"People Who Know Me Well..."
posted at hansonfiction.com, 8th October, 1999
Thus it is with a heavy heart that I offer for sale my briefly-held position in the realm of hanfic. May whoever buys it have more determination and better orienteering skills than I.
"I remember once telling myself that as soon as this stopped being fun, I'd quit". How many of us are all too familiar with that phrase? With these beautifully worded, near heart-wrenching letters of farewell from authors to the world of internet hanfic?
But like so many other things in life, we soon become acclimatised to these 'resignations', accepting them as inevitable. I certainly did. Like death, these situations never really hit home until one occurs within the 'family'.
For myself, it all started when I went to check out my good friend Misty's site, 'Soi-Desant Portrayals', at fallenstars.com, only to find what is now becoming extremely common all across the net. A long and poignant goodbye.
Hanfic is what Misty and I had in common (besides both of us living in Australia) and it was how we first met. But she ended up following the many talented authors before her, and shut down her site, due in part to pressures from school and other outside influences. But like the many talented authors before her, Misty was unable to gain what is really most important in any form of writing, that perhaps might have persuaded her to continue. An audience.
To understand the impact an audience plays in a writer's life and/or work, a good example can be drawn from writing's sister profession, drama. Imagine you've just been nominated to direct a stage production. Understandably, you're eager to get things rolling. You put an almost phenomenal amount of time and effort into your production, surprising both yourself and your cast; you really want this production to be as good as it possibly can. Opening night, and everyone's excited, perhaps having caught a few of your confident vibes. You're convinced the production is going to be a hit. The curtain opens. You peer out and watch the audience as the show begins. The people who have come to see you are restless, unattentive and, as the production continues, become downright rude, talking loudly, more concerned with whether they left the iron on at home or what they're going to have for dinner afterwards. For the first five minutes your cast try their hearts out to get the audience's attention, and afterwards, for the rest of the performance, they simply go through the motions, wondering why they bothered at all.
I've been through this unpleasant experience myself and I doubt it's hard to imagine the disappointment, the anger, the resentment and the overall dejection that both you and your cast would be feeling. An audience can make or break a show.
It's the same scenario for writers. If they don't have an audience to write for, then what's the point? A writer takes on the roll of director, every member of the cast and every backstage worker for their piece of writing. Whether their story is read or not, the elation or dejection will fall squarely on the writer's shoulders, with no-one else to share the myriad of emotions running through their head.
It has been said over and over again, that if you want to write, write for yourself and no-one else. That way you've got no reason to be upset when people don't like your work. But then, if you write for an enthusiastic audience as well as yourself, then you've got added motivation. You'll look forward to writing because you know people will be there, reading, the second you've posted the next installments of your story. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that other people like what you do. It makes it all worth it.
Unfortunately, in the case of many authors such as Misty, they decide to write for an audience as well as themselves, but when they post their work, nobody reads it. Most unread authors will attempt to force themselves to write better and/or faster. They pour their heart and soul into their work, yet still no-one reads. So they give up. Some do it relatively amicably, accepting the old adage 'that's life'; some do it angrily, wondering just what it takes to get one lousy person to read one lousy story; and the rest will retire somewhere in between these two extremes, depressed, and wondering where they screwed up.
Whoever said 'you can never go back' was dead right. When somebody offers up their writing to the sacrificial altar of public opinion (or lack of), it's not easy to return to writing just for themselves. Somehow, it just doesn't cut it anymore. It doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel as good as it once did. Even the anticipation of an audience will give an author more motivation, so if their anticipations aren't fulfilled, they'll have a hard time finding the motivation to continue.
The purpose of the writer is to entertain, to inspire, to give something to the world that it didn't have before. To achieve this, a writer puts in long hours (whenever a spare minute can be found within their own lives, just as busy as everyone else's), lots of emotion, and endures much from both the outside world and from his or herself. Is it really too much to ask that writers be a little more appreciated than what they are at the present time? Less than five minutes, to send one email, to write one entry in the guestbook, but with one reader's less-than-five-minutes they've given an author something to continue writing for.
The point of this article, and what's really worrying me (and I doubt I'm the only one), is that extremely talented writers and their works are being ignored. I've read the beginnings of many stories, and have sent emails of encouragement to the authors, letting them know I'm interested in the story and am eager to read more. Unfortunately, 7 or 8 times out of ten, when I come back to read the next installments, the stories have been axed and the sites shut down due to lack of interest and/or response. I find it extremely saddening, that readers aren't willing to give talented writers a chance. Whilst I realise that it's impossible to read every single piece of hanfic that goes up every day, it would be nice if people actually tried to give new authors the support that they deserve when they first start out. But many readers are content with hanfic that's contained within the circles of the 'in' group. And no matter how much everyone denies it, there will always be an 'in' group, because it's human nature to create 'in' groups, with select members that everyone tries to be like. Honestly, who hasn't read at least part of Laurie & co's 'Tulsa 74132', or Stephen M. Davenport's 'Taylight Zone'? Who hasn't been informed by eager friends about the drama and tears of 'Walls' (by Sheryl and Laurie), the hilarity of 'For What It's Worth' (by Kristen) or the unrealistic, but still heart-warming action of 'Zac Says Tay Still Wets The Bed' (by Nick)? Who hasn't heard of Llamaesque (Amanda) or probably the first two hanfic writers to throw in the towel, R.L. Krist and Diana Liberty?
(This is by no means a criticism of those whom others see as being part of an 'in' group, for the crime of simply being friends, drawn together by what they do best)
Yes these stories are good, brilliant even, but the entire point of this is that there are lots of other authors out there in the big jungle of hanson fan fiction, just as good as the ones we all love and are familiar with. All they need is the chance, which only an audience can provide. My 8th grade drama teacher once said this to me, and I believe it sums this article up nicely.
Don't ever limit yourself . . . Experience it all.
RESPONSES
#1
"Thank you. Your editorial said so much. I myself am a fledgling writer with a small audience so far. (My page has only been up since August) While I've been writing for a while, up until now I only had one story posted on my own site, but it only got two E-mails. Two, in the good 4 or 5 months I'd been writing it. Now I've got a slightly larger audience; both Kim Delphi and Karen (authors of my faves 'Chances Are', 'Lady of My Heart', and 'Think of Laura') have all posted my links and said they liked my work. Kim more though; she actually wrote me a large letter saying I'm one of a few talented writers, and that was just the best. Really, it was the best. It truly is the best feeling when you realize your counter has gone up by 10 or 15 hits in the past few days (a lot in my book), or an amazing writer you look up to says you're talented. Without that, it's hard to write. So, thank you for saying people should support us new authors. Hopefully more people will.
Kate
The Writings and Revelations of an Ex-Teenybopper
#2
"When I read your 'guest editorial' on HansonFiction, I was amazed. It actually gave me hope to continue writing a story that I fell in love with but it seems many ignore it. Writing is my life. I live to hear the words 'you've got mail' when I sign onto AOL and see letters about my stories. That's what keeps me going. Sometimes, the simplest 'Can you add me to an updates list?' encourages me enough to put out another chapter. I guess, what I wanted to say is that your few paragraphs meant a lot to me, I know I won't be someone who stops their website, especially since I stopped one in the past due to no responses. Even though I can't word what I want to say, I'm going to try my best. Thank you. It really meant worlds to me."
Colleen
#3
"First of all I would like to say 'hello' and continue on to say 'thank you'. I am sure that i may be a bit late in sending you this message because I just stumbled upon your 10/8/99 editorial 'People Who Know Me Well...' for hansonfiction.com. I have to thank you and applaud you while I ask you to take a bow for doing such a wonderful job in writing that. And as I sit here at home at 3:36am bored out of my mind, reading Hanson fiction (not even thinking about the fact that college starts in a month) and trying to work on my own 'hanfic'... I have to tell you that those 5 minutes I took to read your editorial almost made me cry tears of joy at the mere thought of coming across somebody who was able to put into words exactly what I've been trying to get people to understand for the longest time.
I seriously laughed because I felt like I was back at my grandfather's computer back in 97 (when I didn't have one for myself) at 2am on the internet on a saturday night reading Kayla's 'MoonBop' or visiting Diana Liberty's site for the 100th time hoping for new updates and finding nothing except a note that said something along the lines of 'I'm extremely lazy. updates come when they come'. *hehe*
While registering into my system your point about taking 5 minutes to send an e-mail to a writer whose work you admire, I thought about how bitter I was a month ago when I got no response from people when I put up my site and not an e-mail refering to my writting. It wasn't much but I felt I had something good going on there. And then I decided to look back at how many of those writers you mentioned I had actually written to telling them how much they had inspired me. Only one. So instead of complaining I decided to do something about it. That is why I'm here, e-mailing you at 3:54am (my how time flies) to tell you (if you haven't read it many times before) that I admire your writing and have saved many of your short stories on my computer hoping to read some in the future (I hope that's not a problem) and that I will take your advice and continue writing for myself as well as for my audience (even if it contains only my closest friends) because it means something to me. Thank you so much again Lauryn, for sharing your talent with the screwed up world of Hanson fan-fiction."
Sincerely, Harmony
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