Concert advice for the inner teenie

Dear teenies:

Well, it's that time again. Another Hanson concert has come and gone, and the net is now cluttered with a billion first hand accounts, most of which include lines like "Taylor looked right at me when he was signing IWCTY!" I got wary of these quite awhile ago, and the last thing I'm sure any of you want to read is another lengthy step by step: "then we went into Boston and tried to go to this restaurant but they said that there had been an accident in the kitchen so they were closing…" While I must add that this actually happened to us, prompting me to wonder if we've been paying a little too much attention to Hanson of late and are beginning to think like them, but I can't imagine that any of you really care. So we'll get right down to the good stuff. Years of concert experience and some amazing luck at our two Hanson shows have left us feeling pretty worldly, and of course whenever this happens I distribute unsolicited advice like there's no tomorrow. So instead of a traditional review, like the one we, the Montreal Trio, posted after the Montreal concert, the following is a list of what we hope will be useful advice.

1. Get the tickets

Folks, this is not the time for pride. When nasty old Next couldn't provide us with pavilion seats the phone wasn't abandoned for depression. I happen to be lucky enough to have an incredibly nice DJ cousin who held no qualms about throwing Northern New England to the wolves for my happiness. The wolves, you ask? Isn't that a bit extreme? Well, alright -- he was willing to throw my region to the dried up 80s glam rock stars. In order to give me those two blessed pavilion seats this particular cousin (and might I add I didn't even need to resort to bribery with the naked baby pictures I'm sure his mother has hanging around the house) was forced to promise his Mercury representative that the new solo effort of Richie Sambora (think a man with big hair, tight leather pants and a guitar… no, not Isaac Hanson! I'm talking about a former member of Bon Jovi here, boys and girls) would receive play on his station. Ouch. Frankly, I was afraid to come home after the concert because I was fearing the presence of villagers with pitchforks and torches come to destroy the monster that forced this resurrection from the archaic 1980s.

We know that not everyone is fortunate enough to have the luxury of relatives in the business, but Richard Simmons really called it when he said, "where there's a will there's a way." It's true. Call your radio station. Ask DJs about Hanson tickets and appearances. Volunteer to sing "mmmbop" on air if you think it might get you somewhere, because as we all know, weirder things have indeed happened. We have no idea if appealing to the Hanson camp is a good idea, but I kind of doubt it. They're busy enough putting this tour together; they don't need any more hysterical emailing begging for backstage passes (tempting, though, isn't it?). Another possibility is the venue itself: it never hurt anyone to wander into the arena Hanson is playing the morning of the show and ask about the status of tickets. While there's no guarantee anything will happen, especially if you're longing to go to a sold out show, you might be surprised. We sure were when those 7th row blessings were offered to us on the day of the Montreal show!

One thing that may not be smart is to go to scalpers. We know how nice those front row center tickets they're promising sound, but think about it. Those nasty scalpers are not only breaking the law but they're also hurting Hanson and the fans. Some of the shows that sold out did so because of people of this ilk, and they're going to charge you a king's ransom for lawn seats. Our position is that it's just not worth it, but if you do go down this road be careful. PLEASE. At the Great Woods show at least one person was suckered into buying seats from a scalper only to discover that the tickets were counterfeit. This person ended up not only kissing $50 goodbye, and they didn't even get to see Hanson anyway!

2. "Chance" sightings

It seems pretty unlikely that you're going to be wandering around downtown (insert name of city near venue here) and just run into the Hanson family out for a constitutional. But, once again, weirder things have been known to happen. For example, if you go to the admiral twin webpage (we hope you all know that this is Hanson's incredibly good opening band whose page can be found at admiraltwin.com) you'll see a little note talking about a Laser tag match held between AT and the Hansons in Montreal. We personally walked right by the laser tag facilities, and had we been using our shriveled little brains we might have gone in and seen the game. No doubt exists that the building was closed for them, but maybe they would have walked by on their way out or something equally exciting (sarcasm alert). We've also all heard those charming quotes about Hanson visiting things like the tower of London and museums, so keep in mind that cultural enrichment might actually be very, very rewarding in the days immediately preceding a Hanson show. ;)

Another possibility, perhaps the most expensive and slim, is to try and get a room in the hotel where Hanson will be staying. If you're local you may have heard things about the places that bands tend to frequent, and maybe you could make reservations. But keep in mind that any place Hanson will stay is probably going to be ridiculously expensive and they'll most likely have an entire floor to themselves, so unless you're either very rich or very die-hard this method is not worth it. If it's even appropriate we're not sure, but we're not here to pass judgement, I guess. (heehee.. at least not right now. Wait awhile, eh?)

3. At the venue

So you show up a little early for the show, thanks to your parents or your own imagination. There are tons of things you while away your time doing. We were shocked to discover that at the Montreal show tours were being offered of the venue during the band's soundcheck. A group of people were actually able to see the boys getting ready for the show. This didn't last long, however, and we recommend seeing the section below labeled How to be a respectful teenie for advice. Another thing that might be worth looking into is wandering around the venue and checking out the exits; we were able to see Ash talking to some security guards in the underground parking lot for the Molson Centre in Montreal (heehee.. how exciting, huh? [Sarcasm alert #2]). Each venue is set up differently, and some, like Great Woods, kind of kill the opportunity to see the band arriving. Contrary to the fervent belief of the screaming teenies that arena is set up with a special back entrance that most likely was used by the band. It's likely that the buses that nearly caused rioting in the teenie hordes were empty. Hate to break your happy little bubble, but both times we were fortunate to see the buses the tinted windows and blinds precluded any attempt at getting a good look inside. (Who me? Superteenie? Nah! heehee)

In places set up like Montreal's Molson Centre, however, your odds of seeing the band leave are much higher if you know where to go. If you see the buses before the show keep in mind that they'll probably be there afterwards, and if you're patient enough you might be able to see some people getting on and off. We saw all three of the boys for at least a moment by hanging around with the teenies at the entrance to the garage, and also caught the glimpse of a very unhappy Mackie we mentioned earlier.

4. Before the show

Here's where the true coup comes into play: being a MOE member does have its privileges, and some people have indeed gotten backstage simply on the strength of their little black and yellow cards. Kim and Amanda D. are living proof of this! The fact that we were able to get through the golden gates was pure luck, believe us. We were on a bathroom trip (with an eye out for some Cherry Garcia, we might add) when we spotted a large group of girls dropping off presents for the boys (this is incredibly sweet, and all the girls who we spoke to who brought gifts were really nice. The best pair, I thought, also had a small package for Admiral Twin). Some very nasty Great Woods employees kept telling the assembled girls that "Hanson lied," and this made us pretty mad. It's not an accusation that should be taken lightly, and I rather enjoyed the look of shock on their faces when one of Hanson's body guards came out and reluctantly herded about 20 card carrying MOE members into the backstage area.

We also heard that the first 6 MOE members who had shown up at the door had gotten real backstage passes and been invited to watch the show from the wings, but we can't verify this because we didn't get to talk to them. Those we were allowed in with us were mostly teenies, but there was a mother daughter pair and us… the only people over 15 and under 35 in the audience. Hanson was apparently running behind, and after taking some pictures with fans and shaking a few hands they went back into the private area. (see other post)

5. After the show

Waiting around near the parking area can be disappointing and take forever, but sometimes you get lucky and see the band. At Great Woods this was not likely to happen, but by the end of the hot, sweaty day we couldn't wait to get into my air conditioned car, so we don't really know what came of it. Once again, the band will eventually leave, and if you've spotted the buses earlier in the day going back to their location might be a good idea. We wouldn't recommend getting your hopes up because after the show the boys must be tired and probably not much in the mood for being serenaded with horrifically off-key versions of MMMBop.

6. How to be a respectful teenie

Okay. I admit it. I'm the world's oldest teenie. At one point or another I at least contemplated all of the above suggestions, and obviously quite a few of them came through for me. But what makes the annoying kind of teenie is not a tank top (heck, don't tell anyone, but I wore one under a shirt to the Montreal show), but also an attitude. As a general rule most of the people at Hanson concerts tend to be incredibly friendly, and it was neat to be a semi-grown up and be accepted in both the mommy conversations about Hanson mania and the teenie ones about the probability of getting backstage. There are, however, some really annoying types -- for example, the Montreal Trio is currently boycotting all gelatin products because a particular green kind left a rather nasty film over our second concert we all wish we could erase. I felt like I was on the fast track to junior high when I heard them picking on fans who were dressed in manners they found unacceptable, or those who couldn't afford the "right" Hanson merchandise. Grrr.. way to be exclusionary little whiners, girls.

This group was incredibly annoying, but even worse are the screamers. Above I mentioned a tour of the Molson Centre that got to see Hanson during their soundcheck, yes? Well they got thrown out because they wouldn't stop screaming. Tell me one more time what purpose yelling at the top of your lungs whenever a Hanson family member is within a hundred yards? Do you think it makes a good impression? We ourselves were continuously hounded by the evil teenies and had to work really hard not to get booted with them. Here's a hint: if you act like a grown up, remain calm, don't cry, don't scream, you can pull of some pretty impressive stunts. Case in point: long after men on golf carts had driven away a screaming mob of teenies from the back entrance of Great Woods we, and a few girls we met, were allowed to remain seated on a bit of grass with a great view of the doors. Why? Because we just sat there and talked. We didn't beg the employees for backstage passes that they no doubt didn't have, we didn't chant "Hanson, Hanson" at the top of our lungs, we didn't threaten to charge any barricades. Be logical. If you were Hanson's bodyguards would you bring out the boys at the request of a screaming mob of girls? NOOOO… we've all seen what happened at Paramous. So don't travel with packs and don't scream or you'll ruin the day not only for yourselves but also for everyone else.

Screaming during the show is one thing, and I can't really imagine anyone who could avoid it. It's required to have a good time, and I've screamed myself hoarse at every concert I've been to. The times it becomes inappropriate, however, is when you actually get lucky enough to go backstage. When Kim and I were in the fortunate group to get to meet Hanson our first goal was to remind everyone not to scream. We spread out and did so, tapping teenie shoulders and simply telling them to try and be quiet in the nicest way we could. It killed me when one girl vacantly answered, "oh yeah, they HATE that." Well, duh. Hanson is a band that seriously appears to care about their fans and they do let some backstage, so why don't we return their favor and treat them like human beings? Shaking their hands was, I hesitate to admit, pretty much the highlight of my summer. But saying "hi, nice to meet you" was infinitely more satisfying than I imagine screaming could ever be. If I were in the annoying class of teenie I would currently be telling you "Taylor Hanson loves me cause he smiled when I shook his hand!" News flash: Taylor Hanson is an incredible showman. He smiled when he shook everyone's hand. I do like to think, however, that my calm behavior earned me an extra wide grin and about five seconds of extra eye contact. It was worth it… and keep that in mind. If your goal is to make an impact on them how do you think you can do that most effectively? By screaming "I can't breathe!" As soon as one of them touches you, or by calmly saying hi? Who knows.. heehee.. if I had had the presence of mind to ask how he was doing Taylor might have actually replied to me. How odd ;)

The above is the accumulated knowledge of the Montreal trio. We hope you use it for good, not for evil, and we wish you the best of luck in your quest to meet Hanson. May the force be with you!

Love,

The Montreal Trio- (Amanda D., Amanda B., Kim)

Aka Charlie's Angels