Lets take it back. Wayyyy back. Not to the beginning—which for me would mean Hanson Stories N Links, my original host, and Llama’s Glint of Heaven—but pretty darn far back. Back to Jillybeans Hanson Page, with Jill’s heartfelt graphics and Clarity’s quote about Hanson and Fine Wine. I will never forget that quote. And I will never forget that page.

If you asked me to tell you the year, I don’t think I could. I mean, maybe I could guess. It’s just all so indistinct in my mind, a big jumble of memories. And honestly, this world of hanfic has been such a part of my life for so long now, that it almost feels as if there was nothing before it, as if it has always been a part of my life. I feel the same way about the people I’ve met in this crazy little world of ours.

I think that list, the list of people I’ve met through hanfic, who have in turn made a massive impact on my life, begins with Shelby.

For many people, and perhaps for most people, Shelby’s legacy will always be “If They Knew.” And I promise I’ll talk more about that later. I’d be remiss in my duties as a reviewer if I didn’t talk “If They Knew.” Because it was that huge. But for me, Shelby will always be inextricably tied to “Stars in Our Souls.”

Do you remember it? Have you read it? I hope the answer to both of those questions is yes. Even if it is, perhaps, one of Shelby’s more obscure works of art. It will, to me, forever be her best. Her very best.

It was the kind of story that inspired entire layouts for my old domain, blurr.org—quotes from it plastered on a white and pale aqua green layout. It was the kind of story that inspired in me immediate action. I blasted an email off to that girl faster than you can say ‘Taylor is a Pansy.’

And shock of all shocks, she replied. I was thrilled, as being a relative unknown on the hanfic scene; I wasn’t used to getting many replies ;). We emailed for months on end, Shelby and I, we even carried on our correspondence through a period of time when I was banned from the internet for accidentally getting my server hacked. Heh. Memories. Shelby and I, somehow, improbably, became the best of friends. Back when we were…oh, 15 or so. Give or take a few months here and there.

And now we’re 21. And I still count Shelby as one of my closest and bestest. I count her among the most important people in my life. And it was hanfic that brought us together.

“Stars in Our Souls” touched my heart in ways I don’t know that I will ever be able to explain. Just like I’ll never fully be able to explain the way this silly little band of tow-headed brothers caught hold of my heart. Or how they haven’t managed to lose their grip after all these years.

Perhaps it can be chalked up to teenage angst. To finding a kindred literary soul in Shelby, and in her hanfic. But I’d like to think it was, and is, about more than that. That “Stars in Our Souls” was about some central human truth, like those you find in the most timeless of the Great Literary Works on this Earth, like Dubliners or Of Mice and Men or The Great Gatsby. Because when I was 15 I connected with something in that story, but at 21, I can still quote it off by heart. At 21 it is still a part of my basic belief about life and love and humanity. I think that’s a beautiful thing.

“It's like we all have millions of stars hidden in our souls but we only allow others to view very few of them. Because it would hurt too much if others could see our entire galaxy.”

Beautiful words. Words that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, whether or not Shelby is there with me. Because words like that don’t just disappear, don’t just fade into the distance. They become you.

“Stars in Our Souls” was my introduction to Shelby. It was the beginning of a wonderful friendship that lasts to this day. That has helped me through so many of my stories, and produced the monster that is Fall on Your Knees, and more important than all of that, has pulled me through some of the shittiest periods of my life as well as some of the most amazing ones.

And then there was “If They Knew.” When you read something like “Stars in Our Souls,” you don’t just give up there. It’d be like loving Angels and Demons and not reading The DaVinci code (or in my case, reading The Dead, and not reading every single other word of The Dubliners). You just…you don’t do it. You keep reading. And I did.

“If They Knew:” what I consider to be the first really adult, truly sensitive portrayal of Zac as a character in hanfic. Maybe others preceded it. But I don’t remember them. And I do remember “If They Knew.” Because it was wonderful.

I remember thinking: god, I wish I could write like that, each and every time I read a new installment. The girl has a gift with words, one that I will never be able to touch. She has this incredible ability to make her writing so emotionally present, and so emotionally accessible to her audience. She reaches out from the core of her characters, and grabs a hold of your heart. Like the slow clenching of a fist inside your chest. You’re pulled in, you’re invested, and you can’t shake the damn thing even if you try. I don’t know how she does it, really. But its there. And I’ve admired it since the moment I first read it.

Funny thing is, some of the most specific moments I have held on to, some of the strongest memories I have of that story are of song. Shelby has an uncanny ability to weave music into her work (which is why she makes such a kick-ass musician). Music is a part of her, and by extension, a part of her writing. A living breathing part.

There’s this moment in the story, passed between Zac and Jessica, after a party, in his jeep. I can recall it off hand, without even going back to look at the story, because of the way she threaded song through the encounter. Wounded, off Third Eye Blind’s second album Blue, slips in and out of Shelby’s own words. And its one of the most singularly standout moments of any piece of fiction I have ever read (and I’m an English Major, so trust me, I’ve read a lot).

I could probably gush on and on about Shelby and her writing for hours on end. It would cost me no effort. Because I love her. And I love her writing.

But instead of doing that, I’m going to ask you to take my word for it. Go read her stuff, especially “Stars in Our Souls” and “If They Knew.” Because it’s some of the best writing you’ll ever read. Period. And you should find that out on your own.