Screaming girls, sold out concert tours,  videos and biographies on the the top of the chart. Hanson, you think? Well, sure.  But first there was another band, and another dream drempt by other dreamers.  In 1990 Big Step productions and the New Kids released a group of dolls patterned after the then gods of the team scream scene; the dolls were twelve inches of molded plastic that bore nothing more than the most passing of resemblences to the actual band members, but offered Barbie a viable alternative to stuffy old Ken.  As part of a charming package deal, along with the figures came audio tapes, proudly labeled "personal feelings," in which a nausiatingly energetic female interviewer asked deeply probing questions of the boys. These tapes and the question and answer sessions contained within, have pretty much become a paint by numbers for the pre-fab groups of the nineties.

[Screaming] (fan shots: technique used by Hanson, bsb, Nsync, and the Spice girls in thier home videos.)

 Interviewer: It’s the New Kids on the Block! America’s hottest favorite five! They’re the kids who are number one in everyone’s heart, and we’re going to ask these guys some very personal questions! I don’t know the answers, you don’t know the answers, (avioding questions: technique perfected by Hanson, as shown in various interviews.  "It's all rock and roll!" See also: "we wouldn't tell you even if we did!") but we’re going to find out! We’re going to ask them about girlfriends, (significant other speculation: inquery skills practiced on NKOTB by such notables as Letterman and Regis eventually come in handy for future guests: Hanson, bsb) kissing, secret thoughts, all the things you’ve been dying to hear, from your dream guys (gushing/sucking up: useful skill internalized by many interviewers during the NKOTB days became handy for others.  Eg: "cutie patoties!") themselves.

But first, let me tell you the fabulous facts about these new kids on the block. They’re five very special guys from Boston (Playing it up for the hometown fans.  Excelled at by Hanson: "Tulsa's always going to be home!",  BSB: "Orlando's where it all started."  See also: Nsync: "we're not imaginative enough to have a real hometown, so we just hung out in the shadow of the bsb, even before we were a band.") Donnie, Danny, Jon, Jordan, and Joe (Five is the perfect member number:  Spice Girls, Bsb, Nsync, 5ive, 98 degrees, All Saints.  Not too many so that the girls get confused, but enough to provide at least one member to appeal to every segment of the teenage population.  Any fewer and fights would erupt in Cafeterias across the country, because each clique of girls must contain one friend who lusts after each member of the band, with no doubling up.) And they’re America’s hottest group, the first teen vocal group in history to score four top ten hits off one album! They’re album Hangin’ Tough has sold over 8 million copies so far, they get 30,000 fan letters each week and 400,000 calls a month. So let’s meet them now.. the New Kids on the Block. (Obscure tallies and statistics: utilized by all. Esp. People's teen hearthrod edition for Hanson in which number of website hits and fan letters were highlighted.)

[screaming]

Interviewer: New Kids on the Block, you’re all here, right? (Inanae questions everyone knows the answer to already: embraced by all interviewers.  "So what does mmmbop mean?")

Joe: Yeah, we sure are.

Donnie: Right! Hi, how’re you doing?

Jordan: All right! (fairness of representation: questioned frequently as least popular NKOTB members are ignored by press, eventually became a nitpicking art form as Isaac and Zac Hanson were often shoved to the background at the expense of their "dreamy"  brother.)

Interviewer: And you’re ready to answer some very personal questions?

Joe: Yep.

Jordan: You know it!

Interviewer: Let me get right to the point, what everyone wants to know. Do you have girlfriends? Jonathan? (Girlfriend inquiries: began by all interviewers as blatent, eventually toned down in hopes of tricking unsuspecting band member into revealing torrid love affair with Madonna/sheep/next door neighboor.)

Jon: No, uh-unh. It’s um, you know, (repetative, meaningless words used as smoke screen:  pracitced by Hanson.  Eg: "totally"  Also Spice Girls: "girl power!") I think everybody thinks that there’s a million girls out there who love us, so they figure we would have girlfriends. But…

Interviewer: Jordan, how about you? (Cutting talkative band member short in favor of other member: Zac Hanson frequent victim.   Still many lessons to be learned by interviewers in the case of Ike "well, I've never really thought about it" Hanson.)

Jordan:(Name recognition: signature, unusual name favored by most boisterous member of band.  Must be unused by others and stand out, see especially Jordan Taylor Hanson and bsb's B-rock) It would be too hard to have a girlfriend because we’re so busy on the road, traveling, working, and I think it would be unfair to whatever girl I was going out with or having a relationship, you know, cause I wouldn’t give her the right time and all my energy. You know…(Girlfriend avoidence technique #451"we're too busy and it wouldn't be fair"- perfected by Knight brother, carried on by mulitiple Hanson brothers.)

Interviewer: If you could have a girlfriend, what would you wish for, Danny? (Wise interviewer skill- give the girls the illusion of hope when it comes to dating their band member of choise.  See extensive information on BSB's ideal dates as contained in extended cd.)

Danny: Uhh… A nice girl with a nice personality, a good sense of humor. (Relatively inofensive girlfriend answer that is not an answer: technique borrowed from NKOTB by Taylor Hanson to be used in his stunning "she needs two arms, two legs, and two eyes" crack.)

Interviewer: Jonathan? (Seeking out member who infrequently volunteers response:  brought to new heights by Donnie and Marie in service of Zac Hanson.)

Jon: Somebody with a good heart, somebody who cares. Independent. I like independent people. Somebody who can, you know, like change lightbulbs and you know, doesn’t.. they don’t always have to have somebody else doing something for them. (Modest, sweet desires from girls: abandoned in 90s. See specifically Isaac "I want a hot chick" Hanson.)

Interviewer: Jordan, what about you?

Jordan: I like girls who are sentimental and show their feelings. (Touchy feely love: another lost art in the era of  the "there was too much love in true lies" Hanson brothers.)

Interviewer: Ooookaaayy.. Joey. Do you remember your first kiss?   (Tonsil hockey questions: left behind in the days of faux musical credibility.  Now more likely to hear inquries about bsb's favorite knee pads for thier atheletic performances, or Isaac Hanson's quest for rare guitars.)

Joe: My first kiss.. I was ah.. it was a Christmas party over at my friends’ house. And um, it was my first girlfriend, too. She was.. I guess you would say she was kind of a flirt, so I knew I could kiss her. So um.. the lights went out all of the sudden… it was just real.. I was like 11 at the time and so it seemed like every time the lights went out, you know, that was to like get your first kiss or whatever. I saw the girl, there was just like a little silhouette of her, and I knew it was her in the window, and I just, I don’t know, I kissed her and she kissed me. It was nice. (Discussion of female gender: huge favorite carried into the 90s. See Taylor Hanson "girls are inspirational.. they're made that way.")

Interviewer: Danny, what about your first kiss?

Danny: When I was about eight or nine years old, this girl she still lives in the same house across the street from me, she was an older girl, she was about fourteen or fifteen. She was teaching me and this girl, my first girlfriend Christine, how to kiss. So she was teaching us how to kiss. We were kissing on the hand and stuff, we were trying to learn how to kiss. So I guess me kissing Christine was my first Kiss. (Not forgetting the little people: see Hanson webmaster, videographers, biographer. Also: BSB "only a mother would know" biographer.)

Interviewer: Come on Donnie, I’m sure you remember your first kiss! (Coaxing for information that there would be no way to avoid hearing anyways: "So, what about your fanclub?")

Donnie: Yep. I remember it. I was real young.. well, it.. I don’t know if it’s the first kiss, but it’s the first one that I remember. I had this uh, sorta girlfriend, I was about six.. (teehee.. yo!) And um.. see.. I.. we used to kiss, you know, these little kisses, and people used to catch us and we never wanted to get caught. You know, I would be real embarrassed if I got caught. (Feigned shyness: used by Nick bsb on MTV retelling story of his ejection from hotel room only in underwear into group of fans.) But the first time I remember kissing her, was behind a dumpster, but it was you know, the only private place because everyone was out playing hide and seek and trying to get icrecreams from the ice cream truck and stuff. (Junk food references: abounds in Hanson literature. Esp Hanson: jello, jelly bellies, red candy.) And um, we kissed, and her brother was standing right on top of the dumpster looking down at us, and he yelled, he started yelling to the whole neighborhood that he caught us kissing. I was embarrassed and I went home and I stayed in the house until the icecream truck came. When I ran out to get an icecream I thought everyone would tease me, but they didn’t, and I guess that made me feel a little bit better about kissing. (teehee… yo!) But I kiss all the time now. I like to kiss fans during the shows. I like to go out in the crowd and get a girl and kiss her. (Shows of affection on stage: favored by Nsync.  See member putting his tongue where her mouth is in case of Kathy Griffen.  Also shown by BSB during live shows when they seranade random girls)

Interviewer: Jonathan, what about you?

Jon: We had this party, up at a hall up the street and everybody was up there. And this girl, I really liked her more than I liked her sister, and somehow I got hooked up with her sister, and that’s when her sister got mad at me for kissing her sister cause I think her sister really liked me. Soo…

Interviewer: Last but not least, Jordan.

Jordan: It was at a roller skating rink (theme sports: favored especially by Hanson. Eg: roller blades, lasar quest, paint ball, dirt bikes, soccer.) and you know, I tried to play it off like I knew how to kiss and I was like macho man, and she just like… blew my mind. (laughs) It was crazy.

Interviewer: Should you kiss on your first date? (Free love advice:  offered by Spice Girls.  Notably Two become One "put it on, baby")

Jordan: (emphatically) Sure!

Jon: Yeah, I think so. I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with that.

Danny: You should, if it feels right!

Donnie: Um, sure. If the situation was right. That’s not necessarily true because sometimes you just don’t feel that comfortable. But I have kissed on a first date and I might. It depends on the girl.

Joe: Maybe at the end. It’d be nice. I think it’s um… I think it’s gentleman like not to go ahead and be forceful on the first date. (Band members as gentlemen: prominently good Christian boys Hanson..)

Interviewer: Okay. Now, all of you say you’re to busy for girlfriends, but what do you do when you’re out on the road and it gets lonely and you wish there was someone special to be close to. What do you do? (Attempt to satiate curiosity of fans about lives of band on the road: emloyed by all interviewers in all known interviews.)

Joe: Um…you know there’s different things. We have each other a lot, but ah… girls wise we get lonely. I guess you just carry teddy bears. (laughs) I carry a teddy bear.. sleep with a teddy bear. (Stuffed animals: favorite humanizing technique of bands. Specifically RTA, and MOE 3) Um.. and call home. Different things.

Danny: Usually when you think, when it’s that time and you’re feeling lonely, it’s usually at night, (Nocturnal activities: see Hanson, mmmtalk, writign strategies.) and you’ve… I just put on some music and fall asleep. (Bedtime talk: used sparingly by Hanson. See Yahoo Chat bedtimes reference, RTA Taylor's bunk scene.)

Jon: I know when I get lonely I got friends all over the country, I got friends all over the country. (All locations cool and home to friends: lesson yet to be internalized by Hanson.  See "green jello", "NYC is the best," esp. weeping posts on NGs by hurt fans who live far from metropolitan centers.)You know how Joe was saying, I just talk to everybody. I got friends in Hawaii, I got friends in Florida, I got friends in Michigan. I especially think it’s good to have friends in Hawaii cause they’re five hours behind.. so if I get home at one o’clock I can still call down there and not wake everybody out of bed.

Interviewer: Speaking of friends, what about Tiffany? Is she a friend or a girlfriend? (Allegation of hanky panky during tour:   Interviewers dredge technique up again while BSB tour with barbie wannabe Brittani Spears.)

Jon: A sister, I’d say. (Familial ties as escape from uncomfortable girl questions: A favorite of bsb and Hanson "she's a cousin."  Comment frequently followed by open mouthed kiss.)You know, she was just there for us right from the beginning. I think if we didn’t meet up with her our careers wouldn’t have took off as fast as they did. She was, you know, a real push to get us going. (Famous people associated with band cause inital album sales to rise: used extensively by Hanson. See co-writers, most especially Dust Brothers.)

Interviewer: When you were growing up what was really special for you? Anything really special that you held onto?

Danny: Yeah, I had this little teddy bear. This puppet teddy bear. I still have it at my house, it was given to me when I was little and it’s always been around. (Childhood toys: Hanson in RTA exposes Ringo.   Frequent lego discussions.)

Jon: No, nothing, nothing uh.. material. Just a lot of good thoughts.

Interviewer: Okay, you’re not kids any more. What’s really important to you now? (Old fogies in band: frequent dried up remnant least popular member. Began by Jon Knight, carried on to Kevin bsb.)

Jordan: I think love is very important. That’s the most important thing in the whole world, it’s love. And you really got to start with yourself. Cause if you don’t love your self you ain’t going to love nobody else, and you ain’t going to love nothing else. So love is the key. (Accents:   Hanson employs frequently, occasionally in natural habitat such as "tour" and "www".  See also: why the heck do no bsb boys have accents?)

Danny: The most important thing to me is my family and home, (emphasis on family: pioneered by Hanson, eventually utilized by bsb. See: Nick and Aaron, premiere cling on annoying sibling.) that whole thing because being on the road and being away from that you learn to appreciate your family, and the town of Boston (frequent hometown nods: artform fine tuned by Hanson.) a lot more because you’re not there. It’s just important to me that I take care of my family and if anyone needs anything or I feel I can do something for somebody, and that’s the most important thing to me.

Donnie: Um, well…There’s so many things that um.. could be better in the world. I mean, but I think it all starts with people’s attitudes, you know.. I mean.. I think this is also why I think it’s important that we get our message (Promulgate ideology just as prefabricated as band: Deeply borrowed by Spice Girls.) out to young kids, because kids, they don’t really have opinions and stuff yet. I mean, really fierce, fierce, opinions about things. I mean, when kids are born they’re not prejudiced, they’re not racist, they don’t abuse drugs and stuff like that. But as they grow up they learn things from the people around them that teach them and show them.. make them what they’re going to become, because people really are a product of their environment, so we wanna tell kids to always use an open mind and never judge things till you’ve learned about it and experienced it. You know, I think that’s where correcting the problems of the world starts, starting with the individuals and starting with the young people because the older people are already set in their ways, and they’re going to teach the young kids the same wrong values unless someone steps up and teaches them the correct values. We’re not trying to teach kids what to do and what to say , but we’re trying to teach kids to keep an open mind. You know, because, that’s where everything starts. If you keep an open mind you’ll never be blind. (Social Conscience: all but dissapeared in 90s, save for "brian littrell foundation.")

Interviewer: You guys are terrific! Thanks for sharing some very personal thoughts with us, and you know we all love you! (Random overgeneralization:  specifically that all fans scream. Used by every interviewer for every band.)

[screaming]