Out of our Realm

Intellectual stalking.

We've all done it. Or at least that's what I tell myself when faced with an alarmingly un-inexplicable desire to read something I know I'll hate. Something like, for argument's sake, J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey. What could possibly drive me to such depths of AP English-inspired nightmares? I'll give you one guess. And if your reason doesn't possess stunning blue eyes and the vocal equivalent of laying in a fluffy feather bed, eating cheesecake at noon during the work week, you should go back to the Britney Spears homepages where you belong.

I couldn't say when it began, but at some point in fansonhood, many of us started investigating things we knew the boys liked. I think it was yet another unapologetically feeble attempt to figure out what made them tick, and over time it's inspired many of us to try things that would normally be out of our realm of experience. Which is good. Right?

Franny and Zooey (J.D. Salinger)

What your teacher tells you: A book made up of two stories by one of America's most widely celebrated modern authors. With a sympathetic ear for dialogue and realistically dysfunctional family relationships, Salinger writes of the events surrounding the spiritual quest/nervous breakdown of college-aged Franny Glass. The youngest of seven children who grew up in a publicity-friendly environment as stars of a radio program called "It's a Wise Child," Franny and her next youngest brother Zooey have problems coping in a world for which their intellectual upbringing has ill-prepared them.

What Llama tells you: 202 pages. Three long, ponderous scenes in which absolutely nothing happens. Expect weak-kneed delight when you finish the book, not because it's particularly marvelous, but because it's over. On the positive side of the coin, the portrayal of Franny is understanding, somehow. It's easy to see that J.D. Salinger, unlike many people who write books about young adults, realizes that his subjects have a lot on their minds.

Hanson might like it because: It's possible that they feel an affinity for the position of the Glass children. As siblings, they've shared a lifetime of experiences that set them apart from their peers.

Hansony bits involved: "In Zooey, be assured early, we are dealing with the complex, the overlapping, the cloven, and at least two dossier-like paragraphs ought to be got in right here. To start with, he was a small young man, and extremely slight of body. From the rear--particularly where his vertebrae were visible--he might almost have passed for one of those needy metropolitan children who are sent out ever summer to endowed camps to be fattened and sunned. Close up, either full-face or in profile, he was surpassingly handsome, even spectacularly so. His eldest sister (who modestly prefers to be identified here as a Tuckahoe homemaker) has asked me to describe him as something looking like 'the blue-eyed Jewish-Irish Mohican scout who died in your arms at the roulette table at Monte Carlo.' A more general and surely less parochial view was that his face had been just barely saved from too-handsomeness, not to say gorgeousness, by virtue of one ear's protruding slightly more than the other." (Page 51)

THE Philosophy of Andy Warhol (Andy Warhol)

What your teacher tells you: The collected musings of a man who made pop culture cool. Writing in easy-going prose, Warhol gives a window into a volatile and artistic time in early 1970's America. The tiny aspects of life are examined in detail, providing a fascinating glimpse into a period of New York City's history and covering topics ranging from the artistic innovator's views on sex, death, interpersonal relationships, celebrity, and American cheese.

What Llama tells you: Fine family fun. The love child of Socratic dialogue and Clueless, Warhol is the slightly vapid, yet surprisingly thoughtful, best friend you never had. As you read the book, you're granted insight into one of the weirdest minds of the twentieth century; Obsessed with material things and status, Warhol simply takes delight in every aspect of our disposable world that is often ignored in favor of nostalgia for the constant and steady things and people of the past. I honestly think there's a painstakingly detailed chapter about housekeeping towards the end of this book that is included just as a game to see if anyone reads the whole thing.

Hanson might like it because: It's an entertaining read and sees art in all of man's fabulous, yet frequently underrated creations. Warhol probably loved Spam.

Hansony bits: "Damian walked over to the window and looked out. 'I guess you have to take a lot of risks to be famous in any field,' she said, and then, turning around to look at me, she added: 'For instance, to be an artist."

She was being so serious, but it was just like a bad movie. I love bad movies. I was starting to remember why I always liked Damian.

I gestured toward the gift-wrapped salami that was sticking out of my Pan Am flight bag and said, 'Any time you slice a salami, you take a risk.'

'No, but I mean for an artist--'

'An artist!' I interrupted. 'What do you mean, an 'artist'? An artist can slice salami, too! Why do people think artists are special? It's just another job.'

Damian wouldn't let me disillusion her. Some people have deep-rooted long-standing art fantasies." (p. 178)

Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)

What your teacher tells you: The second book in Ayn Rand's much-revered Fountainhead series. More than just one of the best-selling novels of all time, this book is a sounding board for the author's philosophy and world view of self-determination, rather than collective responsibility as the highest ideal. Voted the second most influential book in America by the Library of Congress, Atlas's Dagny Taggart, Rand's strong female lead, brings to life the tenets of the philosophical school of objectivism.

What Llama tells you: I read two hundred pages of it. For that, I think I deserve a medal. And a lobotomy. Objectivism? Next thing you know John Travolta will be staring in bloated action movies based on Rand's books. Unless there's a big "ha! Just kidding about that whole 'screw everyone else in the world, you're all that matters'" stuff on page 201, I'm afraid for the future of our country in light of the above statistic.

Hanson might like it because: Because they're heartless? =X Take hope, however, in the fact that if one traces mentions of this work, Taylor's been reading it roughly since the beginning of the Albertane tour. That doesn't seem to speak highly of it's appeal.

Hansony bits involved: None, I sincerely hope.

More to come: Lasar Quest, Jonny Lang, Admiral Twin, and Tulsa

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