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Angels
On The Balcony
Afterglow in a distant row.
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We all turned and looked out the open French doors, the sky was blue as far as the eye could see. I gently pushed Zac and he hauled himself up, then he picked me up off of the bed. This entire tour, Zac had taken every opportunity presented to him to pick me up. Really, I’d grown tired of fighting him; I decided he could carry me if he wants to. As he set me down, his hands just happened to come to rest under my breasts, his thumbs rubbing over my nipples. Zac had just felt me up in front of his brothers. When I turned to look at him, he raised his eyebrow and gave me an evil smirk. “Are you sure there’s a hurricane coming? It doesn’t even look like there’s even a storm out there.” Zac said as he walked over to the table laden with food. He sat down and began to pick at the food I had left on my plate.
“Well, I don’t know, I think that’s what Ashley said. I mean, I answered the phone although I was still essentially asleep. Really Ike, were you and Cleo asleep or ignoring the phone?” Taylor asked running his hands through his hair and sinking into the chair across from Zac.
“Um... We were just ignoring the phone.” Ike said flopping into the chair he had occupied earlier. “We were having a serious conversation about Emory and the nature of love.”
“Whatever.” Taylor said as he grabbed a piece of the semi-cold pizza and shoved half of it in his mouth. He continued talking around a mouthful of food. “Ashley said we’ll do the show if the storm gets downgraded to a tropical storm, but as of this minute, it’s a fairly huge hurricane somewhere out over Florida or in the Gulf of Mexico or something like that.”
“So, what do we do?” Ike asked as I wandered back into my room, it was now time for me to get dressed, to change out of Taylor’s boxers and wifebeater. Actually, the wifebeater had become mine, ‘cause it wasn’t going to pull back into Taylor’s shape, even after it was washed and dried. Inside my room, I could still hear them talking through the open door. “Are we really just going to sit around and wait?”
“I don’t know.” Taylor said. “I think this tour has been amazing so far. The band has never sounded tighter. I just want to keep going, play everyday.”
“Well, this break will give us some time to work on the new song you wanted to play in San Antonio.” Ike said to Taylor as Zac absently stared into the southern sky.
“Well, I think sitting around sounds good.” Zac said. “I know I could use about 2 weeks of down time right now. And about half of that would be to sleep.”
“Man, sleep sounds good.” Ike said.
“I know, when did sleep become so precious.” Zac said. I could hear him stretching. “I seriously can stay up all night when we’re home and not be this tired.”
“It’s supply and demand,” Taylor said. “Whatever you can’t have becomes all you want. And lately all I’ve wanted is to go home and sleep in my bed. What I wouldn’t give to have Zoë wake me with an unbelievably messy peanut butter scented kiss.”
“Speaking of the peanut butter monster, has anyone talked to home recently?” Zac asked.
“Yeah, last night Dad and I played a couple of games of chess online. It sounds like Mom is still hurting pretty bad.”’ Ike said. He must have grabbed his guitar, ‘cause he was absently strumming random chords.
“Probably because she is still trying to do everything for everyone and not resting like the doctor told her.” Taylor said. He was always trying to get his mom to sit down to let someone else do the dishes or follow the kids around. If the truth were told, he was a mama’s boy. Diana Hanson loved all of her children equally, but there was a special place in her heart for her angel. She and Taylor were very, very close. Taylor spoke to her three or four times daily.
“Well, that’s gonna happen.” Zac said sarcastically. “Mom is such a mellow, leave it be kind of person. She is definitely not a type A personality.”
“And Tay spent a couple of hours IMing Avie and Mac.” Ike said in his sweet Ike way. It was cute how he didn’t necessarily move on with the conversation if he still had something to say. Many people accuse him of rambling, but it isn’t that he rambles, he just has a lot to say and he wants to get it all out.
“Yeah, it seems Jess was out with a boy last night. They left for this date in a car.” Tay said laughing. He was probably laughing at the look of horror on Zac’s face. I knew his whole face had probably contorted into a mask of confusion.
“No way! Mom let Jess go out? With a boy? In a car?” Zac asked.
“Apparently so.” Tay said around another mouthful of food. I knew the food would be eaten. I also knew by the time I went back out, it would be gone, even my half full can of Dr. Pepper. “I can’t believe she went on her first date when we were out of town. I mean, we didn’t even get to intimidate the guy. I feel cheated.”
“That is exactly why she went out on her first date while we were on tour.” Isaac said. “But, we aren’t all that far from Tulsa right now and if I find out he tried anything with her. Well, he’ll be sorry.”
“What are you gonna do?” Zac asked.
“Send you after him,” Ike said.
“And that is exactly the reason why she’ll never tell us what happened last night.” Taylor said.
“I can’t believe how badly I miss everyone,” Isaac said quietly, “especially Zoë.”
“Every time I talk to her, she seems to have changed so much.” Taylor said. They sat for a few minutes in companionable silence. I always find it ironic that boys, who can make such sweet, sweet music together, have mastered the art of comfortable silences. “Hey, play that again. Wow, that sounds great, wait play it again.” I heard a chair slide back and someone quickly walked back into the suite.
“Where’s he going?” Zac asked.
“Probably to get his guitar or his keyboards.” Ike said distractedly. He continued to play the same chord progression, fine-tuning it, adding a few flourishes each time. There was the sound of someone setting something heavy down. “Tay, there’s an outlet right over there.”
“Oh, thanks,” Tay said. A few moments later, I heard his electric piano join Isaac’s acoustic guitar. And as much as I love the creative process, I really, really needed a shower.
As I stood in the shower, my mind kept wandering back to the last 24 hours, during which I kissed not one, not two, but all three of the Hanson brothers. Isn’t that a form of incest? Well, I had participated in behavior that could get me into some serious trouble. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to react? Well, I knew for a fact I was not going to be kissing any of them again. But, Zac was unequivocally the best kisser, ever. As I thought of how strong his lips were and how sweet his mouth tasted, I felt my knees grow weak again. I mean of all the things I have to consider about him, first and foremost is that he is only 16 and I’m 22. Do I want to spend all my time with him worrying about what everyone thinks? Do I want to feel like Elizabeth Taylor, the older woman with a much younger man? And really, in 10 years, our ages won’t matter. But it mattered now. But man, when he sucked on my bottom lip? How could I deny myself something so fundamentally good? I mean, it must be good, ‘cause it felt like heaven. So, now, I’m faced with the decision of whether or not I would ever in good conscience kiss him again. Really, I could spend the rest of my life just kissing him and only him and never get bored.
Then there was Taylor. He was just so... So... Passionate? Enthusiastic? His kisses were so arduous. And he knew all my sweet spots, he knew just where to kiss, where to put his hands to drive me wild. He had been so strong and so in charge during the entire encounter, it was actually a serious turn on. He knew what he wanted and he knew how he was going to get there. And, he also knew I wasn’t going to stop him. He had to know I was putty in his hands. I wasn’t going to stop him and he wasn’t going to stop. I felt a like a piano, like I was being played by a maestro and I wanted to hear the end of the movement. Thank God for Zac! Still after I had bolted back to my bunk, I had to stop myself from jumping down, finding Taylor and begging him to finish what he had started.
And now, Isaac. My dear, sweet, loving Isaac. He had been so gentle and tender this morning, giving me the perfect moment. I had never felt as pure as I had when his fingers slid effortlessly across my body. He had been so unsure and tentative, letting me know nothing I didn’t want to happen would take place. His gentle kiss had taken me to a place I had never known existed. He had taken me to somewhere I would always be loved, my needs would always be met, I would never have to wonder if he loved and needed me. He would always leave me feeling satisfied, Isaac was basically the polar opposite of Jarrod and really, wasn’t that what I wanted?
I was so confused! As I rinsed conditioner out of my long hair, there was a knock on the door. “Cleo?”
“Zac?”
“Hey, where’s your palm pilot?” Zac asked opening the door and stepping into the steamy bathroom.
“It’s in my Scooby Doo bag, why?” I told him, glad I was taking such a hot shower that the glass shower door was almost completely fogged over.
“Well, I thought I’d send Mindy an e-mail while we were working on the new song.” He said.
“Okay.” I said expecting him to turn and leave, but instead he stood there uncertainly, his hand on the doorknob. “Zac, how are you feeling?”
“Okay.”
“Are you sure, ‘cause I made a doctors appointment for you today, if you want to go.” He just continued to stand in the bathroom. Really, I wasn’t sure if he could see anything, but still. “Zac, is there anything else, ‘cause if there isn’t could you maybe leave. I’m not entirely comfortable with you being in here with me buck naked.”
“I just wanted to apologize for kissing you yesterday. I knew you were feeling vulnerable and well, I took advantage of you. And I would never want to take advantage of you.” He said quietly. “I’ve just wanted to kiss you so badly for my entire life and I didn’t know if I would ever get another opportunity.”
“Oh, okay.” I said as he slipped out of the bathroom. I was happy he didn’t really want a relationship, but also strangely disappointed. I felt a lot of the letdown I’d felt in the bathroom the day before when he’d said he didn’t love me anymore. It’s not that I want him to love me, but I don’t know how to define how I feel about Zac. I guess I really love him like a brother (despite how well he kissed) and really, I wanted our relationship to remain as it was. He would continue to tease me about everything and I would continue to take it.
After I’d stepped out of the shower, I stood in front of the foggy mirror and squinted at the reflection of my body for a few seconds before I stepped into my room to get dressed. I’m not hideous, but I won’t win any beauty pageants. I’m about 5’ 8” tall and skinny. In fact, I know I can wear Taylor’s tightest jeans and still need a belt, but I unfortunately have a larger chest than I would have liked. That really is a hallmark of the women in the Burton family. It doesn’t matter how much I diet, I just never lose weight in my chest. And unless I want surgery, there is little to be done about it (my feelings for doctors run parallel to those of Zac). I have super thick chestnut hair that falls to my waist in ringlets (but is almost always pulled back in a braid or ponytail) and chestnut eyes (which I hide behind glasses). I have an unremarkable face, really (just a regular nose, not a regal nose or a cute button nose, a mouth with just average lips, no high cheekbones, no perfectly sculpted eyebrows. I was actually fairly plain, just a regular girl. As I already said, I was literally the girl next door). Why would these boys (who could have anyone) ever look at me twice? I quickly pulled on my clothing for the day (a pair of Levi cutoffs, a semi-tight t-shirt that proclaimed me rodeo queen of some small town in northern Utah and some Doc Marten sandals). I was about to walk back out onto the balcony, but I stopped to listen again before I pulled the door open.
“We really do need to be a lot nicer to Cleo.” Isaac said.
“I agree.” Zac said. “I mean, she was so right at the concert yesterday. We are just a bunch of despots ruling over our little universe and not paying much attention to the world around us.”
“Last night, after she blew up at us, it was like when we got back from LA.” Ike said quietly. “I felt like she was telling me Thad was dead all over again and again, I just didn’t know what to say.”
“I know. I remember when we pulled into our driveway and what I wanted to do was run across the lawn and run up to her room. Instead, I sat on the steps to the deck looking at her house.” Taylor said. “Sometimes, I forget she isn’t our sister and that she isn’t made out of stone, despite what she would have us think.”
“Amen to the whole sister thing.” Ike said his strumming stopped abruptly. “Wow, you know how we’re always saying she’s like a sister to us, well, I just now realized how true that is.”
“You just now realized that?” Zac asked. “I spent so many years thinking I was in love with her only to realize I’m also in love with Jess, Avie and Zoë.”
“I
was actually contemplating going and picking up a “Please-forgive-me-for-
being-such-an-asshole”
bouquet.” Taylor said.
“Oh, they have those now, do they?” Ike asked resuming his strumming.
“Yes, they really come in handy.” Taylor began. “If only they’d had them when we were younger, I can think of plenty of times I could have given one to Mom.”
“Or even Cleo.” Isaac said quickly. “I mean, you did push her out of the tree house.”
“Hey, it was an accident! Really, why would I push her out of the tree house?” Taylor protested, I moved the curtains back just enough so I could see them sitting out on the balcony. They were all three sitting around the table, with the sun shining down, illuminating their barely blond hair into literal halos. I felt my heart jump at the sight of their absolute beauty. “I think I’m going to head down and check out the weight room, anyone want to come?”
“Naw, I say we just crash right here on the deck next to the pool. Be totally lazy.” Zac said looking up from the keyboard of his laptop. It’s not that he’s lazy, he works just as hard as anyone, but after almost 8 months of non-stop travel, I think he was done in.
“Well, really there isn’t much else we can do.” I said. They all three turned to look at me as though it has just occurred to them I was still there. None of them would look me in the eye. Isaac was looking at something over my left shoulder, Taylor was looking at either my lips or my chin and Zac was unabashedly staring at my chest. “I guess I could turn on the news and see if there are any updates.”
“Where’s the coffee?” Taylor demanded.
“Oh man, I am so sorry! I forgot to order some.” I said as Taylor continued to stare at my chin. “I have to run downstairs and take the dry cleaning to the front desk so, I’ll just go to the kitchen and get some, so you don’t have to wait for room service.”
“I’ll go with you.” Taylor said jumping to his feet.
“Okay, but let me just warn you all the teenies waiting in the lobby will get very vocal if you get off the elevator in just boxers.” I said.
“Oh yeah, wait I’ll throw something on.” He said rushing into his room, as I went into my room and grabbed the bag all the dry cleaning was in. From inside his room, I heard something crash to the floor and some swearing. I wondered how long this would take, ‘cause Taylor never just throws something on, all of his clothing is carefully chosen for maximum impact. So really, you can image my surprise when he came out of his room about 2 minutes later in an orange tank top, a pair of baggy shorts, which were balanced precariously on his hips, showing a generous portion of boxer and a pair of Doc Marten sandals. I guess his addiction to caffeine was so strong he’d forego the lengthy process of dressing for success.