~ * ~

'Breathe in the air . . .'

Excerpt from Rhiannon Mary Lougher's diary

'Still though, they are the dreams of the fallen. They are sent to depths of hatred and fear. Seeing themselves as the victim of all the woe that accompanies their sorrow.
They turn on others, their kindred in the embrace of evil. Giving the woe and pity to all that befall the same dark path they did. They destroy those who turned to them in their time of loneliness. And ultimately themselves, never realising their mistake.
Nowhere to run.
Nowhere to hide.
Their hatred turns upon themselves . . .'

~ * ~
Late October, 1998
New York City, New York
New York Airport

The busy airport terminal went almost unnoticed by two certain blonds inside it. One was too absorbed in reading a book that had a forest on the cover, the other was too excited upon officially becoming a teenager.
Chuckling, Ike watched his little brother out of the corner of his eye. He barely remembered what it was like to turn thirteen - after all, it had been nearly five years - but if he'd been anything like what Zac was now . . . The thought made him cringe in amused horror. God forbid!
But then, he hadn't got to meet Heather Locklear as a thirteenth birthday present either.
Damn, why did Zac get all the luck?

Half-running, half skipping around the terminal, Zac didn't even notice the many strange glances he was getting from other people around him. Nor would he've cared if he had. He was thirteen, a teenager, and was by law therefore entitled to do whatever he felt like.
He had every right to be happy!

'Im thirteen im thirteen im thirteen no more putting up with a youre twelve youre too young to understand you dont have a brain you dont count youre just supposed sit there and smile and be stupid like a little kid spiel no siree im not putting up with any more of that crap im thirteen they cant do it to me now that would be a sight to see if they started treating me like a little kid again oh boy hey that means i can murder a couple of those reporter dickheads how long have i wanted to kill them all how does it feel to be at the receiving end huh i can see it now wed rig a press conference so that the building blew up at the first stupid question but wed be alright cause wed have a tunnel behind us that led outside and we could go into an underground bomb shelter so we wouldnt get hurt thatd be so much fun get rid of all those annoying journalists in one hit wed probably be put in jail for mass-murder but it would be all worth it we could record a live from prison album that would just rock so much so long as were in a separate cell from all the other inmates i dont wanna get raped ugh thats a sick thought that is disgusting youre disgusting zac how could you think of something like that ugh but theyd have to put us in a separate cell if i could convince em that wed be dead in fifteen seconds if they did and theyd have to listen cause im thirteen and im not gonna stand for any more youre twelve you cant think cause youre still a little baby that needs protecting crap!'

Taylor flicked through the last few pages of the book with the forest on the cover. They were blank. How many pages were left? 1, 2, 3 . . . 7. Seven pages before this book would have been full. So close . . .
Rhee'd valued this book more than anything else in the entire world, even more than her friends. Yet she hadn't even taken it with her . . .

Sighing, he closed the book, hiding the empty pages, and stared at the cover.
A forest.
It brought back so many memories.
He'd seen her writing in it only a handful of times; she'd kept it very private.
Even now he felt a twinge of guilt whenever he opened it.
But this forest.
It brought back one memory in particular.

"Boarding call for all passengers on flight number 841069, New York non-stop to Tulsa,"

One he never wanted to remember . . .

~ * ~
Late November, 1996
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Yawning, Rachael lazily climbed out of her bed and listened to the snow-storm outside her window. It was just easing off, but she knew it wouldn't blow itself out until probably later that morning. She took her customary five minutes of staring at the unicorns on her wall. Unicorns were so beautiful, the epitome of grace and innocence. The unicorn was her animal, her symbol. She'd been bugging her parents for a silver medieval long-necked trumpet with a unicorn standard hanging from it.
Fingers crossed she'd get it for Christmas.
Along with the dusty purple curtains with the silver embroidered horse-shoe prints on it.
And that lamp, with the rearing unicorn holding the globe between its forelegs and stomach.
And that porcelain unicorn carrying a princess on its back.
And . . .

Groaning, Carlton rolled over onto his stomach, one arm hanging off the edge of the water-bed, and immediately regretted it. If he didn't have the world's biggest migraine! Ugh! And the snow-storm outside was only making it worse.
Sure, getting smashed at last night's party had been fun, but the hangover he had right now was definitely something he could do without! He'd drunk just a little too much. Both he and whoever's car it was he'd spewed in on the way home were paying dearly for it.
Tessa had been there as well.
She'd been stupid enough to stay, even after she'd seen him.
Maybe that was why he'd gotten piss-drunk?

Arian and Lew slept on peacefully, blissfully unaware.

Blinking the sleep from her eyes, Rachael crept downstairs. It was early. She still had plenty of time. Quiet as a mouse, she closed the door between the living-room and the kitchen. Nobody'd hear anything even with it wide open, but she still had to be careful.
Mentally assured that none of the lethargic bodies upstairs would hear her, she walked over to Rhiannon's door.
Her hand hesitated over the door-knob. Why was she doing this?
Her parents didn't know what was happening to Rhee.
They thought she was just going through a bit of a quiet phase.
(That happened every now and again.)
Because she, Rachael, was keeping the truth from them.
Every time Rhiannon messed up her room, Rachael tidied it up.
Every time Rhiannon incoherently babbled in terror, Rachael held her and spoke to her.
Every time Rhiannon slipped into the empty stillness, Rachael lay her in her bed and closed her eyes.
She couldn't let her parents see what was happening!
They'd send Rhee away again!
They couldn't send her away again!
She'd never let it happen!!
NEVER!!!

Closing her eyes, Rachael turned the handle and pushed open the door.
She froze on the second of the four carpeted stairs.
Rhiannon's room was trashed.
Not just messed up.
Well and truly trashed.
Clothes ripped, the shreds thrown anywhere.
Dreamcatchers snapped, the beads spilled to the floor.
Furniture shattered, the wood splintered.
Tears sprang immediately to Rachael's eyes. She'd never be able to tidy this up! Her parents would see it and they'd send her big sister away!!
"Rhee! Why'd you have to do -" she looked at the bed; the slashed mattress and burst pillows leaking feathers. It was empty. "Rhee?" The gypsy bead curtain that covered the entrance to the glass thinking chamber had been torn down; the beads lay scattered on the floor. "Rhee?" where was she?
As if in answer, a blast of freezing wind caught her by surprise. She hadn't even noticed how cold it was in here.
"Myn Duw!"
No wonder! The window was wide open!
She'd already half-closed it when it suddenly dawned on her.
Trashed room, no Rhee, an open window!!
"MAM!!!!"

"Do you have a recent photo of the girl?" the police officer asked. Arian handed him the photo from her purse. It was one of Rhiannon, Lew and Siwan when they'd met in Wales.
"This was taken back in August, it's the most recent I have,"
"Thank-you Mrs. Lougher, that's all we need for now, we'll begin investigation immediately. If we need any more information, we'll call you,"
"Thank-you for your time officer," Arian showed him to the door. "Excuse me?"
"Yes Mrs. Lougher?"
"Please tell me straight, what are the chances of finding my daughter?" the officers looked at the weeping woman in front of him. He could spare her pain now, or spare her pain later. She'd asked for the truth, and the best thing he could do was give it to her.
"In many cases, missing people are returned to their families,"
"But?"
"From what you've told me, your daughter was not in the most, uh, stable of mental conditions?"
"No," the officer noted Arian was wringing her hands. This was hurting.
"That combined with this storm, I'm afraid chances are fairly slim," another tear slipped down the woman's face; it pricked the officer's conscience. He couldn't rob her of all hope. "But I've been in the force long enough to know that miracles happen, more often than you'd think," the tiny smile that graced Arian's lips was enough. "I won't keep you any longer Mrs. Lougher,"
"Thank-you for all your help," she said earnestly, then closed the door.
The officer stared at the picture of the girl. She was a pretty thing, in a New Age kind of way. Such a shame she'd run away. He could sympathise with the mother. God if one of his own kids ran away from home! The other little girl there had privately confided to him everything that her sister had done that she'd covered up, so her sister wouldn't be sent away. She'd also unconsciously indicated that her big sister had been far from 'not in the most stable of mental conditions' for quite some time now. How on earth had their parents missed it?

The bell ringing several times, followed by frantic knocking brought almost the entire Hanson family from breakfast to their front door.
Avery peeked through the curtains at the side of the door.
"It's Mr. Lougher," Isaac opened the door with a slightly puzzled look on his face. What was Mr. Lougher doing over here so early?
"Hi Mr. Lough-" immediately Ike saw the barely leashed panic on the man's face, "What's wrong?"
"Is your dad here?"
"Um yeah, come in," he opened the door wider and shooed everyone out of the way, back to the kitchen, "Dad!"

"Hey Lew, what's up?"
"I'm sorry for barging in on you like this, but -"
"No problem at all. What's wrong man? You look like you've seen a ghost,"
"Rhiannon's run away," the little smile was instantly wiped from Walker's face.
"You're kidding?!"
"I wish to God I was!"
"Have you called the police?"
"Yeah, I left before they arrived. I couldn't stay, I have to look for her,"
"You want us to help?"
"The only reason I came over was to tell you, but I guess I was hoping -" but Walker was no longer listening.
"Kids! All of you, go get dressed now! Put on something warm! I want everybody down here in fifteen minutes!" Diana came into the lounge-room, a confused look on her face.
"Walker? What's going on?"
"Rhiannon's gone missing, and we're going to help look for her,"
"Oh dear God!" her concerned eyes instantly went to Lew, "Oh Lew, I - I'm so sorry!" he didn't answer. What was there to say?

"Okay everyone, this is how it's going to work," shocked to hear about Rhiannon, everybody listened to Walker, anxious to get out and look for their friend. "If we split up we're going to have more chance of finding her, since we don't know which way she's gone. Diana, I want you to take Jessie, Avie and Mackie in the van and look everywhere east of Peoria. Zac, Tay, you two on your bikes look all around this area, between here and the National Park. Lew, could you take your car and look south of Marshall St, around there? What about Carlton?" Walker glanced at Lew.
"He's been knocking on doors all along our street ever since we found she was gone,"
"Okay, so he's got Elise Crescent and all that area covered. Ike, you and I are taking the car, we're going everywhere else. Arian and Rachael are still at the Lougher's house, so if anybody has any troubles call there. Okay folks, let's move!"

Zachary:	Face it Tay, she's not here.
Taylor:	I'm not giving up!
Zachary:	We've been searching for hours, we've been past this spot six times already!
Taylor:	I'm not stopping till I find her!!
Zachary:	And I'm saying you're not going to find her here!
Taylor:	Who says?
Zachary:	We've been past here SIX TIMES!!
Taylor:	We still haven't looked in the National Park.
Zachary:	But Dad said not to go in there!
Taylor:	So what? If we find her there, is Dad gonna care?
Zachary:	If we don't find her there, is Dad gonna let us out of our rooms in ten years time?
Taylor:	I don't care, I have to find her!
Zachary:	Well then you're doing it without me!
Taylor:	Well fine then!
Zachary:	I'll tell Dad if you go in there!
Taylor:	Fine, go and dob on me to Dad. I don't care
Zachary:	Fine then. I'm going
Taylor:	Go
Zachary:	I'm gone
Taylor:	Fine
Zachary:	Fine
Taylor:	Well go then
Zachary:	I will
Taylor:	Fine
Zachary:	Fine
Taylor:	I don't care if you go
Zachary:	I don't care if you don't care that I go
Taylor:	Well go
Zachary:	I'm gone
Taylor:	Fine
Zachary:	Fine

Shivering, Tay pulled his coat tighter around him. But it wasn't the cold that was making him shake. The National Park was as frost-bitten as the wind. The bare trees and snow-covered ground made it seem somehow sinister.
When you and your vivid imagination were alone, it was a scary place.
He wouldn't admit it, not even to himself, but he wished Zac hadn't gone.
He wished Zac was still here.
Ow!
His foot caught on a stick.
Ow!
He leaned against a nearby tree.
Ow!
He gently massaged his ankle through thick woollen socks.
Ow!
He happened to glance down at the snow.
Ow!
He saw footprints.
Ow!
His heart soared.
Ow!

~ * ~
Late October, 1998
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Sitting on the lounge in the new house he was still getting used to, Taylor absently watched another re-run of South Park. How Zac - whose 'rolling-on-the-floor-laughing-my- ass-off' routine was wearing a little thin on a certain person's nerves - still found them so hilarious after about the 50 billionth time was beyond him. Which episode was it this time?
The one with the chick from Species as the lesbian teacher and Mr. Garrison getting a David Hasselhoff nose-job.
The one where Kenny gets pinned by a sword through the head to the back of the classroom.
Oh.
He cringed as Zac collapsed into another bout of hysterical laughter.
Why didn't he just go up to his room?
His room!!
The best thing about this new house was that they all had their own rooms now. No more putting up with Isaac's dead weight making the bunk boards creak, or Zac's incessant soft snoring. At least now maybe he'd get some sleep.
A movement caught his eye.
Oh NO!!
"God!" his choked whisper barely made it past his throat, and nobody but he heard it.
Maybe she did too.
Although, like always, the empty yet slightly accusing look on her face did not change.
'What are you doing back here? I thought you'd gone!'
Fi cael dyfod oblegid chi
'What? Speak Engli- You spoke! You spoke to me!'
Heno chi mynno cydio mi
'Why are you speaking now? Why didn't you ever speak before?!'
Chi mynno marw a geni ac atgyfodi hwn nos
'Rhee? I can't understand you! Speak English!'
Nes nyni cyfwrdd eilchwyl
'Rhiannon? What -? Where are you going?!'
The apparition faded.
'No! Don't leave me Rhee! Please!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!'
"Tay? Tay?! Tay!" Zac shook him.
"What?" disoriented, Taylor stared at the wall. Fake brick, what did they call it? Uh . . . gyprock? Something like that? It looked almost real. A rough brown, grainy colour, with a highly uneven texture. If you leaned against it and closed your eyes, you could almost picture yourself in a cave.
"Taylor! Hello?! Don't make me bleed you to see if you're alive!"
"My blood group is very unusual, you know. My blood group is-"
"Taylor?! Have you gone nuts?!"
"Did you know the peanut isn't a nut? It's not a pea either, it's actually a bean,"
"Taylor?"
"I always liked that story about the brave little tailor. Especially the one that Disney did, where Mickey was the tailor and Minnie was the princess. That cartoon rocked. I loved it when the giant lifted the roof off the house and the girl screamed and he put the roof back down and backed away. Personally I think that girl must have been changing or -"
"God, forget I asked!" slowly, Zac was backing away towards the stairs.
"Elementary my dear Watson," Tay said to the empty room, then went back to studying the fascinating fake brick on the wall.

Sick of the entire argument, Lew pulled the car over.
"Look Carlton, I honestly don't care that Tessa played you for a fool and you're blaming it all on Isaac, but if you can't behave like a man, which you're constantly telling us you are, then you can get out right now and walk home!"
Nothing, said Carlton, moodily staring out the window.
"Well?"
Carlton still stared out the window. He hated the way he had to act and the position his father was putting him in. It was all those bastard Hansons' fault! If it hadn't been for them then . . . then . . . everything would still be right.
"If I don't have an answer in 3 seconds Carlton, you're walking,"
Nothing.
"One,"
Nothing.
"Two,"
"Dad!" he couldn't stop himself from saying.
"Yes?"
"All right,"
"All right what?" Carlton gaped. What the hell? Was Lew trying to humiliate him in front of his mother and little sister? "Did you hear me? All right what?" Arian's gentle hand on her husband's shoulder quickly diffused his anger, as she'd known it would.
"Leave it be hon, he's given his word," and the look she gave him said even more. Sighing, Lew drove back onto the road. He had the strangest feeling in his gut, and he didn't like it one bit.

Still lying spaced out on the couch, Tay had put up with South Park re-runs, Animaniacs, Rugrats, and, God forbid, Home Improvement, without complaint.
Jessie was really starting to worry about him.
"Tay are you feeling okay?"
" 'Baby's good to me you know, she's happy as can be you know, she said so. I'm in love with her and I feel fine!' "
"You weren't like this yesterday!"
" 'There's a shadow hanging over me, oh yesterday came suddenly'," Jessie shook her head and sat back down. Sometimes it was better just to leave her brothers alone.
Tay studied the fake brick wall intensely and wondered why the hell he was acting like this?
What was wrong with his tongue?
What was with talking in dumb phrases from novels and Beatles lyrics?
The Loughers had arrived about an hour ago. Or maybe before.
'Let me rephrase that thought'
Carlton had come into the lounge-room and had seen him about an hour ago.
"I hate you," he'd seethed. And Tay had answered quite calmly,
" 'My only love sprung from my only hate, too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy'," inwardly he smiled at the look that had come to Carlton's face. The guy hadn't known whether to be insulted or what!
"Tay?" what did Ike want now? "Jessie just told Mom you're possessed by the Beatles,"
" 'Pools of sorrow, waves of joys, are drifting through my open mind, possessing and caressing me',"
"And maybe she was right,"
" 'Don't you know it's gonna be alright?' "
"Huh? What do you mean?"
" 'You're a new and better man, he helps you to understand, he does everything he can',"
"Tay, quit it with the Beatles lyrics!"
" 'If you want me to I will',"
"I do," Taylor looked up, a little annoyed. There was a worrying sparkle in his eyes.
"Why?"
"Because it's freaking me out!"
"But isn't it fun to play the freak?"
"I . . . I wouldn't know,"
"Oh believe me it is! To see the looks on people's faces!"
"Taylor have you gone mad?!"
"Stark raving my dear brother. And it's a blast!"
"So you're quoting Beatles lyrics to everyone?"
"Exactly, you should try it one day!"
" 'Back in the USSR, you don't know how lucky you are, back in the US, back in the U-' "
'Siberia! They ARE gonna send me to Siberia!! THEY'RE SENDING ME TO FUCKING SIBERIA!!!'
"NO! SHUT-UP!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"
"Jesus Tay! Calm down!" Ike now had his brother clinging to him by the collar. "What's gotten into you?" the disgust and slight contempt barely appeared on Isaac's features, but long enough for them to register in his brother's brain.
"Isaac! Leave your brother alone!" came the shout from the kitchen.
With a heaving sigh, Taylor fell back onto the couch, strangely exhausted.

"How've your boys been taking the pressure?"
"Oh, varied reactions," the 'adults' were talking in the kitchen; which meant Ike and Carlton had the unofficial job of looking after all the little kids, who spent most of the time complaining that Tay got the couch in front of the TV entirely to himself.
He hadn't spoken a word.
He couldn't bring himself to, afraid that more than Beatles lyrics would slip past his unguarded tongue.
So instead he eavesdropped on the conversation going on in the kitchen. They were talking about whether he, Ike or Zac were cracking under the pressure.
"Varied reactions?" Arian asked Diana.
"Well, Ike's been taking it pretty well I think, he's good at dodging journalists' questions and telling a few little white lies when necessary. I think that's really what gets to them the most,"
"The press?"
"Yes, whereas Zac, I think, he acts hyper to get out answering questions seriously, and he enjoys playing the class-clown, because he knows he can pretty well say anything and nobody is going to take him too seriously,"
"What about Taylor?" Lew asked.
"Taylor?" Tay's ears pricked up, hearing his name, "Um . . . well . . . uh . . ." Diana sighed, "He hasn't been coping very well at all. Any interview at all lately, he'll try and get out of answering, and when he's forced to, he'll kind of hedge the fence, or just go off on a tangent. But . . . I don't think he likes journalists much. He . . . we . . . we've had to take him to see a psychologist. She's based in New York, but lately there's been a lot of long-distance phone calls to her office. No, he's not coping very well at all,"
"I guess it's understandable,"
"Yes, well . . ."
He hadn't been wrong! They did think he was crazy! They WERE going to send him to Siberia! He knew it!
" . . .under the circumstances . . ."
He had to find a way to change their minds!
" . . .I suppose it is understandable . . ."
He HAD to prove he wasn't crazy!
" . . .after all . . ."
He WASN'T crazy!!
" . . .he did find her . . ."
'Find her'? Did his Mom mean Rhiannon?!
" . . .God help him, he was only twelve . . ."
Only twelve? What the hell was she getting at?!
" . . .Lord knows what finding someone like that could do to a twelve-year-old . . ."
They thought he was crazy because he'd found Rhiannon dead?! But he hadn't!! HE WASN'T CRAZY!!!
Before his brain realised what he was about to do, he found himself shouting,
"SHE WASN'T DEAD WHEN I FOUND HER!!!"

* * * *

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