylor and Zac are fighting over everything.” Ike said running his fingers through his curly hair. Texas was the bane to our hairs existence; I honestly lamented my crazy, curly hair when we were somewhere truly humid. Venice, Italy and Barcelona, Spain were pure hell as far as having a run of consecutive bad hair days. “And they are really getting on my nerves.”
“I’m sorry.” Was all I could offer. Unfortunately, I realized my little outburst in the elevator at Taylor was probably why he was in such a sour mood and well, Zac just plain didn’t feel well. This really was a potentially explosive situation. “What’s going on?”
“First Taylor comes slamming into the room, throwing his backpack directly at Zac.” Um, oops! His mood was definitely my fault. “Which started the whole prima donna Zac vs. diva Tay argument which lasted about 15 minutes. Then Tay says it’s too cold so he turns off the air conditioning and opens the balcony door. He begins slamming his suitcase around like some sort of madman and keeps grabbing things out of Zac’s suitcase saying they are his. Which again gets Zac started on the whole diva tip.”
“Wow, they are both in foul moods on the same day?” I asked as Ike nodded slowly. “Soundcheck should be a joy...”
“Oh, it gets worse.” Ike said shrugging his shoulders as though he were trying to adjust something heavy. “Because Tay then said something about the room smelling like a sewer treatment plant, which, of course, Zac has to make some smart remark about how the room smelled just fine until he walked in. Then about 5 minutes later, Zac says Taylor is a crack smoking whore with a head so big he can’t believe his toothpick neck can support it and it is hot. So, he slams the sliding glass door shut, which thankfully he didn’t break and cranks the air conditioner up all the way and throws all the blankets in the entire room at Taylor, including mine, which I was using at the time. So, now I’ve been dragged into the middle of everything. Finally, Zac is done shoving everything not nailed down into his suitcase and falls asleep, but the way he is sleeping is apparently bothering Taylor, so Taylor puts his feet in the middle of his back and shoves him off the bed. Which, of course starts yet another argument, but this time with punching.” Isaac dropped his head forward into his hands. He looked so small and tired, I actually felt sorry for him. “I really, really just need to get some sleep. Can I nap in here?”
“Ike, I am so sorry.” I said sitting down on the bed next to him. I could hardly believe that soliloquy had just come out of him, his eyes were mere slits, his whole posture screamed exhaustion. “I was just about to climb into the bed and get some sleep. Why don’t you just lie down with me?”
“Thank you, you have no idea how tired I am.” Ike said as we both climbed onto my bed. I rolled onto my left side and he quickly slid into place behind me. I loved the feel of his strong arms around me. Maybe everyone was right, maybe these were the arms I was supposed to spend the rest of my life snuggling into every night. As those thoughts formed, I couldn’t just disregard them immediately as I usually do. I mean, Ike was not my one true love and he probably never would be, but maybe he was supposed to be. It’s as if Ike was my brother, maybe not in flesh, but in spirit. In fact, even when Thad was alive, Isaac and I were closer than Thad and I. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Thad (his death nearly destroyed me), but I adored Isaac. At this moment, Isaac was Thad made flesh; I could find comfort from him without him expecting anything from me, but maybe the return of comfort. And really in the end, isn’t it almost better to love someone like a brother? This way, I would never fall out of love with him. This love story would never end. He’d always be my rock, the person I could tell stupid jokes to and he’d laugh, the person I could tell my deepest, darkest secrets too and he’d tell no one, the one person I could tell about my latest love and he’d tell me he wasn’t good enough for me. But, as time passes, feelings change. Could I fall in love with Ike?
“Cleo?” Ike breathed softly into my hair. I was barely awake.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.” He slurred softly, I felt his words more than I heard them. He was asleep before I could even respond and to tell the truth, so was I.