Think of Laura

Karen's amazing story got an amazing award :) She deserves it!  LuCy is the author of Ups and Downs, which you can find on the links page.  

The story takes place in November 2006 in Tulsa. Ike, a few days before his 26th birthday, is an expecting father. Taylor is a 23-year-old graduate of Oral Roberts University. Zac is 21-years-old and a sophomore at Oral Roberts University. (I guess Ike went there too and graduated and all.) Zac and Taylor share an apartment. Also, Tay narrates the odd chapters. (Guess who narrates the even ones?)


Chapter One

I emptied the washer and threw my clothes in the dryer. Thankfully, mom doesn't mind Zac and I using the laundry room. As long as we come home for purposes other than laundry every once in a while, she doesn't care.

Aimlessly, I made my way to the living room and started to channel surf. I stopped at ABC, a familiar sound catching my attention.

"Oh look! It's Luke and Laura's 25th wedding anniversary!" said my mother getting all excited. Mom's favorite soap opera is "General Hospital."

"Every once in a while I'd see her smile, and she'd turn my day around. A girl with those eyes could stare through the lies, and see what your heart was saying," I softly sang with the TV.

I didn't realize you knew this song Tay," mom said, sounding quite suprised. "When did you learn it?"

"College. Freshman year." I paused. "Laura taught it to me. It was her favorite," I quietly added. I didn't think of Laura too often anymore. But every now and then, something would just bring her to mind.

"General Hospital" was Laura's favorite soap opera as well. In fact, her mother had named her after Genie Francis's character, Laura. Rightly so too. Laura had the same blonde hair, hazel eyes, glowing smile, and
angelic aura as the TV persona.

I watched the rest of the show, thinking of Laura the whole time. When it was over, I collected my laundry and the left-over baked ziti mom saved for Zac and I, and left.

Zac and I were out of milk and just about every other grocery imaginable, so I stopped at the supermarket on the way back to the apartment. As I made my way down the bread aisle, I stopped dead in my tracks. At the end of the aisle was Laura, and she hadn't changed one bit. She pushed the
cart towards the cash register, and I followed her. She paid for her groceries and headed out to the parking lot. I quickly paid for the milk and bread and followed her.

"Laura! Laura!" I yelled running towards her as she loaded the car with the brown bags. She ignored me. "LAURA!" I grabbed her shoulders and spun her around so she was facing me.

"I'm sorry. So I know you?"

"Laura, you know damn well who I am!" 'Do I know you?' Who did she think she was fooling?

"Oh my God! Taylor? Is that you? Is that really you? Wow, you cut your hair! It's SO short!"

I was losing my patience. "Cut the crap Laura! You've got A LOT of explaining to do."

"I know," she replied softly. She looked at her watch. "I'm sorry Tay. I'm running late. I gotta go."

I clentched my fists, trying to maintain self-control. "Well please, don't let me keep you. I've waited five years for an explaination. I suppose I can wait another five. What the hell, right?" My voice dripped
with sarcasism.

"Taylor, I'm sorry. I'm really, REALLY sorry." As I saw the tears well up in her eyes, some of my anger faded. Even though she hurt me deeply, I didn't want to hurt her.

"Look Taylor, I really gotta go. Meet me tonight at nine."

"Meet you where?" I asked skeptically.

"You know where." And with that, she got into her car and drove off.
Chapter Two

I sat on the bench overlooking the pond in my backyard. Taylor wasn't due for another half-hour, but I needed to get out and think. This had been our favorite spot, and many memories were made here. I smiled, remembering my "big confession" five years ago.

(flashback)

"Taylor?"

"Yeah Laura?" He had a serious expression on his face.

"Um. . . I. . . I. . have a confession to make."

Tay nodded his head, encourging me to go on. I took a deep breath. "ItwasmethatrippedyourshirtatParamusfouryearsago."

He let out a soft chuckle. "I did not understand one word you just said."

I took another deep breath. "ItwasmethatrippedyourshirtatParamusfouryearsago," I repeated.

Taylor stared at me wide-eyed. After what seemed like eternity, he finally spoke. "That was you?!?!" I meekly nodded my head yes, and he began to laugh.

I felt my face burn with embarrassment and the tears well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry. Really. It was an accident. I was pushed from behind. I reached out to the nearest thing to keep myself from falling. It just
happened to be you. I am really, REALLY sorry." I hung my head in shame, allowing the tears to spill over.

"Laura, look at me." I turned to look into those caring, crystal blue eyes. "It's no big deal," Taylor explained. "Besides, I'm glad I was able to break your fall," he softly added, brushing away my tears.

Our eyes locked in the most electric gaze. Slowly, we leaned in. . . .
(end flashback)

But that was a long time ago, five years ago. We were mere freshmen at Oral Roberts University. We were just floormates, friends. Then, things got complicated.

The sound of twigs snapping under someone's feet brought me out of my thoughts. Taylor sat down on the bench next to me. I looked at him. Those beautiful eyes that had once been filled with care were now
delivering an icy stare.

"Well?"

Taylor continued to stare me down, demanding an explaination for my behavior. I sighed and looked back at the house. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him the whole truth. At least, not now anyway.

"I'm waiting Laura."

I turned my attention back to Taylor. "I'm SO sorry Taylor." I desperately tried not to break down.

"You've said that already in the parking lot. What you didn't say was why you never came back without so much as an explaination or a simple good-bye." His stare remained icy, but his voice was filled with hurt.

"I know. I know. It's just. . . . . after I studied in Spain spring semester. . . something. . . . something happened. So mom and dad rented out the house, and we moved back to Jersey. I finished school there. So many times I wanted to call you, to hear your voice again. But I couldn't. . . I. . . I was afraid." My voice cracked with emotion.

"Afraid of what? Laura, you could've told me anything, ANYTHING. I thought you knew that." Taylor paused, and the barrier he put up between us slowly began to disinergrate. "I wouldn't have stopped caring," he softly added.

If he only knew. But he wouldn't know. I couldn't let that happen. It was too soon. The wounds were too deep and still fresh. So I did what I had to do. I brushed him off.

"It's getting late and I should be getting back," I said flatly while standing up.

"So that's it? You tell me 'something happened' but won't tell me what that 'something' was, and I'm just supposed to accept that!?!" The hurt returned to Taylor's voice and the anger to his face.

"Taylor, I care about you. I'm only. . . it's for. . . . I'm trying to protect you." This was going to be harder than I anticipated.

"Well then, please stop caring because I don't want your protection." He stormed off without so much as a glance back.
Chapter Three

"Tay? Tay? YO TAY!"

I snapped my thoughts from last night back to rehearsal. "Yeah?"

Ike shook his head disapprovingly. "We're gonna take it from the bridge. Okay?" I nodded my head.

Halfway through the bridge, Zac suddenly threw his drumsticks up in dispair. "Tay! What is with you man? You're totally off!"

"I'm sorry. I guess my mind is somewhere else," I said, embarrassed by my inability to focus. Then again, Laura always had that effect on me.

We made our way up from the basement into Ike's kitchen. His wife, Rebecca, was great. Not only did she agree to us using the basement for rehearsal, but she always made sure there was something in the fridge for
Zac and I to eat. She had insisted on making the basement soundproof though. Now that I think about it, it was a smart move--especially with the baby coming and all.

"So Tay, care to talk about it?" Ike asked while slipping the left-over pot roast into the microwave.

I most certainly did. My emotions had been caught up in a whirlwind, and I was thoroughly confused. I needed help sorting everything out.

"I saw Laura yesterday." Ike and Zac stared at me wide-eyed and jaws dropped.

"Laura? Laura DiGiacamo?" Zac managed to spit out.

"What did you do? Did she say anything?" asked Ike while taking the seat at the kitchen table across from me.

I nodded my head yes. "I met up with her last night. She told me 'something happened,' so she and her family moved back to New Jersey."

"Well, what was the 'something'?" asked Ike.

"I don't know. She said she couldn't tell me because she was afraid and trying to protect me," I answered, trying to make sense of it all.

"Afraid but protecting you? She sounds confused," said Ike.

"More like a liar," Zac said angerily. When Laura didn't come back, Zac ended up taking the brunt of my disheveled mood. As a result, he wasn't a big Laura fan.

"Guys, I'm so confused. I know I should be angry. . . .hell, I AM angry! It's just. . . . . well. . . I don't know if I can stand having her here in Tulsa and. . . well. . . not be with her. Ya know?"

Ike nodded his head, but Zac shook his disapprovingly. "Tay, she hurt you. She broke your heart for Christ's sake! You deserve better." Zac's face was red with anger.

Ike, on the other hand, had a totally different take on the subject. "Maybe you SHOULD meet up with her one more time. See if you can get more information out of her. She owes you AT LEAST that much. Then, take it from there." He shrugged as if to show it was a decision only I could make.

"So, where did you meet up with her anyway?" Ike asked while setting the reheated pot roast on the kitchen table.

"Well, I first bumped into her at the supermarket, but we met to talk last night at the pond behind her house," I explained.

This information sent Zac into a complete rage. "You bumped into her at the supermarket!?! You mean she's been here and hasn't tried to contact you!?! Not only that, but she throws that lame explaination at you where the two of you first kissed!?! Tay, she's a player! I'm telling you, STAY AWAY!"

As Zac's words echoed through my head, my anger returned. Suddenly, the spacious kitchen was too small. I had to get out, and FAST. I stood up and made my way to the door.

"Where are you going Tay?" Ike's voice was filled with concern.

"Out. I need air and to clear my head."

I headed for the park on foot and sighed. Laura is the only girl who ever had, and ever will, turn my world completely upside down.

Chapter Four

Lying to Taylor, even if it was for his own good, didn't sit right with me. I felt incredibly guilty, as I imagined I should. So I walked to the park, hoping to clear my mind.

I couldn't believe how things have changed. It all started out so innocently. I was just one of a million young, obsessed fans. Eventually, I grew out of it. But when my parents decided to move to
Tulsa, the first thing that came to mind was that I might meet Taylor Hanson. However, I went through my senior year without a single run-in. By the time I was ready for college, I'd given up the fantasy.

Move-in day. Who should be living across the hall from me? The one and only Taylor Hanson. Although it took a lot of work on my part, I treated him like any other person. We even became friends, close friends. It was during Christmas break when I made my "confession" to Taylor. We shared the sweetest kiss, but I was studying in Spain the following semester. It was all downhill from there.

I looked at the bench a few feet to the right from me. Taylor was sitting there with his head in his hands. He looked so unhappy, and it was all my fault. I'd hurt him. And he wasn't just anyone, he's someone I care
deeply about. It's all my fault. I'm such an awful person.

Against my better judgement, I sat down next to him on the bench. "Taylor? For what it's worth, I never meant to hurt you. In fact, that was the exact opposite of my intentions."

He took his head out of his hands and looked at me, eyes filled with confusion. "Could've fooled me. How long have you been in Tulsa anyway? Did you even plan on contacting me and letting me know you're in town?"

I fought the urge to reach out and touch him. I won this battle. "I've only been here three days. And yes, I planned on contacting you. . . . eventually. It's just. . . . you see. . .I was messed up back then. Ididn't want you to see me like that. You deserve better. I wanted, no NEEDED, to straighten myself out first. You deserve better than what I can give you." I had said too much, but I knew it was what he needed to hear.

A smile played on his lips. "Looks like you and Zac finally agree on something." Finally he couldn't hold it in any longer, and a smile spread across his face.

I smiled back. I lost the next battle, and ran my fingers through his hair and then gently caressed his face. Taylor grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away. My heart sunk, but I should've known better.

"Taylor, words cannot express how sorry I am." I sighed heavily, looking down. I couldn't look him in the eye. It hurt too much.

"I know you are," he softly replied. I saw a hint of tears in the corners of his eyes. Mine immediately began to cascade down my face. I had never felt such remorse in my ENTIRE life. Not even when. . . well. . .not
ever.

"Laura, it's all too much too soon. I. . .I need time--lot's of it. I eventually want to see you again, but just not anytime soon. I'm a mess. I can't concentrate in practice. I feel so out of control. I need to get
myself together." Taylor took a deep breath and paused. "But I DO want to see you again."

"Taylor, I don't expect anything from you. Well, that's not exactly true. I expect you to hate me. You SHOULD hate me. Look at the way I treated you!" By now, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

"I don't. . . I don't hate you Laura. I'm just hurt. I need time." Taylor checked his watch. "Look, I gotta go. I'll be in touch though."

As he walked away, I knew he wouldn't call. He was just going to teach me a lesson. And I deserved it.

Chapter Five

I picked up the phone, but then hung it up. I've been doing this periodically throughout the past three weeks. I would pick up the phone to call Laura, but my anger and hurt would resurface and I'd place the
receiver back in its cradle.

"Tay, not that I approve or anything, but call her already if that's what you really want. Just stop picking up the phone only to hang it up. You're making me crazy," said Zac without looking up from his Calculus
book.

"Okay. I'm gonna do it this time. Zac, do you mind?"

"No problem," he said while picking up his book and leaving the kitchen.

I picked up the phone and dialed Laura's number. On the third ring, someone picked up the phone.

"Hello."

"Um. . . . hello. Is Laura there?" I nervously asked.

"It's me Taylor," was the response.

"Laura, I was just. . . .well. . . you wanna have dinner with me tonight?" I couldn't believe how nervous I was. It wasn't like this was our first date or anything. But then again, it was my first date with her in five
years.

"Um, sure. What time should I be ready?" she responded.

"Seven o'clock. Oh, and dress casual." No need to pull out the big guns just yet.

"Okay. See ya at seven then. Oh, and Taylor?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

I smiled. "No problem. See ya later. Bye."

"Bye," she said, then hanging up the phone.

As we left the restuarant and headed for my car, Laura kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks Taylor. Not just for dinner, but for calling too. I know that couldn't have been easy."

I sighed. "It wasn't, but I really wanted to. And I'm glad I did."

Dinner had gone extremely well, so I decided to take a chance. "I know you don't drink coffee and all, but I got an apple pie in the fridge left-over from Thanksgiving. Wanna come over or something?" 'Please say
yes. Please say yes,' I thought to myself.

"Okay." She turned to me and smiled.

So back at the apartment we sat down in the kitchen to our apple pie. We continued to make small talk.

"So, what exactly are you doing now?" I was curious. When I was in school with Laura, her major was undeclared.

"I'm a teacher now. In fact, I start teaching at Tulsa High after the new year."

I nearly choked on my pie. "You're the last one I would've figured for a teacher!"

She shrugged. "Yeah, well, things change." She suddenly found something about the crumbs on her plate fastinating, and continued to stare at them.

I didn't like the road this conversation was taking us down. I decided to change the subject. "The game's on," I told her. We always watched the basketball games together. Well, not ALWAYS. But in those four months we knew each other, we did.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" she asked.

She led the way into the living room. We sat down on the couch and I turned on the TV. It seemed like old times. Well, not exactly. Something was amiss. There was something between us that was never there
before--space.

I decided to close the gap, taking advantage of Zac's absence. I moved closer to her. Her body tensed, and she concentrated on the game.

"Laura, look at me."

She turned her heard towards me. I kissed her, deeply.

She kissed me back. As we continued kissing, our breathing became heavier. Her hands were now in my hair, mine up the back of her shirt. Her hands ran down my chest and began to lift my shirt. It was soon
discarded to the floor. Not five seconds later, Laura's shirt sailed to the floor as well.

She was now lying on her back on the couch, and I was straddling her legs. Our kissing became more passionate. So I decided to take the next step. My left hand was in her long, silky blonde hair and my right made its way to the waist of her jeans.

I unbuttoned the first button. "Taylor," Laura said softly. I silenced her with a kiss.

I unbuttoned the second one. "Taylor," Laura said again, only a little louder this time. Again, I slienced her with a kiss, more passionate than the last one.

I fumbled with the third button. "TAYLOR!" Laura bolted to an unright position. This caused me to lose my balance and fall to the floor.

"Taylor. Taylor, I'm sorry. I can't do this. . . . not now." Laura buttoned her jeans and began to search for her shirt. "I should leave now," she continued.

"Laura," I said, but she cut me off.

"I'll take a cab home. Talk to you later Tay." She put on her shirt, grabbed her purse and coat, and flew out the door.

I flopped onto the couch. Following her would be no use. 'What the hell just happened?' I thought to myself. Three weeks ago, I couldn't stand to be anywhere NEAR her. And now. . . well . . . who knows what would've happened if Laura hadn't stopped us. Actually, I had a pretty clear picture of what would've transpired.

But we were just starting to get back on track. I hope this didn't destroy what progress we made. One thing was for sure though. Deep down, my feelings for Laura hadn't changed. If anything, they became stronger.

Chapter Six

With the exception of the eleven o'clock news on the TV, the house was quiet. Everyone, myself being the exception, was in bed. I couldn't sleep. All day long, memories of last night replayed over and over in my mind.

It felt so good to be in Taylor's arms again, to kiss him again. I wanted nothing more than to spend the night with him. But I couldn't. It would, in the end, only cause him emotional pain. I just couldn't do that to
him. Also, I couldn't do it to. . . . I just couldn't. End of story.

But at the same time, I could still feel myself in his embrace. I sighed. Mom was right. I was going to have to tell Taylor the truth. Well, I knew I would eventually. It just seemed as if I would have to make my second confession sooner than originally anticipated. I couldn't be angry with myself though. I had long since learned to accept the consequences of my actions.

Someone knocking on the front door interupted my thoughts. I looked out the peep-hole. Standing on the front porch was a shivering Taylor. I opened the door and let him in.

"Taylor, what are you doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is? Everyone is asleep." What the hell was he doing here?

"I know it's late and I'm sorry. It's just that I finally, well, found my courage I guess. I just. . . I'm. . . I'm sorry about last night. Really and truly. I had no business. . . . I shouldn't have . . . . I'm really
sorry. Please accept my apology." Taylor looked as though this kept him up all night after I left.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Taylor, I should be apologizing to YOU. It's NOT your fault and you have NOTHING to be sorry for. I led YOU on, and I'm sorry." I sighed. "It seems as if I've said those two words to you more in the past three weeks than I ever had in all my life. They probably don't mean anything to you anymore." I hung my head, staring intently at the carpet.

Taylor lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. "Oh God Laura! Please, don't EVER say that. EVER. You mean the world to me."

Well, I could pretty much guarantee I wouldn't after he learned the truth. Speaking of the truth, now was as good a time as any to tell him.

"Taylor, I have something to tell you."

He smiled. "What?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Taylor, please stop smiling. This is NOT good news, and you're only making it harder than it already is." With that, some tears found their way from the tear ducts to my cheeks.

"Laura, you don't have to tell me now. You can tell me tomorrow, or whenever you're ready. I just want to put the past behind us now," Taylor said, kissing away my tears.

Honestly, I didn't know if I would ever really be ready. Regardless, it had to be done. Now, before it's too late, before I hurt him even more than I already did.

"Taylor. . . ," I said softly, only to be silenced by a kiss. With each kiss, tomorrow was looking better and better. But in the long run, it would only make things harder, make them worse. I HAD to tell him before
we picked up where we left off last night.

"Taylor, I have to tell you something. NOW." There was an urgency in my voice. I looked deep into those blue eyes I often found myself lost in.

"Taylor, I. . . . ," I kissed him. I completely chickened out. I'm such a coward. What was I doing anyway? Taylor didn't deserve this.

He returned my kiss, only deeper. Just before we had a reply of last night, a small voice dampened the mood. "Mommy! What is that man doing to you?!?!" Taylor pulled his hands out from under my shirt and took two steps back. I turned around. There, at the entrance to the living room,
stood Madeline.
Chapter Seven

I stood there, completely numb. I was frozen. I looked down at the pint-sized version of Laura. One word echoed in my head. 'Mommy.'

"Mommy, who is that man?" the little girl asked.

Laura scooped her up in her arms and walked towards me. "Taylor, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Madeline. Maddy, this is my friend Taylor." A completely new and different Laura stood before me. She had a glow about her, a new glow, a maternal glow.

The little girl, Madeline, stuck her right hand out for me to shake. With this gesture, I began to thaw and a smile spread across my face. Madeline was absoultely adorable. No doubt she would grow up to be as beautiful as Laura, if not more.

I shook her hand. "Please to meet you Madeline," I said.

She giggled. "Call me Maddy." The girl was too sweet and too adorable for words. "Guess what Taylor," Maddy prompted me.

"I give up. What?" I just couldn't get rid of the smile she put on my face.

"I turn four next week!" she said, fidgeting in Laura's arms.

Laura ruffled Madeline's hair. "Alright, that's enough. It's WAY past your bedtime. Say good night to Taylor."

Madeline continued to fidget and Laura set her down. Maddy walked over towards me, and I knelt down so I was eye-level with her.

"Good night Taylor," she said softly. Then she suprised me by kissing me on the cheek.

"Come on you," Laura said, holding her hand out to Maddy. "I'll be right back," she said to me. Mother and daughter went upstairs, hand-in-hand.

I sat down on the couch. Then reality hit and my smile disappeared. I thought of what Maddy said, 'I turn four next week!' Then I remembered what Laura said, 'something happened.' So the something was Madeline.

A wave of hurt and anger rushed over me. I was angry because Laura didn't tell me the truth from the beginning. And I was hurt because it felt like she cheated on me, even though that wasn't really the case. When she left for Spain she wasn't my girlfriend. I hadn't worked up the nerve to make a committment before she left. I wanted to do it when she came back. But she didn't come back. How could she do this? To herself? To me? To us? I put my head in my hands. I didn't know what else to do.

"Taylor. Taylor. Taylor, look at me. Taylor, look at me PLEASE!" Laura pleaded.

But I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. Not after what she'd done. I loved her, but I never told her. I waited, and then it was too late. Maybe if I had. . . .

Laura pulled my hands away from my face, forcing me to look at her. She was crying silent tears. I felt mine spill over.

"Why Laura? Why? Why on earth. . . . ." I couldn't even finish my sentence. This had been a direct blow to my heart. I thought NOTHING could hurt worse than when Laura didn't come back. I was wrong.

"Yes Taylor, the something that happened was Madeline. It was in Spain. A group of us American students went out dancing one night. A little bit of alcohol, a loss of inhibitions. . . . " She shrugged, sparing me the details.

Then her tears really began to flow. "I didn't even know I was pregnant until I got home. I couldn't face you. There was NO WAY I could tell you. So I left without saying good-bye," she finished while wiping her tears away.

She sat on the floor, sobbing. Her eyes begged for forgiveness. I wanted to forgive. I wanted to hold her. But I couldn't. I couldn't knowing someone had touched her where I'd touched her. Knowing someone had touched her where I HADN'T touched her. The mere thought of it all made me feel sick to my stomach.

Regardless of how mcuh it upset her, there was something I had to know. "Where's Madeline's father?"

"Gone. In denial really. Actually, a firm believer in the immaculate conception," she responded sarcasticlly. There was something behind her eyes I've never seen before. I was bitterness.

Laura sniffed and brushed away a few stray tears. "You better go now Tay. If you want, I'll call a cab. You really shouldn't drive, being upset and all."

Finally, everything that had been festering inside me came to a head and exploded. "Upset!?! Upset!?! Oh Jesus, I WONDER WHY! Could it POSSIBLY be because someone I cared deeply about, LOVED EVEN, went off BEHIND MY BACK, IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY NO LESS, and is now the MOTHER of a FOUR-YEAR-OLD GIRL!?! Do you think MAYBE that's it!?! How could you have been SO CARELESS, SO STUPID!?!"

Laura just sat on the floor, eyes closed and bottom lip quivering. I immediately regreted that last statement. But at the same time, I felt as if it wasn't enough. Like she couldn't be hurting nearly as much as I was or something.

Laura opened her eyes. "Taylor, you better leave. NOW. And DON'T say you're sorry 'cause you and I both know you're not." Her voice was suprisingly level.

"Laura. . . . ."

"Go. NOW."

She rose to her feet headed upstairs. I let myself out and drove to the apartment, random tears falling the entire ride.

Chapter Eight

'You look like shit Laura,' I told myself while looking in the bathroom mirror. My skin was pale from lack of sleep. My eyes were red and puffy from crying all night. I turned on the water in the shower, letting the steam fill up the bathroom.

As I undressed, I saw the stretch marks just below my hips, courtsey of my pregnancy. I heard Taylor's words again. 'How could you have been SO CARELESS, SO STUPID!?!' "I'm SO sorry Tay," I said softly while stepping into the shower. "So sorry."

I went downstairs in search of breakfast. I settled for a bowl of cereal and sat down on the couch next to Madeline. She was watching "Seasame Street."

"Morning sweetie," I said, kissing the top of her head. "How'd you sleep last night?"

"Good," she replied, not taking her eyes off the television set.

"Any more nightmares?"

"Nope," was the reply.

"Grandma and Grandpa go out?"

"Yup. They said they were going shopping for me!" I rolled my eyes. The week before Madeline's birthday was going to be a long one.

"Mom?"

"Yes Maddy?"

"That man, Taylor. . . ."

"Umm-hmm. . . . "

"Well, he's really cute."

"Yes he is," I said, sitting Maddy on my lap. "Yes he is."

Madeline and were singing the closing song of "Seasame Street" when the doorbell rang. "Be right back," I said, tickling her sides before getting up to answer the door.

Much to my suprise, standing out on the front porch was Isaac. "Oh wow! Isaac!"

"Hey Laura. You look good."

"Thanks," I said blushing. Ike had always made me blush. Kinda in that same way dad did when he caught me kissing a guy, particularly Taylor.

"So what can I do for you?" I asked, trying to be polite. I had a feeling I knew why he was here anyway.

"I came to talk to you. Mind if I come in?"

"Oh no. Of course not." I moved so he could pass into the foyer.

I led Ike into the living room. Madeline was channel surfing. She stopped when she came to the Disney channel.

"Madeline, this is Taylor's older brother Ike. Ike, this is my daughter Madeline."

She got off the couch and walked over to Ike. She stuck out her hand just like she did for Taylor last night. "Call me Maddy."

I could tell by the look in Ike's eyes that Maddy had completely won him over. Ike was going to make a great father.

"Ike and I are going into the kitchen to talk. What are you watching?"

"The Mickey Mouse Club."

I laughed to myself. I couldn't believe that show was still on. It's about as old as the television itself.

"Want anything to drink?" I asked Ike as he sat down at the kitchen table.

He shook his head no. I sat down across from him. "Madeline's a great kid Laura. You did alright."

"Thanks," I replied. It meant a lot coming from Ike.

"I still can't believe you went through with it. I know you said you were going to name your first daughter Madeline, but. . . . " He smiled.

"WELL, 'Madeline' IS my favorite song. And hey, the opportunity presented itself. If you play your cards right, I'll name my next one Lucy," I said, trying to make light of the situation.

I took a deep breath. "So, I guess Taylor told you everything, huh?" I asked looking at my hands, fingers intertwined.

Ike's face and tone became serious. "Yeah. He called me last night. Tay'll come around. He's just a little hurt right now. He's not thinking of all you went through; having and raising a girl by yourself,
finishing school, plus the burden of how and when to tell him. He's being selfish right now."

I sighed. As much as I appreciated Ike's understanding, he was being way too hard on Taylor.

"Ike, Taylor's not being selfish. He has every right to feel what he's feeling. I've caused him to suffer so much. I know eventually the pain will subside, but I don't expect his forgiveness. What I did was
unexcusable, careless, and stupid. I should've known better. Worst of all, I hurt someone I love in the process."

Ike shook his head. "You're wrong Laura. Taylor WILL forgive you. He loves you too much not to. Remember that day you left for Spain?"

I nodded my head yes.

"Well, I remember asking Taylor why he didn't go to the airport to see you off. He said it was because saying good-bye would hurt too much, and he hated saying good-bye to those he loved. He's always loved you Laura. That day, he told me you taught him what real love is. But it was new for him, and he was scared. So he decided to wait until you came back to tell you. Only, you never came back. . . ." Ike's voice trailed off.

Once again, the tears spilled over. This suprised me. I was pretty sure I'd had dehydrated and didn't have any more left to cry.

"It'll be okay. It'll work itself out. You'll see," Ike said, getting up and giving me a hug.

I wanted to believe his words. I DESPERATELY wanted to. But I didn't have enough hope to invest. This obstacle was just too big to overcome. Most importantly, this wasn't just about Taylor and I. A third party was involved too, Madeline. I had sworn to myself the day I found out I was pregnant that I would protect my baby. And this is one promise I intended to keep no matter what.
Chapter Nine

"I know she'd want it that way." Christopher Cross sang the last line of "Think of Laura." Without getting out of bed, I rewound the tape and then played the song again. As the song began, Zac appeared in the doorway.

"Taylor, what's wrong? You've been like this for the past two days," said a concerned Zac.

I didn't answer. I just laid in bed, my face buried in my pillow.

"Come on Tay. You're scaring me," said Zac poking me, trying to get some sort of response out of me. "It's Laura, isn't it?" Zac asked, still poking me.

With that question my body tensed, and Zac knew he was on the right track. He turned off the tape. "Tay, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything. You're my brother and I love you. PLEASE talk to me."

Well, he was going to find out sooner or later. I rolled over. Zac's eyes were full of concern. Warm tears ran down my face and there was a knot in my stomach. I wondered if this was how Laura felt every time she tried to tell me the truth.

"Remember when I told you Laura said 'something happened,' and that's why she didn't come back? Well. . . when she was in Spain. . . she. . . . she
.. . . . she got pregnant. She has a daughter, Madeline."

I waited for Zac to say 'I told you so.' He didn't though. Instead, he pulled me into a sitting position and gave me a hug.

"It'll be okay Tay. You'll get past this," he said soothingly.

"Get past this!?! How can I possibly get past this? Laura had SOMEONE ELSE'S BABY! And Madeline will be a constant reminder. Zac, I loved
Laura. I loved her so much. And then she went off and. . . how could she be so careless? I THOUGHT I meant something to her. How could she do this to me!?!"

Zac just stared at me, arms crossed in front of his chest. "JORDAN TAYLOR HANSON!! HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELF-CENTERED!?!"

I stared at him, wide-eyed. If anything, I expected him to take my side.

"Do you REALLY think Laura intended to get pregnant in the hopes of hurting you? REALLY Tay. Have you even thought once of all she's been
through? I would've thought you'd be more understanding. After all, you have SIX brothers and sisters. Here she is, ON HER OWN, raising a
daughter, and all you can think is what SHE did to YOU!?! Just in case it slipped your mind, YOU were the one afraid to make a committment. And
besides, it took you TWO DAYS to tell me. Now put yourself in Laura's shoes. There's no easy way to tell someone you love you had a one night
stand."

"It just hurts so much Zac," I said, my voice quivering.

"Taylor, of course it hurts. But it only does because you love her. If you didn't, none of this would matter. You have to talk to Laura. Set
things right. Forgive her. Love her."

"I don't know Zac. I just. . . I close my eyes. . . and I see. . . and it makes me sick. I want to tell her it doesn't matter, but I'm afraid to hold her." The tears spiled over again. I haven't cried this much in a LONG time.

"I know it hurts. Tay, I know it does. But you need to talk to her, set things right. One way or another, you need to find closure. But you're
not gonna find it unless you confront this head-on. And no matter what Tay, I'm here for you." Zac gave me another hug.

"Thanks Zac." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "When did you get so smart anyway?" I asked.

"Since I started spending more time with Ike," he said laughing. I laughed too. It felt good. It was the first time I laughed in the past two days.

Zac continued, "I spoke to Ike yesterday. I asked him if he knew what was with you. He told me what happened between you and Laura. He saw her the other day. She's a mess Tay. I know I was real hard on her for deserting you and all, but I was wrong. She had the best of intentions at heart. It couldn't have been easy, any of it. I was wrong to judge her so quickly without all the information. That's why you HAVE to talk to her Tay."

"Zac, how do I do this? How do I make things right again?" Zac was right. At the very least, I needed some sort of closure.

He shook his head. "I don't know. But I DO know that Laura's gonna have to meet you halfway. It's gonna take a lot of effort on BOTH you parts."

One question remained though. Could SHE forgive ME for all the nasty things I said?
Chapter Ten

Chaos. I was in the midst of total and utter chaos. We had a houseful for Maddy's birthday. Actually, it was just me, Maddy, my mom and dad, my
brother Mike, his wife Whitney, their son John, my sister Pam, her husband Bob, and their daughter Allie.

Mike gave me the evil eye as he wiped the pizza out of John's hair. I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing. John had been tormenting Madeline,
telling her he was smarter and better because he's a boy. Madeline proceeded to shut him up by smashing her pizza in his face and hair. I
made her apologize, but silently praised her. I had always suspected that my five-year-old nephew was the devil spawn, and his behavior tonight
pretty much confirmed those suspicions.

The doorbell rang. I took this as my chance to escape and darted for the door. I opened it and nearly fell over at the sight of Taylor. I stood
there, speechless.

"Hi. I, um, brought something for Madeline," he said.

"That was sweet of you. You shouldn't have. Come on in," I said leading him into the living room. "I'll go get her."

Madeline walked into the living room with me at her heels.

"Happy birthday Maddy," said Tay, holding a semi-large box for her.

"Thank you," she replied, taking it from him.

Madeline sat down on the couch, and Taylor and I sat on either side of her. She tore off the paper and tossed it onto the floor. Upon opening
the box, she discovered the cutest stuffed teddy bear inside. She squealed with delight.

"Thank you Taylor," Maddy said, giving him a hug. At first he didn't react. Then he put his arms around her and returned the hug. A smile spread across his face. "You're welcome," was his reply.

Madeline grabbed the bear and ran off to show everyone her present.

Taylor turned to me. "Is she always that way? So. . .so . . "

"Open with signs of affection?" I supplied.

Taylor nodded his head yes.

"For the most part."

"But she hardly knows me."

"Yeah, but I know you. That's enough for her. Besides, she thinks you're cute," I explained.

Taylor blushed. When his face returned to its normal color he cleared his throat. "Laura, I. . . .I. . . .want to apologize. . . for all those nasty things I said last week. I wasn't thinking, and I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry." His eyes were filled with remorse.

"It's okay Taylor. You don't have to apologize for your feelings, whatever they may be. Over the years I'd been preparing myself for your reaction. I certainly wasn't expecting you to do cartwheels or anything."

A soft smile played on his lips. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me smile even when the subject is serious."

"I can't really answer that. But I know that if I cry anymore I'll dehydrate. Smiling and laughing is pretty much the only other option," I said smiling. It felt good to be flirting with Tay again.

"See? There you go again," he said, laughing softly.

"Seriously though Taylor. Whatever. . . . whatever . . . you're feeling... whatever you decide. . . .I'll go along with it." I looked him in the eyes and placed my hand on his knee.

He moved closer and kissed me. My lips parted, and our kissing became more passionate. Taylor's hands rested on my stomach for a split second,
and then found their way under my shirt. My left hand was behind his neck, the right made its way from his knee up his thigh.

"AHEM!"

Taylor and I broke apart, and I swear my heart was in my throat. Standing in the living room's entrance was my father. I wanted to crawl under a
rock and die.

"Time for cake," he said. He looked from me to Taylor, and back to me again. Then he left.

"What's that now? Three times?" Taylor asked laughing.

All I could manage to do was nod my head yes. Suddenly, it felt about twenty-five degrees warmer in the room.

"Laura!?!"

"What?" I squeaked out.

"You're all red! Awww, how cute! You still get embarrassed!" Taylor said with a huge grin on his face. "I'd think you be over that now though."

"Yeah, well, it depends on the guy," I said softly, examing the plush carpet.

He lifted my chin and looked me in the eyes. "I'll call you," he said, kissing me gently on the lips. "Tell Maddy I said happy birthday."

I nodded my head and then kissed him on the cheek. "I will."

We kissed one more time, and I showed Taylor out. I then retreated to the kitchen and joined in the traditional singing of "Happy Birthday."

Chapter Eleven

I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I had less than an hour to finish getting ready, pick up Laura, and get us to our dinner reservation on time. Today was not only Valentine's Day, but Laura's birthday as well. I wanted everything to be perfect.

"Tay! Phone!" Zac shouted from the kitchen.

I took the phone from him. "Yeah?"

"Tay? It's Laura," said the voice.

"What's up hon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to cancel our plans for tonight," she said.

I dropped the receiver. I picked it up, annoyed. "Why? What is it now?"

"Maddy. She just got sick. Threw up all over the place. I can't leave her with a sitter, so I'm gonna have to back out."

I sighed. "What about your parents?"

"They left already and are spending the night in a hotel."

"Well, isn't there someone else you could leave her with?" Of all nights, Maddy HAD to pick TONIGHT to be sick.

"No Taylor. And even if there was, I wouldn't leave her. I'd only spend the entire night worrying about her."

"Laura! This is the third time in the past two weeks that you've cancelled on me!" I was rather aggravated by this turn of events, and I
was tired of ranking second.

"I know Tay. But do you think I want to? You think I enjoy this? I really want to spend tonight with you. But I can't Tay. Maddy needs me.
My life revolves around her now. My needs and wants are secondary." Laura sounded both annoyed and frustrated.

"I know. I know," I said, feeling slightly guilty about my reaction. After all, I wasn't the only one suffering here.

"Look. My mom will be home tomorrow night. I'll get her to watch Maddy and we'll do a belated birthday thing," she suggested.

I sighed. "Can't. We're recording all day tomorrow. We'll probably work most of the night too since we turned Ike's basement into a studio."

"Oh. I'm sorry Tay, but my hands are tied." Laura sounded like she was on the verge of tears. "I gotta go. Maddy's getting sick again."

"Okay. I'll call you later."

"Bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone with a frown on my face.

"What's wrong?" asked Zac.

"Maddy's sick, so Laura can't go out to dinner," I explained, loosening my tie.

"So why don't you bring dinner to her?" Zac asked.

I grinned from ear to ear. "Zac, you are a genius."
******

I sat down on the end of the couch. Laura stretched out on her back, her head in my lap. I stroked her hair.

"That was the best birthday dinner ever! Thank you," she said.

I don't know why, but I suddenly got an urge. I put my left hand on her stomach and pulled her shirt up towards the ceiling, making room for a pillow to fit underneath.

"What are you doing?" she asked, looking at me quizzingly.

"Trying to see what you looked like pregnant."

Laura got up and walked to the bookshelf. She came back and sat next to me, photo album in hand. In it were pictures from the baby shower. She looked so different, yet exactly the same. Her arms and legs were the same size as when she was in school, but she had gained about twenty
pounds in the abdominal area. Then there were pictures of her in the hospital holding Madeline.

"That one was taken just after Maddy was born. I look like hell. I was in labor for thirty-six hours and seriously thought I was going to split in half."

"Well you look great now. In fact, if I didn't know already, I would never suspect you had a baby. You snapped back into your original shape
like a rubberband," I said.

With that, she got up and stood in front of me. Her left hip was facing me. She pulled down her sweatpants on that side just past her hip, revealing some white, semi-squiggily lines. They looked almost like scars.

"What. . . "

"Stretch marks from having Madeline," she explained.

I gently traced them with my finger. I kissed them and she pulled up her sweatpants. I circled my arms around her waist and pulled her into my
lap. She put her arms around my neck.

"So, it really hurt?" I asked.

She laughed. "Let me put it to you this way. I had the nurse by the neck, and I told her if she didn't give me epidural she'd die a horrible death."

"That bad?"

"Taylor, take two fingers and grab your bottom lip." After hesitating a bit, I did. "Now pull it up over your head," she instructed.

"Okay. Okay. I get your point," I said laughing.

I kissed her. We pulled apart and I wrinkled my nose.

"What?" she asked.

"Your breath stinks."

Laura laughed. "Well, yours is no better. Besides, you're the Einstein who brought the chinese food."

Before she could go on, I kissed her again. Just as things started to get heavy, a voice from upstairs drifted into the living room.

"Mommy!!"

"Man, she has immpecable timing," I said, frustrated.

Laura raised an eyebrow at me. "What EXACTLY is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, it's just that everytime I have something special planned for us, you have to cancel because of her. Or if we're at my place and things get heavy, you suddenly have to get home to her. If we're here, we never get THERE because she always interupts us."

Laura got off my lap. "What are you saying Taylor? Please, don't hold anything back." The expression on her face said that she knew where this was going though.

"Well, it's just, why can't it ever be just the two of us? I mean, Maddy's a great kid and all, but. . . . "

"Taylor, Maddy and I are a package deal. I thought you understood that." Laura was maintaining a level voice.

"I did, I mean, I do. I just. . . I just guess I'm not really ready for this. . . to make all the sacrafices you made."

"Mommy!!"

"Just a sec sweetie!"

"You see? I can't. . . . I want to come first for once," I said. "I should go."

Laura nodded her head and went upstairs to tend to Madeline. I let myself out, once again.

Chapter Twelve

It was a beautiful spring day, and the wind was softly blowing through the trees at Oral Roberts University. It felt so, well, wierd to be walking
through campus and not be a student.

Even though mom is home all day, I decided to send Maddy to day care at ORU. I thought this would be a good preparation for kindergarten in the
fall. Even though many kids are home schooled, Maddy would be going to public school. My mom was by no means a teacher, and I have to work. The state wasn't going to pay me to teach Maddy.

As I continued to walk through campus, memories of my fall semester freshman year flooded my mind. I just reflected though. I did my best not to let the memories haunt me. There was no point in it. I couldn't change the past, and I didn't know if I wanted to either. After the 'one night stand,' I felt as if I couldn't do anything right. But raising Madeline proved to be just the opposite. And if Taylor couldn't appreciate and understand that, then I didn't want him near her. As for me, just one more sacrafice made for the sake of my daughter.

"I'm sorry. I was off in my own world." I apologized for bumping into a student.

"No problem Laura."

"Zac?"

"Yup."

"You look great." He really did. I remembered when Hanson first burst onto the scene. Most looked upon Zac as just a cute kid. Now he's
gorgeous, undoubtedly breaking hearts all across campus, and causing heartache across the globe as well.

"I didn't expect to bump into you here. How've you been?" he asked.

"I'm holding up, I guess. I gotta pick Maddy up from day care," I explained.

"Would you like an escort?"

"Sure. Thanks."

We walked to the day care in silence. For the life of me, I couldn't think of anything to say. Well, there was ONE question burning in my mind. I just didn't know if I could bring myself to ask it. Oh what the hell.

"Zac, how's Taylor doing?"

"Honestly? He says he's doing okay, but Ike and I know he's not. I mean, he's always got wrapped up in our music, but he's completely absorbed by
this album. He's using it like a drug or something." Zac appeared frustrated by Tay's behavior.

I looked at my shoes. "I'm sorry," I said softly.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. You ARE NOT responsible for Tay's actions."

At that point, we arrived at the day care. The kids were out on the playground, and Maddy was swinging on a swing, her favorite.

"Oh my God, Laura! She looks exactly like you!"

"Yeah. Yeah, she does," I said smiling. Every night I thanked God for this. I really had no desire to know what it was like to love someone who
looked like someone you absolutely despise.

"Mommy!" Madeline ran to me, arms outstretched.

"Hey Sweetie," I said, picking her up and giving her a big hug.

Madeline turned to Zac. "Hey! You look like Taylor!"

"That's because I'm his brother, Zac," he explained.

"How many brothers does he have?" Maddy asked. Zac and I laughed. She began to fidget in my arms. "I wanna say good-bye to everyone," she said.

"Okay," I said, setting her down. She ran off towards the swingset. "Don't run!"

She slowed down.

"She's quite a character," Zac commented.

"Takes one to know one." We laughed.

Maddy came running towards us, coat in hand. "I thought I told you not to run," I said sternly. Again, she slowed down.

She walked up to Zac, and he knelt down to be eye-level with her. Maddy extended her right hand. "Call me Maddy," she said.

Zac chuckled, shaking her hand. "Call me Zac."

"Zac?"

"Yeah Maddy?"

"Would you tell Taylor and Ike I said hi?"

"Will do."

"Yeah, me too. And good luck with the album and all," I chimed in.

He nodded. "Sure."

Maddy grabbed my hand. "Bye Zac."

"Bye," he said, grinning and waving.

"Laura!" he called out to me.

I turned around. "Yeah?"

"You did good. You should be proud."

I smiled. "Thanks."
Chapter Thirteen

"Rebecca Hanson. Maternity," I told the receptionist. She typed something into the computer, and then handed me a green pass. "Room 562," she said without looking up.

As I walked towards Rebecca's room, I laughed to myself. Yet ANOTHER Hanson was born in this hospital. I figured it was just a matter of time
before a room was reserved for anyone with the last name Hanson. As it is, mom's on a first name basis with every nurse on this floor.

I entered room 562. Rebecca was sitting up in bed. Ike was sitting in a rocking chair feeding the bady.

"So, have we named my niece yet?"

"Yup. Kaitlyn Elizabeth Hanson," he said, never taking his eyes off the baby.

I kissed Rebecca on the cheek. "So, how are you doing?"

"Fine," she said, smiling sweetly. "Your brother though. . . . "

"What?" I asked.

"He's slightly annoyed because I sorta broke his video camera."

I laughed. "Why?"

"Let's just say that after twenty-six hours of labor, I wasn't feeling glamerous enough for the small screen," she said, laughing. Ike had a pained expression on his face. My guess was that he was suffering from video camera-anxiety-sepatation.

"Hey, hey, hey! Where's my favorite niece?" Zac burst into the room.

I rolled my eyes. "Zac, she's your ONLY niece!"

"Doesn't matter. Okay Ike, give her up. My turn to hold her." Rebecca laughed at Zac's enthusiasm.

"Just a sec." Ike finished burping Kaitlyn and then stood up. Zac sat in the rocking chair, and Ike gently placed the baby in Zac's arms.

"She's so cute," he cooed. "Must take after me!"

"She better not!" Ike said jokingly.

"You know who must've been a real cute baby?" asked Zac.

"Who?" I asked, expecting him to say himself.

"Madeline. You know, Laura's daughter. I ran into them today at the ORU day care center. Maddy is too precious. Laura did alright, raising her on her own and all. By the way, they said hi."

"I'm gonna go get something to eat. Anyone want anything?" I said standing up. I suddenly felt the need to exercise my legs.

"Wait. I'll go with you," spoke Ike. He turned to his wife, "think you can handle these two babies by yourself?"

"Hey!" said Zac.

Rebecca giggled. "I think I've got it under control."

Ike and I made out way to the cafeteria. "So, I guess you haven't spoken to Laura since. . . . "

I shook my head no.

"Ike, can I ask you something?" I asked as we sat down in a booth in the cafeteria.

"Sure. Anything."

"How. . . how. . . how did you know you were ready to be a father?"

A thoughtful expression appeared on Ike's face. "I don't know. I guess I never REALLY thought about it. It's not like I woke up one morning and
said, 'okay Becca, I'm ready to be a father now. Let's go have a baby.' And I'll be honest with you, throughout the past nine months doubts entered my mind. I mean, could I REALLY raise a child? But now, I hold Kaitlyn in my arms, and it just feels so. . .RIGHT. It's just. . .it's the most AMAZING thing. I mean, to hold this person that's a part of you and depends on you. The feeling is just really beyond words." He paused. "Does that help?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I was confused, and the answers I was looking for weren't going to be handed to be on a silver platter.

"Why don't we head back?" Ike suggested. "You haven't even held your niece yet."

So we got up and headed back to the maternity ward. "Okay. Time's up. Tay's turn," Ike said, acting as a referee.

Reluctantly, Zac handed Kaitlyn to me. He got up and I sat in the rocking chair. She began to fuss a bit.

"I was very active when I was carrying her, so she likes motion. If you rock a little, she'll quiet down," Rebecca explained.

I did, and sure enough a smile spread across her face. She just looked so happy lying in my arms, like that's all she needed.

"Hey," I said softly as I stroked her cheek gently with my right pointer finger. She turned her head towards my chest and looked into my eyes.

"If you do that, she's gonna look to be fed," Ike explained. "Here," he said, handing me a pasiciphier.

Kaitlyn gladly accepted it. She moved her arms about, reaching out into space. I touched the middle of the palm of her hand. She grasped my
finger, tightly.

"You got quite a grip there. You know that?" I whispered.

Kaitlyn smiled at me, passaphier falling out of her mouth.

I continued rocking, and started humming softly. I didn't even realize what I was doing. I just did it, like I was programed or something. I looked down at my niece. Her eyelids were becoming heavy.

"Looks like you've got the touch."

"Hmmm. . . ." I said, looking up.

"Looks like you've got the touch," Rebecca repeated. "You look so comfortable, so natural with her in your arms."

I looked back down at my niece. My NIECE. I'm an uncle now, Uncle Taylor. I smiled to myself. It sounded kinda funny.

Slowly and carefully I stood up, Kaitlyn still in my arms. Gently, I laid her down in the "crib" provided by the hospital. For a split second, her eyes opened, only to close again. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was just too precious for words. I sat back down in the rocking chair. And when no one was looking, I would glance at Kaitlyn.

Ike smiled at me.

"What?" I thought he caught me sneaking a peak at the baby.

"You're rocking Tay."

"Huh?"

"You're rocking Tay," he repeated.

Sure enough, I was rocking, just like I had been when I was holding Kaitlyn. Only this time, something felt wrong. Something was missing. I
knew what it was, and I hoped it wasn't too late to rectify the problem.
Chapter Fourteen

"Hello?!"

I shut the front door and walked into the living room. I was greeted by silence. Dad's car was gone but mom's was in the driveway, so I just
figured Maddy was with her in the backyard.

I kicked off my shoes and flopped onto the couch, thankful for the peace and quiet. I massaged my temples. Today had been a LONG day, and the
next month couldn't go by fast enough for me. Why on earth did I EVER become a teacher?

I sighed. The answer was for Madeline. The teaching profession was ideal for me so I could raise my daughter. I had summers and holidays off, and great medical benefits. But still, when someone asked me upon graduating high school what type of career interested me, teaching was the furthest from my mind. I had so many different plans, ideas, interests, and a love for numbers, poetry, and languages. Languages. . . .

(FLASHBACK)

"Why do you have to go?"

"Because I want to."

"Yeah, but why?"

"Well why not? You've traveled around THE WORLD. Why can't I spend a semester in Spain?"

"Because I'll miss you," he said softly.

"Well I'll miss you too. Duh."

"Then don't go."

"I have to go. It's paid for and everything. Non-refundable too."

He sighed. "I know. I know."

"I'm coming back. It's not like I'm leaving forever."

I looked into his eyes. They were filled with mixed emotions. "How do I know for sure?"

"Know what for sure?"

"That you'll be back."

I rolled my eyes. Why was he making this more difficult that it really was? "Why the hell wouldn't I come back? I live here. I go to school here. YOU'RE here."

He smiled, blue eyes sparkling. "Laura?"

"Yeah?"

"Nevermind," he said, looking the other way.

I looked at the pond, the moonlight creating all sorts of intriguing, geometric images on the water. My teeth began to chatter. Then again, it WAS the middle of January. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, trying to conserve bodyheat.

"Cold?"

"Hmmm. . . let me see. . ."

He gently kissed me. "How's that?

"Took some of the chill off."

He kissed me again. "Well?"

"Getting warmer. . . "

Next was the kiss to end all kisses, and what had seemed like sub-zero temperature now felt like a warm spring day. He unzipped my coat and
rested his hands on the small of my back. I opened his and circled my arms around his waist.

"AHEM!"

I nearly fell off the bench at the sound of my dad's voice. "Laura, I've been calling you. I guess you didn't hear me. Your aunt and uncle are here to say good-bye."

"Okay. I'll be in in a minute," I said, my face burning with embarrassment. My dad frowned and walked off.

"I don't think he likes me."

"What's to like? This is the second time he's caught you kissing his little girl. I'm his baby, and he's not ready to let go yet," I said, sensing my face had returned to its normal color.

"Well, I better let you go," he said, standing up.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"No. I'm not going to the airport. I. . . I have some stuff to do."

"Like what?"

"Just. . . STUFF, OKAY?!?"

"FINE."

"FINE."

And with that, he walked away.
(END FLASHBACK)

He walked away. So why was it such a suprise that he did it again in February? Because I thought he had changed, that's why. I thought he had learned to take something else other than his music seriously. Apparently, I was wrong.

I changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top, put my hair in a ponytail, and made my way to the backyard.

"Higher! Higher!" Maddy was yelling while giggling at the same time.

I walked towards the swing set. What I saw almost caused me to have heart failure. Standing behind Maddy and pushing her was NOT my mom, but Taylor.

"Higher! Higher!" she shouted again.

"I think that's high enough, Sweetie. Where's your grandmother?" I asked.

Taylor spoke up. "Your dad had an accident with the drill. It somehow hit him in the mouth. All of your 'regular' sitters were still in school, so your mom called me. She took him to the emergency room."

I rolled my eyes. Living with my dad was, a good portion of the time, like a re-run of "Home Improvement." My dad is the real-life version of Tim Taylor.

"Where's your car? I don't remember seeing it when I pulled into the driveway."

"I parked across the street," he answered.

"Oh."

My blood was boiling. Of all the people to call, my mom HAD to call Taylor. Gory or not, I'd rather she took Maddy with her to the ER.

"Hungry Sweetie?" I asked her, avoiding Taylor's gaze.

"Mmmm. . . yup."

"Why don't we go inside and get you cleaned up? Then I'll start dinner. How does chicken cutlets sound?"

"Great!"

So the three of us made our way to the house. I cleaned Maddy up, and she trucked off to the playroom to spend quality time with her legos.

"Okay. Let me pay you so you can go."

"Laura, you don't have to PAY ME."

"Why not? I pay all my other sitters." I didn't like where this was going.

"Because, I was just doing your mom a favor. Hey, why don't I take you and Maddy out to dinner?"

Nope. This was NOT good.

"I'm sorry Taylor, but the answer is no. Okay, so you baby-sat for, like, and hour. Big deal. But Maddy likes you. She gets attached easily. And
what am I supposed to do when you start feeling inferior to her again and take off? I can deal with it. But Maddy. . . it's not fair to her. I swore to myself when I found out I was pregnant that I would protect my baby. I have every intention of following through."

"Laura, I like Maddy. I don't want to hurt her," he said.

"Taylor, don't. Just don't because I'm not interested." I walked into the living room, picked my purse up off the coffee table, and began to
rummage through it.

"The night you met Madeline and went off on me, I sat there and took it. I deserved it and respected your feelings. But that night you went off about Madeline. . . . well that was COMPLETELY uncalled for. It was also extremely selfish and immature. My daughter is NOT a punching bag at your disposal for whenever you feel you're not receiving the full attention you deserve."

At first, he just stood there with his jaw dropped, looking like a cod fish. But then, I saw an expression of anger take over his face.
"What? Just because I'm no longer a child means that my wants and needs get thrown out the window? We can't be intimate because you have a daughter? You live with your parents Laura. Use them. Let them watch Maddy one night. Put her on the back burner for once and me on the front. You put more time and effort into protecting her than salvaging our relationship. Do you even care anymore?"

With those words, so many emotions charged through me, and I couldn't even begin to identify them. I walked up to Taylor and shoved a twenty
dollar bill in the front pocket of his jeans. Then, for once, it was me who walked away.

Chapter Fifteen

I dragged the laundry basket out to the living room. I'd just finished removing every article of clothing that looked at least REMOTELY dirty from my closet. In an attempt to remove Laura's words from my mind, I was actually cleaning my room. Slowly and surely, it was looking less and less like the pig-sty my mother had proclaimed many times to be an authority on.

I scanned my room, trying to decide which disaster area to tackle next. I chose to go where I've never gone before, under my bed. I crawled under, all the while running yesterday's scene over and over in my mind, which was totally defeating the purpose of cleaning.

I rolled out from under the bed, all sorts of things in hand, dirty socks, moldy pizza from last week, and a bunch of CDs. I began to sort through
the CDs. At the sight of one, I nearly dropped it.

(FLASHBACK)
"Tay? Tay, where are you?" The bedroom door opened.

"You know, you really should've come to the airport. It really upset Laura that you weren't there to see her off," Ike said, sitting on the bottom bunk that I now share with Zac since he moved out.

"I hate good-byes," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Yeah well, for whatever reason she asked me to give something to you."

"What?" I asked, rolling onto my side.

"This."
(END FLASHBACK)

I put the CD in the stereo, and Elton John's voice filled the room. At college, Laura had introduced me to his music. Well, that wasn't entirely
true. I knew his later songs, but she played his earlier ones for me. She showed me that not all songs from the seventies were, in fact, disco.

Elton John's CD, Love Songs, had been Laura's favorite. She played it endlessly. And, thanks to her, it became one of my favorites as well. So
it wasn't really a suprise when Ike handed it to me along with a letter that day. The letter basically said that she wasn't really leaving. That
by leaving the CD, Laura was giving a piece of herself to me. That just like she couldn't live without it, she couldn't live without me, and would
be back for the both of us.

But we were eighteen then, now twenty-four. And all the time she's been back, she's never claimed it. She probably forgot about it. This can only lead me to believe that when she lived in New Jersey, she forgot about me as well.

(FLASHBACK)
"Is Laura there?"

"Who?"

"Laura."

"Do mean DiGiacamo?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. She doesn't live here anymore. The family moved."

"I'm sorry."

"No problem. Bye."

"Bye."
(END FLASHBACK)

Out of longing for her, I'd want to play this CD over and over. But as soon as I'd hear Elton's voice, hurt and anger would rush over me. I would get this urge to smash the CD into a million pieces. But the it was Laura's favorite, and to break it would be to break her. That was just something I couldn't bring myself to do.

The opening notes to an all too familiar song flowed from the speakers. Laura had asked me to learn this song. She had said that 'my soulful
voice would bring this song to another level.' It seemed so stupid at the time. The song was sad, and we were happy. To sing it with any sort of
emotion behind it was next to impossible. But not anymore. And just like how you don't forget how to ride a bike, I sang along with the CD.

"It's sad. It's a sad, sad situation, and it's getting more and more absurd. It's sad, why can't we talk it over? Oh it seems to me that sorry seems to be the hardest word."

My voice blended with Elton's, and I began to understand the true meaning behind the lyrics. 'I'm sorry.' We had over-used those two, small words
and drained them of their meaning. And now, when we really needed to say them, they weren't enough. And to find the right words was just too hard. Yes, sorry indeed seems to be the hardest word.

When the song ended, I removed the CD from the stereo and placed it in its case. Then I grabbed my car keys and left. I knew what I had to do. I
wasn't sure where this one simple action would lead us, but there was nothing else I could do. It was a chance I was just going to have to take.

I rang the doorbell and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. I knew Laura wasn't home, and maybe that was for the better. I was going to
do what I had to do, and leave the rest up to her. The door opened.

"Hi Taylor."

"Hey Maddy."

"Mommy's not home right now. She's at work."

"Maddy!" Mrs. DiGiacamo's voice drifted from the living room." What have I told you about answering the door?"

"But Grandma! Taylor's not a stranger!" With that, Laura's mom appeared at the door.

"Taylor, please come in."

"Oh no. I can't stay. I just wanted to drop something off for Laura."

"Oh," she said, looking disappointed.

I handed her the CD. "Could you please make sure she gets this?"

"Certainly," she said.

I started to walk away.

"Bye Taylor!" Maddy shouted.

I turned around, smiling. "Bye Maddy!"

"Taylor?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you baby-sit me again soon?"

"We'll see."

She waved and walked back into the house, closing the front door.
Chapter Sixteen

I came in through the front door. Before I could even open my mouth, Maddy was standing in front of me.

"Shhh!! Grandma's sleeping!" she whispered.

Maddy led me into the playroom, just itching to show me the latest masterpiece constructed of legos.

"Very impressive Sweetie. So, how was your day today?"

"Good," she replied. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Mommy, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Honey. Anything."

"Why doesn't Taylor baby-sit me anymore? I like him. He's fun."

"Well, Taylor's a busy man. . . "

"And I like him Mommy."

"I know you do, but. . . . "

"Do you like him Mommy?"

"Yes Sweetie, but you see. . . . "

"Because he likes you."

I paused at that one.

"He does. Really. He brought you a present today and everything."

"A present?" I asked.

She nodded her head yes, then ran out of the room. She returned with something in her hand. She gave it to me.

I took it from her and looked at it. A wave of mixed emotions rushed over me as I stared at the case. I was happy and sad at the sight of it. The fact that he kept it, in one piece no less, made me glow. But he had given it back. What was he saying? Was it really and truly over? For good?

After dinner I sat in my room, attempting to complete my final lesson plan. The silence was making me fidget. Finally, I couldn't stand it any
longer. I put in Elton John's Love Songs in the CD player.

Funny. I didn't realize how much I missed the CD until I had it back. The same went for Taylor. Well, not exactly. That's how I felt when I saw him in the supermarket parking lot. But as for now, not being with him was killing me. But I had flown off the handle. At the time, it felt so right. I know there were SOME truths to the words I had spoken, but I
had been too harsh.

I remember the gleam in Taylor's eyes as he pushed Maddy on the swing. He had changed. It was behind his eyes, but I was afraid to acknowledge it. And sadly enough, it was for selfish reasons. I was afraid of being close
to someone again, of him deciding I wasn't THE ONE, and there's only so much heartache I can stand.

The CD approached the end, the third to last song filling the air. I had always brushed this song off, usually skipping over it. It never received
airplay from the radio because it was never released as a single. I closed my eyes and listened to Elton this time though.

"I can feel time closing in. I can feel the years crawling through my skin. And if I doubt myself, I can count on the rain to cover the tears of this aging game."

I looked through the CD booklet. This song, "You Can Make History (Young Again)," had been written before I'd even HEARD the name Taylor Hanson. It seemed pretty unbelievable considering it described our relationship blow-by-blow, at least since my return to Tulsa. I felt the tears well up
in my eyes, and as the bridge was sung they spilled over.

"Ancient minds, ancient lives got a way of comin' round. If I knew then what I know now, I'd find a way back, back in time. I'd make it back to you somehow."

That was all I needed to hear. I knew what I had to do. I was taking a chance, but it was possibly the last one for Taylor and I. I grabbed my purse and car keys, and ran down the stairs.

I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again, louder. Still no answer. Just as I was about to knock a third time, the door swung open.
Taylor opened his mouth to speak, but I silenced him with a deep, passionate kiss. I backed us up into his apartment, kicking the door shut on my way in.
Chapter Seventeen

I was shocked. "Mmmbop" hitting number one paled in comparison to this. At the most, I expected a phone call. But truthfully, I figured it was the end for us. That is, up until now. But as I looked out the peep-hole, there stood Laura on the other side of the door.

I opened it. But before I could utter a sound, her lips were pressed against mine. She deepened the kiss and walked me into the apartment, kicking the door shut. She continued kissing me, and I was too stunned to react. But then she began to gently run her fingers up and down my spine. Their touch was a sharp contrast to her passionate kisses, and brought me out of my trance. I knew where this was going. This is what I had been waiting for since the day I met her. But there were some things that needed to be said first.

"Laura, wait."

"Taylor, that's the problem. I've waited too long. . . to tell you I'm sorry, to introduce you to Maddy, to tell you I love you." Her eyes clouded over with emotion.

"What did you just say?"

"I love you," she repeated softly.

"Laura, . . . . "

"No. Let me explain. I . . . I was hiding . . . behind Maddy. I was afraid. . . . that I wouldn't be good enough for you and of rejection. After everything that happened, I didn't know if you could love me the way I loved you. I did. . . I did want to protect Maddy, but I used that to push you away. And instead of protecting her, I hurt all three of us."

I sighed. A glimpse of the Laura I fell in love with in college returned. "Laura, do you remember. . . . do you remember how it used to be? We can
still have that. It's still there. I know it seems as if everything's different, but really nothing's changed. My feeling for you certainly haven't. And it wasn't all you either. I played a part in this too.
That night before you left for Spain, I wanted so badly to tell you I loved you. But I thought it was too soon. Maybe if I had. . . " My voice trailed off.

"Please Taylor, don't beat yourself up over it. Don't blame yourself for even a second. Only I can be responsible for my actions. But. . .it's hard. I shouldn't expect you to give up so much."

"Laura, I'm not giving up anything. In fact, it's just the opposite. I'm gaining something. You put too much on your shoulders, and you don't have to. You have your parents. You have me. I want to share that with you, not stand by and watch you do it alone. I wanna be there for BOTH you AND
Maddy."

She smiled, her eyes shining with tears. She circled her arms around my waist and buried her head in my chest.

We just stood there in silence, embracing one another, absorbing every detail of this moment. Then she looked up at me, small, soft giggles escaping her lips.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Don't say nothing. What's so funny?"

"Well, it's just. . . . "

"Yeah?"

"Nevermind. You're just gonna think I'm stupid."

"Laura, you are a FAR cry from being stupid. Just tell me already."

"Well, it just, this is like something out of fan fiction or whatnot."

I had to laught at that one. "Oh really? Any story in particular?"

"No. Of course not. I can't even set the clock on my VCR. You know that. So no Tay, I didn't have a web page for you," she laughed.

It was like we were eighteen again, sitting out by her pond. Only better, because her dad wasn't around.

"I have a question for you."

I nodded my head, encouraging her to go on.

"After Paramus, if someone told you that you'd be with the fan who ripped your shirt, would you have believed 'em?"

"Not a chance in hell."

"Do I scare you?"

"What?!"

"Do I scare you? You know, being a fan and all?"

"No. Just don't go ripping any more of my shirts."

We laughed. The thing I loved the most about Laura was her ability to be candid. And where her fan status was concerned, she had ALWAYS been
suprisingly honest.

I glanced at the clock. "It's getting late. Maybe you should be going."

"Why?" she asked, smiling flirtatiously.

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"Well, tonight's not a school night, so my curfew's been extended."

"Oh really?" I kissed the hollow of her neck. "To when?"

"Hmmm . . . . to tomorrow morning."

I stroked her hair. "Are you sure? I mean, are you REALLY sure? You don't have to you know."

She kissed me gently on the lips. "Jordan Taylor Hanson, I love you."

"I love you too," I said, returning the kiss.

"But Taylor, . . ."

"Yeah?"

"Tonight. . . I just want to be with you."

Chapter Eighteen

I breathed deeply, inhaling all the scents surrounding me, coffee, bacon, and Taylor. I just laid in his arms for a few moments, listening to his
heartbeat. This is the way I always wanted it to be, me in his arms.

I opened one eye and sneaked a peak at him. He was awake, watching me. When he saw that I too was awake, he began to stroke my hair and gently
kissed the top of my head.

"Morning."

"Morning." I looked up at him and smiled.

"Sleep good?"

I nodded my head yes, and he gently kissed me on the lips. My stomach growled and he laughed.

"I guess the smell of bacon made me hungry," I said.

"Wanna go see what Zac made for breakfast?" he asked.

"Zac!?! And here I've been thinking you made breakfast for me!" I laughed.

"What?! And leave you?" He shook his head. "I'd rather starve."

My stomach growled again. "Speaking of starving... " I began to search for my clothes as Taylor got dressed. I found my jeans, but my shirt was missing in action.

"Taylor, can I borrow a shirt? I can't find mine. You know, you really should clean this place up."

"Oh no!" he said while tossing me a t-shirt.

"What?"

"It's happened. You had Madeline. You are a mother, and therefore now an authority on pig-stys. I guess it was inevitable."

I laughed.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yup."

Together we made our way into the kitchen.

"Hey Tay," Zac greeted him. When he saw me, he did a double-take. "Laura, you, uh, spent the night here?" he asked awkwardly.

I nodded my head yes and Taylor stood behind me, putting his arms around my waist.

"Um, Zac?"

"Yeah Tay?"

"Why. . . when did you get in last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just, you were wearing those same clothes when you left last night."

Zac looked down at himself. "Oh yeah. I was." He said this as if he was realizing it for the first time.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What time did you get in?"

"Well, if you must know, an hour ago."

"AN HOUR AGO!?!"

"Jordan Taylor Hanson! I don't want to hear another word from you," I said in a voice I reserved for scolding Maddy.

"Thanks Laura. Help yourself to the bacon and eggs." Zac grabbed the newspaper and his cup of coffee. He left the room mumbling under his
breath, "if I wanted the third degree, I'd be living at home still."

I turned to face Taylor with one eyebrow raised, a skill I had perfected since Maddy's birth. "Was the pot just calling the kettle black?"

He shrugged sheepishly and I laughed. I hopped onto the counter, and Taylor fed me the bacon from the frying pan.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" he asked.

"Well, there's a lesson plan I have to finish before Monday. And I have to spend time with Maddy today. We're in the process of learning to ride
our bike without training wheels," I said very importantly. I then put my hands on my hips. "I'm four and a half Mommy. I'm a big girl now. Big
girls ride bikes without training wheels," I said, imitating my daughter's high-pitched voice.

Taylor laughed. "Before you know it, she'll be driving."

"Perish the thought!" I said, playfully swatting him. "I know it's beyond early, but the thought of being in a car with her behind the wheel frightens me. I'm having difficulty seeing myself teaching her how to drive." I shuddered.

He popped at piece of bacon into his mouth and shrugged. "I'll teach her."

That one statment made my body radiate with happiness. I put my hands on his waist and pulled him close to me, gently kissing him on the lips. "I
think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here. Maybe we should work on mastering the two-wheeler first."

He kissed the tip of my nose. "Whatever you say."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My left hand grabbed Taylor's as my right reached for the doorknob of my front door. I knew I must look like a deer caught in the headlights of an
on-coming car, but I couldn't help it. I was about to face my parents. Ever since Maddy, sex had become a taboo subject between the three of us.

Taylor and I walked into the living room hand-in-hand. My father was sitting in his favorite chair icing the right side of his face. He had
had a root canal as a result of the 'drill incident.' My mother was dusting the furniture, while Maddy was sprawled on the floor coloring in her coloring book.

I squeezed Taylor's hand and took a deep breath. "Hey you guys."

My father nodded. That's all his condition allowed him to do. My mother grinned from ear to ear. "Hey sweetie. Taylor, so good to see you again." She fell in love with Tay the minute I first brought him home five years ago.

Madeline jumped to her feet. "Mommy! Taylor!" She ran to us, arms outstretched.

I picked her up and swung her around. I kissed her on the cheek. "How's my baby?"

"I'm not a baby anymore Mommy. I'm a big girl."

"I'm sorry. You're right. You are most definately a big girl."

I looked at Taylor. He was biting his bottom lip to keep from laughing.

"Mommy?"

"Yes honey?"

"That's not your shirt. Where'd you get it?"

"It's Taylor's."

"Why are you wearing it?"

"Because I like it, and he said I could."

"Did you sleep at Taylor's house?"

I looked at her wide-eyed. I couldn't believe she just asked that. "Why on earth would you ever ask me that?"

"Because last night I had a nightmare and you weren't in your room. And you weren't at breakfast this morning either."

I will say this for Maddy, nothing gets by her. I looked at my mom. She nodded her head. I returned my attention to my daughter. "Yes. I was at Taylor's house."

She flashed me a devilish grin and her eyes had a mischievous sparkle to them. "I bet I know what you did!" she said proudly. She leaned in and
whispered rather loudly in my ear, "you had SEX."

Out of shock, I almost dropped her. "Madeline DiGiacamo!" I scolded her. I could believe the word 'sex' had escaped my four-year-old daughter's
lips. I made a mental note to cancel our subscription to HBO first thing Monday morning.

I caught a glimpse of Taylor with my peripheral vision. His face was slowly turning red. Judging by the expression on his face, it was from a
mixture of embarrassment and suppressed laughter.

Maddy knew by my tone of voice that what she had said was inappropriate. Her eyes were filled with remorse. "I'm sorry," she said softly to me.
Then she turned to Taylor. "I'm sorry."

Taylor walked over to me, and took Maddy from my arms. "Hey. It's okay," he said soothingly. "Now, your mom told me something about you learning to ride a two-wheeler. What do you say we go outside and work on that?"

"Yea!" Maddy cheered.

As he carried her outside to the garage, I realized somethig. With the exception of a nuclear disaster, Taylor and I have survived just about
everything. We were going to make it.

Chapter Nineteen

Zac and I walked through Ike's back door and made our way into the kitchen. Rebecca was sitting at the table, paying bills.

"So, where's that beautiful niece of mine?" Zac greeted his sister-in-law.

"I just put her down for a nap. Oh, and Ike should be back in a few. I sent him to the supermarket to pick up diapers for Kaitlyn."

Zac laughed. "If you say 'jump,' does he say 'how high'?"

"Sometimes," was her reply. Then she turned to me. "So, how did dinner go the other night?"

"Great." After working hard most of the summer, the training wheels finally came off Maddy's bike. To celebrate, I took the three of us out to dinner. "The press was in rare form though. I mean, they always gave Laura and I looks but, I swear one guy was stalking us."

Rebecca smiled. "It'll die down eventually. It's big news to them, another Hanson taken off the market. It gets easier though. Really."

The press gave Rebecca and Ike a hard time. The tabloids had them engaged three times before Ike ACTUALLY popped the question.

"They'll get over it," Zac said, shrugging. Then he turned to Rebecca. "We're gonna go downstairs and warm up. Feel free to send down our brother once he's finished his chores."

I rolled my eyes and gave Zac a small shove in the direction of the basement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zac was banging on his drums and I was warming up with a few scales. We didn't even hear Ike come in. But when I looked up and saw him, I
immediately stopped playing. He DID NOT look happy.

"Guys, we need to talk." Ike's expression was serious.

The three of us sat down at the table in the next room, which was littered with sheet music.

"What's up Ike?" asked Zac.


"This," he responded, throwing a magazine onto the table.

I gasped at the sight of the tabloid's cover. On it was a picture of Laura, Maddy, and myself from the other night leaving the restuarant.

"Here are the rules we're playing by," Ike said sternly. "All questions concerning Tay's and Laura's relationship are to be left unanswered. If
they persist or include Maddy, we don't finish the interview. Are we in agreement?" Zac and I nodded our heads.

Then Ike turned to me. "Look, I know you and Laura can take whatever's dished out a you, but Maddy's just a kid. When the three of you go out,
you may want a bodyguard to tag along. Not that the tabloids will completely stop following you, but a bodyguard may help keep the photographers at bay." I nodded my head.

The three of us sat in silence for a few minutes. Then I found my voice. "Did you read the article?" I asked my older brother.

Ike nodded his head. "They're not interested in Laura. It's Maddy they want the dirt on, her paternity actually. Be careful Tay."

"This is ridiculous!" I said, completely frustrated. "Not that I want them talking about Laura either, but we can handle it. Don't these so-called reporters have one shread of dignity though? Maddy's only four going on five!" I picked up the tabloid and hurled it across the room.

"Good Tay. Get it out of your system now, because you most certainly CANNOT act like that in public. If you do, the press will only hound you
more instead of backing off," said Zac knowingly.

"Look, we tour after the new year. Rebecca and Kaitlyn are coming with us. Under normal circumstances, I'd suggest bringing Laura and Maddy too. However, in light of the article, some physical distance between the two of you might be for the best," spoke Ike.

"I guess now I know what Laura meant when she said she had been protecting me by not returning to Tulsa," I said rather softly.

"What do you mean Tay?" asked Zac.

"Well, if this is how the press responds to my girlfriend being a single mom, can you imagine what would've happened if they saw us together while she was pregnant?"

"You would've been pin-pointed as the father," Ike said. This was something he probably knew since he found out about Maddy.

I, on the other hand, had been so hurt I was blind to it. I had been blind to a lot of things, mostly just how deep my feelings for Laura AND Maddy ran. Touring without them was going to be hard, the longest tour of my life in fact. Suddenly, I had a revelation.

"Guys, do you mind if we skip practice today? There's something I need to do."

Ike and Zac exchanged glances and shrugged. "Sure," they said.
Chapter Twenty

The phone rang. I raced across the room to answer it.

"Hello. Can you hang on a sec?"

I covered the receiver and spoke loudly so Maddy could hear me over the stereo. "Turn the volume down, Sweetie."

My daugher had discovered the Hanson CDs in my CD rack. Upon learning there was a song with her name as the title, she insisted playing it continualy.

"Hello?" I said to the mystery caller.

I heard a familiar laugh. "Is that 'Madeline' I hear playing in the background?"

"Yeah. Maddy's so excited that there's a song with her name in it. What's up Tay?"

"Well, I'm glad she likes it. Must be genetic. Anyway, I was wondering what you're up to."

"Not much. Just hanging with Maddy."

"Well, there's something I need to talk to you about. Mind if I come over?"

"No, not at all," I said, swallowing hard. I had seen the article in the tabloid, and my body had overflowed with fears.

"Good. I'll be over in a half-hour. Love ya. Bye."

"Love ya too. Bye." I hung up the phone, contemplating what Taylor could possibly want to discuss.

'Ding-Dong.'

"I'll get it!"

"Oh no you don't!"

Breaking Maddy of her habit of answering the door without checking to see who was on the other side was next to impossible. She sat back down on
the couch and I opened the door.

"Hey Taylor," I greeted him.

He responded by kissing my lips gently. He then grabbed my hand and began to lead me through the house towards the back door.

"Just a sec," I said to him. "Mom?!"

"Yeah!?!" she shouted from the laundry room.

"Can you watch Maddy please? I'll be out by the pond with Taylor."

"Okay."

I didn't expect her to say no. I had, after all, said the magic word, Taylor. Satisfied, the two of us walked towards our favorite spot.
favorite spot. And as we sat down on the bench, I feared the possible topic of conversation.

Finally, I broke the silence. "I saw the tabloid."

Taylor nodded his head.

"I'm really sorry. I hope this doesn't affect the tour or anything."

"Laura, PLEASE stop saying you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for." He took a deep breath. "That article doesn't change anything. I
love you, and Madeline. Forget about the press. The public's just going to have to accept that Taylor Hanson is no longer an eligible bachelor."

With a mixture of relief and happiness, I began to cry. Taylor enveloped me in his arms and rubbed my back, trying to calm me.

"Come on. Come on. No tears. That's not what I came here for."

"I'm . . . . ," but I caught myself before I said 'sorry.' I sighed. "You said on the phone you needed to speak to me."

Taylor nodded his head.

"Well?"

He closed his eyes. After what felt like eternity, he spoke. "Originally I was going to ask you and Maddy to tour with us. I was pretty sure you'd say no because of work and all, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask either. Anyway, Zac, Ike, and I discussed it and decided it's in yours and Maddy's best interest to stay in Tulsa."

I nodded my head. He came over just to tell me he'd changed his mind about offering an invitation I'd only decline anyway?

"Taylor, it's okay. I understand. Go on your tour. I'll be right here when you come back."

I bit my lip, wishing I hadn't made that last statement. It wasn't that I didn't mean it. It's just that my track record wasn't exactly the best
when it came to these farwells.

"Don't worry about it. Besides, you're not leaving for a couple of months yet," I added.

"Yeah, I know," he said softly. "It's just. . . . you see. . . ." He wiped his palms on his jeans.

"Taylor, what is it? You can tell me. You know that." His nervous behavior was sending chills up my spine.

"Well, you see, I know you said you'd be here when I got back and all. . . I just want to insure that you will be."

"How?"

"Marry me," he said matter-of-factly.

"MARRY YOU!?!"

"Well?"

"Well what?"

Taylor rolled his eyes. "I didn't think you'd make it this difficult. I guess I'll have to be official and all."

He removed a small, black velvet box from his jean's pocket. Opening it revealed a gorgeous, yet simple, engagement ring.

"Laura DiGiacamo, will you marry me?"

I sat there, stunned. I DID NOT expect this. "I don't know what to say!"

"Well, how about 'yes' for starters?"

I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. "YES! Of course I'll marry you!" I looked deep into his eyes. "I love you," I added softly.

"I love you too," he said, slipping the ring onto my left index finger.

Chapter Twenty-One

I rang the doorbell and waited. The door swung open.

"Taylor!" Maddy greeted me by wrapping her arms around my legs.

I picked her up. "Hey kiddo! Now, what have your mother and I told you about opening the door?" Laura was right. We had our work cut out for us
where this behavior was concerned.

Maddy rolled her eyes. "I looked out the window first Taylor. Besides, I'm five. I can open the door."

I laughed and set her down. "So, all ready for the first grade?"

"Umm-hmm," she said, nodding her head for emphasis. "Hey! You're back early! Mommy said you'd be back just before I started school."

"Yeah, well, we finished early. I wanted to suprise you and your mom. Is she around?"

"Yup. She's in the back."

"Okay. What do you say the three of us go out to dinner tonight?"

She smiled. "Maybe you should just be with Mommy tonight."

I shrugged. "Hey! Don't say I didn't offer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quietly, I walked towards the pond. Laura was sitting on the bench, staring into space. A peaceful expression rested on her face. I laughed
to myself. She was sitting on that bench when she said she'd be right there when I came back. I didn't think she meant literally though.

I stood behind her, covering her eyes with my hands. "Guess who!"

She jumped up, threw her arms around me, and kissed me passionately. "I've missed you so much," she said softly.

"I've missed you too." I brushed a few stray hairs away from her eyes.

"I thought you weren't coming home until next week."

"Well, fine. If you want, I can go," I said, turning around.

Laura grabbed my arm. "Oh no! You're not going anywhere!"

I laughed. I moved to sit next to her on the bench. We wrapped our arms around one another.

"So, how did the tour go?"


"It was alright."

"Just alright?"

"Well, I missed you."

"I missed you too," she said, delivering a gentle kiss to my lips.

"So, what have you been up to while I was gone?"

"Well, finshed another school year. Signed Maddy up for Girl Scouts. We'll see how long that lasts. Umm, and I got a dress."

I perked up at that last piece of information. "Oh really? What does it look like?"

Laura laughed. "You'll just have to wait until November and see."

"November?"

"What? Novemeber's not good? You said on the phone it was okay. Doesn't matter. I'm sure the church can work something out," she said, standing up.

I laughed, circling my arms around her waist and pulling her into my lap. "November's fine."

"Good. By the way, did you decide. . . . ?"

I sighed. "No, I didn't."

"Taylor! You must be driving your brothers crazy! But don't worry. I have a solution for you."

"You do?"

"Uh-huh. You don't have to choose."

"I don't?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"You see, I'm in a bit of a jam. When I was ten, my best friend Nikki and I promised we'd be one another's maid-of-honor. I wasn't really getting
along with my sister at the time. Anyway, sure enough, when she got married before I moved back here, I was her maid-of-honor. Well, I kinda
forgot and asked Pam to be my maid-of-honor. But Nikki thinks SHE is. So, . . . . "

I laughed.

"Don't laugh! This is serious!"

"I can't help it! Only YOU could wind up in a mess like this."

"Well, for your information, you're in this just as deep as I am. Ike and Zac are waiting."

I stopped laughing. "Okay. You're right. And it's a good idea. Anything else we have to do?"

"Well, you have to sign the paperwork for pre-cana."

I nodded my head. "Speaking of paperwork, there's. . . . . there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Sure. What is it?"

I had been deliberating over this the entire tour. I played this scene out in my mind over a thousand times. But now that I was going to actually SAY the words, I couldn't find my voice. I was incredibly nervous. Normally, I would've spoken to Ike and Zac beforehand, but Laura had to be the first to hear my thoughts.

"Tay?"

This was it. Now or never. "Well, while I was gone, I missed you. I missed Maddy too. And, well, it got me thinking. . . . and I was wondering. . . . . I mean, if it's okay with you . . . " I took a deep breath. "I want to adopt Madeline."

Laura just sat there, dumbfounded. Then she closed her eyes, and silent tears spilled over. She put her arms around my neck and leaned in, our
foreheads touching.

"YOU are the most wonderful man," she whispered.

She pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Maddy will be thrilled to call you dad, and nothing would make me happier."

I smiled because, at that moment, Laura, Madeline, and myself officially became a family.
**A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR.**

Clarifications. . . . . . . and some other stuff.

First off, everyone e-mail llamaesque thanking her for hosting my story. I am far from being technologically inclined, and without her I doubt my story would've been posted.

On that note. . . . LLama-girl, I can't thank you enough. Not just for providing my story with a home, but for your ideas (chapters eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, seventeen, and nineteen), criticism, and just being the GREAT person that you are!! Mere words are not enough to show
my appreciation for all you've done.

And of course. . . . thank you to everyone who read my story and gave me feedback. That's what kept it going! (Special thanks to Laurie for
giving me the idea to write chapters nine and twelve.) Thanks again, and I hope you enjoyed it.

Now, for the clarifications. . . .

Originally I had, oh I don't know, about a million ideas for this story. First it was going to be about Ike. But since I'd already written about him, I switched it to Taylor. At first, it was going to be a pre-fame thing. But then, I decided it might be interesting to explore the lives of Hanson after the fame. So, I was going to send Taylor to college. But something, a statement actually, threw me for a loop. "A friend of a friend" told me I reminded him, in a good way, of his ex-girlfriend who
just happened to be named Laura. Well, this set the wheels in motion. I love the song "Think of Laura" by Christopher Cross, and, thanks to my
mom, I've been watching "General Hospital" since I was a fetus. Put it all together and you have my soap opera-ish "Think of Laura."

"Think of Laura." This song was written in 1983. (Yes, the year Taylor was born.) Christopher wrote it for a friend of his, Laura, who died in a car accident. "General Hospital" decided the song fit Luke and Laura's storyline at the time, and used it. (Sadly enough, this is really the only reason why I know this song.)

"Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word." Doesn't the title say it all? Blame it on the "New Coke" commerical using the song "Sad Songs (Say So
Much)," I am a HUGE fan of Elton John. When brainstorming for chapter fifteen, Elton's CD, Love Songs, was in my discman. And when this song came on, I knew it was perfect. "You Can Make History (Young Again)." Give it up for my man Elton! This song can also be found on the Love Songs CD (track 13). When I heard this
song, while writing chapter fifteen, I almost fell out of my chair. No matter how corny, I knew I HAD to incorporate this it into my story somehow. It was BEYOND perfect!

Below are the full lyrics to all three songs. (Just in case you're interested.)

"Think of Laura"
Words and music by Christopher Cross (1983)
Every once in a while I'd see her smile
And she'd turn my day around
A girl with those eyes
Could stare through the lies
And see what your heart was saying


Think of Laura but laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way
When you think of Laura laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way

A friend of a friend
A friend to the end
That's the kind of girl she was
Taken away so young
Taken away without a warning



I know you and you're here
In every day we live
I know her and she's here
I can feel her when I sing

Hey Laura, where are you now
Are you far away from here
I don't think so
I think you're here
Taking our tears away



"Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word"
Words and music by Elton John and Bernie Taupin (1976)
What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care,
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there?

What have I got to do to make you want me,
What have I got to do to be heard,
What do I say when it's all over?
And sorry seems to be the hardest word,


It's sad (so sad)
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd.
It's sad, (so sad)
Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word.



What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard,
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do?
What have I got to do?
When sorry seems to be the hardest word?

(**SIDE NOTE** I am, BY NO MEANS, a fan of cover songs. However, I would
LOVE to hear Taylor sing "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word." Since the
completion of "the change," his voice has become more soulful. I really
think he'd be able to pull it off. Well, there's always the next tribute
to the songwriting team of John and Taupin.)


"You Can Make History (Young Again)"
Words and music by Elton John and Bernie Taupin (1996)

I can feel the time closing in
I can feel the years crawling through my skin
And if I doubt myself
I can count on the rain
To cover the tears of this aging game

But I can count on you
To play your part
I don't miss a beat of your animal heart
And when you push from behind
I know I can
Cover a mountain with the palm of my hand


Oh babe you can make history young again
You could rewrite it, you could decide
The things that should or shouldn't have been
You could look at me in the scheme of things
Oh babe you could make history young again

I can watch the weeks sweeping by
I can recollect the hearts hanging out to dry
When the world shuts down
I can touch my fears
I can hear lost youth ringing in my ears

But I lost nothing
When I gained you
You just blew me away with yesterday's news
And when you run your fingers
Down my spine
It's like throwing a switch on the hands of time



Ancient minds, ancient lives
Got a way of comin' round
If I knew then what I know now
I'd find a way back, back in time
I'd make it back to you somehow


****This is not my story. I am merely the conduit through which you recieve it. The actual author can be reached at: scheele2@TCNJ.EDU *****

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