Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed for the phone that was ringing, wondering why Kate hadn't picked it up.
"Hey Lace, I'm at the Hanson's, can you go to church with them, I'm not going." She sounded tired like me, it was at least 1am when I finally got to sleep last nite.
"Yeah, sure, I guess..." I was hesitant, almost not wanting to see Zac so quickly again lest last nite was just all the mood.
"K, they'll be leaving in about a half hour." I'd better get moving then. I knew I'd see Zac there this morning, but he was in the college class, so I didn't think I'd have to be in close proximity. Now every choice mattered.

Thinking back to last nite, I smiled at what had been the best nite of my life so far. Just being out with all the guys in such a relaxed atmosphere, dancing with Zac, that was definitely a high point. When Zac had said he wanted to go out again, just he and I, I could have exploded I thought my little crush had disappeared, but it all came flooding back last night. Feeling like I was a giddy 10 year old again, I found myself wishing he would kiss me. I thought he would for a moment, but now I realize that he wouldn't of, out of all the guys, Zac was definitely the shyest, and I knew from evesdropping, that he rarely even kissed on the first date. That really wasn't even a date, or was it?

While trying to find an appropriate dress, one that was okay for church, but would still make Zac take a second look, I tried to determine in my head what it was that made me feel like I did about him. He was a ton of fun, grown up enough, but still enough of a kid to have fun with. We had, in the last years, developed a relationship that I would have thought was more on the brother- sister end of the spectrum. There were many times through the years, that even though we knew each other well, that a look, or just the way he spoke or was doing a particular thing, gave me what Jess refers to as "wooblies". God forbid, she never knew I got them over her brother. This was going to be interesting, explaining to her that yet another brother was going to take something up with a Ketterman.
Last night as we danced, there was a strange aura to us, He was such a big guy compared to my 5"2" frame. I liked the way I felt around him, he made me feel so little and feminine. Man that sounds corny... I think it may be more than that too, it wasn't just a physical reaction to him. There was some sort of connection there otherwise. Other people have said that to me too, once being out with a group of friends, we ran into him. After he left, two of the girls told me that he looked at me differently, not like a crush, but just like he had some sort of respect for me. Even after that wild sleepover where I had to do the unimaginable and not only go to his house, but kiss him, french, with a witness, he never mentioned that, but I sure got a few odd looks from him for days after. Jessie was there, she gagged and told me she was sorry they did that to me. Acually I didn't mind one bit.....

I tried to judge how tall he had gotten. I noticed last nite, that Ike was the shortest of all of them and I think Tay and Zac were about the same, maybe 6'1 or so, but Taylor was so thin, he got his mom's build, and Zac got his dads. Had he gone to public school, I'm sure he would have played football.

I had just put a little makeup on, something I rarely did, but thought maybe I would now. A knock at the front door startled me, had it been a half hour already?
"Coming...." I yelled down, hoping whoever was at the front door would hear. I ran a brush through my hair for the last time and flew downstairs, grabbed what was serving as my purse that week, and threw the door open. There stood Zac, hands shoved in his pockets, with a big sloppy grin on his face. A flashback of him at thirteen flew through my head.
"Hey....you ready..?" He was actually acting shy around me....guess last nite wasn't a dream. I crawled to the back seat with Jess, Zac was in front with his dad.
"You have makeup on" Jess was shocked, guess I couldn't blame her, it was sort of a unspoken pact between us about that sort of stuff.
"Well, uh, I kinda liked the way it looked last nite, so I thought I'd take a swipe at it myself this morning--does it look horrible?
"You look very nice" Diana turned in the seat in front of us, and winked.

Later that afternoon, after the game, I hadn't even called Kate to come get me, instead opting for a queit walk home by myself. I rounded the corner to the house only to find Zac sitting on the frontporch swing, reading. He looked up seeing me heading for the house, and his face grew into a huge smile.

"Hey..." we both said at the same time, then laughed. I was suddenly very self concious about not having showered after the game.
"So...um...we never decided when we were going to do-- uh...go out" He was just so cute, stumbling over his words, his cheeks flushed pink. Looking up at me from under that famous shock of gold hair, I almost melted.
"Well, um, I have school this week, so how about next weekend--Friday or Saturday" I was a little nervous, but he was so much more so. I wondered where that confident, smart alec Zac I knew had gone at this moment but this new version was definitely worth getting to know. Reaching over he ran his hand over my hair and down my back and was off with a promise to call this week as soon as he figured out what we could do.

Chapter 17

We just sat and talked for hours, about everything and nothing. We talked about what our late night declaration meant to each other, and I told her that I never stopped loving her from that first night.

I honestly believe that she is my soulmate. We've got all the right things in common, and all the right things different. It's hard to explain, but it's like even though we have some things completley different, when it comes right down to it, we're exactly the same person and the differences only make it more fun. I love her too much for words to describe. She's my first thought in the morning, and the last thing I think about before I sleep each night. There's nothing more I'd rather do than just simply stay home and be with her, it's like as long as she's there, nothing else matters. When she walks in a room, she completley lights it up, I'll never understand how she does it but the fact remains that she does. Simply, it comes down to us being right for each other. When I am with her I am complete, but apart, I feel like a part of me is missing.

The issue of our physical relationship came up almost immeadiatly. We knew that we couldn't just vow not to be alone together, especially when that's all we wanted to do. Neither of us believed in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, but how we were going to handle it was a different matter. It was just going to have to be a matter of self control. It felt so good to be able to just lean over and kiss her finally without all the garbage attached to it. It was an expression of how I truly felt, and now that I could freely do it, it was almost liberating. Maybe it won't be so hard now, I think maybe the reason our slip ups happened, is that we were denying our physical selves, what our hearts already knew.

We had also discussed where this relationship was heading, was this dating, or were we more serious than that. I was, and I was glad to hear she was as well. Was this it, had I finally found the one that I could have children and grow old with? The feeling that I was about to cry or burst from the night before, had changed suddenly. I still couldn't breath, but now it was a feeling of absolute joy.

Chapter 18

I watched Ike carefully this morning with her. It was like it was yesterday for me with Diana. That feeling of a complete and utter lack of control when I was around her, but never wanting to be without her. To this day, after 7 kids and 25 years of marriage there are still moments when I look at her and feel the same way. This was a serious step for him, but I could tell he was ready. He was nearly finished with his schooling, He had a sucessful career set for him and even though he was a bit younger than what I hoped my kids would be at this crossroads in their life, I felt a pride and happiness for him that was unequalled.

It was hard to keep my mind on the service that morning. I wondered if Di was having the same thoughts. Was it already time for our first child to be ready to leave the house and start a family of his own? It would surely be a few years, but we were moving closer to being grandparents, even though Zoe had just finished kindergarten. I felt her squeeze my hand a few different times, that told me that she too was thinking of other things than what was being spoken.

Kate was gone when we came home from church, and Ike and Taylor were sitting in the kitchen, both smiling like the cat that ate the canary. They left, keeping their secret whatever it was, between themselves, almost as soon as we came home. Zac seemed unusually happy that afternoon as well, that must have been some party last night.

Watching my boys as they went out the door was a strange feeling. Pretty soon, Ike wouldn't be the only one. Taylor was 20 , 21 before too long, and though he didn't have and female friends, I knew that it wouldn't be a matter of years before he too, would be out of the house. He wasn't going to be like Ike, he would find the right girl, make the decision, and be done with it, that's the Tay delt with everything jumping in headfirst and full force. I shook my head thinking I'd have a while before Zac would concern me with these things, I had a hard time with him being anything over 13, he just seemed to have stopped at that age to me. He was responsible and mature, but he just had that appearance of being a 13 year old in an 18 year old body. Then thinking back to the way Jess left the house with them the other night, the boys had been easy, would I have the same luck with girls?

I sat and watched Di as she finished putting away the lunch dishes, and for the first time in months we were alone in complete solitude. I didn't know where the kids had gone to, each their own separate ways. She stood there with her back to me and I thought of this picture years ago. She seemed to have not changed a bit. All the craziness this family had been through and she was still the same sweet enduring person she was 25 years ago. Oh, a few gray hairs tarnished the once solid golden blond locks, but she refused to dye it or even cut it. She claimed that she had earned each and every one of those grey hairs, and that she wore them as badges of honor, so to speak. There was that feeling again, it had never changed in all these years. Putting my arms around her, I leaned against her and could feel it was still there for her as well.

Chapter 19

"Tay, my man,- your brother has taken a big step in his life..." his smile looked too big for his face, maybe even two faces for that matter. A sudden thought crossed my mind-
"You didn't!" It would have been way too soon, but then again this was Ike.
"Huh? oh no-, but we certainly talked about it..." He laughed nervously.
"This is it, we made a commitment to make this work this time." He was wringing his hands, but still looked like he was going to burst.
"She loves me Tay, I have someone who really loves me--you can't know how that feels.." I laughed as I watched him. He looked like his skin had suddenly become to small for him, Like he was just going to explode out of it at any moment.
"Well, it's about time--you guys have been dancing around this thing all these years" I swear I almost felt like I was gonna get misty, just watching him this happy..
"Hey, you need to write some stuff, last time you were officially with Kate, man, we got a platnium album out of it!" We both laughed together. We watched as the van pulled into the drive.
"So, is it pool then this afternoon?" I put my hands on his shoulders. Man, he's gonna marry her...the thought ran through my head.
"Pool it is, but I want to make a stop first." We walked out laughing as soon as we had let them know we'd be gone for the afternoon. I was surprised Zac didn't ask to come, but he looked like his mind was elsewhere.

Pulling out of the drive, Ike went the opposite way from where the pool hall was, towards downtown.
"Where we goin'?" In the mood he was in, I really had no idea.
"You'll see when we get there" He was just high on life, can you get a DUI for that?

We pulled up in front of Phil's Jewlers, he was a friend of the family, I had just been here not too long ago to get my class ring for UOT.
"Whaddya think, Tay, I want to at least go look?" He was serious about this...lifetime serious.
"You're this serious?-- You don't think it's a little soon for this?" I was beginning to question his sanity, but looking couldn't hurt. That's what a brother is here for, to support you through those moments of insanity in your life.
"I--I just want to have it, I just want to have one, in case the moment is right...we are this serious, we're not dating, we are going to make a try at this being something more." I hadn't moved out of the car feeling like if I actually went in there with him, that this was it, I was handing him over, I didn't want to do that, a little bit of jealousy was almost working it's way in. He got out, and I followed.

"Issac, Taylor!, How's the family?" Phil was like a brother to dad, they had gone to school together, but he never married. He owned several stores around Tulsa and the surrounding cities, and I don't think there was any jewelery in the family that hadn't come from him.
"There's no birthdays soon, guys, what's up?" I looked at Ike, he was over by a case of engagement rings. I motioned to Phil to look over at him.
"No!" he mouthed back at me...I smiled broad and shook my head in confirmation.

I knew heading into the pool hall that afternoon, that Ike was no match for me, he was much too distracted. As predicted, he wasn't, but we didn't really come to play the pool, this afternoon was about somthing completly different. Driving home, I thought about some other things that had happend the night of Kate's party.
"So, what were Zac and Lacey doing at her house when you guys came home that night"--Ike looked confused, but I had a feeling this was going to be a new state of consiousness for him.
"Oh, Uh, nothing, I guess--they were outside laying on the lawn in the backyard. I heard alot of laughing, I guess they were just hanging out." I had seen some looks that Zac was giving in Laceys direction that nite, and I had began to wonder. Rounding the corner to home, I looked over at Lacey's porch to see Zac reading a book sitting on the porch.
"Hey!-Ike- Look!" I almost made him run off the road....I pointed to Zac on the porch, he looked at me confused again. The wheels were beginning to turn in my head.

Chapter 20

When I got home that morning, I took up post in the sun in front of the french doors to the back yard. A few worries still nagged at the back of my mind, but I was actually very much at peace for the first time in a long time. I replayed portions of the morning in my head.

"So what does this mean for us, are we just dating again, or is this a serious commitment to something more?" His hands were trembling slightly, I think at the prospect of what my answer was going to be.
"Well, I'm, um, not interested in anyone else, that's for sure...and I never have been, so I guess that, yes, we should look into this being............. a long term thing." I hesitated to use the word marriage in there, as he hadn't said that yet, this wasn't how he would propose either. Ike was much too romantic and, yes, goofy, to make it as practical as this. I'm sure that when he decided the time was right, he had no intention of making it a small intimate thing.
"Kate," he tipped my head up, and looked me in the eyes." You can use the word, it doesn't mean that ---it's not a bad word. I do want to marry you some day, the thought of being without you for even a minute, let alone the rest of my life is just something I can't even imagine."

His words always came out like that, like he was writing a song everytime he spoke. His journal was the same, he hadn't let me in on it all, but a few times, let me read sections.
I was shaken from my thoughts when Lacey walked in, from church I suppose, and sat down on the carpet at my right.She put her arm around me and gave me a slight squeeze.
"Soooo, did it all work out?" she was intuitive, but not that much so.
"How'd you....?" she interupted.
"Taylor and Zac said that something big was going down with you and Ike, can I be the first to know?" She grabbed my right hand and looked at it's blank fingers. I looked at it too. I'm an adult, I love him, we could... the thoughts raced through my head.
"Not quite, Lacey..." I stole my hand back from her. "We have just....come to an understanding, we are gonna try this, again." Her face lit up into a huge smile and she hugged me even tighter.
"Oh my gosh, Kate, I'm so happy!" she looked happier than me..." You two have loved each other since the day you met. Sooo, did he propose?"
"Lacey! --Things don't happen like that, that's in your fanfic and in fairy tales" I rubbed in the fact a bit that I knew that she still read fanfic about the guys.
"Well, not all fanfic stories are fairy tales...you have a pretty good one you could write yourself!" She had moved, and was now sitting against the french doors looking at me.
"And so do I..." her voice was a little quieter this time, but I still heard her.
"You don't be writing any stories about the guys..." she had what we all called the Taylor smile on her face, which completley indicated that I was off base...and she had info that I didn't.
"Wait a sec, what's..."She cut me off, before I could finish.
"Zac asked me out last night" She had one eyebrow raised, I knew that those guys taught her that.
"He did? When since has this come about?" I was happy inside, but a little hesitant, Zac was 18, she was, well, almost 16, but Zac?
"Got me-- after we came home last night, we were just talking, and he brought it up. He was so smooth about it , like he had been planning it for weeks..." She had picked up my bad habit of chipping off her nail polish when she was nervous.
"Ike didn't say a thing this morning, I wonder why--I can't believe that he wouldn't have talked to him about this first."
"Well, he was a bit preoccupied" She laughed and headed towards the kitchen.

I continued to putter around the house, wishing I could get Ike's take on this new situation, but he wanted to spend some time with Taylor, brotherly bonding I guess. Lacey had a game, and took off after a while, said she'd be back for dinner.

I had the house to myself, and I took a box of grans old photos down from a high shelf, there was one in particular I was looking for. Having a faint memory of sitting with gran and this box of pictures, I remembered a photo of my mom and dad. Dad had messed the picture up, some said, but I thought it was so cute. He was too busy looking at mom and someone snapped the photo. Found it....
It was the sweetest thing I think I had seen, he looked at her with such..... I can't describe it.... other than love. I had seen that look before, just recently, while watching Walker and Diana, and I had seen it again, last nite....and this morning.