Hazard 5

July, 2009
Hazard, Nebraska

The tissue box was almost empty by the time Mary and Mackie had finished burying Soot. The final chord of the Jackson Five's 'Ben' faded away from the speakers on Mackie's discman. It was fitting really.
When he'd finally woken up, it was almost midnight. The pain had overrun his mind and had sent him stumbling to Mary's front steps. Just about to go to bed herself, Mary had shouted for her mother, at the same time cradling Mackie's bruised head in her lap. A rather grumpy Doctor Carter had been summoned – 'Wouldn't you be grumpy too if you'd been pulled from your bed at midnight for almost a whole week running?' he'd answered when Mary had quizzed him about being so grumpy – and Mackie had been patched up. At Nicola's insistence, he'd bundled up on the Hutchinson's couch for the night. Again at Nicola's insistence, he'd let them drive him home and Nicola was going to keep his mother company for the day. In other words, she was going to take care of Diana.
They all knew just how much work Mackie was having to do. He'd already had to have Mary show him how to work the washing machine and how to iron a pair of jeans without putting those annoying creases in them and how to make a half-decent meal in the microwave. A child of fifteen shouldn't have to do so much work. Why they didn't just hire a nurse to take care of Diana was something nobody could figure out. God knew, they could afford it! But Mary saw more than most people. She saw how much Diana meant to Mackie, how far he pushed himself to take care of his mother on his own. It was draining him. She could see how much effort it took for him now just to put one foot after the other. She wiped the tears away from his eyes with the last tissue in the box. The Mackie she was facing now was very different to the one whom she'd met and fallen for what seemed like such a long time ago. Everything was changing, even Mackie and yes – God help them all – even herself.

Sitting by the river was about the only time they got to see each other alone now. Mackie was so busy trying to be the Super-Kid, looking after his Mom and himself and trying to see her and trying to keep the house tidy and the meals cooked and the washing done. And Mary, she couldn't see much of a point to her life any more either. She needed Mackie – she knew that – but right now it seemed as if she couldn't have him. Would she ever be able to have him? Was she fighting a war already lost? Mackie's bandaged head lay in her lap, she delicately stroked his hair. He was so tired! He couldn't keep this up much longer. But he had to. Diana needed him. Yeah, but so did Mary. And he needed her. She was what kept him sane. Knowing that every afternoon they'd sit together and watch the sun go down together gave him the strength to keep going; to keep doing the laundry, to keep tidying the house, to keep bringing meals up to his mother who was slowly wasting away in that small room from which she almost never came down from any more. All he wanted to do right now was forget about everything. If only Soot were here, the playful black and white cat that offered so much comfort. If only his brothers and sisters were here, they'd help him with their Mom. If only his Dad was here, he'd know what to do. If only his whole family were here, then none of this would be happening!

"Mary?"
"Mmm?"
"You look a bit distracted. Anything wrong?"
"No,"
"Oh, you just looked as if your mind was somewhere else,"
"No," she answered absently, her mind somewhere else.
"Mary, I think we should go back. It's getting pretty late,"
"You go if you want. I just want to stay here and watch the stars for a while,"
"What should I tell your Mom?"
"Just say I'll walk home a little later. She's used to it,"
"Um . . . okay," what was going on between them? Why was Mary throwing up a brick wall between them? Was she trying to keep him out? Or trying to keep herself in? He kissed her gently. Strange. It seemed almost like . . . good-bye. There was a sadness in her eyes that he'd never seen before,
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow,"
"I guess," those two words chilled him to the bone.


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