You would think that after nearly three and a half years of dealing with this question, I would have an answer. You'd think so. But the truth is, I can't tell you now at the ripe, "mature" age of seventeen any better than I could have told you at the flustery, whimsical age of thirteen. When you're thirteen, not having al the answers is okay because you're hardly even aware of the questions. But knowing that I can't answer this even now is almost disturbing.

I didn't even like MMMBop. I don't even think I really like MMMBop now. It's a silly song, with unintelligible words, most of them being this weird word that nobody understands. But on the other hand I LOVE MMMBop. And yes, I do realize the hypocrisy of that statement. But I don't love MMMBop because I enjoy the song, but rather because of what it represents. Because if I had never heard the song, this little revolution in my heart wouldn't have started that has yet to die. Because I was curious enough about that stupid, unintelligible song to check out all of the other songs this band had.

Life goes by so fast. So, so, so fast. And things happen and you can never quite remember them. You can't hold onto them and they slip by your fingers in this blur, and that blur slaps your hands as they leave your memory bank. I can't even tell you half of what has happened to me in the years since, but I do vividly remember the summer of `97. It was spent swimming, and getting used to the changes puberty had dealt. And most of all, it was spent lounging in chairs and anticipating Hanson appearances. It was spent wiping the sweat off of my brow after dancing to Where's the Love five times in a row. It was spent with my best friend torturing her mom as we serenaded her personally with every song off of Middle of Nowhere. Looking back, I realize how young I probably was. The things most fourteen year olds do now, I still probably don't even really do. But no fourteen year old ever got the joy I did out of the summer of `97. Because I was a Hanson fan. And you can call Hanson faggots, and you can say they're stupid and that they are dumb. And you can tell me that you will NEVER like Hanson. And you can never know how talented they are. And that's okay with me. Because I'm the one that knows all of this is untrue, and I'm the one who's gotten all of the satisfaction out of being a fan.

I've been through every stage with Hanson. I've been through the stage where I was convinced Taylor Hanson was the one for me. I've been through a period where I thought if I didn't meet Hanson soon, I would postively die. I've been restless and edgy, grasping at every bit of Hanson news I could swallow. I've felt empty and numb, wishing I could influence Hanson the way they've influenced me. I've become so anxious and dissatisfied that I've had to chill out for a little bit and just let go of them altogether. Now I've gotten to the phase where everything is okay. Where, if Zac Hanson smiles at me, it will light up my week but it will not change my world and the next day the earth will still spin even if it does stop for two seconds.  Because Zac Hanson's smile will probably make my world stop for a few seconds at least.

And I wonder when the time comes and you stop to notice all the little things. You stop to notice that Taylor's hair has been trimmed and is an inch shorter. You don't notice that Isaac wore the same shoes on Leno one night and on Rosie the next. Your eyes don't flicker with recognition when you see Zac wearing a shirt that Taylor had on a year earlier. You had no clue that the boys of Hanson have become cozy with the girls of M2M until the news is old and spit out. You just stop noticing.

And the scary thing isn't that you stop noticing. It's that you don't care that you don't notice.

Never again will I be fourteen, swayed to sleep by the chords of  I Will Come to You. I will never serenade my mom's best friend again and when I listen to Middle of Nowhere, I'll listen with a fond smile of remembrance. Because you can't relive the old times. And I never want to relive the Middle of Nowhere Era-- it deserves it's own era and the only way you can feel something vibrantly is if you've only felt it once and then let it go. Hanson will always be in my heart. Three and a half years ago they somehow managed to dig their way in and they've stayed firmly attached. Their album affected me more than any album has affected me before and since. But I'm growing up and growing up means letting go. Sometimes it hurts to let go. Sometimes it feels good. Letting go of Hanson in that sense has been a combination. And when people always say letting go, there's this sense of panic that rises because letting go is associated with forgetting. But how can I forget something that's given me more happiness than almost anything ever has?

Why am I a Hanson fan? I suppose I'm a Hanson fan, because it's something that will stay constant in my life. Because while the intensity of my love will change for Hanson over time and has changed over time it's a love that will never waver. And you need things in life that will never leave you. Hanson is here to stay...and I don't mean in the pages of Rolling Stone or on the Billboard charts, I mean where they matter the most. In my heart, and in the hearts of others.

we were looking
for something
to lift us higher
we were looking
to be inspired

Editorial by Shelby