Great Woods: The backstage perspective

Well, a lot of people have been writing and asking what it was like to meet the Hansons. Before I tell you about it, though, I want to clarify a few things, the first of which being that "meeting" is a rather strong word for what happened. ;) They sort of wandered by the crowd and we were fortunate enough to get a handshake from each of the boys, but it's not like we discussed philosophies or anything. Another conclusion that people seem want to jump to is that we are extraordinarily lucky. This is just plain old not true, in my opinion. To borrow from one of my favorite authors, I think that my situation could best be quantified by saying: "luck is my middle name. Mind you, bad is my first." There's just something about Hanson concerts that seems to turn this around for me, and I guess I have to say that I don't really mind. The last disclaimer I want to add to this little slice of life explains why it took so long for to write it up. The first thing I want you to do is stand up -- come on, do it -- now you need to spin around, completing at least 35 full rotations in the next 30 seconds, and then repeat the procedure. There. You now know what it's like to be caught in the glare of those big Taylor Hanson fangs. I personally am alarmed to admit that I turned to tapioca when he smiled and am only now returning to my senses.

We owe our fortuitous admittance to the Great Woods backstage area to Kim's burning desire for Ben and Jerry's, because as we headed to the vending area we noticed a large group of girls clustered around one particular rustic looking door. Some of these girls, we soon learned, were hopeful MOE members, while others were dropping off presents for the boys. Those who were MOE girls must have been praying to the appropriate gods, though, because after about four minutes of hearing Great Woods employees spout off such charming one liners as "Hanson lied to you. Nobody is getting backstage," a large bodyguard opened the fairy tale wooden portal and took a look at the amassed crowd, most of whom were hopefully holding their MOE cards aloft. Do you guys remember the scene from Charlie and the Chocolate factory when Charlie finds the last golden ticket? It was a little like that when people realized that he was actually considering letting us inside, and I had this bizarre urge to try and guess his first name. ("Are you… Rumplestilskin?")

The bodyguard did not look too enthused about the prospect of permitting entrance to the inner sanctum, but apparently the desperate puppy-dog faces and the cries of "we'll be good if we can go inside " proved to be too much for him and he allowed about 20 girls entry. Inside the doorway and past the boxes and piles of offerings left for the Hanson clan (yes, we saw several labeled Avery, Jess, and Mackie along with the names you might expect) was a small lawn set up as a garden with large potted plants and some other ornamentations; in the center there was a small paved area shaded by the kind of tent you see set up for outdoor events. Everyone's first thought was autographs, and some girls who had had the presence of mind to bring a little notebook began distributing paper. There were a good deal of other people there, including those who had actual backstage passes which were labeled with some sort of obtuse coding system. The passes were not what I had expected after watching such films as Wayne's World; as opposed to cards suspended around the neck they were actually little stickers that had things like the Albertane symbol and Hanson VIP printed on them. The most common ones also included a number 10, and there were a few that said MOE. I think that these belonged to the real winners of backstage passes, the ones who were apparently allowed to watch the show from the wings. According to one person the first 6 MOE members who appeared at our magic gate were picked to be the ones who really got to stay, while the rest of us were lucky enough to merely elicit Hanson pity.

The MOE members were instructed by the man who had let us in to stay at the back of the crowd, a group which had formed a rough semi-circle facing the back of the stage structure. In front of us there was apparently the entrance to a cafeteria/ lounge area and we were able to see Mrs. Hanson standing inside with Zoë, talking to a few other women I didn't recognize. We also noticed a few arcade games inside, all of which had been the focus of attention for the Hanson boys only a few moments earlier.

Such Hanson notables as Ash and Mr. Hanson were milling about with the crowd, but other than the huge hulk of a man who had been our savior (if you're curious as to who this was check the last page of the program; there's a picture of him sitting down reading a sheet of paper) and one other person, who may have been one of the back-up guitarists, there was no security. This sort of made me nervous, but apparently the majority of the people we saw were Hanson friends and family; so it wasn't that big of a deal to allow a few teen-aged girls who were too near hysterics to think clearly into such a protected environment.

As soon as Kim and I realized we were going to get backstage (after a few squeals that even we can't deny) we had begun preparing the girls who were with us. I did my best to calm down some near- weepers and we reminded the rest of them not to scream. This being our second concert we were getting very, very sick of getting thrown out of places because some over vocal twelve year old couldn't control their "oh my God it's Hanson" reflex, so we viewed it as in our best interest to do our own crowd control.

I don't know how much this helped, though, because as soon as we saw our first Hanson brother, Mackenzie, a good number of them started wailing. I have to say that seeing him this time was a relief. When we saw him in Montreal he had looked very mad at the crowd, and had been doing his best to hide from the fans in the arms of the person who was carrying him. At Great Woods, however, he suddenly turned into an outgoing little showman more than worthy of the Hanson name. After a moment of blankly staring at the fans as if they had all grown an extra arm or something he began to scream joyfully right back at them, waving his hands and jumping. Theoretically I have seen cuter things in my life, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. The atmosphere was so relaxed that when Mackie later took off and sprinted toward one of the exits into the public areas it took several seconds for any one to even consider recapturing the child. For those of you who haven't seen pictures of this youngest Hanson boy it's easy to see his resemblance to the bigger siblings. He has straight light blond hair that is cut to fall almost to his shoulders, and facial features that resemble Zac's, as does his attitude, judging from his behavior. Apparently this four-year-old has one thing his older brothers don't: fashion sense. He was wearing a simple red tee-shirt, jean shorts, and sandals.

After Mackenzie was returned to the lounge area there were several moments of people just wandering around looking dazed, sprinkled with a good number of shrill exclamations from the slaphappy fans. The MOE members at this point were just beginning to realize how lucky they were, and Kim and I were mourning the fact that the second Amanda had not come with us to get ice cream and hit the bathroom. It was hard for us to enjoy the experience knowing that she had missed out; we did our best to try and get her backstage after the show, but to no avail. Another big regret was the fact that being the mama's girls we are neither of us had bothered to bring a camera. Almost everyone there had one, and the Hansons didn't even bat an eye. I almost hate to bring this up, but if they're going to try and tell people not to bring photography equipment they've got to strengthen their words somehow. Most of the cameras were the disposable kind, though, and many had had the flashes covered. I guess that this would not hurt the videotaping so much, and Kim, being the enterprising person she is, got the email addresses of many of the girls who had them in hopes of trading pictures later.

When the Hanson brothers that everyone was there to see came out the crowd kind of hushed and suddenly began to behave. My only thought at this moment was that I should have expected to meet them today -- after all I had slept in my clothes the night before, my hair was up in a feeble attempt to keep cool, I was all sweaty, and I was sunburned to within an inch of my life. Yes, yes, when I die I would like this put on my tombstone: "she died of skin cancer for Hanson." Amusingly enough, when we had been in the bathroom seconds before joining the line to get backstage there had been comments made about our stunning appearances. If I recall correctly one was: "Now we totally  will   meet Hanson, and they'll probably turn us away we look so scary."

Many of the teenies were simply too stunned to jockey for favorable positions and because of this Kim and I were able to make our way to the spot where Hanson began taking pictures with their fans. The boys' wardrobe for the afternoon was more than questionable, I thought, but that much was to be expected. Taylor especially stood out in his snug white pants and yellow/orange southwestern print shirt with a…gasp…butterfly collar. The really, really, deeply traumatizing fact here is that, as everyone who has read reviews of the show or was there knows, Taylor was not wearing this outfit during the performance. This would lead one to believe that these were his street clothes and he had been compelled to change into something more appropriate for the stage. I think that Kim and I were the only people who were having DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince flashbacks (think, "parents just don't understand") while looking at him, though. Some of the girls we talked to later positively gushed about the ensemble, and while it might have been considered fashionable in certain circles it was far to reminiscent of Boogie Nights for comfort. His hair was up and looking a little grungy with those slightly shorter side bits that look like a failed attempt at a Rachel cut hanging down.

We weren't as close to Isaac and Zac for as long, but their choice in clothing seemed a little less subjective. Zac was in a pair of baggy red pants and (we think) a black tee-shirt. Isaac's outfit stayed the same for the show, but Zac, like Taylor, changed and ended up wearing a camouflage shirt and a black pair of pants. Ike and Zac both had their hair down, and it looked quite nice. I think that Ash hadn't gone to the barber alone, because it seemed like they looked a little shorned compared to the Montreal show. Zac really has good hair; it's very light blond and quite wavy. Of course everyone out there who fits into the IA category is well aware that Ike's hair is amazing…natural curls that actually don't seem to ever get frizzy or to look bad.

Being the good little reporter that I am, my first impulse was to memorize everything and I began mentally chanting what they were wearing in an attempt to keep it fresh in my mind. I really wanted to give everyone a good idea what it had been like to be back there, but I have to say that in all the excitement (and the brain-in-the-blender-on-puree sensation of actually being lucky enough to be there) I forgot pretty much everything.

The fans who were closest to the Hansons seemed to be the younger types, pre-teenie even, and I don't know if this was intentionally arranged but after a few moments of posturing by the door to the lounge area (in an attempt to let us bask in their glory, one would imagine) they started posing for pictures on one side of the crowd. The fans who were nearest got into the shots, four or five of them each time. Ash was taping this and all of the teenies who thought to bring cameras were snapping away for all they were worth. Taylor really seemed to be the man in charge of this little activity; he would get hands on in placing the kids where he wanted them, taking their shoulders gently and guiding them to a spot he for some reason found most appropriate. He even tried to get them to smile, which left Kim and I both impressed and astounded. We would have expected cool calculation or annoyance at having to take time out of their day to hang out with the fans, but nothing along these lines was evident in their demeanors. They just seemed happy to be there.

After several group shots had been taken we found ourselves the next in line, and of course they stopped with the little photo session. The irony of it was just too much; I suddenly knew what those people who spend their entire lives looking for bigfoot or champ feel when they come face to face with their beastie of choice without so much as a Polaroid in sight. Thanks to our extreme proximity, however, we were able to sidle on over and get some attention from the boys.

Shaking Taylor's hand wasn't a challenge at all. The boy will eventually become a politician, I'm sure; he grabs right onto your hand, gives it a good shake, and makes total eye contact. While shaking his hand you totally feel that you have every ounce of his attention, despite his slightly glazed expression. For some unknown reason I was totally entranced by his necklaces; it seemed like he was wearing more that day than he usually does.

Several people have already asked me if Taylor is really as attractive in person as he is in pictures, and if he would truly qualify for the "beautiful boy" nickname the heroine of my first Hanson story gave him. Well, I have to give an emphatic yes to both of those questions; I had personally suspected that he was just highly photogenic, but in truth he's just a helluva good-looking kid.

After I finally managed to rip my gaze away from his multitudinous chokers I sheepishly smiled, feeling like a huge geek. At the time I was totally calm about the whole thing, and while it was endlessly cool to be able to see the people who make this amazing music close up it wasn't really that big of a deal. I just felt dumb to be counted among the teenies who were standing in shocked silence all around, a few softly crying. Taylor was such a good little handshaker that normally shy old llama (Kim protests that this description is hardly suitable, but it's a whole different ball game around strangers than it is around fanfic folk) was actually able to say "hi Taylor, nice to meet you."

Now here I get a little shady. Normally I think that people who imagine some deep emotional moment shared between themselves and any member of Hanson should be on the fast track to whatever Betty Ford- esque clinic exists for obsession, but I swear that when I calmly said "hi" Taylor's smile when up a notch from brilliant to utterly dazzling. I can think of many reasons why this may have happened, the first of which being that he was relieved to see that I was still able to talk and that a burn unit wouldn't be needed to deal with my sun overexposure. Another possible reason for the smile upgrade was that he was pondering if I was indeed an alien of some sort, what with being backstage with a MOE card and not being too young to remember 1990. But as I've mentioned before I would rather just imagine that none of the members of Hanson are used to being treated relatively normally and a calm greeting from a fan is a rarity.

The day was not one conducive to hand shaking, everyone in the crowd realized when we were first admitted to backstage. There was much frantic wiping of sweaty palms on shorts, and Kim was caught in the action by a puzzled looking Taylor. The embarrassment was hardly enough to stop anyone, though, and I can with assurance say that the Hansons lived through a lot of limp and clammy handshakes that afternoon.

Shaking Isaac's hand wasn't hard, either. He appears to be just as practiced at the procedure as Taylor, but I think in a way this made his handshake less impactful. It was totally mechanical, and the times I was able to observe (including my own) he didn't really make eye contact at all. Ike was smiling so widely that I was practically blinded by his braces; a grin that wide on his face is something extraordinarily rare in print, not to mention quite the sight to behold. The smile led me to believe that Isaac was enjoying himself just as much as Tay.

I think that I was one of only two or three girls who actually shook Zac's hand, but I figured that I was a woman with a mission and I might as well complete my set of Hanson handshakes while I had the chance. He seemed to be very apprehensive about the whole situation, and Kim noted that he was to some degree trying to hide behind his brothers. Overall he appeared less into the fan-meeting thing, but he went along with it quite happily.

I've been wondering for quite awhile exactly how tall the Hansons are, and while I did my best to figure it out while I was standing next to them I'm still not sure. Taylor was perhaps two inches taller than our 5'8'', putting him around 5'11''. His height seems even greater because he is so thin, as does Isaac's. The oldest Hanson brother was a little shorter than Taylor, but probably by less than an inch. Zac is an utter mystery to me; he was somewhere below chest height, but that's all I can really be sure about. If I had to guess I'd put him around 5'5'' or 5'6''.

Almost immediately after Kim and I shook their hands the Hanson brothers retreated into the lounge, where they stood in a circle and apparently talked for several minutes. That left us, the teenies, Mr. Hanson, and Ash circulating around outside. Being a relatively faithful reader of AFH talking to Ash was my next priority, but it proved challenging because he was already occupied by people with actual (gasp) backstage passes. The teenies were pretty much in shock at this point, and the cry-ers where getting worse. Kim and I noticed a bunch of them trying to get Mr. Hanson's attention with cries of "Walker! Walker!" and failing rather dismally. The funny thing is that we apparently came to the same conclusion and Kim told them to stop it; before they could even protest, however, I had launched into a mini-sermon on the respect with which I was taught to treat my elders. Especially in such weird circumstances calling him "Walker" just didn't seem appropriate. Immediately after they changed their tactics Mr. Hanson went over to the girls, leaning down and looking them right in the eye as he answered their questions.

When I finally managed to flag down Ash I dropped the ball quite painfully. I walked right up to him (with bravado I rarely display) and shook his hand, saying, "Hi, I'm from the newsgroup." He seemed at least vaguely interested, but I had absolutely no idea where to go. In retrospect I could have said a thousand things ranging from compliments on the River video to offers to do some Latin tutoring in Tulsa if Mr. Greyson himself wasn't up to the dead languages. I was, however, spared from my monumental mental block by the calls of the bodyguard to oust the non-backstage pass holding members of MOE. Out we reluctantly filed, doing our best to remain calm. This was when the extra-ordinary event that had just occurred began to hit Kim and I, and we descended into teenie mode with alarming speed.

The rest of the show was basically an anti-climax for us, and other than a few observations I'll spare you the torture of another set-list. "Sometimes", one of my favorite Hanson songs, had been returned to its initial state. At Montreal they had thrown in some cymbal action that got on my nerves, but apparently Hanson decided to axe it for Great Woods. Another really incredible thing was Hanson's cover of the song "Money." Our seats were right next to a man from a Massachusetts newspaper (I wish I knew which one so I could see what he had to say about the show) who had been pumping us for information about Hanson's early music and the role played by Mr. And Mrs. Hanson in their sons careers, and as soon as the band launched into this song, judging from Taylor's interruption of Zac's apparently planned introduction to Soldier totally off the cuff, the reporter turned to me with a frantic look on his face. "That's an old motown song!" He exclaimed, apparently happy to be back into his territory of expertise. While everyone in the arena had probably heard the song before I imagine that a lot of them couldn't place it. The boys' rendition was faithful to the original, and I liked it a lot.

The crowd at this show was just as interesting to behold as the one in Montreal, and some of the attendees really made an impression. When we had first entered the venue a girl walked by that left us all slack-jawed - she looked exactly like Zac from the hair to the outfit to the black sunglasses. Another memorable person we saw was backstage, this one a guy in his midteens who had a Mohawk. Kim and I thought he vaguely resembled someone from the Weird video, and thought it would have been incredibly cute if Hanson had won over one of their punks enough to get him to come to their show.

After hitting two Hanson concerts I have to say that they were totally worth it, and that it's a good thing I'm leaving the continent or I'd turn dead-head on them and start following the tour. Speaking of the tour, I don't know if anyone else has noticed how familiar the planet with rings motif is, but check out my page at http://members.aol.com/Llamaesque/index.html to see and example of my own version! I have decided that my next Hanson related goal in life is to actually speak to Taylor and… ohmygosh… get a response. I know it's a lot to ask, but hey, it could happen : )