I just sat in the car reveling in the memories of the day, watching Lacey go to the door and turn around to blow me a kiss before shutting the door behind her. It was almost a let down to see her disappear behind that door.

Well, I had done it, I was in this for the long haul now. When she, Mel, broke my heart just over a year ago now, I never thought that I would find someone again that shared themselves with me like that. I felt as if a piece of me was gone, never to be returned when she left. Now after today, though, I am begining to realize that the part of me I thought was gone, may slowly be growing back.

After spending most of the morning talking at the river, well, talking and.....I realized that the fear I had in making more of a commitment to this relationship, had nothing to do with the fact that this was Lacey, my friend. It only had to do witht the sole fact that I was scared of getting hurt again by a girl who I thought would take another part of me and walk away with it. That admission to her was one of the hardest I ever had to make. She kissed me and I felt like I could tell her anything after that. She kissed me, and it was nothing like the kiss three years earlier. I replayed the conversation in my head......
"Zac, who was it, that hurt you so bad?" her lips were just inches from my ear and her breath brushing my ear was making concentration on her question difficult.
"Um, a girl...heehee, of course a girl, her name was Mel. She and I saw each other pretty regular for about a year. I was hoping I didn't voluntarily smile as I talked about her, even though she hurt me, all I had from her was still good memories.
"Did you love her?" This question brought me back to reality.
"No, no...I've never been in love, I have alot of years for that........but I can't wait for it to happen." Now I know that I smiled. I looked at her, expecting to see some jealousy at least, sitting here talking about my ex. Amazingly enough though, there was none, she had a small smile, and we leaned towards each other for another round of long awaited kisses.

This was another story, before today, I had trouble keeping my hands to myself, all I wanted to do was be connected to her in some way. An arm around her shoulder, a hug lingering longer than from a friend, touching her hair that was always so soft and smelled like roses. But now, this new physical step into our relationship, I could see that she was just as eager as I, to spend some long hours exploring this. It's like there was never any strain regards to this at all, we were both as comfortable with this new part of our relationship as we had been with each other up until now.
"Mmmm, you smell good, " she had whispered into my hair as we sat with each other earlier in the day.
"Probably almost as good as you taste!" this set her off into a fit of giggles and she sat back in her car seat, the giggles were catching and I soon joined in. I loved the fact that in so many ways she was so grown up, probably because she had to be through her tough last years, but if she cut loose, there was no holding her back. We could get into some serious trouble if both of us happen to be in that kind of mood at the same time.

I walked back into the house to find Kate and mom putting the finishing touches on what was being served tonight. Hearing noise behind me I turned to find Ike and Tay coming from their room, Tay with a bewildered look, studying some sheet music and Ike with a grin the size of Texas. Taylor continued on past me without acknowledging my presence, Ike stopped, and looked at me, smiling, but in a different way now.
"So things with Lacey settled?" He ought to know the answer to that, after what they walked in on in the kitchen, after that we promptly left .
"Yeah,...yeah, very settled" I smiled a knowing smile back at him. I started to walk away.
"Hey Zac,...." he called with a question in his voice I thought. "Be careful. Just be a gentleman, she's really young." The look in his face was that of almost a fatherly concern, but I'm not sure for who, Lacey or myself. He took a few steps back towards me, and spoke in a more hushed tone. 'I think I'm about to get a lecture' was the thought that shot through my head. Sure enough, I was right.

"Zac, you're different from Tay and I, you like to act without thinking." He was right, that I did. " You do that with a girl, and you end up with teenage wife and a child on the way. We had this discussion many nights in this house, and in hotel rooms on tour. We had been raised emphatically that sex was a gift that was given to married couples, and that outside of marriage it was wrong.
Up until I had been with Mel for awhile, this was unquestionably my belief too, but there were many nights with her that made me question my beliefs, and I unfortunately had discussed this with Ike a few times. Now I am getting this talk as a result of brotherly honesty. He had his say and turned to head towards the kitchen where he could hear Kate laughing with mom. Now it was my turn.
"Hey, Ike...." he stopped few feet away. " I will....and Ike," He had started out of range again "she's almost 16.." I laughed and stuck my tongue out at him in brotherly fashion, he just shook his head and walked away.

Chapter 32

After spending what seemed like hours in the shower, and digging through my closet, I felt that I could feel confident around "Bon" this evening. I stood nonchalantly at the dining room window waiting to see Lacey and her head across the street. Many of the guests had already arrived, and I had been through the ritual hugs and cheek pinching by many of the older set already. Mom had been through at least eight times urging me to go join the party. I wasn't budging until I saw she was on her way. I had seen her pull up to their house an hour or so before, and head inside, so I knew that I wouldn't have to wait for long.

I had a plan. She didn't know anyone else, with the exception of Kate and Lacey, and with the looks of things , they would be otherwise occupied. I just had to make myself the indispensible friend in an unfamiliar environment, and I was in, home free. By the end of the evening I could ask her out, and it would just be a casual continuation of our friendly evening. It couldn't fail.

I had Ike's sheet music tucked inside my pocket. I turned from the window to watch Kate and him, as he introduced her, sometimes again, to family friends and relatives. She had been such a regular part of family things for the past few years, that most already knew her, but I guess Ike was showing off his newfound status with her. I had awhile before I needed to start paying closer attention to him, the dancing usually didn't start until things quieted down later in the eveing, before the craziness of the gifts started.

Before I could think further, a pair of Very cold hands grabbed me and covered my eyes. Just from the smell of the lotion or perfume or whatever, I could tell it was Lacey. She smelled like roses, always. I first noticed it a year or two ago, when I got a hug, I thought she kind of smelled like grandma, not that that was bad, but it just brought back a good memory. I asked mom about it, and she confirmed, that until the day she passed , grandma insisted on having her rose perfume and lotion every day. It was just different on Lacey though.

"Hey, you have cold hands!" I turned to find it was indeed Lacey. Rob was right beside her and for a moment I didn't see "Bon" tucked back behind Rob. I almost had to catch my breath. The few other time I had seen her, shorts, a t-shirt and a ponytail had been her attire. Not tonight however.
Her dark hair framed her face, and she had just a simple pants and sweater on, but man, what a difference. If she was beautiful before, she was stunning tonight. Lacey made perfunctory introductions. I had met Rob and Bon, whom I now know is Bonnie, but we exchanged greetings anyhow. I smiled warmly and gently shook her hand, but she slipped it away swiftly and regarded me with just a cool smile before following the others into the main room. I followed, feeling a bit defeated, behind.

I stood off to the side regarding the people milling in the main room and the growing stack of unusually shaped and wrapped gifts under the tree. It was another Hanson Christmas eve. A few faces surprised me, that usually weren't there. Rob, for one.
"Tay, hon, you're so serious, you okay?" mom was always trying to get me to be the life of the party. Not with others around, I saved that for the family.
"Yeah, mom, I was just kinda wondering, we have a bunch of people here that have never come before, why this year?" She laughed with another one of my aunts, and then turned.
"Who Tay?" she glanced around the room. "Oh, Lacey and her friend arrived, good."
"Rob's here too, he never comes...." she scanned the room for him.
"Issac said that his fiancee and her family was out of town for the week, and he wanted to spend it with his sisters." she wandered away in the direction of Bonnie, who was chatting with Rob, I promptly followed.

Bonnie glanced my way as I approached. I almost felt like she was going to make a bolt for it if I got too close, so I just sidled up to Rob and started making small talk, hoping she'd join in. No such luck, she and mom, sort of wandered away from the two of us, I watched as she introduced her to several of the relatives. She was friendly and aminimated when she spoke with them, but all I recieved was a cool glance. Not that my ego was in full gear, but hey, I really had never had to pursue a girl like this before, this was a new experience for me, but it almost sent a thrill through me, what do they call this, the thrill of the hunt?

I glanced around the room, looking for Ike, the music had gone up a notch and there were a few couples starting to dance off to one side of the room. He was nowhere to be found, but neither was Zac or Ashley. That meant there was fun being had without me. I stepped out onto the back deck, looking for them, and right there in front of me, was Bonnie, alone, looking out over the back yard, her dark hair flowing down her back. I almost made the mistake of reaching out to touch her, but quickly cleared my throat to let her know she wasn't alone. She glanced over her shoulder , smiling and then it quickly left her face when she saw it was me.
"Hello Taylor." That was it, a cool hello, full name, then she turned around and went back to her survelance of the yard. Man this was not going to be easy.

Chapter 33

I had to laugh to myself as I watched the scene that played out before me. Bonnie would find a comfortable conversation, and join in, then Taylor would approach and she would quietly slip away, much to his chagrin, unil he could find a reason to involve himself in that conversation. This continued on for at least four rounds, until something else distracted Tay and she slipped out on to the deck. The poor guy was so confused, I don't think in his entire 20 years he has actually had to be the pursuor, he has always been the pursued, I laughed quietly to myself again.

"Hey..." Lacey perched on the arm of the couch where I was watching this little game being played out.
"So what's the story with Bonnie..." I never had really asked Lacey before. "she certainly is avoiding Taylor this evening" Lacey nearly snorted with laughter.
"You wouldn't have thought so at our house though," she smiled "I was thoroughly questioned about him. I thought she actually might be interested, though I think this is the first time she has ever said anything about a guy at all," She looked thoughtful for a moment, then spotted Zac come in across the room with Ike and Ashley and went to join him. Just at that moment, I saw Taylor closing the deck door behind him. I stifled a laugh, and quietly watched Ike with his brother and friend.

The evening was proceeding as it always did, at first loud and shouts across the room to friends and relatives as they arrived, then food started. After the buffet was nearly clean, things had started to quiet down, and groups stood chatting, a few couple dancing, the kids either in small groups, sneaking around beneath the adults legs, or hiding underneath the buffet table with a bowl of Christmas candy, that was Nicki and Annie, two of the cousins who could turn anything into a party for themselves.

My gaze drifted back to Issac, who was staring intently in my direction, our eyes caught and he smiled . My heart jumped into my throat, I don't know why, but I smiled back to him, and he went back to the intense discussion he was involved in with Ashley. I noticed earlier this evening that he had taken time with his appearance tonight, he didn't normally dress up for family occasions, but tonight he had worn my favorite outfit, his hair brushed neatly and left down, again my preference. I thought with a smile in my heart and probably on my lips as well, that he had to have done all this for me.

I looked around, and noticed that Zac and Lacey had joined the few couple dancing off to one side of the room, they were so sweet together, it looked like she was half the size of Zac, the way he had his arms wrapped around her and her head laid right at his chest. I felt that familiar tug in my heart, where was my Issac? Before I could take a chance to look for where he had gone, I felt a warm arm around me and he pressed his warm lips to mine. Pulling me up off the couch, he guided me over to the side of the room, to where the other couples had relegated was the dance floor. The song ended, and a new one began, he just held me close to him, not a word spoken, I felt like there was no one else in the room.

There was a strange feeling coming from him, almost like he was desperate to have me all to himself. I looked up to his face, and his eyes were closed, a small smile played across his lips, with a small kiss, his eyes opened.
"You want to go be alone for a bit?" I asked thinking maybe he just wanted some time alone with me, away from the crowd.
"No...no, this is perfect, just stay right here with me" he murmered into my hair, and pulled me back tighter to him.

I don't know when it happend, within the next few minutes, I opend my eyes to piano music, different from the cd's on the stereo that had been playing. The lights in the room had all been lowered slightly and Ike and I were the only ones left dancing, every one else was around the room in small groups, and one or two were watching us with smiles playing on their face. I suddenly beacame self consious and whispered to Ike, who's eyes were still closed, putting all his heart into keeping me close to him.

"We're making a scene" I whispered quietly to him with a small giggle of nervous laughter.
"Just stay...This is so perfect, just stay for a minute..."
It was then I noticed Ashley and Walker both in opposite corners of the room with the video cameras. I had the distinct feeling we were being set up, and since Tay was playing the piano, a beautiful song I thought to myself, he must be in on this. I wanted to stop, but I was also curious what one of these members of the family was planning. I quickly looked for Zac and Lacey too, but saw them only talking quietly, their heads together near the fireplace. My hearts pace quickened and Ike whispered in my ear.
"I want to give you your present ..." his voice trailed off, I looked at him, wondering if he was shaken about something, as his voice seemed to have almost a quiver to it.
"I love presents.." I murmered back to him still feeling odd being the only ones dancing. He pulled back slightly from the embrace and took a deep breath. Taylor paused in the song he was playing for a moment and then resumed playing. Suddenly Ikes voice rose from the whisper to a melodious song......

"I'll always remember the song they were playing

The first time we danced and I knew

As we swayed to the music and held each other

I fell in love with you

I'll always remember that magic moment

when I held you close to me

As we moved together

I knew forever

You're all I'll ever need."

He pulled away slightly and smiled a very serious but loving look, and continued

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

Would you be my partner every night?

When we're together

It feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

For the first moment, the song, the people watching, him singing was utter confusion in my mind. Then the very real knowledge of what the song was saying hit me. The look in his eyes told me I wasn't imagining things, and a single tear slipped down my cheek. I glanced over at Diana leaned in the doorway, with one of Walkers arms around her, and the other with the camera, her face was wet with tears as well.

It seemed like slow motion as Ike reached into his coat pocket and pulled a small black box from it. At this moment, there was no one else in the room, at least as far as we were concerned. He placed the box in my hand unopened, and looked me in the eye.....

"Kate, will you marry me" The room broke out in a light applause, and all I heard from the other side of the room was......
"On your knee's buddy!" Leave it to Zac to lighten any situation. Ike bent to one knee, took the ring from the box and slipped it on my finger. I didn't even have to give an answer, he knew, I kissed him, and once again we got applause and even a few cat calls from the younger crowd.