9/11/04

• As everyone's already heard, the Penny & Me video is being played on MTV Hits, a second-class, second-tier cable channel that only recently became available in my area. (Thank you, Jesus!) I was skeptical at first--MTV? Hanson? Just to be on the safe side, I still kept an eye on the channel for about 45 minutes on Monday, most of which were spent muted, might I add. (I'll never understand how it is that MTV Hits can be billed as geared toward the "younger demographic." What, pray tell, is younger than MTV today? Blue's Clues? Baby Einstein? In a somewhat unrelated note, it's really a pity that Arnold Swarzenegger wasn't sent back in time to do away with the Sarah Conner whose video I saw several times in those 45 minutes. He would have been doing humanity a great kindness.)
  
  At any rate, guess what finally came on, to much heart palpitation / teenie squealing on my part? That's right...an Afflack commercial! (Kidding. Although I do love me some duck.)
  
  Penny & Me is actually surprisingly lovely, although I will admit that it's perhaps lacking a bit in the creativity/abstract thinking department. Seeing it nevertheless made unbalanced old me cry impossibly big, fat, geeky "I love Hanson" tears. It was the first time I'd ever turned on MTV Hits, and I liked Penny & Me so much that I now can't seem to change the channel for fear of missing it. It may be available online (have I mentioned lately how much I love Hanson fans?), but it's just not the same as seeing the random crackle of the video roll across my biggish TV screen. Overall, Penny & Me is shot crisply and cleanly and has enchanting art direction--the snazzy car, the field of pretty flowers, and the wall of oldschool amps we've seen in still shots are all there, and they manage to create a cozy, homey feel. The whole video is drenched in cool, watery sunlight, like a memory or a dream. It's sublimely flattering to all involved, and, in the grand tradition of David Meyers, there are plenty of loving Hanson close-ups. (Let's just say that the director was definitely on a first name basis with Taylor's mole.)
  
  As we've heard, O.C. girl is Penny, wandering through a lonely day with her Hanson CD--riding around, hanging out, listening to the Official Underneath Earphones^tm while curled up in the shower crying. I think my favorite shots are the ones in the car: Penny dangles her hand out the window, and Taylor magically appears in the backseat behind her, singing along with the music. It perfectly captures the floaty feeling of turning the radio up, pushing the pedal to the ground.
  
  The one complaint is that the video is a little *too* literal...I think there's actually a shot of a bean in a coffee cup when you'd expect it to appear, based on the lyrics. You guessed it: there's lemonade drinking, too. In a random note, when Penny's heading off into the flowery field, I swear she's carrying a gas can. A nod to End of the Line? A momentary hallucination on my part? Who knows?

• Oh. And you know what else? The entirety of Underneath is available for listening at Amazon.com, if you've preordered the CD. I have to say, though, that after hearing This Time Around's track list months before the album was released, I've decided that I'm going to be strong and take the love can wait route. No fumbling around in the dark backseat of amazon for me. I deserve nothing less than the Marvin Gaye and rose petal-strewn bed that is the actual, shiny-new CD in my grubby little hoof. I'm pretty much spoiled already, having of course listened to all of Underneath Acoustic, the five songs on the sampler CD that caused so much brouhaha a few weeks ago, and all the various clips and bits that have been posted on h.net over the years. And now that I've downloaded the Penny & Me video, I pretty much can't seem to stop watching it. I love the song easily a hundred percent more than I expected to, and am literally suffering physical pain at the knowledge that I could listen to Underneath tonight in one naughty binge. But I won't do it. I am strong; I am an Underneath virgin. (Well, maybe a born again one. But that counts, right?)

• As a compulsive Hanson fan, I just drove over 1,000 miles to see the boys live in Baltimore. And while I haven't written up an old-school Hanson fan, ten-page "and then we got out of the car and it was hot!" review, there was some stuff that I just had to get out. Which is here. Read at will, but if you're an Ike lover please don't hurt me. I love him too, just think he's misdirected. Like Christina Aguilla, only with more clothes.

• After such let-downs as Wake Up, I have to say I wasn't really expecting to like the songs on the Hanson.net CD. This fact didn't, of course, prevent me from getting endlessly ticked off when it seemed everyone in the free world had gotten their copy of the stupid thing weeks before me. (Mine showed up this Thursday, dangit! I missed lots of potentially fun communal theorizing, all because everyone else had already assimilated / built up elaborate conspiracy theories about  the new songs before I even got a chance to hear them. ::sulks::)
  
  As soon I got my hands on my very own copy of the "new member packet," though, frustration and longing and annoyance melted away and it was a Hanson CD in my hand and I loved Hanson and I was smiling so wide it hurt and I had to remind myself to stop. It was good. And, much to my surprise--having been spoiled only by AFH's rowdy "I'm too cool for Hanson but still have the time to post here" crowd--it kept being good even after I put it in my CD player. In fact, the more that I hear the songs, the more I like them: They're disenfranchised and defiant and so depressing that I think I might need to look into a Prozac prescription. But they're good. And soaring. And...woah. If these are the cast-offs, what's the album going to be like?
  
  Down: Sad, poor Hanson! This is a lovely song, full of dreamy harmonies, and it really gives a feel for what the boys are vocally capable of these days. (My personal favorite bit, of course, is little Zac's leonine roar, somehow evoking the great, musically melodramatic 80s.)  Although the lyrics on the CD rule out my initial translation, I maintain that "Superman's covered in rust," still sounds interestingly like "silver band's covered in rust." My first thought? "But Taylor Hanson's wedding ring is yellow gold, tacky boy that he is."
  
  Rock 'n' Roll Razorblade: I can't help but think that this is the song that's going to get the boys beaten up by actual badass musicians, largely because lyrically Hanson seem to be trying hard to impersonate them. Lines like "Watch me bleed rock and roll razorblade / won't you watch me bleed rock and roll razorblade" coming out of [Llama point of view: Taylor Hanson's angel mouth] / [Actual badass musician point of view: Taylor Hanson's Ms. Clariol highlighting, purse carrying, girlie-man mouth] seem improbably humorous. Also, I'm slightly concerned that it may have been inspired by Rollerball. Which is just wrong. (Once again, though, love those harmonies.)
  
  Next Train: Lyrics like, "But I've lost too much to your stare / to even waste a sigh" seem to attest to the quite-probable fact that Isaac Hanson is still being walked all over by girls left and right. Overall, the song is lush and charming in its depression, even as it somehow manages to totally slip my mind immediately after I've heard it.
  
  Beautiful Eyes: Uncomfortably enough, this song always reminds me of the book About a Boy. Not for any logical reason or anything...mostly just because Ike so obviously sings with his eyes closed that it's completely ridiculous. Beautiful Eyes is really quite lovely, just Isaac and his guitar, smooth and sad, but its earnest tenderness is almost painful in a cringe-inducing sort of way.
  
  End of the Line: The more I listen to this, the more I like it: it's bitter, jaded, cocky, and an undeniably fun listen as it crackles its way along, rife with 80s-style new wave energy. Based on the cheer-to-tear ratio of these songs--especially this one and Down--I'd have to hazard a guess that Hanson has had an even more trying wait between albums than the fans. Helpless aggression is the order of the day, after all: "Sometimes you can't avoid the lonesome bitter end / she's breathing in some nicotine / and when she's down she'll drown this town in kerosene." Woah baby. Should I call 9-11 or something?
  
  Random observations:
  
  --Beautiful Eyes was copyrighted in 1998, and Down in 2001. That was a mighty long time ago, buckaroo. How many songs do they have sitting around in some notebook somewhere that we're never going to get to hear?
  
  --Taylor Hanson has only gotten more beautiful, and I think my brain may have suffered irreparable damage at the sight of him in these new video clips. Let's put it this way: If this was ancient Greece, I'm 100 percent sure that each and every god in the pantheon would be waging all-out, hair-pulling, bitch-slapping war for the chance to lure him off into some pleasant olive-grove-shaded grotto and ravish the heck out of him.
  
  --These songs are mixed by Steve Ripley, frontman of the local Tulsa band The Tractors that we've been hearing so much about of late. (Well. Okay. Not so much, really, but Zac was in the video for a Tractors song. Which is pretty significant and cool, if you ask me.)
  
  --Hanson (or whomever typed up the information on the mailer) didn't pay attention in English class: periods and commas go inside quotation marks, boys.
  
  --While writing my mini-mini reviews, I discovered a fabulously useful and well-maintained running tally of all Album Y songs known up to this point at Those Hanson Devils. Hooray for dedicated, on the ball Hanson fans :)
  
  --Supposedly there's a hidden track, but I sure can't find it.
  

• There's a wee smidgen of a mention in this week's Entertainment Weekly (the one with the cover story on the Top 50 Cult Movies):
  
  "In the studio: Hanson, in their hometown of Tulsa, finishing up their long-delayed third album with producer Danny Kortchmar (James Taylor, Neil Young). They're also shopping for a new label now that they've split with Island Def Jam."
  
  Also of vague Hansony interest is Cult movie #31: Slapshot. "Reviled at first, the film picked up fans thanks in good part to the 'horrible-looking' Hanson brothers, three four-eyed goons who skated away with both the movie and a still-enduring C-level celebrity." In 1997 you would've thought that these guys were the only three knuckleheads in the world with the name "Hanson;" They were mentioned practically every time Mmmbop came up. Now, of course, everyone knows that the name actually belongs to a significantly higher number of knuckleheads ;)

• Who amongst us every thought they'd see this page updated twice in one year? Not me. But I think anyone who may actually be reading this will understand when I say that all the Hanson in the air is getting to me, and that I'm positively aglow with love for them in way unseen since 1997. As a girl who obviously has more money than sense, I've just returned from tooling around New England and the Mid-Atlantic in their wake--Hartford last Wednesday, Albany last Thursday, and Sayreville, New Jersey, on Saturday. And I'm already wondering if I can manage the trip to Long Island, come April! I've seen crack addicts better off when it comes to resisting their drug of choice. (Given, it was on NYPD Blue. But still. I'm told that show is all about the gritty realism.) Will I review the recent concerts? Ehhhh...too soon to say. One thing that I can say for certain, though, is that two of my partners in crime for the last leg of the trip will doubtlessly have tons to say: Laura, whose review is yet to be posted, and Toona, whose take on the trip is already up for your reading pleasure. (I've never met darling Toona before, and have to say that I was skeptical when Laura said that she should be Zac's girlfriend. Not anymore, though. While Kate is lovely and all, I doubt she's quite the imaginative, creative little spitfire that is Melanie.)

• Up until yesterday, a list of things that I was sure I'd never do again lived in the darkest corner of my dusty mental filing cabinet. It included all the things you'd expect of a girl my age: wearing pink and green at the same time; thinking the Hard Rock Cafe is cool; loosing a tooth. And down at the bottom, written in crabby, scratchy handwriting on a lousy day, was "write hanfic." And today? Well, let's just say the list is one item shorter. On the off chance that anyone actually still visits this page and is in the mood for Hansonfiction, I present you with a profoundly random and vaguely Hanson-related short: Both of Them.

• So the true irony of this update is not the fact that I actually remember the mechanics of uploading a webpage, but the instead that on Saturday I stood outside of the Baltimore venue with Laura and said (with a completely straight face), "I think I've grown up because I feel like I could go home, not write about this, and live the rest of my life." Ha. Ha. Ha.

5/18/03

• The drought is over! ::sings in the rain:: Well, not exactly. But still! There's been new Hanson in the recent past, which I'm sure we all agree is quite exciting. In honor of Hanson.net's second anniversary, approximately fifteen minutes of footage was posted--showcasing not only the boys talking a bit about their time in the studio for the upcoming album (no doubt titled "Ha, You Never Thought This Would Happen, Didn't You?"), but also some fabulously poppy samples of the new material. Feeling a wee smidgin of guilt about not mentioning this earlier, I went ahead and transcribed the entire bloody video as best I could. I won't risk awakening any ::cough:: sleeping giants by posting sound clips, but I figure that this transcript is both legal and moral. Those non-Hanson.netters amongst us will really get to see what they're missing ;) There are also some screen captures from the video up, which I highly recommend checking out.

• Gesh. This drought is impossibly brutal, isn't it? :( Last time around, we really only had to contend with one year that was completely Hanson barren--The Albertane tour ended late 1998, and by December 1999 This Time Around was already on the radar, announced and leaking like wildfire. As of right now, our last real Hanson fix was in November 2000 when the TTA tour ground to a halt in South America. (Although it's rather hard to tell if this date is accurate. According to ever-helpful Hanson.net, nothing past the Boston show in October is confirmed.) By my doubtlessly flawed calculation, that puts us at about one year and four months Hanson-free. (And sorry, the Warfield tape doesn't count. At all.)
  
  At any rate, there's an itty-bitt Hanson mention in this week's Entertainment Weekly to break the monotony:
  
  "M2M-The Big Room
  They're still girls, not yet women. Britney-esque Norwegian teens Marit and Marion continue to sing about cliques and crushes, though they exhibit some musical growth since their debut, which spawned the hit 'Don't Say You Love Me. 'The best uptempo tracks--"Everything," Miss Popular"--recall the acoustic pop of Hanson (that's a compliment). But the gals' wispy vocals can't carry the ballads. A set of hits and misses, with little in between."
  
  Talk about humiliating. To have what from all accounts seems to have been pretty terrible break-ups with your boyfriends, and then end up being compared unfavorably to them for the rest of your professional life =X
  
  Also, the "Britney-esque" crack is pretty dang offensive, eh?  They have ovaries. And boobies. And occasionally show the later. The last time I checked, Britney Spears didn't have a music-industry patent on either.
  

• Okay, so call me crazy but there's another new song on hanson.net and I love it. Like, seriously. While the title is cringe-worthy indeed, the song itself is glam and majestic and self-indulgent and seriously fun. I think that I might be the only person with a single kind thing to say about it, though--the consensus at my online hansony haunts is that the song is dreck. As far as I'm concerned, it's just another installment in the Hanson-goes-LA-and-does-
  Francesca-Lia-Block series begun with Hey, and that's fabulously wonderful. Just listen to Taylor puring "there's nothing left in this town but a [insert something that sounds suspiciously like "rollerball hurling down"]" and tell me you don't like Rock 'n' Roll Razor Blade. I dare you. On the also new at Hanson net front, if Taylor Hanson isn't auditioning to play a mid-70s Elton John on MTV he should not be seen within 300 yards of these shoes. 

• One of the exciting perks to being a Hanson.net member that they're always talking about has finally materialized! Taylor Hanson is sitting downstairs on my couch *right now,* waiting to wisk me away for an intensive songwriting session in Los Angeles. Okay. So it's not as exciting as all that, but still--new music is new music. 30-odd seconds of "Hey," the confection that lies in store for us during tonight's episode of Sabrina, to be exact. (Well, lies in store for you. We don't get Sabrina in Vermont, so I shan't be seeing the show. ::whines::) Despite the boyband-ready title, the song is really quite fun. The mind positively boggles at how dreamy Taylor must look while singing the "do do do do" bit, although that's rather beside the point. It's Hanson goes Francesca Lia Block...all "after Sunset Drive cruisin', you're just yesterday's prize." If that's what he's really saying I have no idea...but it kind of sounds nice, eh?

• The newest batch of pictures posted at Hanson.net has given me both a new desktop and a new favorite "studio" pic. Just looking at it, I'm positively engulfed by the desire to snuggle down in that white mesh hammock, bathed in the lemony yellow sun, and watch Hanson record their new album. All the tiny details are fantastically interesting, too--who's doing the paper cutting? Is that a historical Hanson hanging on the wall behind Ike, perhaps a grandfather returning a victorious hero from the War to End All Wars? Is this their new house, or is it somewhere mysteriously LA?

• Yet *another* random Hanson siting has occurred. I was in a local bookstore yesterday looking for a Christmas present, and I came across a book of quotes from pop musicians. I almost didn't even bother checking for Hanson because it looked kind of hardcore for them, but I looked. And guess what? There was not one but two quotes from Zac.  One of them was relatively new, something about "Yoko action," and the other was about screaming girls from 1997. And people say it's bad to be a wiseass ;)

• What a mad Hansony week it's been! First the radio interview and Strong Enough to Break (both, of course, available for download at the ever-spectacular Hanson Hotel), and then the History Channel appearance. It's an embarassment of riches, I tell you.
  
  The interview was an interesting crossroads in Hansony history, methinks. For once, boys 1 through 3 were being treated with respect by DJs, and they were answering some non-stupid questions. This is the future of Hanson. Depressingly enough the past of Hanson was also wildly evident during the show in the form of inanely screaming girls. Okay. So seing Hanson is a completely big deal. I understand that 100% and have a handful of stupid comments and moony moments of my own to back up this fact. But screaming? Why? Way to make us all look stupid, and Hanson too.  
  
  Strong Enough to Break actually makes me think that the 30 year wait for the next album might be worth it. My favorite part is definitely the "nothing ever seems to change" bit, and that's immediately followed by what I think is the silliest line in the song: "just playing records in a deaf man's charade." This gives me a real autobiographical vibe--I think they're talking about TTA, aka the flop heard 'round the world. Hehe...I know it's an impressive attempt at Hansony depth, but it just sounds like such a wounded-teenager journal entry: "nobody loves me and I'm all alone fighting the good fight." (Okay, so in the case of Hanson, this is actually true. But still. It should be written in pink pen and the i's should be hearted.) Also fabulous is Taylor's guitar playing--the extra musical instrument really adds depth to their accustic performance.

1/14/01

• Um yeah. So my day off to read The Lord of the Rings turned into two weeks. But dang are those some good books. And I, as a general rule, find the entire fantasy genre downright nausiating. I swear that I'm going to get going on the Pulp Fiction-a-thon this weekend. (And updating Various Artists...I apologize that it's been so long, but this new computer business is almost more trouble than it's worth!)

• An average* book page is 300 words long. At the fiction-a-thon rate of 300 words a night, it would take about four months to write a 200 page book. And even in spite of these rather sobering facts, I'm taking yet another night off from posting...this time so I can read The Lord of the Rings. (I am so geeked out over Tolkein these days even I can barely stand it, so don't mind me.) Today's excuse comees from Stephen King's fabulously enjoyable book On Writing: in it he says that no one has any business writing if they don't love to read. I hereby declare today a reading day! ;)
  
  *"Average" in this case defined as "Non-Francesca Lia Block."

• Thoughts of the moment: (1) Dang, I'm tired. (2) I really hate fantasy books. You throw a few hundred thousand words together, mix up a bunch of improbable characters with thirty syllable names (none of which include vowels, mind you), and call it a classic. So why is it that I've not only seen Lord of the Rings three times in the past week, but I've also bought the entire trilogy in paperback? It can't even be completely chalked up to the mind-numbing hotness of Orlando Bloom, the dreamy warrior elf boy. He's not in the books, after all. (He is, however, currently on my desktop. And my screen saver. And in my dreams...hehe....)  (3) I really think the Pulp Hanson Fiction-a-thon is fabulous. It's the excuse to write that I've needed ever since college ended--it's much easier to put things off when you do them just for yourself, not for a grade or to avoid humiliation in front of your peers for wussing out and never updating. Having said that, man is it ever hard to write every day. For example, as of today I've used up my two get out of jail free cards for the entire month, and barely a week has passed. Hehe...I'm going to see what I can do about changing the rules to allow one day a week for editing, or not posting. Or laziness. Call it what you will. (4) Happy holidays :D

• ::Heaves sigh of relief:: Guess who has just discovered her Frontpage disk? That ws the good news. The bad news is that my newest musical obsession is completely distracting me from working on today's 500 words for the Fiction-a-thon. There's this spiffy webcast going on over at JohnMayer.com and I'm all giddy about it to an almost Hansony extent. His music is so completely dead on that it's almost painful to listen to. I still highly, highly, highly recommend him, though. He's a little Dave Matthews, a little Hanson, a little the most perfect boy in the world ;)

• The Pulp Hanson Fiction-a-thon is up and running, if you want to check it out. I really think that it's going to work out exactly as we hopped it would: it's this big, messy, interesting community of people egging each other on creatively. I've already got my eye on a few entrants that have mad potential. So long, drought of interesting things to read. :) I literally can't remember the last time I've just written fiction for the heck of it, and it feels so good to be building something out of words again. (Speaking of my story, it's pretty teenie and not really going to be Hanson related, but it's been a heck of a lot of fun to work on.)   So yeah. Go take a peek, and remember it's not to late to sign up.

12/16/01

• I'm sitting on my floor right now, in the center of a little circle of clear rug that's surrounded by binders and books and laptops and laundry racks and printers and cds and candles and random Christmas presents. Why's that? (You might ask this if you cared, which you probably don't.) Well, because I still can't find Frontpage and am working on Bessie, my old computer. I'd left it set up at the foot of my bed after getting the new one, so that I could copy my absurdly  volumnous Hanson files  to Bessie2. Apparently I'm never going to get rid of this milstone around my neck, though. I'll have one computer for webpage maintance and one for actual use. ::exhasperated sigh:: Also, it should go without saying that I absolutely cannot update Various Artists until I figure something out--or just break down and just go re-buy the bloody program already. What, I ask, is $150 more dollars when I just dropped $1,700 on a computer?

• I was beginning to doubt the possibility of having anything interesting to blather about here ever again, thanks to our favorite little hermit rockboys. Now don't go getting to excited--there's no actual news. If you've been an internet slacker like myself lately, however, there might be something new to enjoy this fine evening. Check out this random circa 2000 interview. It's 20 minutes long and totally worth the time to download: Hanson are all passionate and giddy with their love of music. I don't know about the rest of you, but that's so what I want to hear from them right now. Forget about the politics, forget about the business: they really just love what they do, and they're great at expressing it--especially Taylor. Speaking of whom, it's getting hard to tell the difference between him and Zac. Their voices both have this comfy, scratchy timbre that's absurdly pleasant, and sometimes they even use some of the same inflections. Hehe...but Taylor's kind of lispy, huh? And there's also the subtle distinction that only one Hanson brother would say this: "You know the scary thing about music? Even the crap is successful." (Maybe that was his TTA-bombed coping mechanism. Good doesn't sell, bad does.) The other quote of the night is Taylor's stunningly insightful: "Hanson is boring. They don't talk about enough trivial things.... I sometimes feel more like I'm running for president." Sometimes I think the boy should run for president--he's really good at respecting, I think, and that's maybe the most important step to relating to people. More fun Hansony things to explore: uncontrollable.org. And remember: Don't suck :D

• In the lengthy absence of actual news, at least Hanson are throwing us some bones with appearances to dissect. Good to know we won't get out of practice in the drought of '01 ;)
  Things you can tell from the batch of Hanson pictures from 11/11 at Mainstreammag.com:
  
  --Ike all of a sudden is a snappy dresser. Who saw that one coming?
  --Taylor completely lightens his hair.
  --Ike has a new ring. He's starting to look like an extra from the Sopranos.
  --Perhaps Ike's been sucking Taylor's fashion sense while he sleeps: what is blondie wearing? Looks like he fell out of bed and put on whatever stuck to him when he stood up.
  --Despite this, he still looks like he's been beamed to our dimension from some interesting Renaissance fresco.
  --There must be a different Santa Monica Pier than the one I've visited--perhaps that one is in Antarctica. I was at the So Cal version in January, and it was probably all of 50 degrees out. Taylor and Ike are dressed like they expect to be venturing off with some guy named Perry.

• Taylor looks like a Fraggle, eh?

• Psych. The Hanson drought drags on without so much as a light at the end of the tunnel, train or not. ::whimper:: I miss our boys.

• Wow. So every time I sign on it's like there's new lawsuit news...but no *information.* Billboard posted an article yesterday saying that Hanson and Chrysalis records had filed against MP3.com, but their language was really, really vague. They didn't say "in two unrelated cases..." or anything--they just said Hanson and Chrysalis. NME, apparently a slightly shady British music tabloid, has turned that into Hanson and their label, Chrysalis filed a suit. Hmmm. How's that, when Hanson are still signed to Island Def Jam, a completely different company, for at least another album? Might Chrysalis be trying to buy out their contract? And how clueless is the LA Times? Right in the midst of this crazy, precedence setting mess, they run a random fluff piece about the new album. Random.

• To be filed under information conspicuously lacking from certain news-filled Hanson pages that we all know and love: Hanson Sues Music Locker Service Over Copyright. I suspect that everyone out there has already heard about this little debacle, but it's definitely worth mentioning again for those of you who might have missed it.
  
  There are many bizarre factoids involved, but one of them isn't that bizarre: I was kind of stunned that Christopher Sabec, longtime Hanson crony and specialist in music law, wasn't handling this case. A little research into the firm that Hanson are working with--Gradstein, Luskin and Van Dalsem--shows that they've been part of a good number of the higher-profile copyright infringement cases of late. So the boys thought this was serious enough to take to specialists, even if they are supported in this motion by their management. (Although, it's entirely possible that they're not. It's hard to tell because the case is just related to the Jam N' Bread Publishing aspect of their poppy empire, other things that are more heavily parent/management run [like hansonopoly] aren't really included.)
  
  The wildest thing about this news is, of course, that Hanson are sort of suing their own record company: Universal owns MP3.com and it owns Island Def/Jam. These days, the entire music industry is such an incestuous mess that it seems like it would be impossible to sue anyone involved in it that isn't supported by Universal in one way or the other, though. The  author of the article really downplayed this fact, so either he's completely without a clue or actions like this are more common than we hear about.
  
  The topical motivation behind the suit is pretty obvious: Hanson want  to both make a statement about how copyright laws are being bent these days, and also get reimbursed for violations committed against their intellectual property--their songs. BUT you don't just go around suing the gatekeeper company for the entire music industry without expecting repercussions. Not only does Universal, in the guise of Island, distribute Hanson's albums and handle their A&R and creative direction, but they also promote their concerts and provide the venues where they play.
  
  We know that the boys have been having troubles with their label of late. (If you don't believe me, run and get your copy of MOE 11. Flip to the page that introduces the new music section and read it. Notice anything? Maybe this stands out: "At this point the album is still 'a work in progress.' We push on to get this record out, still very eager and enthusiastic, frustrated by circumstances beyond our control..." ) I think that it's a fairly safe bet that Hanson have prepared new material that they intended to release at least once since they first entered the studio last spring, but were kicked to the curb by Island and told to start over. Is this suit some sort of threat? Hanson could very well win it, but no matter what happens they loose if they intend to remain in the mainstream music industry. Blackballed by Universal would be a very, very, very bad state of affairs.
  
  Two alternate theories about why they've put themselves in this situation: 
  
  1. It's really just a threat for leverage. They don't intend to bite the hand that feeds them, but they're using this as a way to prove that they would to gain concessions from Island. Concessions like getting to make the album they want to make, when they want to make it. (I lean towards this one--it's a gamble, but a survivable one. They probably have the potential to tick Universal off about as much as the above actions would, and still hope to have access to venues and promotion in the future.)
  
  2. In the words of the ever-brilliant Laura, "They're pulling a Jessica Beils."   As long as no renegotiation has occurred since the days of MON, Hanson only have one more album left to release on their contract. Then they'll be free to do what they want--find a new label, shop around for a place that's going to support them more creatively than it seems IDJ has. Maybe they want out bad enough that they're willing to throw away everything they've worked on for album Y to be dropped from their label and become free agents again. Oh. You thought they could take what they've been working on for IDJ and bring it to another label? I doubt it. The label owns that stuff, and they're not going to be getting the tapes without paying a handsome ransom. Think about Prince. The man is re-recording his entire *catalog* because it's being held hostage by his former label.

• What could be more random or more fun than The Way Back Machine at http://www.archive.org/? It's sort of an oddly thrilling thought that someone out there is realizing the importance of the internet to our culture--in big ways and little ways, it can provide a degree of insight into life in the early 21st century that is historically unimaginable. Our webpages might seem "self-absorbed" (could be I'm the only one who gets told that all the time, but methinks not), but really they're an indicator not only of our individual obsessions and thoughts, but of the way we, as a society, think, philosophize, and act. Imagine if Emily Dickinson had a Live Journal? If Einstein had a webpage at geocities.com, or if Dante Alegheri posted on usenet? All those things would have been lost forever without an archive like the Way Back Machine, and as information decimation becomes more and more amorphous, we're at ever more risk of letting the extraordinary pass away. It's comforting to know that today's foremost means of expression for young people won't decompose into nothing more than meaningless electrons.
  
  While you think about the potentially huge impact of social scientists in 3491 CE having this pipeline into our collective unconsciousness, why don't you wander over to an old Hansonline? (Which, might I add, got me all misty and nostalgic. I miss the oldschool "our next door neighbor did this on his Packard Bell" feel of it, not even to mention the ever-entertaining "Where Is Hanson?") And for the newschool fans, now is your chance to meander into A Page of Honest Opinions on Hanson as it existed in 1998, complete with Tulsa 74320 and mostly-intact review pages. You could also read the long-absent, yet deeply wonderful For What It's Worth or hang out at the eternal classic, Hansonhotel. Sadly, the archive doesn't really date back to the first wave of Hanfic authors like Violet, Ebeth, Diana, or Ashley, but there's still much to entertainment to be found.

• However does one get oneself invited to a Naked Chef-hosted dinner party? Really. He's the cutest man alive, calls his wife "the missus," and thinks that the number of bears (and Hansons) is "free." He of floppy hair and big blue eyes shall be back on tv at midnight tonight in a repeat of the Christmas special I just watched, and I highly recommend you check it out.

• Speaking of the holiday mood, it's about time to start the yearly rotation of Snowed In, now isn't it? I honestly believe it to be my favorite Hanson album to date--it held onto all of the sunny pop-iciousness of MON while branching off into later day, rocking Hanson territory.

• ::dies laughing::  I've just discovered the most horrific Joe McIntyre song *ever.* And believe me when I say that although I am indeed a fan I'm well aware that there's a lot of hot competition for that title. I can't decide what's dumber: that he rhymed the apparently nonsensical abbreviation PTC with NYC, or the little rap about the West Side at about the two minute mark. And this isn't even taking into account it's set to a *flash* video with stick figure girls shaking booty. Oy.
  
  I have to say that one of the cool things about seeing Tick Tick...Boom was, in the immortal words of Stefanie, "it's like a Joe McIntyre concert. Only with good songs." Pity to see the boy waste his lovely voice on the dreck he writes =X

• I just saw Shallow Hal, and find myself incapable of verbalizing just how much I like those Faralley brothers movies. They're stupid--*wicked* stupid--but they're really all sweetness and light disguised as rowdy comedy. In the cosmologies they construct, being a good person is a reward, and has a reward, even if you're not perfect and beautiful and normal. It's a lovely thought, that. So after I watched the movie I was feeling hypersensitive about the attractiveness levels of the people around me, and who did I see? This boy. ::swoons:: He was like, Taylor Hanson. Only cuter. One a scale of one to ten gold stars, he earned approximately 1.5 million. Floppy golden hair, smooth pale skin, huge green eyes--too regular and precise and even to be a Calvin Kline model, too quirky for American Eagle commercials. In short, I stared, eyes glazed with wonder and awe, until his girlfriend kicked me =X

11/9/01

• Woah. Eventful weekend much? When I'm 35, I fully intend to look back to these random New York trips as evidence of my long-gone foolish youth and occasionally-sowed wild oats: five hour roundtrip drive to Boston, eight hour roundtrip train ride to New York City,  all in the span of about 35 hours. And why, you ask? Well, you silly reader you, to indulge one of my few but passionately embraced teenie loves, of course. Three words: Joseph Mulrey McIntyre. While it's true that you can only be twelve once in a lifetime, if you've got a Joey Joe in your world, you can feel twelve for a lifetime, which is maybe even better. (Note to those of you who were unconscious / newly born in the early '90s--Joe McIntyre = the QT of New Kids on the Block.) It's seriously a bizarre thing to grow up to see your dream gone flesh. The boy that I stood next to on the steps of the Jane Street Theater (cool yet gruesome side note: that's where they took the Titanic dead) was the same boy I spent seventh grade dreaming about: The same curly hair; the same Caribbean-sky-at-noon blue eyes; the same easy, golden retriever of a sweet-tempered boy mannerisms. He's still absurdly beautiful, but now he's so real all of a sudden. The whole trip was great, from fumbling our way through the New York subways to The Full Monty to the boy who was once my future husband in Tick Tick...Boom.  Do you care? Probably not. But I personally feel very refreshed after this bout of teenie gushing. ;)
  

• Well, after no less than 60 woman / llama hours of work, the new issue of PulpHanson has hit the mail. :) It's absurdly beautiful, if I must say so myself. And on top of that, the writing is so, so, so good--Hanson fans continually amaze me with their mad abilities. You think Michelle Branch's record contract is extraordinary? Well, there's no doubt in my mind that amongst our odd little clique of Hanson writers we have many future professionals at the literary craft. Someday we'll rule the world. And Hanson shall be peeling grapes and waving fig leaves at our beck and call.  ::sigh::  ;)

9/30/01

• The Hanson hotline was updated yesterday. I hope that Marit was around to give Ike a big old hug after he left the message...he sounded like he could use one.   Other than that, no Hanson news to report. The new MOE is coming 'atcha, I guess, and in about twelve years we should actually be getting it up North. (MOE time + United States Postal Service disaster time = llama recieving social security before MOE arrives. Or not. Will social security survive this? Would it have survived even without this?)

• How very interesting. That Moffatts article that I linked to below msyteriously disappeared from the internet. Hmmm...excuse me for getting all conspiracy theory, but I wonder if the Moffatts threatened to get mideavel on the paper if they didn't remove it. At any rate, becuase Hanson fans are such wonderful creatures, Lindz from AFH posted the text:
  
  Moffatts' London gig last for a while
  
  By JAMES REANEY -- Review
  
  The Moffatts didn't sell out Centennial Hall last night, but the four brothers
  from B.C. still made some Canadian rock history.
  
  It'll be the last time the Moffatts are on a stage together for a while -- and
  maybe even longer. Like forever. The estimated 900 fans, happy to scream along
  with the platinum-selling Moffatt hits, may not all have not known what was
  happening with their teen heroes.
  
  "They've got to figure some stuff out," said Frank Moffatt, father to triplets
  Clint, Dave and Bob and their older brother, Scott. Keyboard player and teen
  heart-throb Dave Moffatt is heading to Australia for a prolonged trip and the
  other three are off to hiatus-land, their father said just before the show.
  
  After the show, tearful fans hugged Dave Moffatt and wished him well before he
  drove off. Centennial Hall official Brad Jones said that "in six months" every
  fan in the audience would come to realize it was "the last Moffatts show --
  ever" that rocked the London hall last night.
  
  "I know the three other guys (Dave's brothers) are are writing only rock
  music," Frank Moffatt said. But he predicted last night's show, heavy with
  material from their recent album Submodalities (EMI), wouldn't be their last
  outing. The Moffatts also have another album to record. Meanwhile, they're just
  tired -- having made the 10-year trip from family band to rock band -- of being
  pegged as a "boy band" over and over again.
  
  The show itself was heavy with hints a break is no bad thing. The opener last
  night was also the first track from Submodalities, called Just Another Phase.
  
  A line from the night's second song had guitarist Scott Moffatt singing, "This
  is the end of the beginning," and bassist Clint Moffatt later spelled out the
  brothers' history -- starting out as a family outfit, trying on country, then
  pop and now rock.
  
  "I think this represents where we are now," Clint Moffatt said before the
  brothers launched into a new rock tune. But they also made the fans stay with
  the new stuff by mixing it carefully with their hits, including Girl of My
  Dreams and I'll Be There For You.
  
  By mid-set, the Moffatts had also checked out more tunes from Submodalities,
  including Life On Mars, Walking Behind and California.
  
  Scott Moffatt was in feisty form all the way. He got in a shot at a sign
  somewhere in the audience about Hanson, the U.S. kid band which has been a
  nuisance to the Moffatts' serious aspirations as musicians. Nobody listens to
  Hanson any more, he said to more cheers and screams.
  
  Unlike some of the pre-fab teen outfits around, the Moffatts have earned all
  those cheers and screams the hard way -- by playing their own instruments,
  writing their own songs and growing from boys to young men in public. No wonder
  their dad seemed proud of them from his spot at the back of the hall.
  
  The opening act, the all-girl LiveOnRelease, provided the perfect contrast to
  the Moffatts. Also from B.C., the pop-punkers LiveOnRelease walk on the wild
  side.
  
  They already know how to play with a bad-girl attitude. At least one
  four-letter word popped out amid all the band's jumping and arm-pumping and a
  few of the Moffatt fans applauded sarcastically when it came time for the
  openers' last song.
  
  But that wasn't fair either. LiveOnRelease are like the Moffatts tougher,
  mouthier kid sisters -- and the four don't mind the abuse a bit.
  
  Their big hit, I'm Afraid of Britney Spears, mocks dance-happy Britney and
  other teen stars.
  
  LiveOnRelease is afraid of Britney Spears? It's more likely to be the other
  way around.
  

• I've always been vaguely fond of the Moffatts--they're cute little boys that make some fun music. There's some news on their front today, but can I just say that what Scott said about Hanson in this article makes it completely impossible for me to be bummed about it? If you're going to go out, do it on a high note. But such a concept is apparently unfamiliar to Mr. masturabatory self-licker :b

• Wow. Didya all see those pictures of Hanson in New York last week? Isaac and Marit are absolutely precious...I hope they get married and have multidues of darling little musically inclined babies. As for Taylor and Zac's girls...well. They're really pretty. And, not being one of them, I'm thoroughly prejudiced against really pretty people. I will therefore withold judgment until I have something to base it on that's more substantial than their size two jeans =X

• You know how every time I hear clips from a new Hanson song I get all obsessively adoring and declare it the most wonderful thing since God invented American Express? Well...this time it's for real. The current culprit? Get Up and Go, as posted on the ever-glorious Hansonhotel.com latest news page. If the link doesn't work for you, I apologize for being personally responsible for hogging the bandwidth that's intended for new viewers. ;) It's sunny, it's power poppy, and I can't stop listening to it. What more could a girl ask?  (Oh duh! An absence of annoying foreign voice overs and a few extra minutes of song.) Ike is all of a sudden a dead wringer for Ben Folds, huh? The song seems to include a very high pitched Taylor singing "A girl like you baby...something...a guy like me...." I think that back in the optimistic day when all of those new articles came out this song was mentioned by Taylor as being about trying to get rid of girl he didn't like...some sort of masculine, iron john call to arms. Hehe...um. No. Not at all. Grow some facial hair and give it another try, girlie boy. ;)

• The past four days didn't happen. There is no way that the things that I've seen--on TV, in the newspaper, and on people's faces--could be real. It must be a movie, right? The more time goes on, the more everything really feels like it's from a horribly misguided sci-fi channel extravaganza with an offensively large budget. For all of our lives, we've lived in an America completely separate from the rest of the world: a safe place where we forget that there's more to worry about than Knicks games or having the right jeans. But that safe place doesn't exist any more. It's crumbled into so much ash on a New York City street.
  
  I don't even know what to say, and it's like I can't think about what's happened any more. I've come through it being painful and emerged on the other side--all I feel is numb disbelief. I'm so sorry this happened, and I hope that...what? That you're all okay? That you and everyone you love are safe? I think it's going to be a long, long time before either of those things can feel true again.

9/14/01

• I've never been much of a Salon.com reader, but in the past few days I've been noticing some fabu new articles over there. There's one about Clear Channel being sued as a monopoly, and a side-splitter about TRL:
  
  "'Do not use the title of the video in your shout-out...you do not want to see Destiny's Child because you are bootylicious.'"  The crowd nods. They are not bootylicious. Got it.
  
  I recommend going to check them out :)

• Well, the first de-hansonified Lived letter is up if you're bored out of your mind/hard up for reading material. I actually really, really like it--some retooling made the whole thing come to life a lot more for me. For the past couple of months I've been using any spare minutes I have to edit a printed out version of the story, and I'm just starting to input the changes into the electronic file. Of course, I'm completely rethinking everything I wrote out, which makes that first step pretty pointless. But whatever. The biggest problem comes up in the last few letters: I think they're too horrible to be healed, so I might have to start all over again =X Hopefully this revision doesn't suck out any of the charm Lived might have initially possessed. Warning: I don't think I'm going to bother to post all of the revised letters unless I get specific requests for them. Don't want to waste your time or mine.

• Dude! Michelle Branch is like *everywhere.*  (Sorry. I had to do that.) It's bizarre to hear the DJs at my pathetic little local station talking about this random person that I once knew only as the annoying girl who wouldn't stop posting about herself on the hansonline message board =X After the whole Admiral Twin record contract bruhaha, I had expected never to hear anything of Michelle again. Apparently there's more than a subtle difference between what happens to a band signed to a dead little label that's sputtering out it's last breaths, and one signed by the crown queen of pop's label. Fast forward to last week, when while flipping around on my radio I came across a fun little song that I'd never heard before. I stopped and listened, and all of a sudden the word "everywhere" put in an appearence. It took me practically the whole song to figure out that this was indeed Michelle Branch, and more than that--that I *liked* it. Everywhere has some fantastic lyrics and all in all it's really well done. Brava! Now let's all go buy Michelle's album next week and cast a soundscan vote for the anti-Britney, as she has been called by AOL.   ;)

• Trashy attempt to cross-promote merchandise of the week: I recently got Not Just the Beatles, a book about the concert promoter who introduced the Beatles to America. It's quite an enjoyable read, even if I've spent the first 100 pages wondering why the subject couldn't afford a better ghost writer. (I suppose that it's told in the man's voice, but his redundant sentences are painful to read. Not even to mention the 25,000 descriptions of Bernstein's favorite foods...they should have called it Not Just the Beverages and gotten it over with.) At any rate, long about page 45 the reader is attacked by a full page, glossy insert ad for Net to Phone that borrows a completely inappropraite quote from the book and is all decked out in '60s mod flowers and fonts. Ick. Just ick. I see promos when I go to the movies. I watch commercials on TV. Why, oh why, must I put up with them in my *books,* the last vestiges of goodness in the world?

• Boy, did I ever get toasted in my guestbook for my catty response to the unholy marriage of a Hanson song/ Disney Soundtrack. Don't get me wrong--I really enjoyed The Princess Diaries. I read the book early last year, saw the movie the weekend it came out. Good fun was had by all. But that doesn't mean that I think the soundtrack was anything even vaguely resembling a shrewd career move on the part of Hanson. Nor do I think the movie was faultless...the last time I checked, girl power had very, very little to do with a good eyebrow plucking.

• Things you should do this summer include: read To the Lighthouse. Watch The Naked Chef. Write a story to be included in the very first hanfic issue of PULPHanson. You've read the rag. Now write for it ;)

8/12/01

• I am 100% certain that even as I type my next door neighbors are calling our property management company to complain about incessant Hanson-related sonic violations ;) A new song in the middle of a long, nasty drought is such a pleasant experience! However, I believe that Laura over at Brightandbeautiful.org pinned the nail on the donkey when she said that Wake Up is "murky like Loch Ness."  I find myself really liking it anyway. It's definitely very TTA-informed, but it feels more comfortable somehow--like the inner Hanson was really unleashed on this track. And hey, even if the cozy southern rock vibe isn't your thing, you've got the "doo doo da" chorus to evoke specters of old school, poppy Hanson. Listening to the song I want even more than usual to spend some time in the studio with the boys ;) It's *so* close to perfectly done that every time I hear it I can't help but think that with the push of a button and the negligable turn of a dial the vocals would come exploding forth and the mix would showcase those celestial harmonies. ::sigh:: Wow. I almost sounded like I knew what I was talking about for a second there, huh?  So Wake Up (on the Princess Diaries soundtrack, in case you've been living under a rock of late) is definitely worth the purchase. Even if you're as sure as I am that come the judgement day, everyone who owns any CD with Aaron Carter on it is going to hell. ;)

• So apparently some clever, thoughtful Hanson.net person asked the boys if they'd strip for 1,000 pounds during the chat tonight. Gesh. What was I thinking skipping it? The level of intellectual discourse that went on was obviously just stunning ;) At any rate, it sounds that Zac is still precious and all self-effacing--he replied "I'd only strip for twice my body weight." Hehe...assuming that the lad spent enough time in England to realize that pound is the British monetary unit, he sounds like someone I'd hang out with in real life. ;) And speaking of which, yet another reason to join Hanson.net has come to light (beyond the "From Us To You" sections which have prompted me to doubt the efficacy of homeschooling...hehe...). There's a 35 second clip of Wake Up, the new song from the Princess Diaries Soundtrack. It sounds oddly...homemade. And I can just *see* the face Taylor must make when he sings "It doesn't matter, you have everything you please."

• I can feel the clammy fingers of the drought as we speak :( I miss Hanson articles that have something to say other than "we'll be in the studio next month!" Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm beginning to suspect that the above ditty might be Hanson's equivalent of my "I'll start my diet *next* Monday." Harumph. Scraping the bottom of the barrel here, but at work we get these sample illustration books that contain little portfolios from lots of different artists looking for work. A couple of years ago there was a New Kids picture that was freakishly morphed with the Simpsons characters (proof that there is a human being weirder than me is always comforting, somehow). At any rate, this year's Black Book of Illustration has a Hanson picture! It's barely recognizable, but it was in the Tower records free magazine review of TTA. Of course, I immediately inherited the book and now am proud owner of yet another useless bit of Hanson memorabilia

• Oh horror of absolute horrors, Hanson are appearing on a new soundtrack. The latest Gus Van Sant project, you ask? Perhaps some trendy, indie artiste like their Chillicothe buddies? No, no, no. The soundtrack for Mandy Moore's very first movie appearance! It's a Disney movie. Need you know more? Things we've learned today: Hanson still don't get that they've lost the teen pop crowd for good. (In a sidenote, I read the book the movie was based on. It could have been considerably worse, but if Hanson were going to be on a Young Adult fiction adaptation soundtrack why couldn't they have held out for a Francesca Lia Block movie? ::sulks::)

• Yeah. So remember when I said that I'd have more online time after the move? Well I was wrong. All of a sudden I live in the harsh world of local call charges of two cents a minute, which doesn't sound like much until you do the math and realize just what an internet addict I am. =X Also, my roommate reads over my shoulder. Which really, really cuts down on the time I can spend at the ever-controversial hansonerotica.com =X

7/25

• I doubt if I'm alone in thinking that the one high point of the much-hyped, much-sucky Pearl Harbor was the dizzyingly beautiful Josh Hartnet. That slow, sweet smile could melt glaciers. And in honor of this momentous new beauty, my friend Alex has just earned herself bragging rights as the first ever Josh Hartnett fanfic author. She's put together a lovely, lovely story that makes him seem even more delicious than nature did in the first place. If you're interested, I definitely recomend that you check out the story.:)

• I was in Boston this weekend, and being something of a student of the teenie arts, I was aware of the twitter of little BSB fans in the air. Apparently the band, after being downgraded from Foxboro Stadium because they couldn't fill it, are playing 5 dates at the Fleet Center. Which is crazy. And probably will hold far, far more people than one night at Foxboro would have. 4 of the nights have sold out, theoretically because the same 10,000 girls will be attending all of them (imagine, if you will, what we would do if Hanson was playing somewhere 5 days in a row. I'm sure camping equipment and portable showers would be involved.) At any rate, I was kind of curious about how that fandom works, so I checked out the bsb newsgroup.   Interestingly enough, two days after the first Boston date there were no reviews or anything posted--unthinkable on AFH or in any Hanson community I've been a part of. What really killed me about how different Backstreet Boys and Hanson obsessees are was the reaction to an article the Boston Globe ran on its front page about bsb. The title alone would have had us foaming at the mouth: "Backstreet Boys No Longer Larger than Life." The article just goes downhill from there. In fact, if you're a bsb fan and can't deal with criticism, I recommend you don't even read it. For the rest of you, check it out and think how many colors of purple you'd be turning if anyone even considered printing a review of a Hanson show that was so unflattering. We'd be waging letter writing campaigns in an attempt to get the author deported! The bsb fans? Nothing. There are about three posts about it on their newsgroup, whereas something like this would inspire 9,341,000 threads on AFH debating every syllable. This leads me to two conclusions: 1) BSB are really on their way out and 2) Hanson fans are endlessly more cerebral than your average boyband types.

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