 |
Wish we
never met
Disappointment stops by from
time to time
Humiliation asked me out last night;
I wish we never, I wish we
never,
|
“Okay, let’s do a quick tally of the boys I’ve kissed in the last 24 hours, 1. Zac Hanson, 2. Taylor Hanson. Good Lord, what was I thinking?” I said aloud to my reflection. I was standing in a rather plush hotel room in Mobile, Alabama. And for once, I knew where we were. We had arrived around 8:00 a.m. to find about 35 girls waiting for the guys. We had all moved from the bus to the hotel like Zombies. I needed to go to bed. We (Ike, Tay, Zac and I) were staying in a super plush suite on the 12th floor. It was amazing to have so much room. We had a balcony that ran around three sides of the hotel, with an amazing view of the city and the bay. The rest of the crew were staying in rooms on the 3rd floor, but the boys decided they wanted the plush rooms ‘cause we were going to be in Mobile for almost 4 days (and for some reason, I ended up getting the fourth room. I’m still not sure how I finagled that one, but I did). One major draw of the suite was it had 4 bedrooms, so everyone got their own room for once, a small kitchenette and a very small private pool out on the balcony. So, we could just hang out by the pool in peace.
I wandered into the main room to wait for the food I had ordered from room service. While I was waiting, my mind kept wandering back to the last night. What had I gotten myself into? Why had I allowed both Zac and Taylor to kiss me? I seriously had some vitamin deficiency going on that was affecting my brain, ‘cause I had been acting just plain stupid. I mean, if Zac hadn’t been running onstage, I don’t know if I would have stopped kissing him. He was unequivocally the best kisser I had ever, well, kissed. His kiss was so deep and so... so... Well, God wouldn’t give somebody those amazing lips and then not given him the knowledge to use them properly, now would he? I think not.
And Taylor? He kisses like he sings. He gives it his all. There is no questioning his sincerity. And much like when he is onstage, as soon as it got hot, he had his shirt off (and to be perfectly honest, I had shed the sweater and wifebeater). We were lying on the couch wrestling when I heard Zac jump out of his bunk and run back to the bathroom. If he hadn’t gotten up, just where would I have stopped Taylor. If I had stopped him at all.
I was so very, very confused.
The door to the suite opened and a waiter walked in pushing a cart loaded down with food (I had given them instructions not to knock on the door, so they wouldn’t wake anyone up). Yesterday had been so crazy. Other than a Danish and a glass of orange juice, I hadn’t eaten anything. So, I had called and ordered a burger and some French fries along with just about everything else on the menu.
Once the food arrived, I walked out the sliding glass door onto the balcony, it was now about 11:00 a.m., so I didn’t think any of the guys would be up yet, but to my shock. Isaac was sitting in a lounge chair by the pool. He had on some headphones and was writing furiously in a notebook. He looked so studious and serious. “Ike, would you like some food?” I asked, but he didn’t respond. His music was turned way up. “Isaac! Would you like some food?”
“Oh shit!” He said jumping about 3 feet off the chair. “You just scared me to death!”
“Well, I was just wondering if you wanted some food.” I said pushing the cart loaded down with food over to the table in the corner.
“Oh man, food.” Isaac said as he wandered over to where I was sitting. “I am so freaking hungry!! What’d you order?”
“Um, there’s a burger and some fries. I ordered a salad with bay shrimp and a bowl of broccoli cheese soup. Um... Belgian waffles with fresh strawberries and whipped cream. Look a Zac special of all deep fried foods: beer-battered onion rings, chicken fingers, fried mushrooms and some mozzarella sticks. And a Tay special of vegetarian pizza.” I said lifting off the silver covers of each item. “Ooh, and for you my dear, your very favorite deserts: cheesecake, apple pie and peach cobbler. A twelve pack of Dr. Pepper. And um, I think that’s it.”
“Cleo, were you by any chance hungry?” Ike asked as he took a huge bite of my burger.
“Yes and hey! I ordered that for me.” I said as I took the hamburger and cut it in half. “I just started ordering and it all sounded so good I forgot to stop. Anyway, whatever I don’t finish, I figure you guys’ll finish.”
“Yeah, well, you figured right.” We sat in silence for a few minutes as we both quickly shoveled food into our mouths. I was so hungry.
“Hey, what were you working on when I walked out?”
“Nothing yet, but soon it could be a song.” Ike said around a bite of salad.
“Cool.”
“Yeah, well, it seems like every time I talk to Emory a new song just pops into my head.”
“Hey, when did you talk to Emory?”
“This morning. She called my cell phone.” Isaac said quickly shoving more food into his mouth. I thought I was starving, but he seemed to be a bottomless pit. Actually, Taylor was the bottomless pit (God bless his fabulous metabolism). Zac and Ike could eat a lot, but Taylor could pack away the food. He didn’t very often, but if he was truly hungry then, watch out. “She actually woke me up around 9:00 this morning. It seems she heard our radio interview yesterday on the Internet. And well, she wants to talk. She’s flying into Mobile the day after tomorrow.”
“Great, I know how much you’ve missed her.” I said popping the top to my second Dr. Pepper. I would for sure have a Buddha belly after this meal; I would seriously need to go jogging sometime today.
“Yeah, I guess.” Ike said looking out toward the bay. Even though he had his sunglasses on, I could tell his eyes were very, very far away.
“That is good, isn’t it?” I asked watching emotions flow across his face. “I thought you loved her.”
“I did too, I mean, I do. It’s just...” He looked at me then quickly away. I watched as the breeze tossed his curly hair in the wind. “It’s just she heard the radio interview and she now wants to talk about the future. Cleo, I’m not ready to have a future with anyone, unless...”
“Unless what?” I asked afraid of what he was going to say.
“What if I make a decision about her and well, it’s a mistake.” Ike said seriously. “What if I do decide to marry her and then things change.”
“What sort of things? If you love her, what could possibly change?” I asked.
“Cleo, what if one day you decide I’m the love of your life.” He said reaching for my hand; he quickly laced our fingers together. Our hands fit together so well. “What if you realize you’ve always loved me. That you want me.”
“Ike, I don’t think that’s going to happen.” I said standing up. I just didn’t think I could take another one of the Hanson brothers confessing his undying love for me. “Please, don’t confuse me more.” I said pulling my hand away from him and running back into my room. I leaned up against the wall just inside my door and rested my forehead on my hands. I could feel my body begin to quiver as what had just happened settled onto my shoulders. I loved them all, how could I pick one of them to be in love with? I heard movement out in the great room as a major case of hysterics took hold of me.
“Cleo? Are you okay?” Ike asked as he stuck his head in the open door. “Cleo, what’s wrong? You’re shivering, do you feel alright?”
“Oh, Ike.” I said as he put his arm around me. I turned towards him, collapsing into his arms as all my strength left my body.
“Cleo? Come on, you’ve got to stand up. Honey, you’ve got to help me get you to the bed.” He said pulling me towards the bed and gently laying me down. “Do you need me to get a doctor?”
“No, I just...” I stopped and began to laugh. In fact, I was laughing hysterically. I was laughing so hard I was beginning to hyperventilate. Ike stood up and quickly shut the door so I wouldn’t disturb anyone, before returning to my side and wrapping his arms around me.
“Cleo, are you sure you’re alright?” He asked as I began to pull in great heaving breaths. I lay down on the bed trying to control my breathing. He sat next to me running his fingers through my hair and humming softly to me. Slowly, my breathing became slower, more even. “Cleo, what was that all about?”
“It’s nothing, probably just exhaustion.” I said as my breath hitched in my chest almost as if I’d been crying. “Ike, can I ask you a serious question?”
“Sure, you can ask me anything.” He said stretching out next to me in the bed. I rolled so I was facing him.
“Why do you think you’re in love with me?” I asked.
“Because, I am.” He said so seriously I couldn’t do anything but believe him. He softly ran his fingers up and down my arm, raising goose bumps where his fingers traveled. “I wish I had some deep answer about how you were the reason the sun rose each morning and you were the very air I breathe, but really, I just love you. I always have and I always will. Cleo, let me put it this way, I never remember a time when I didn’t love you.”
“You still love me although I totally screwed you over?”
“You mean with Jarrod?” He asked. I nodded my head, as his fingers trailed up my neck onto my cheek. “No, not really. Because, you only went out with Jarrod ‘cause you thought you deserved to be punished.”
“Punished for what?” I asked my eyes narrowing. I didn’t like the fact he seemed to be seeing directly into my soul.
“Punished for living when Thad was dead.” As he said that, I gasped. I had only admitted I wished I had died to Zac and that was yesterday morning. “You thought if you let Jarrod treat you like shit, you would be making up for the fact you were alive. You know, it seems so weird, but when Thad was alive, I talked to you everyday, but after... You stopped calling us and when we would come home, I would see you watching us from Thad’s bedroom window, but you’d never call us.”
“Well, you could have called me.” I said defensively.
“We could have, but we wanted to give you the time and the space to go through what you were going through. Other than when Grandma Lawyer died, we had never experienced any real tragedy. You had become so thin and fragile, literally a shell of who you had been.” He said running his hand back down my arms and onto my side. His rough callused fingers were so gentle as they slid over the skin of my stomach where my shirt had pulled up. “I was afraid I would remind you too much of Thad.” He trailed off as I closed my eyes. His fingers continued their journey traveling over much of my bare skin. He brought his hands back up to my face, softly tracing my eyebrows, brushing across my eyelashes, tracing down to the end of my nose, softly, softly circling my lips. As his hands continued down my chin and back down to my neck I parted my lips as my breathing sped up. I felt his fingers softly fill the hollow of my neck, the palm of his hand resting on my sternum. I realized his breathing matched my own. “Cleo, I can feel your heart beating and it’s going so fast.”
“Isaac.” I breathed as he slid his hand down ‘til it rested between my breasts. With his other hand, he grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest. I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“Do you feel how the rhythms match?” He asked as he slid his hand over my breast. All I could do was shake my head. “Cleo, I’m going to kiss you.” He said as he lowered his mouth onto mine. For one perfect moment, my entire being fell into a perfect kiss.
Then the phone rang. I tried to ignore it, to stay in the perfect moment, a moment where I could love Isaac. But it was not to be, ‘cause seconds later I heard another door fly open and someone stumbling through the great room. “Hello?” I heard Taylor demand. He was quiet for a few moments except for the usual sounds someone makes as they listen on the phone. “I don’t know, I think she’s still asleep. But, I’ll go tell her.” I heard him set the phone back in its cradle, then some more stumbling and a huge bang, followed by some serious cussing. Finally, there was a knock on my door. “Cleo, are you up?”
“Yes,” I answered pulling away from Isaac. He quickly sat up and leaned against the headboard.
“Are you decent?” Taylor asked through the door.
“Yes, I have clothing on.” I said as he walked into my room. There he stood hardly awake dressed only in boxers with his hair in a total mess. As his eyes took in Isaac and I on my bed, his eyes momentarily narrowed. “Who was on the phone?”
“It was Ashley.” Taylor said as Zac blearily walked into my room while pulling on a T-shirt and sloppily falling onto my bed, onto me. “It looks like we may have to cancel our concert here in Mobile.”
“Why?” I asked, my hand automatically reaching for Zac’s. It was completely involuntary and yet, it made Taylor almost physically wince.
“Because, it seems Mobile is directly in the path of Hurricane Jordan.”