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August and the Cold Hanson Shows
Alright, being the crazy person I am, I
listened when my friends from Utah and Colorado decided we needed to go to the
shows in Ohio. Amy had been busy all during July and couldn’t come to the
earlier shows we’d gone to. SO—we HAD to go! She’s from out west and we all
know the situation there. (Of course, just as I predicted, Hanson has now
announced shows in California—I’m always right when it comes to Hanson. Lucky?
No. Right? Yes.)
So, anyway, Stephanie and
Amy came into town on a Friday night in Louisville in August. You know, the dog
days of August? Well, not this August. It was actually sort of…cold. Which, I
am not complaining about. Sitting on concrete and hanging around stinky busses
is always better when it’s not a thousand degrees in the shade, which it usually
is in the summer here.
Columbus--
Saturday morning, we head off to
Columbus to catch Hanson play at the Newport Music Hall—or something like that.
I’m beginning to get the names of all these venues mixed up. It looked very
much like Bogarts inside, if Bogarts had been built in like 1912. It was still
all black and grubby inside, but there were marble floors in the entry and fancy
stairways up to the balcony. Ah, the balcony. What an amazing place. Seats
and a good view, and a big old iron gate, locked to within an inch of its life.
Hanson fans don’t get no respect. Seriously. We get SO underestimated. I
mean, you know, if you’re stupid enough to like Hanson, you don’t need a seat,
or a bathroom, or water or anything like that, right? And you only need like,
two security guards at a Hanson concert, right? I mean, they’re little kids and
only little kids would come and see them. Their parents will make sure they
behave. Excuse my while I laugh hysterically.
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I’m back now. Alright, so we get in
line after parking a country mile away. I’m from the country and I know one of
those when I walk one. That thing on the website about parking across the
street? Lie. So the line is all lined up and I’m walking it and looking at the
fans. You know, Hanson fans are very pretty. Lot’s of long hair and smiles on
a lot of faces. It’s gotten where we can all recognize a “hanson girl” when we
see one. That’s how we know we’re getting close to the venue.
We met up with Janet and her sister
Stephanie again—our line mates from Cincinnati and Indianapolis. They are so
fun! Really, Isaac—need a girl? We’ve got one for you. She’s funny and sweet
and has black hair to die for. You know deep inside, you love brunettes, just
like your brothers! I’ve made so many friends in my Hanson adventures (and just
a few enemies, haha!) Janet informs us that Zac has just flipped off a girl for
commenting on his “mullet”. What???!!! You mean Hanson are real live people
who don’t like to be dissed about things that are none of our business,
particularly in front of a bunch of people? Say it isn’t so! Geez people, get
a clue. This subject will rear its ugly head again later, so stay tuned.
The line is fine, the fans aren’t so hot
and grumpy as they have been at past hot and sweaty places. However, it’s
located in a very punk-ish area (again, shades of bogarts) and a few of the
people walking passed feel the need to give us their thoughts on Hanson and how
much they suck. *sigh* Do they have no original thoughts in their head? Do
they not know that Hanson has been dissed many times and by people much more
clever than them? Oh well. As usual, we grumble “f**k off” and turn our heads
the other way, cuz we’re better than them anyway. We think for ourselves.
Wow, I’m sounding very grumpy or
something, but it was a really nice day, I swear! We got to hear the adventures
of the girls in Chicago a few nights before. Short show and a harrowing
experience on the subway!!! If Hanson knew what their fans go through to see
them sometimes, I wonder if they’d keep doing it. And, it seems that even
though Janet, Stephanie and some others were first in line at the last show,
they split the line in two and some of the usual suspects ran over and blocked
that door so even though they’d camped out longer, they ended up far from the
stage. You know, some of these girls need their asses kicked, and I’m gonna
laugh out loud when I hear that it happened. Because eventually, it will
happen. They’re gonna screw the wrong person and the shit is gonna hit the
fan. I just hope I’m there to see it.
On with the show!!! There was only one
opening act, Michael Tolcher, so we thought, oh, how nice, maybe Hanson will
play longer, or we’ll be on our way earlier or something like that. Au
contraire!!! That just means the opening act will play longer. Which is cool.
I really like him. Still, you know how it is. We’re Hanson Heads and we want
our Hanson. So, he ends his set and the guys start moving stuff on stage and
tuning guitars and stuff. Now, what exactly do they do during soundcheck,
anyway? Does Hanson play their soundcheck with painfully out of tune
instruments? Because these guys tuned those guitars and stuff for like, hours.
Alright, it wasn’t hours, but it was 45 minutes. And here’s the kicker—we got
to see some very pissed off Isaac faces when pretty much every guitar he picked
up was out of tune. During “Dreamgirl”, he scowled and played some notes that
made us flinch. Angry man on the stage. But, they were playing “Dreamgirl”
which made me smile uncontrollably!!!
Zac was wearing…um, shorts and socks
that were….brown? I can’t be sure. I just know if Taylor had worn that outfit,
the forums would still be ablaze. Ike was wearing a form fitting white t-shirt
which I’ve been informed by Stephanie was a …darn, I can’t remember! It sucks
getting old…anyway. It was a cool shirt. Taylor was wearing a t-shirt the
color of dirt and blue jeans. It doesn’t matter what he wears anyway, he always
looks nice. Alright, 97% of the time, Taylor looks perfectly lovely.
The show was amazing. As an ending,
Michael Tolcher’s band came back out to join Hanson in a gorgeous version of
“Ain’t No Sunshine”. Zac, came out from behind those drums where he’d been
hiding all night, to sort of direct his choir. He had tambourine and shakers in
his hands and at one point, he jumped up on the drum riser to help out Lefty (I
think that’s their drummer’s name). He banged on the symbols and just generally
made some noise, then feigned falling off. Zac’s a funny guy when he wants to
be. He harmonized with Michael and it was just beautiful. What a smooth voice
he’s turned out to have. Isaac should have been feeling smug—I like his version
better. Ike’s got an amazing voice.
That ended the show. Stephanie had had
a little accident the week before and had her hand in a cast now. Not good for
typing, or carrying suitcases, but pretty good for getting Hanson autographs.
In the airport in Tulsa, she’d seen Isaac come in and he just happened to stand
next to her. Her Hanson Luck is over the top. Not able to let the opportunity
pass, she asked him if he’d sign her cast, and he did. She said he was sweet,
and nice, and an all-around good guy. So, anyway, she wanted to add his
brothers to it as well. We went out by the busses and joined the fray. I’m
always uncomfortable doing that—I sort of feel like, if they’ve played a great
show, which they always do—that they’ve done their job. But, on the other hand,
I guess fans are a part of that job and so, we wait and hope they’ll be kind and
give us some more of their time.
Isaac walked out the door, and gave a
patented look of surprise that there were people there. He came down the steps
and smiled, but instead of walking toward the crowd, he went the other way.
Which prompted some ignorant girl to yell out “Asshole!” Guess what? He never
came back. You know, that Isaac, he’s a rotten person, not coming back out to
hang with the people that call him names and stuff. I hope the people around
her slugged her. Didn’t see Zac, maybe he was still pissed about the M word.
Taylor and Natalie came down the steps and smiled and waved and all that. He
went to the bus, but threw a kiss to the crowd before going on. Awww, what a
crowd pleaser that was!
When the other bus pulled up, it was too
much for me to take. Ick—exhaust! Plus, my stomach had been growling since
after Michael Tolcher. If I’d known it would take 45 minutes for Hanson to hit
the stage, I’d have gotten a stale pretzel or something. Anyway, I decided to
go to the place across the street and grab a Milky Way and a bottle of water.
Mmmmm, delicious AND nutricious! I’m not sure—but if I saw Hanson three or four
times a week all the time, I’d either be skinny from not eating, or fat from
eating nothing but junk food when I did eat. It’s insanity.
So, I sit on the steps of the pet shop
and watch people as they’re told not to drive down the alley cuz there’s this
huge bus there. Lots of blind people live in Columbus obviously, and they let
them drive cars!!! I felt sorry for the guy. But, as usual, they seemed
surprised at the turnout for a Hanson show, so you know, whatever. All these
venues need to do some homework and keep an open mind—not holding my breath for
that though….
Suddenly, I see flashes going off and
the nosy, teeny in me decides I need to see what’s going on. I’m short, so I go
straight for the old icky apartment building in the alley, hop up the steps and
stand next to Michael Tolcher, and a lady with a killer camera. Taylor is
there, in clean clothes (shirt at least) and he’s signing and smiling and just
being a nice guy. As much as I know Isaac and Zac are into the music and their
career and such, I think Taylor is into it just a little more. He makes an
extra effort. And he’s perfected the ability to sort of…ignore the idiots.
Though here lately, he’s been a bit vocal about some things, hasn’t he?
I was delighted to hear him tell the
girls with the nasty sign that it needed to be burned. I was also glad that he
spoke up and asked the screamers to be respectful of those around them that
actually wanted to HEAR the music. And, Isaac reiterated that at the next two
shows. Of course, it didn’t do any good…I won’t go into another rant about
that, we’ve all heard it and unfortunately, it’s just a part of the Hanson Fan
Experience to have to deal with the 4% of psycho fans out there. I won’t let
them ruin my shows for me.
Stephanie got her cast signed, and maybe
even more important, he remembered her name. Wow, he’s got a killer memory, or
Stephanie had made an impression on him at some point. Very nice!
Taylor had to go, and so did we. We saw
Janet across the way and Taylor had too—he shook their hands and all that. All
was right with the world.
Toledo, Sylvania, Whatever You Want to
Call It
Sleep is a good thing. And
it had been a long couple of days, so when the Sandman came calling, we went
with him. We woke up, knowing we had a long drive to Toledo for the next show.
We ate in the hotel—yum, frosted flakes and watery orange juice. Thank heavens
Steak ‘n Shake is 24 hours. The night before, while still on a Hanson High, we
took Amy to nirvana. It seems they don’t have Steak ‘n Shake out west. So, we
were still a little fueled from that.
We started driving and the
closer we got, the darker the sky became. It looked very threatening and
eventually, it just opened up. I was actually glad we were running a little
late—I’d hated to have been out there in the storm (but I knew some people were,
including our new best friends Janet and Stephanie). I wonder if in 20 years,
we’ll all still be meeting up at Hanson shows? I’m tellin’ ya—we’re just a tiny
bit under DeadHeads. It’s coming, mark my words. You know I’m always right!
Thank the concert Gods (or
just God in general), we got to the show as the rain let up. It had been three
hours since food, so we decided I’d stake our spot in line, and Amy would
accompany Janet and Stephanie (sister Stephanie, not utah Stephanie) to Subway
across the road. This place was way out in the country. In fact, Janet cracked
us up when she told us about the Hanson Campers being awakened very
unceremoniously by the roosters in the area. Haha! I bet that hasn’t happened
before! So, I’m standing in “grass” that was actually green mud. I’m looking
around me, shaking my head, not sure I can believe where I am. What exactly
does this band do to otherwise normal people to make us do these things? It was
cold, and I’d brought two hoodies. But, here’s the thing. One is bright pink
with bunny ears and it says, “pink nightmare” on the back. I put it on
underneath the black, very tasteful spiderman one. Unfortunately, to put the
hood on of the black one, I had to also put on the pink hood—so, those of you
who saw a person with big pink bunny ears, it wasn’t on purpose.
Amy came back and brought me
a sandwich. Naturally, as I start to eat, Hanson’s bus comes rolling in and
causes the line to do some kind of nutty moving around. Ike is in front by the
driver, wearing the same shirt from last night. Uh, can you say “stinky bus”?
They are tougher guys than me if they can wear that sweaty stuff to bed. Or who
knows, maybe Ike sleeps in the nude? Stop it. Zac seemed to be wearing the
same stuff as well, except he now was wearing bright orange chucks. Go Zac! No
brown socks in sight. Very good.
So, I traipse across the
mud, with my pink bunny ears and my half eaten sandwich, into the parking lot.
The crowd, instead of being smart and lining up the side of the parking lot,
lines up across it and then down the side. Being the voice of reason, I attempt
to tell people that won’t work. Maybe it was the bunny ears—nobody ever listens
to me. So, all day long, when a car would come, like the RedSea, we’d part and
let the blessed through. Fun times!
All day long, since we were
upfront, we got to listen to KISS FM!!! Those exclamation points there are
sarcastic. They took great joy in sort of…egging the crowd on. You know,
making us scream and stuff, like ALL Hanson fans do. Yeah, it’s what we do,
just stand around and scream all day. Anyway, they did their poster contests
and their 458 meet and greet winners (one of which was in front of us, talking
about how Isaac looks like a monkey or a horse and how the middle one knocked up
his girlfriend and had to get married, etc etc.) So glad to see these folks
getting to meet Hanson and then cut in front of the fans who’d been waiting for
hours in the rain. Oh, and after all the fun the radio people had at our
expense, not one time—NOT ONE—did they play a Hanson song. Not MMMBop, not
Penny, not Lost Without Each Other. But, they did manage to play Usher about 17
times per hour. Some rap stuff, backing that thang up and stuff, y’know. Some
sensitive black guys and pissed off black girls. Some white rapper guys—just no
Hanson. The music biz is in so much trouble—I just hope we’re the ones laughing
once it’s all over and done.
The doors were supposed to
open at 5:30. We thought maybe that meant the show would start earlier, but Amy
assured us, Hanson would take the stage at 9:30, as usual, and that’s pretty
much what happened. It may have been a tiny bit earlier than that though,
because the sun was still up.
The venue was outdoors. The
stage was this quaint, white wooden outfit, with trumpets, and music notes and
drumstix and stuff painted on the background. Haha, I’m hoping someone got some
great pics of Hanson with that backdrop. Tyler Hilton opened. He’s probably
pretty good, but seeing someone the first time, you don’t really get it. Very
good looking, I’m sure the girls will love him. And he sang along to Hanson’s
set—so, you know, that’s points right there.
Michael Tolcher—great set,
great performance. You know, he gets Hanson’s audience. Which is not as simple
as it seems. Like Hanson, not everyone actually really gets it. But, he does,
and he makes the best of it. He knows we like to sing along, so he puts some
classic stuff in there to make us happy. And it pays off. In fact, I don’t
know about him, but I think some of his band members have made quite the summer
of…hmmm…how shall I put this delicately? Taking advantage of the opportunities
that arise while living in the world of Hanson and Hanson fans. There, how’s
that? Ambiguous enough? You know what I ‘m saying. It was actually a little
disturbing to see these young girls literally hanging off these guys the way
they were while I was sitting out of the throng at Columbus. But, whatever
floats your boat. If being with the warm up band’s bass player or drummer or
guitarist makes you feel closer to Hanson, so be it. And I’m just on the outside
looking in, I don’t know what really goes down, just what it looks like to an
observer like myself. God bless America!! I’ve seriously rambled here!!! Why
does that happen?! I’m sure it has something to be with being an Aquarius, but,
who knows?
Back to my “review”—ppppft.
Someday, I’m really gonna write one, you just wait! Anyway, the show
was………..amazing. Seriously.
Amy decided to take on the
swoon pit, because we’d only gotten to see them from the back at Columbus.
Stephanie and I assured her if we could do it, so could she. And she’s Miss
Pilates and tall and all that, so she was ahead of the game in that respect
already. I would have gone with her, but with my height issues, if I’m not in
like, the second row or closer, I’ll only see the occasional top of a blond head
on the stage. I’d rather stand in the back and use binoculars. So, she braved
it alone. Stephanie and I went to the tables in the back and acted like
civilized people (at least until Hanson came out). The set list was to die
for. They opened with “Gimme Some Lovin’” which was different than we’d seen
before. Very interesting! Very…Albertane! They did a very cool rendition of
U2’s “In a Little While”—that put Stephanie over the edge, let me tell you.
“Speechless” might be my new favorite song to hear Hanson do live. Oh man, the
funk!! Ike broke lots of strings—so that tells you a little about the show.
The sound here was fantastic. I think
not having those old funky walls around for the sound to bounce off of was a
wonderful thing. The sound was clear and the screams floated off into space
where they couldn’t do too much damage. Zac’s solo was “Need You Now”—he stood
there with his guitar and kept his eyes pretty much trained on the merchandise
booth. You know how much Zac loves those Hanson t-shirts and stuff. The song
was absolutely beautiful and he performed it flawlessly. I’m always a little
afraid for him or something when he does a solo, but I’ve yet to see him make a
mistake. He stopped in the middle of “Lulabelle” in Indy, but he hadn’t messed
it up. He just didn’t want to, I guess. Anyway, the song was lovely and so was
the sentiment that was so obvious. You go Zac.
Taylor did “Love Me” and
while he didn’t take in the merchandise, he told us ahead of time who it was
for. He said something like “I adore her entirely.” I wish that rotten girl from
the day before would have been there. Gorgeous, gorgeous song—he sang it
beautifully, and for the first time, I think I actually heard it. On the way
home the next day, we listened to the entire 31 songs on Elvis’ Number Ones and
decided which Hanson would be covering which song when they do their exclusive
Elvis Tribute Show. Come on guys—you know you’d love it! Contact us and we’ll
give you all the details! Zac singing “A Little Less Conversation”???!!! Oh my
God!!! Ike singing “Heartbreak Hotel”???!!!! I’d faint! Taylor—you know
you want to sing “Suspicious Minds”—you know you do! Ah, the plans I have for
this band…
I’m thinking this may have
been the best show I’ve been to. There was something surreal about seeing
Taylor’s breath when he sang. Of course, they were still sweating like always.
Hope they don’t have pneumonia for my final show in Louisville. My Hanson
summer is almost over………