~ * ~

'Oh my God! Breathe! . . .'

Excerpt from Rhiannon Mary Lougher's diary

'What is it about wealth and power that fascinates us? Are we so selfish that we would attempt to control the entire universe? Man thinks only of the dollar he is going to earn tomorrow. He never stops to think that one day, as far or near as Nature ordains it to be, he will be the cause of our Earth's destruction. Look ahead, to that day when Nature takes her revenge. Think ahead to the time when all the money in the world becomes as worthless as the dirt it originally was spawned from. When the death of the Earth looms over our heads, what can a few bits of paper do? Are these few bits of paper worth the extinction of the human race? Worth the extinction of the world? . . .'

~ * ~
July 5th, 1998
Atlanta, Georgia
Lakewood Amphitheatre

Extract from Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Beer and wine sales may have been flat Sunday night at Lakewood Amphitheatre, but the level of enthusiasm had a stratospheric peak. It was focused on Hanson, the trio of brothers from Tulsa, Oklahoma, best known for the hit 'MMMBop' and their loving legion of pre-teen and teen females. What was surprising - even to some fans - was the quality of the music Hanson delivered live, although it was best appreciated during an acoustic interlude.
"I was expecting something stupid," said Allison Gillogly, 10, of Atlanta.
"They're really cool," brother Bennett Gillogly, 7, agreed, saying that his first concert experience was a good one and that he liked 'the music' best of all.
The Hansons - guitarist Isaac, keyboardist Taylor and drummer Zac opened with 'Gimme Some Lovin', a well-travelled Spencer Davis Group hit from the 1960's, but it was purely a rhetorical request. By then, the young fans in the capacity crowd of 19,000 had been sending screams of adoration toward the stage every time a stagehand appeared or a curtain billowed. (Don't even try to imagine the nerve it took for Zac to leave the stage and run through the crowd midway through the show, a move that so surprised fans he returned safely.)
It was hardly surprising and a reason so many of the adults were sporting earplugs.
"I don't mind the girls and I don't mind the music," said Alan Walker, a golf club pro from Alpharetta. "It's the screaming."
Like other parents, Alan made the best of the situation, saying,
"It's my daughter and it's what she wants.'' In addition to daughter Melissa Walker, 9, the senior Walker brought along Megan Ulatowski, 8, and Blair Leach, 10, all from the same neighbourhood. Blair had seen the Pretenders on the Fourth of July at Lakewood, but seeing Hanson was the first concert for Melissa and Megan, who bombarded their escort with questions about seat location, when the show would start and were they missing anything by eating hot-dogs and having drinks in the plaza area.
But the youngsters were certain of one thing - the reason they like Hanson.
"They're cute," Melissa Walker said, while her friends grinned and nodded their agreement. Clay Schell, Lakewood general manager, noted that the level of excitement overshadowed that generated by fans of the Spice Girls, who were at the Amphitheatre June 18.
"It was up-and-down for the Spice Girls," Schell said. "With this crowd, the hysteria has been full time."
By Russ DeVault

'You drive me crazy, but I don't know baby . . .' Jeez it was hot! Were these lights spots or heat lamps?! 'Where's the love? It's not enough . . .' That did it! He didn't care! Even if he did nearly go deaf every time he did it, he didn't care! It was boiling! Another minute and he'd melt!

Jenn smiled. Her friend Astrid was getting such weird looks from everyone. It wasn't her fault she looked almost exactly like Taylor! Jenn couldn't decide whether the poor girl was blessed or cursed.

Too hot! Too hot! The sweat trickled down his neck. Would this damn song ever end? 'Can you tell me what you see, whenever you look around? . . .' Who was it that'd said he'd looked impatient on first glance? The answer was strung across the rack of his mind; and the harder he reached out to grab it, the further it darted away. 'We're tripping all over ourselves and pulling each other down . . .' He almost chuckled as the second he stopped reaching, the memory rushed on him. How could he have forgotten? Dwynwen wasn't exactly the person you forgot in a hurry!

20 rows back, right in the centre, Jenn had a pretty good view. She took a photo. Five people with one ticket! Five people with one ticket!! Herself, her sister Erica, and her two friends Marie and Astrid. With one ticket! Laughing, she took another photo.
'Oh won't you, won't you give it up . . .' The last chord faded away. Finally! Another second and he could have sworn he'd die! Without thinking, Taylor pulled off his over-shirt. The screams nearly burst his ear-drums! Zac instinctively clamped his hands over his ears and sent a death look in the general direction of his older brother.
The screams had quieted down, slightly. What was the next song again? Taylor glanced at the back of his hand, where he'd written the running order. Oh yeah.

The screams had quieted down, slightly. They were about to start the next song. Not realising what she was doing, Jenn screamed,
"WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE OTHER ONE OFF TOO?!"

What?! Had he heard right?! What had that girl just said?! He felt the heat rising in his cheeks.
'Don't blush! Taylor, for pity's sake, don't blush!!'

~ * ~
February 14th, 1996
Tulsa, Oklahoma
St. Valentine's Day

'Don't blush! Taylor, for pity's sake, don't blush!!' Standing outside a florist on Valentine's day. It sounded like the name of a corny country song.
'Nah Taylor, nobody's gonna think you're buying flowers for a girl' was that little voice in his head being sarcastic or not? He couldn't tell.
'I'll just tell them Mom's in hospital. Having another baby. That should work!' Bravely, looking more like a prisoner going to his execution than someone buying a flower for his best friend, Taylor marched into the store.
"Why, hello there!" the plump, motherly woman with big hair behind the counter smiled. She seemed slightly amused.
"Um, hi," embarrassed he shuffled his feet. This was all sounding far too much like the plot to a crappy made-for-TV romance.
"Are you looking for anything in particular? And it better not be roses, cause I'm fresh out!"
"Um . . . something my uh - Mom would like . . . 'cause she's sick in hospital . . . on a drip . . . and she's having another baby . . . yeah,"
'Real convincing Tay!'
"Oh," the florist-woman smiled knowingly, playing along, "Well I've got some nice orchids here," she pulled one out of a red plastic bucket. It was perfect; pure white with tiny flecks of purple and yellow in the centre. Rhee'd love it . . . but he wasn't buying for Rhiannon, he was buying for his Mom who was sick in hospital, on a drip, and having a baby. If he convinced himself to believe it, then this woman - who seemed a little too amused by it all - would believe it.
"How much?"
"$11.50 dollars a bunch," Tay's eyes widened. Expensive. Very expensive
"But Mom only gave me a dollar," there was a tiny hint of question in his voice.
"Your Mom?"
"I mean Dad," he forced himself to laugh, "Mom gives us everything, we're so used to saying her, I just got mixed up," he forced another, pitiful, laugh. This was not going well at all.
The florist-woman just smiled, holding back a laugh of her own. Wasn't this precious? The boy was embarrassed, buying flowers for his little girl-friend. Precious! . . . and he was a terrible liar.
"Well, I'll tell you what. You can have this one for a dollar,"
"Um, thanks," he was still embarrassed, but grateful. The sooner he got out of there the better! Handing over the dollar, Tay watched as the woman carefully tied a purple ribbon around the thin stem and handed it to him.
"Be careful with that. It's very fragile,"
"Okay, thanks," he was gone before the woman could reply.

'Calm down Tay! Jeez! Rhiannon's not exactly going to kill you for buying her a flower. It is Valentine's Day, she'd probably be expecting something like this!' Still he could faintly feel his pulse at his temple as he knocked on the door. It opened silently, and he was greeted by Rhiannon's gentle smile.
"Hi Tay!" her eyes held surprise. "What's up?"
"I just . . . missed you, I guess,"
"Missed me? You only saw me yesterday!"
"So? Aren't I allowed to miss you now?"
"Shut up Taylor and come inside; you're starting to sound like Carlton!" still, she was trying not to laugh. It wasn't that hard to tell.
"God forbid that should ever happen!" he smiled, more confident, and pulled the orchid out from behind his back, "I got this for you. You know, just something for my best friend," handling it like it was made of crystal, she gazed at it for a long time. Almost in awe. Nobody had ever done something like this for her before. She'd known he'd been hiding something; it hadn't been that hard to notice the right arm pulled unnaturally tight behind him.
In the long silence that followed, Taylor began to panic. She didn't like it, she hated it, she was going to throw him out, she was going to -
"It's beautiful," the whisper was so soft he almost didn't hear it. The intensity of her dark eyes when she looked up made him a little uncomfortable. "Thank-you," an earnestness that he'd never heard before. It scared him.
"You planning on doing anything today?" he walked past her down the four carpeted stairs and collapsed onto the couch.
"Not really. Tay, I -"
"I guess it'll just be another board game then?" they both laughed. It was a big family joke now, that all they ever seemed to do when they were together was play board games. It was the conversation that went with those games that was more important.
"No - um - I dunno. Look Taylor, I've got -"
"You got anything to eat? I'm starving?" that panicking must have burned up his breakfast.
"You're always hungry. Tay -"
"Hey Rhee!" a voice called from the general direction of the kitchen. Tay's eyes flicked to the open door. A girl with short mousy brown hair stood there, "Who's your friend?"
"Oh sorr-"
"Whoever he is he looks impatient," the girl interrupted.
"Dwyn, this is my best friend Taylor; Tay, this is my cousin Dwynwen,"
"Hi!" Taylor smiled. The girl was older than them, around 14. She wore Nikes, ripped jeans and a loose Atlanta Braves sweater. 'Tomboy' was the first word that sprang to mind.
"Hi!" Dwynwen smiled back. The boy was younger than her, around 12. He wore slightly tattered sneakers, jeans, a black shirt under an open camouflage over-shirt and long blond hair. 'Gay' was the first word that sprang to mind.
'I'm cruel' she thought with a tiny inner smile, 'I'm so cruel!'
"Where are you from?" Taylor asked politely.
"Michigan,"
"And you go for the Braves?"
"You got a problem with that?" she gave him an amused and questioning look that said 'You know what's gonna happen if you do!'.
"No! No, none at all," he'd seen that look far too many times on his mother's face to mess with it.
"And now that we've got courtesies out of the way, now that Tay's here, what do we wanna do?" Rhee interrupted gently.
"I dunno, whatever," Dwyn's answer was as non-committal as her words, although she did glance outside. It was raining. Smiling slightly, Taylor and Rhiannon looked one another in the eye.
"Scrabble,"
"Monopoly," they both said at the same time, then burst out laughing. Dwynwen eyed them like a pair of lunatics. She did enjoy Rhiannon's company, the girl was the total opposite of her, and maybe that was why they got along so well, but spending a whole afternoon playing Snakes & Ladders with a pair of twelve-year-olds held no appeal at all.
"Euchre?" Rhee asked.
"What?" Tay asked back.
"Cards," at his still confused look, Rhiannon smiled mischievously, "I'll teach you,"

"Too bad kids, suck that," Dwyn threw an Ace on the pile. Taylor winced; he was still trying to get the hang of this game, and he'd stupidly led with a nine.
"Oh? Suck this Dwyn," and Rhee threw on the Jack of Hearts, the highest card in this round, where Hearts were the highest suit or something, and the two red Jacks were the two highest cards. When was a Jack of diamonds not a Jack of diamonds? When hearts were 'trumps', and so the Jack of diamonds became a Jack of hearts, second to the real Jack of hearts. You can see why Tay was confused!
"Euchre! I win again! I'm all but," Rhiannon gloated. Dejectedly, Tay glanced at everyone's score-cards. First one to eleven won; Dwyn was on seven, Rhee was on ten - hence her being 'all but', meaning she'd all but won the stupid game. He sighed and looked at his own score-cards. Two. He sighed again.
"Don't worry Tay, you're just starting out. You'll get better," Rhee smiled at him. Smiling half-heartedly back, he sighed a third time. Easy for her to say!
"Hey, Dwyn? Where are you going?" he asked when her saw her half-way up the four carpeted stairs. She didn't stop walking as she spoke,
"I'm going to chat to the monster under my bed and see if he can't eat you two for lunch! Where do you think I'm going?!" and she closed the bathroom door. Feeling like an absolute idiot, Taylor shuffled the deck of unused cards. Another thing about Euchre, why did they not use any cards from seven down?
"I didn't forget Valentine's," Rhiannon said unexpectedly.
"Pardon?" alert now, Taylor watched his friend closely, not sure whether he'd heard right.
"I said I didn't forget Valentine's Day,"
"What do you mean?" she pulled two silver rings from her pocket, put one on her finger, put the other in his hand.
"Friend to friend," he looked at it. Two hands held a heart with a crown on it. Did she expect him to actually wear something like that?
"What is it?"
"It's a claddagh ring,"
"A what ring?"
"Claddagh. Here," and she passed him a note.

The Claddagh Ring
The history of the claddagh ring dates back to the early 16th century, and to the village of Claddagh.
Legend tells us that a fishing-boat from the village was captured by pirates and the crew taken as slaves. One of the crew, a man named Richard Joyce was to have been married the same week of the capture
As the years went by, neither married. Richard Joyce was put to work at the trade of gold-smithing, never forgetting his girl back home. He made a ring of gold for her, with a heart for love, a crown for loyalty, and two hands for friendship.
Eventually after eight years he escaped his captors and returned to his village, and to his great joy he found his promised had never given up hope of seeing him again. He gave her the ring he had made for her. They married, never to be separated again.
Worn on the right hand, crown turned inwards, your heart is yet unoccupied
Worn on the right hand, crown turned outwards shows a special commitment to someone
Worn on the left hand, crown turned outwards - let our love and friendship reign forever, never to be separated.

And she -?! Girls weren't supposed to buy guys things like that! Especially not this guy!
"Um . . . thanks Rhee," What else could he say?
She smiled and made some excuse about putting the orchid in some water.
'What was I thinking? Of course he doesn't like it! What 12 year old boy would?'
But that wasn't just any old ring, it was a claddagh. It symbolised friendship and loyalty. And love.
'No wonder he didn't like it!'
Putting the orchid in a tall champagne glass, Rhiannon brought it out and put it on top of the piano. Flowers always seemed to last longer when they were on top of the piano. Absently, she sat down and started playing the one song Carlton had managed to teach her.
"When your day is long, and the night, the night is yours alone. When you're sure you've had enough, of this life, hang on. Don't let yourself go, cause everybody cries. Everybody hurts, sometimes . . ." she half sang, half murmured to herself. That song was only ever played when she was depressed; it was her only comfort sometimes. Why was she playing it now? Why was she so upset that Tay hadn't liked the ring? What did it matter? It was just a stupid old ring - Why was she blinking away tears?
"That was beautiful Rhee," Dwyn complimented. She'd been standing at the bottom of the stairs almost the whole time.
"No, I'll show you what's beautiful," her voice was soft, and full of emotion. She pulled a CD from the enormous rack and put it in the player. 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10 . . . 11 . . . 12 . . . 13
The most beautiful tune Dwyn had ever heard drifted lazily out of the speakers. It was a single guitar, but it sounded more like a harp. Had Taylor ever heard Rhiannon play a harp? Carlton could play piano better than he played football, and Rachael could stroke a cello as if it was the last time she'd ever do it, but when Rhiannon slender fingers gently stirred the strings of a harp, the world's most beautiful instrument would sing so sweetly for her, Dwynwen felt like crying whenever she heard it.
'All, through the night, I'm watching over you . . .' the harmony sounded almost like it came from heaven,

'And all, through the night,
I'm standing over you
And through bad dreams, I will be
Right there baby telling you
Everything is gonna be all right
And when you cry, I'll
Be there baby telling you
You were never nothing less than beautiful
So don't you worry
I'm your angel standing by'
Silence. Not a single word was uttered. Who would break the web that had calmly woven itself around the room?
A barely audible sob. Taylor could almost hear the aura shatter like a mirror. Rhiannon was on her feet, tears running tiny streams down her cheeks.
"Excuse me, please," she muttered and fled. Her door closed solidly behind her.

"But what happened?"
"Look Taylor, I don't know what happened to her. Something's upset her. Don't worry about it, she gets like this all the time," Dwynwen answered flatly. The tone of her voice told Taylor that would be the last time she explained it to him. If he asked again, she'd just hit him. 'She gets like this all the time', but she didn't. Tay had never seen her lose it like that, not since Polanski had . . . well . . . and she'd come out of hospital. He'd thought she was better. Apparently not.
A door opening and closing attracted their attention. Rhee walked into the room, and headed for the front door.
"Rhiannon?" Dwyn asked hesitantly.
"Come," was all the girl said, and walked outside.

Halfway down Marina Drive, turn left onto Wayland, two blocks down, take a left, a left, and a right onto 77th. The traditional route. Halfway down Marina, cross the road, cut through everybody's backyards onto 77th. The short cut.
Now Taylor knew where they were going.
He'd been the one to find this short-cut, but it was still a hell of a long way. An hour's walk at least; although, if Rhee had have been alone, she could have - and would have - run it in around half an hour. She had the trophies to prove it.

Climbing over the last boulder, Rhiannon stepped out onto the small rock ledge. They weren't all that far up. The hill behind the old house on 77th - the one that had been for sale for years - wasn't much more than 300 metres high. Yet still, from here she could see almost the entire city. The Arkansas River looked so beautiful. It could have been the only thing alive in this frost-bitten and shivering landscape. This small hunk of rock had some kind of power. Sitting and dangling her legs over the edge, Rhiannon looked out over the town. This ledge was a place of reflection, of thought. There were times when she needed to feel the Life of this place more than she needed oxygen. She and Taylor had found it looking for a hide-out, where they could plan about trying to bring their older brother's back into the fold of friendship. But the aura of this hill did not lend itself much to scheming. Sitting down beside her, Taylor propped his chin on his knee and looked out over Tulsa. It looked so big! He came here every now and then, when he needed some time away from his family. For whatever reason, his thoughts always seemed so much clearer. Introspection came so much easier. He'd blank his mind and tiny slivers would emerge from the darkness. Most spoke with Rhee's voice. Why did he get the feeling that this place always had something more to teach him?
Leaning on a boulder, Dwynwen wondered why the conversation, no matter how superficial, had suddenly ceased. Sure, the view was nice, but it wasn't anything awe-invoking. If they thought this was good, they should have seen the view from the top of Pike's Peak in Colorado! Now that was enough to leave you speechless! Dwyn sighed. Her parents were always on the move. She'd been born in Caerfyrddin (better known as Carmarthen) - Rhiannon had always envied her for that - but she didn't remember Wales at all. Her parents had left when she was just two years old. She must have lived in every state in the USA, she'd seen most of Europe, and now her Dad - Arian's older brother - was talking about wanting to see Ayer's Rock! Great! A move to Australia was the last thing she needed!
"Um, guys?" Dwyn broke the silence. The sound of her voice seemed out of place. "What time is it?" she wanted to go, there was something about this place, and it was giving her the creeps.
"Time to get a watch," was all Rhiannon said as she stood up and walked away from the cliff, back towards the track. Silently, Taylor followed her, still looking like he was in a trance.
Dwynwen felt strangely guilty.

~ * ~
July 5th, 1998
Atlanta, Georgia
Lakewood Amphitheatre

The screams gradually subsided as Hanson went off stage. The fact that they weren't coming back became obvious when the stage-crew began packing up. Disappointed that the show was over, the thousands of fans slowly filtered away.
Jenn and Astrid looked one another in the eye. Almost unnoticeably, Jenn nodded. All five of them then darted up on to the stage and backstage.

Sighing, Taylor wondered what Dwyn was doing now. Her parents had eventually moved down to Australia. It'd been a while since she'd sent a post-card to them. Not since Christmas last year! He pulled it out, just wanting to read it again. It'd been a photo of her with some enormous red rock in the background; she'd written on the back of the photo, then had it laminated and sent to him. Where on earth had she found a laminator in the middle of the desert?

Dear Isaac,

Every post-card she'd sent had been to Ike. After all, she and Ike were closer friends than she and Tay had been. Still, it would have been nice to have at least gotten a mention.

How are you? How's super-star fame treating you? As good as that?

'Ironic' was all Tay could have said.

I'm not too bad; what could be better than lying around in +40°C heat, swatting at flies that are as big as damn birds and having the nearest neighbours about 60kms away?! God, I'm even starting to write like an Australian! Yes, I have got an accent before you ask. I don't even notice it any more. I'm amazed really. Mom and Dad have actually stayed in the one place for more than two years! They really like it out here. I guess looking out the kitchen window and seeing this enormous red rock sticking up out of the dead flat ground appeals to them. That's Ayer's Rock. Same as the one in the photo. They call it Uluru (Ool-a-roo) out here. I've climbed it a few times, but we're not allowed to any more. Something about it being a sacred tribal site to the Aborigines that live out here. If it's sacred then by all means, let them have it. All you can see from the top is grass.

Taylor shook his head sadly. Dwynwen had never been able to see the majesty in things like that. Even if all she could see was grass, didn't it mean anything to her that she was standing in the exact same spot an Aboriginal had thousands of years ago? That the 'rock' she was standing on was probably a couple of million years old! Didn't she feel any of that? Weird.

I can't believe it, after all this time, Mom and Dad are talking about having more kids. That's pretty well sealed it. I'd say we'll be staying here for a long while yet. More kids? Oh boy! More brats to look after! :-) I suppose it wouldn't be that bad. Oh well, this post-cards gone on for much too long! I better let you go.
You know, I pity you Ike. It's Christmas, and you'll be freezing your butt off, while I'm boiling down here. You know it's the middle of summer down here, or the wet season as they like to call it. Ha! No rain anywhere in sight, just 110% humidity! ARGH! Too hot! I'll gladly take the cold over this damn humidity! Wanna swap?
Cya!
Dwyn

Hissing at her friends and sister to stop running, Jenn took a few deep breaths. God forbid she get this far and they think she was crazy!

"Hey Tay, think you can run fast in those shoes?"
"What?"
"Look," Isaac pointed down the corridor and chuckled.
"Oh hell!" he muttered as five girls walked towards them. They were walking. That was a good sign. Still, he was on edge; so much as a hint of Scream Squad tactics and he'd be off!

"Hi!" Jenn said cheerfully, trying not to let the excitement show on her face. It was really weird, seeing people in the flesh that before had really only existed on TV.

"Hi," Taylor answered back, trying not to let his nervousness show. This girl seemed alright. She hadn't bowled him over and ripped him to pieces yet; that was a pretty good sign.

'Stop grinning like an idiot Jenn! Don't let him think you're obsessed!' one little voice lectured in her ear.
'OHMIGOD! This is TAYLOR!! Breathe! Breathe . . .' another little voice said excitedly in her other ear. She hadn't known she was deaf in one ear.

Relaxing slightly, Tay noticed that this girl, whose name was Jenn, kept glancing over his shoulder. What on earth was she looking at? He turned, saw nothing, turned back.
"What's so fascinating?"
"Pardon?" she was grinning.
"Why do you keep looking over my shoulder?"
"Oh! Just at that," she loosely gestured towards the shirt that lay inside-out in a crumpled heap. And chuckled. And got an idea. Never one for shyness, she just blurted it out, "Can I have it?"
"My shirt?" 'You should have seen the look on his face!' was what Jenn would tell her friends later. And suddenly, he started laughing.
"What?" bemused, she just stared at him, "What?"
"You're that girl who told me to take my other shirt off," and he doubled over in hysterics. If the earth had strangely opened up in front of her, Jenn wouldn't have hesitated to jump in at that moment!
Looking at her watch, Jenn and her friends caught each other's eyes.
"You know, we better let you go," she said, slightly regretful, and -'totally out of instinct' she'd swear later - she hugged him. Surprised, he hugged her back out of instinct, but gently pulled away.
"Stay for a minute, then the police can go with you," she gave him a puzzled look, "So you don't get mobbed," she nodded and smiled. Why on earth would anybody notice them, let alone mob them, with Hanson so close by?

* * * *

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