~ * ~

'Sometimes the feeling is right . . .'

Excerpt from Rhiannon Mary Lougher's diary

'When Fate takes the control of Life away from us; the emotion we feel is beyond all mediums. It cannot be confined or encircled by the emotions we experience every day. It is totally alone, its place in the world is fixed, closed. This makes only more poignant when we feel it. And we will. None can escape the sighing weight it brings on the soul.
Wise Ones will forever say, when Life becomes the long road we look back upon, happy and sad, good and bad become irrelevant. Highs and lows are forgotten, triumphs and trials are rendered meaningless. All we will feel is this emotion - as lonely as a caged bird - for the opportunities we ignored and the paths we did not take. Regret . . .'

~ * ~
May, 1998
New York City, New York
First week

"What?!" had he heard right? Had his Mom Just said what he thought she'd just said?
"Taylor please -"
"You're serious?! By God woman, are you serious?!" "Jordan Taylor Hanson!! You shut that filthy mouth of yours -!"
"Walker please! Let me deal with this!" Diana turned back to her enraged son. They'd known he wouldn't exactly be thrilled with the idea, but they hadn't expected him to explode! "Taylor; calm down and listen to me -"
"Calm down?! Calm down?! You wanna have me committed and you say calm down?!" the beige-clad posh people in the beige-toned posh foyer stopped and stared at the screaming boy in the jeans and black 'I killed Kenny!' T-shirt.
"That's not true at all!"
"Oh no? Then you wouldn't have even suggested it! Dammit, my own family thinks I'm crazy!!"
"No? Really?" Zac murmured; the ripening bruise on his arm was absolutely killing him. Ike whacked him upside the head.
"Shut up!" he hissed. Glaring at his parents, a tiny part of Taylor's brain cried out at what he was doing. He hated being the centre of attention, but more and more that seemed to be where he was getting stuck; just like now. It only fuelled his anger.
"You think I'm crazy! You've probably already got the straight jacket! Go on! Call the men in white coats. You've had them on stand-by all this time, don't want to keep them waiting!" out of the corner of his eye, he saw a posh man in a fancy suit hesitantly approach his parents.
"Madam?" his English accent was clipped and precise.
'Stuck up son of a bitch!' Taylor thought bitterly,
"Could you please calm down this child. I'm afraid he may influence our guests -"
"Screw you, you posh bastard!" the concierge's jaw dropped at his words. His father was glaring daggers at him.
"You boy," Walker began slowly, trying to control his outrage and embarrassment, "Are going to march up those stairs, take a cold shower to cool this temper of yours and then you're going to march back down to the car and you're going to Doctor Jones' office, whether you like it or not!"
"No!"
"Yes,"
"There's no way you're taking me to a goddamn shrink!"
"Move it boy!"
"I'm not going!"

The room was dark, antique-like. It was furnished just like something straight out of the 19th century. Complete with leather chairs stuffed so full they might as well have been plastic they were that hard. The clock ticked with a posh like elegance. Counting down the seconds. Taylor stared at it, trying to will it to slow down, to stop altogether, so he wouldn't have to face this stupid shrink. Slumping in the hard chair, Taylor watched his mother. She was reading one of those million year old magazines that they always put in doctors' waiting rooms. He waited for her to turn, so she could see how pissed off he was! . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited.
'She's ignoring me! Dammit she's ignoring me! It's bad enough that she thinks I'm crazy, but she's ignoring me too! They all think I'm crazy! They all hate me! No-one gives a damn about me, so they're bundling me off to a shrink. They've probably bribed him to say I'm crazy, that way they can stuff me away in a funny farm somewhere in Siberia! Out of sight out of mind! Bloody hell this chair's hard!' he slid off the chair to the thickly carpeted floor.
"Get up Taylor!" he glared at his mother, She was looking at the magazine.
'They hate me! But there's no way they're shipping me off to a happy home! I'll run away! I'll stowaway on a cargo ship to the Caribbean! I can live on the beach and eat bananas and drink rum and coke and I'll cut my hair and get such a tan no-one'll recognise me! Not that they'll care, they'd sooner see me gone!' His eyes turned back to the clock, 'Slow down! Stop ticking so fast! Stop you bastard!' the ticking only seemed to go faster, laughing at him! He growled in frustration and his gaze snapped to Hell's Gateway. It was the door to the Devil. Doctor Jones. Staring in mixed horror, Taylor watched the brass door-knob slowly turn, like the intro to a cheap horror movie.
'Is this how Rhee felt?' the thought came unbidden and caused him so much pain, he winced.

~ * ~
December, 1995
Tulsa, Oklahoma

She didn't quite know how it happened, she'd just been walking past and this little kid, about 4 years old, had come up and started talking to her like they'd known each other for years. Now Rhiannon was sitting and talking to a small group of 3 and 4 year olds, playing in the snow. One of them, Daniel, a gorgeous little boy with big brown eyes and skin the colour of chocolate, refused to leave her side. He was a shy boy, he spoke softly and treated everything he could see with a kind of respectful, almost reverent, awe. Occasionally he'd slip his small gloved hand into he's and show her what had caught his thoughtful eye. Why weren't there more people like Daniel she wondered to herself. He was so trusting. He reminded her of Mackie - Taylor's little brother - who'd come and sat in her lap, chattering away, at the school fete in Oklahoma City last month. Although, if Mackie was ever as quiet as Daniel, she would have taken him straight to the hospital!
"Will you make snow-angels for us Rhee'non?" he asked quietly.
"No, but I'll help you make your own snow-angels," she replied. Nodding, he smiled in shy delight. It melted her heart.

Thank God the paths had been cleared! Taylor hated walking through snow. Wading through a blanket of white may have been an enjoyable past-time for some people, but all it gave Tay was wet socks, frozen feet and numb fingers! Of course he had to be the one to go to the shop in the snow! Snow was pretty cool, but sitting in front of a roaring fire eating mini-marshmallows and sipping scalding hot chocolate was better. He crossed the icy street and went into Rhododendron Park. Even in winter under a foot of snow, it was beautiful. Stark, bare, sharp and abstract, like a distorted art-work. It was so beautiful. If he had the time - and if it wasn't so cold - he would have sat right there and drawn it. But no, he had to keep going, had to get his feet wet, had to get his fingers within an inch of frost-bite, had to go the store.
'What was it Mom wanted again? Oh yeah, bread, milk and eggs. Bare essentials!'
Heaven knew who kept eating all the eggs, but disappear they did. Tay secretly thought it was Zac; he probably thought they'd hatch! A bunch of little kids were playing over to one side. It was amazing what little kids found to do in the snow; Mackie'd be occupied all afternoon! A world first! Tay saw tiny snow angels all over the place. Now they were in the process of building a . . . a . . . what the hell were they building? A little girl looked straight at him; her hair was auburn red and fell in loose ringlets around her pretty face. She ran over.
"Do you wanna play?"
"I . . . um . . ." he didn't.
"C'mon Tay, you're not going to wimp out on me are you?"
"No," he answered without thinking; he'd know that voice anywhere! Rhiannon ran over and grabbed his arm, dragging him over to the snow mound.
"What is this thing?"
"A make-shift slippery dip. Can we use your jacket to slide down on?" he stared incredulously at her, "I guess not," looking around, Rhee noticed Daniel wasn't anywhere nearby, "Tay? Can you see a little bo-"
"Rhee'non! Rhee'non! Look what I found!" a young voice called.

The kids were shrieking with delight as they slid down the snow mound on the enormous piece of bark Daniel had found.
"Who would have thought you could keep little kids happy with a mound of snow and a piece of bark! I'll have to try it on Mackie one day!" Tay murmured in his friend's ear. They grabbed Daniel's hands on either side and helped him keep his balance as he slid down.
"Dad used to do the same thing with me and Carlton," she answered, and smiled, remembering. Although it didn't look like it, Tay knew Rhiannon and her brother were close. Whenever Carlton spoke to his sister, it was always with an indulgent smile. He was as protective of her as she was adoring of him. She didn't talk about him much, but when she did it was always with a tiny sparkle in her black eyes. Oh yeah, they were close. Glancing at her watch, Rhiannon swore under her breath. Only Tay heard her.
"Hey guys," her voice was calm; only Tay stared at her strangely. "I think it's time to go back to our parents," there were a few groans and a few whines, but Rhiannon just smiled and gave them an 'I-don't-like-it-either-but-it-has-to-be-done' look. The second the last kid - of course it had to be Daniel, whom Rhiannon promised she would see again - was back with his parents, she grabbed Tay by the arm and raced towards the other side of the park. Through the thick cover of snow.
"What are you doing?!"
"Do you wanna miss the bus?"
"I . . . what bus?"
"The bus home! C'mon," forgetting all about going to the shop, Tay ran after her.

Carefully, Rhiannon walked down the wet bus aisle. It was so easy to slip. There was nobody on the bus, so the pair claimed the back-seat. Until they got back there and found the fake leather seats were soaked. The dry seat closest to the back would have to do. Quickly claiming the window seat, Tay wiped the fog off the window with the sleeve of his jacket.
"How long does it take to get to your house Rhee?"
"About ten, fifteen minutes by car, twenty by bus,"
"I've never been to your house, where do you live?"
"On Elise Crescent, just up the hill a bit from Peoria Drive,"
"The Blue Rose Café's on Peoria isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is. I live one street across, on the corner," the rumbling bus engine coughed.
"Wouldn't the music keep you awake?"
"I stay awake just to listen to it! Every night I lie in bed and let it wash over me," Tay stared at her. She sure used some strange words to describe things!
"Are your parents at home?"
"Nah, they both work. Dad's working late, he's picking Ice up from Krystyn's house, Carlton's on some stupid football camp -" she was smiling, "- and Mom'll be home when she gets home,"
"We'll be there on our own?"
"Yeah, is there something wrong with that?"
"No, just in my house, getting the house to yourself is a rare blessing," Rhiannon stared at him. He sure was weird sometimes!
"I'm home alone all the time. I don't know what I'd do if somebody was in my house all the time except me!"
"You like to spend time on your own?" he found it very hard to believe.
"Mmm hmm," she laughed when she saw the expression on his face, "I'm not a hermit Tay! Who'd stay cooped up inside on a day like this?" she gestured to the snow outside the foggy bus window. 'I would' Tay thought to himself, but didn't say it out loud. "I like to get out. Most people's idea of getting out is going to a mall, I go other places,"
"Like where?" he was fascinated.
"I go visit Rose, I take the bus out to the lake, or to the nature reserve and do one of the walks, a lot of the time I just walk around. Although, I've been going to Rhododendron Park a lot lately,"
"It's really beautiful huh?"
"I'll say!" suddenly the bus jerked to a stop. Rhiannon was thrown forward and nearly hit her head on the steel bar of the seat in front. The bus driver turned around.
"Hey kid, this is your stop!" momentarily stunned, Rhiannon leaned awkwardly over Tay and stared out. The bus was pulled up at the stop outside the Blue Rose. They jumped to their feet, raced down the wet aisle - Rhiannon nearly slipped over, only Tay grabbing her shoulder had checked it - and down the steps.
"Thanks," she said cheerfully to the driver.
"Your welcome," he grumbled in a slightly friendlier tone, shut the doors and drove off.

Brushing the snow off the welcome mat at the front door, she pulled it up, lifted a loose slab of stone underneath and dug out the key. It fitted cleanly into the lock. She opened the door and walked into the warm house; he followed her in.
"At least it's warm in here," she said, unwinding the woollen scarf from around her neck, walking down the four carpeted stairs, to the second level and the heating controls. Tay looked around at Rhiannon's house. It was built on three tiered levels going down the hill back towards the Blue Rose Café. From where he was standing, the first level looked to be just bedrooms and linen closets. The second level, where Rhiannon was now, building up the timber in the fireplace, was easily recognisable as the living room. The cedar dinner table was set up with two silver candelabras, each with three unused snow-white candles. The TV rested in a massive mahogany bookshelf, along with a VCR and stereo system. An 'L' shaped lounge lined the far corner, facing the TV screen. An upright piano was pushed up against the opposite wall. Without thinking, Tay walked over to it and sat down, lightly running his fingertips over the immaculate ivory keys.
"Are these real ivory?" he asked absently.
"God no! That's illegal now!" Rhiannon answered, striking the fifth match in an effort to get the fire going.
"You play?"
"Nah, Carlton does. He's teaching Mom," the fifth match went out, "Damn! Would you play something for me?" she struck the sixth match twice before it snapped in two. "Damn!"
"Like what?" he asked, flicking through one of the song books of Welsh melodies stacked on top of the piano.
"Anything," the seventh match kept, but wouldn't light the wood, "Stupid thing, burn!" Taylor played the first tune that came into his head. The next thing he knew, he'd nearly lost his fingers as the lid came crashing down over the keys.
"NO WAY!! It's bad enough that Mom tries to play it! You are not playing 'The Love You Save' in my hearing!"
"Fine! Fine! I'll play something else!" a little more alert and on edge, he began playing 'Moonlight Sonata'.
"That's better," she smiled and went back to lighting the fire.

"Uh . . . Rhiannon?"
"Mmm?" she murmured, her mouth full of toasted marshmallows. Tay looked a little embarrassed.
"Where's the bathroom?" she burst out laughing; he blushed.
"I haven't given the royal tour yet have I?" with that she pulled him down another set of four carpeted stairs into the kitchen. Even in winter, it still looked sunny.
"Obviously this is kitchen. If you want anything, just help yourself; Mom buys enough food to feed an army!" by force of habit, she went to the fridge and - after scouring its contents, pulled out an unopened packet of mini-Mars Bars. "Mom's always hiding these things," and she tossed him one. By force of habit, he ripped it open and devoured it in one bite. Closing the fridge door with her foot, she pointed to the glass doors.
"The pool's out there. It's probably got a few icebergs floating around in it," Taylor smiled, even though it wasn't the least bit funny. Strange as she was, Rhiannon was a lot of fun. Letting him stare at the dirty green canvas pool covering for about twenty seconds, she then grabbed his arm again and dragged him up the stairs.
"Okay, this is Rachael's room," and she opened the door. Tay stared at the walls. Her whole wall was one massive mural of unicorns. It looked like it was straight out of the hotel in 'Priscilla; Queen Of The Desert'! It was beautiful!
"This is . . . I . . ."
"Pretty much bowls you over huh?"
"Yeah,"
"Ice's got this obsession with unicorns, and a friend of Dad's he's a really good painter, so he painted the unicorns for her. She was wrapped!"
"Obviously!" everything in the room had something to do with unicorns, even the polished board floor had silver hoof prints on it! "How did you get the prints on the floor?" Rhiannon smiled and pointed to the three silver horse-shoes over the brass bed-head. "Ah!"
"C'mon, five minutes in Ice's room is all most people can take!"
"I think it's cool," he muttered as she dragged him back in to the corridor.
"Carlton's room," she pushed open the door, ran up and threw herself onto the water-bed, "Isn't it cool?" the whole room was a shrine to Metallica. The colour scale was in black and white, with a million different tones of grey. The walls in this room were just as striking as they were in Rachael's room. Black and white fading into one another, with grey running flecks all over it. Effective - and abstract as hell! For some weird reason, Taylor was reluctant to go in.
"What's the matter Tay? Carlton's room's not exactly going to bite you is it?"
"I guess not," and he hesitantly stepped onto the zebra-style carpet. Where did they pick up these things? First unicorns, then Metallica? God forbid what her parents room was going to be like! Speaking of parents, they must have had a lot of extra cash to throw around if they could afford to give their kids rooms like those!
"You don't really want to see Mom and Dad's room. It's so boring," boring? Did she mean boring as in normal-boring? That was good to hear; at least somebody was a slight bit . . . err . . . reserved in their tastes! Again she grabbed his arm - now extremely sore - and pulled him down the stairs, back to the kitchen on the third level.
"Where are we going now?" running to keep up, Tay's arm felt like it was going to pop out of the socket!
"My room," she pushed open the door, to what Tay had thought was the laundry. Four carpeted stairs turned at a right angle. Rhiannon bounded down them, Taylor followed more slowly. And stared. Her room was beautiful, there was no other way to describe it. It was huge! It must have been a living-room or a sun-room before Rhee had claimed it for her own. What first caught his eye was the candles. There were literally hundreds of them! And crystals. And wind-charms. And unusual carved symbols. All strategically placed. The walls were a psychedelic swirl of pale greens, pale blues, pale pinks and mauves. Lighting a wax taper, Rhiannon went about setting the numerous oil burners in her room going.
"What are all these for?" he asked softly, almost in awe, staring at the huge dream-catchers that were hung at every window.
"The dream-catchers?"
"Everything,"
"Oh!" she chuckled, "They ward off bad spirits, and create good karma . . . All that stuff," she added at his confused look. Some people were sceptical of the Power of crystals and charms, but scepticism was a waste of energy. If they didn't believe, then of course the crystals and candles and charms wouldn't work! They said they'd believe when they saw. But the Power, like so many things in Life, could only be seen if it was first believed. Rhiannon believed in the Power and she'd seen it. Or rather she'd heard it. Whenever she was home, and the Voices came to her, all she had to do was walk into her room, and they retreated. The Power kept the Voices at bay. But for how long?
"And that?" he gestured at the strange symbol painted on one wall.
"An ankh, the Egyptian symbol of eternal life. It brings good luck," and with that she walked towards the back. It was then that Tay noticed the gipsy-style beaded cane strings covering a doorway. Feeling a bit like a lost sheep, he followed her. After the strangely peaceful air of her room, the starkness of the place stunned his senses momentarily. It was practically bare. A rug on the floor, a tall candle and an oil burner on the smooth floorboards, an iron Celtic snake symbol hung from the ceiling and that was it. The walls were made of thick glass; a snow-blanketed winter portrait of Tulsa greeted his eyes.
"What is this place?" he whispered, sound seeming somehow out of place in the emptiness of the place. It was almost dark; there was no lamp in this room. The only light came through the cane strings from the main room. Done lighting the oil-burners, she came towards him.
"This is where I think," was all she said, in a voice slightly different from her own, before taking his arm - gently this time - and guiding him back to her room. "Do you like it?" there was something about this room that calmed. Soothed. Relaxed. This room put one's soul at peace.
"I love it, but uh . . . Rhiannon?"
"Mmm?"
"The bathroom?"
"Oh yeah! Sorry . . ."

Arian unlocked the front door and walked in.
"Rhiannon! I'm home!"
"Hey Mom!" looking down, Arian immediately spied the pair, lying on their stomachs by the fire, playing a challenge-to-the-death of checkers. Dropping her briefcase in the study - the one room Rhiannon hadn't shown Taylor - Arian hung her coat on the rack and came down to the living-room, collapsing into an armchair.
"Phew! Home at last!"
"Rough day Mom?"
"You can say that again! Hi Taylor, how are you?"
"Fine thanks Mrs. Lougher . . . Gotcha!" Tay shouted as one of his king's cornered one of Rhiannon's. She smiled devilishly. That was just the move she'd wanted him to make. His face fell as she captured every single piece he had left on the board.
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. You lose again Tay!"
"No fair! You cheated!"
"I did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Kids! Please!" closing here eyes, Arian rested for a few seconds, then stood up, "Did you want stay for dinner Taylor?"
"No, I better be getting home. Mom's . . ." he trailed off, eyes wide, hands covering his mouth, "Oh hell!" only Rhiannon heard that, "I was supposed to be home hours ago! Mom doesn't even know where I am, she'll be freaking! God, I'm in for it, Mom's gonna kill me!" Rhiannon sent an imploring glance at her mother.
"Mom?" Arian thought for a minute, looked fleetingly at Taylor, then smiled.
"Only because you're such a nice boy," and she walked into the kitchen.

"Hello? Diana? . . . Yes, it's Arian . . . I know . . . Yes, he's with me. From what I can tell he's been here all afternoon . . . I don't know," she chuckled, "Kids will be kids . . . Rhiannon was with him . . . I think they just lost track of time . . . no, that's all right . . . I'm sure . . . well I can drive him home if you like . . . Of course! It's no trouble at all . . . I don't know. I'll just check," she covered the mouth-piece with her hand and looked at the two children. "Did you get the things your Mom wanted?" Taylor guiltily shook his head. Rhiannon's eyes were begging. Arian uncovered the mouth-piece. "Yes Diana, he got everything . . . yeah it is . . . should be there in about 15, 20 minutes . . . Yes! I'll talk to you later . . . bye!" and she hung up. Staring in disbelief, Taylor watched as Arian dug out the keys to her metallic green BMW from her pocket.
"C'mon Tay, I told Diana we'd be there in twenty minutes, and we've got to get to the store before it closes. I assume you've still got the money she gave you?" mutely, Taylor nodded, "Okay, now out to the car. You'll be right on your own for a little while longer won't you Rhee?" smiling, Rhiannon nodded, "Good. You two owe me big time! Now come on," all three walked out of the kitchen and up the four carpeted stairs to the front door. Elegantly, Arian put on her black coat.
"Your Mom's a legend," Tay whispered
"You're telling me!"
"Oh, and Taylor?" Arian turned back, "Be prepared for a lot of lectures when you get home,"

~ * ~
May, 1998
New York City, New York
First week

The door creaked opened. A woman with short permed, honey brown hair and glasses walked out. A man in a shirt and tie also with glasses walked out. Tay glared at him with as much hate as he felt. The man didn't even look at him.
'They have bribed the bastard! Not only is Mom ignoring me, but this stupid shrink is already treating me like a psychopath!'
"Taylor?" Tay's eyes snapped towards the voice. It'd come from the woman. What? He glanced back at the business-man; he was already out the door.
'Christ! A woman shrink?! Does this get any worse?!'.
"Yes Doctor Jones he's here," Diana finally answered after a long silence. She stood up. Taylor didn't move, "Taylor, get up please," he didn't move, "Taylor!" he still didn't move. His mother glared at him, then sent a helpless glance at the psychologist. She simply smiled in sympathy.
"A reluctant one? That doesn't matter, we can do everything out here, just in there's a little more private,"
'Do I want these idiots listening while some psycho bitch tells my Mom I'm crazy?'
Grumbling, Tay got to his feet and walked into the room. Doctor Jones gave Diana another sympathetic glance as she went to follow her son in.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Hanson, custom procedure,"
"Of course," and she returned to her seat and the million year old magazines. Shutting the door, Doctor Jones turned back to the boy, who was now slumped on the floor, playing absently with his braided rat-tail and staring out the window. She'd seen so many teenagers just like this one. The worst thing dealing with teenagers was that it took a lot to earn their trust. Teenagers almost never just opened up. Many of them believed they didn't need a shrink, mistakenly thinking that seeing a shrink automatically meant they were crazy. Didn't they understand that 'shrinks' were there to try and keep them out of psychiatric wards, not put them in there! Another defiant teenager she'd have to earn the trust of. The one quality every psychologist needed, and that was the patience of a saint!
"You don't want to sit on the couch?" she begun, gesturing towards the stuffed leather chair.
"No," he answered absently.
"It's a lot more comfortable,"
"I don't care," Oh dear. This would be much harder than she'd thought. The old 'I don't care' trick. One thing teenagers possessed that always amazed her, was the ability to convince themselves that they didn't care, when they really did.
"So what's bothering you?"
"Nothing,"
"Nothing at all?"
"Nothing," his voice was more forcefully.
"You sure?"
"Nothing, all right!" he shouted, glaring at her. She held his gaze calmly; he was the first one to look away.
"You sound angry,"
"Damn straight I'm angry!"
"Why?"
"Why should I tell you?"
"Because I want to help you,"
"I don't need a shrink!"
"Okay. You don't need a shrink. We've still got an hour to kill, do you want to just talk?"
"No,"
"You sure?"
"Of course I'm sure!" he shouted. Behind the mask of calmness she always wore, she sympathised with the boy. She knew what he was going through. He was feeling like a cornered wolf, all escapes closed off. The 'if-I'm-gonna-go-down-I-might-as-well-go-down-fighting' instinct was rising up. Strange. Everything about his manner cried out for help, yet when help was offered, he cowered away from it, pushing it away. No wonder parents had such a hard time understanding teenagers!
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing,"
"Are you thinking about nothing, or you just don't want to tell me?" he shrugged, unconsciously indicating the latter. "Tay, may I call you Tay?"
"No,"
"Fine. Taylor, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
"Whatever," and he shrugged again.
"Has there ever been a time in your life where you've felt alone?"
'All the time!' he wanted to scream, but he didn't. Instead he answered with the only word he could,
"No,"
"Never felt that the world's against you? That no-one'll ever understand you?"
'Yes! I do! I feel it right now! Help me dammit!'
"No,"
"Is 'no' the only word you can say?"
"No,"
"Sure?"
"No,"
"A lot of help aren't you?" she chuckled. He couldn't help a tiny smile. "Have you ever been close to someone?"
"Of course I have,"
'You idiot! Why didn't you just say 'no'?!' "Has anyone you've been close to ever died?" he flinched.
"No," he said a little too hastily.
'Ah hah!' Doctor Jones thought, 'Bulls-eye!'.

Looking up from an age-old article on the Duchess of York, Diana saw the door open. Taylor walked out, defiant and angry, looking exactly the same as he had before. Had she expected anything else?
" . . .and I'll see you next week," Doctor Jones finished saying to Tay.
"Yeah whatever," he answered, giving the distinct impression that if he did come back, it'd be sedated and in chains. Diana stood up, forcing a smile.
"How was it Tay?" he muttered something under his breath that Diana didn't hear, and was sure she probably didn't want to.
"Mrs. Hanson, would you mind if I have a few words?"
"What about?" Doctor Jones gestured discreetly towards the boy standing in between them, "Oh, of course,"
'Why the hell are they talking about me as if I'm not here? Do they think I've suddenly gone deaf?!'
"Tay, would you go wait in the car?" he glared at his mother.
"Uh, uh! No way!! You think I'm gonna leave nice and quietly and let you bitch about me?! You must really think I'm crazy! God, if anybody's making me crazy it's her!!" he gestured violently towards Doctor Jones.
"Taylor Hanson, get outside and wait in the car!!" Diana shouted, furious. Scoffing contemptuously, Tay stormed to the open door and slammed it so hard it was a wonder it didn't fall off its hinges! Embarrassed, Diana turned back to Doctor Jones.
"I'm sorry doctor,"
"That's all right. Trust me, I get a lot worse than that. He's a teenager, what else can you expect?"
"But this is different. Tay's never been like that. This," her loose gesture was towards the spot where Tay had so recently stood, "It's just come up in the last month or two,"
"From what I can tell, his defences are up 110%. There's something inside that's hurting him very badly,"
"I can't think what, I . . . except . . ." she stopped, then shook her head, "No, it happened ages ago. It doesn't matter any more,"
"You'd be surprised,"
"Well, about two years ago, his best friend died. He found her,"
"Ah!" Doctor Jones nodded. 'So that's it!'
"Mrs. Hanson, I suggest we talk about this in private," assenting, Diana followed the doctor into her office.

Staring out the car window, Taylor glared at the door to the doctor's office. How long were his Mom and that cow going to sit and bitch about him.
'They're probably discussing which mental hospital is the best in Siberia!'
The sound of the door opening and closing caught his attention. His Mom was coming towards him. She came around and sat in the driver's seat. He refused to look at her.
"Tay?" she began as the car pulled away from the kerb. "Tay?" he still stared out the window. "Look, Tay that wasn't easy for me to -" she was cut off as Taylor turned the radio on and up.

Silently, they walked into the Royal Park Hotel and travelled up in the elevator to the 17th floor. As Diana fished around in her pocket for the key card, Tay grumbled in his thoughts.
'Why do I have to put up with this crap? That's it! I'll do a Home Alone 4! I'll get on a plane headed for the Caribbean; I'm outta here! I'm -'
"Taylor?"
"What?" his voice was cold. At his rudeness, Diana had to restrain her temper.
"Look, Tay, we're going to be in New York for three weeks, and since we're -"
"Get to the point," Diana allowed herself a glare.
'You'd be angry too Diana if you'd been dragged to a shrink by your parents!' she thought.
"I've booked you in for two more sessions with Doctor Jones,"
"WHAT?! You're making me go see that psycho bitch again?!"
"Taylor Hanson!!" Diana shouted, out of patience.
"I'm not going!! I can't believe that cow talked you into it!! Or was it you?! You want to have me put away in some mental institution in Siberia!! You'll be glad to get rid of me!!"
"Look!! I have had enough of you and this attitude!! We're trying to help you -!!"
"Bullshit!!" WHACK! Silence. The two just stared at each other. Slowly the water began to gather in Tay's eyes.
"Taylor -" he bolted. He raced past his mother to his room, slammed the door with as much force as he could and rammed the lock home, then collapsed onto the double bed. Silence.
"Tay?" came the hesitant voice from the other side of the door. He didn't answer. He wouldn't - he couldn't - let his mother hear the sobs burning in his throat.
"Taylor?" he heard her walk away, before burying his head in his pillow. The tears trickling down his cheeks couldn't be heard. And they weren't from being slapped.

* * * *

<<