(Chapters five and six)
"I've never really been in love yet. But, I can't wait for it to happen. It must be an incredible feeling." -Isaac
"I've never really been in love yet. But, I can't wait for it to happen. It must be an incredible feeling." -Isaac
"Sarah hun? that black shirt..you have it?" I walked into what I knew was supposed to be her room, but it was not quite identifiable. Not often did I venture into this feared territory, but then with a slight smile I noticed a small picture taped to the edge of her mirror. Zac and his brothers in what I hoped to be a dated picture due to the clothes.
For the third time in two weeks we were meeting, this time for a movie in the early evening. I felt a bit more anxious than I had, I guess because this was a little more of a date situation. I parked and looked across the lot to see him get out of his huge truck like thing. I had to laugh, it seemed to fit him so well, a big guy, a big truck. Much to my relief he was dressed nicely in cords and a shirt and then I saw....a flower. Just a single white rose. My heart fluttered before he was even near approching, but I could still see his huge grin from where I was. The rose looked like a miniature in his big hands. He offered it to me as he walked up. I didn't know what to say but uttered a small thank you. I looked up at him and there went my heart again, off in it's own direction. His smile broadened yet again.
Our conversation flowed easily and lightly until the theatre darkened and the previews came on. He leaned down and whispered a comment in my ear just as the movie itself was starting. What he said, I had no idea and I hoped he didn't expect a response as the warmth of his breath across my neck and ear was enough to nearly make me drop the rose I was still holding between my fingers. His arm being draped across the back of my chair midway though the movie did not go unnoticed as well as the three times(yes, I counted) that his fingers randomly brushed my shoulder as he moved about. What a gentleman though, his arm never left the back of the seat no matter how uncomfortable that must have been
~
"Ok, fess up..." Ike came into the office where I had planted myself waiting for a call. Another contract job that I had been referred to. All I could think of was her though.
~
Once again I found myself treading upon a fearful ground. He wanted to see me today for lunch or whatever, but he had to be at the office all day. His suggestion to meet there and have lunch seemed like a good one at the time but now that it was approching, I began to doubt my sanity at the time I answered. I knew exactly where the studio was, near River Parks in midtown. A part of town I had always loved, but doubted I could live in. A drive down the neighborhood streets was like you were in the deep south with the 40's era homes and the magnolia trees lining the yards.
I was sitting in my car catching my breath, I had 5 minutes. My thoughts began to wander to the past three weeks. We had seen each other now many times. Talked on the phone for hours in the late evening after Nick and Sarah were long asleep. I still couldn't pick out one particular thing that we had in common, but we never had a lack of things to say to each other. Aside from the feelings that rumbled through my heart at odd and uncertain moments with him, I had begun to think of him as a wonderful friend. But I knew there was more there. I knew that he knew that too.
He appeared equally as charming as his brother and shook my hand with a firm grip. Zac making the perfunctory introductions...Ike, this is Ri, Ri-Ike my brother.
We were sitting much closer on this sofa than we had anytime previously. My heart took off on it's own once again. Nervous, I sat forward slightly.
~
Trying to be casual about the whole thing, I knew that this would be when I had to let her know how I was feeling about her. It was still early on in the afternoon, but I knew that our time together was coming to a close. I watched her closely as she leaned over the outlook deck. I certainly become more than fond of her and I knew that I wanted to see her more than just on a casual basis. I had fallen for her.
Walking up behind her I placed my hands on each side of her on the rail. This was a close as I had come to making a move, if you want to put it that way, as of yet.
This was the right time, finally after what seemed like an endless yearning, I leaned forward and our mouths met in a gentle, but serious, kiss. Her eyes remained shut for a moment after and then opened looking deep inside me. As smile crept slowly over her face, contagious, I broke out in a full grin as well. Spending our last few minutes together we just silently watched the river flow by. I was at peace for the first time in a long while...and it felt good.
Turning at my laughter she took it off the mirror and handed it to me.
"You can have it now...I always thought Taylor was the hot one anyhow"...she smiled and taped it to the shoulder of my shirt when I refused to take it in my hand. When since was the word *hot* back in fashion...
"Please tell me this is old..." I looked closer at the tiny pic not able to distinguish age on any of them.
"Well, no, I got it out of the People last month, but who knows how old the picture actully is." She handed me my black shirt that had mysteriously disappeared weeks ago.
"Do you know anything more about them?--do they always dress like this?" I was hoping that our meeting tonight he would not be sporting anywhere near the outfit he was in the photo. She didn't look at me right away.
"Mom, is he nice? I really want you to find someone nice..." she looked up with her fathers worried crease in her brow.
"Yes, Sarah, very nice, I enjoy his company...are you okay with this whole thing?" Nick was sort of grousing about the house as well, I maybe should have thought this through a bit more.....
"Well, it's weird enough having my mom dating , and then he's younger than you, and then he's...well he's... him." The last word came out a bit flat. Like it was embarrassing...
"I just....I just hope that well, that he's nice" Her sigh at the end let me know that she was just sorting through this whole thing and that everything would be alright eventually.
"Fess what up..." I knew, I just wanted to make him work for the information. That of which I knew would be to Taylor, the office and the entire family by the end of the day.
I guess I had to come clean soon, I really needed to be able to say her name at every applicable opportunity.
"Come on Zac, dates man...You have a lady friend and none of us know who it is." he drummed on the desk sitting forward in an attentive position. The look on his face screamed *give me some gossip* - I had to laugh.
"Her name is Clarissia, Ri for short and she is a very nice lady." Short and to the point. I knew for a fact that this would not hold him.
"And.............."
"and....we have been out a few times and we are going out again tomorrow." Still not enough.
"Okay...where did you meet her, what does she look like, how old is she...." ugh I knew that last question was going to rear it's ugly head.
"We met at the grocery, and she is small and has brown hair and blue eyes and is quite beautiful" Maybe just not answering would avoid it, but I doubted it.
"Is she your age or younger?"
"What is this, Zac jepoardy?" Avoidance was always a good technique.
"She's going to meet me here tommorrow for lunch, you'll meet her then if you're here..."
Like I didn't think he'd cancel a meeting with anyone to horn in on my personal life.
"Zac" I looked up at his one worded question. "How old is she?" well, he never was one to give up easily.
"She's older than me..." I smiled a smile that could be read between guys. "...and she has kids..not divorced, her husband died a few years back..." I felt myself starting to let go and smile. It felt good to talk about her to someone.
"Kids.... as in more than one?" He had a bit of a shocked look on his face. "Yep, two ... I haven't met them yet, but she talks about them alot, they are very close."
"So as in how much older...?" his voice was hesitant with almost the tone that he might not really want to know.
"Not sure exactly, but I think about 6 years." The answer hung in the air.
"Wow, that makes her like 34 or 35, Zac...that's a first for you and after Gidget..." his voice trailed off with a small chuckle.
"Her name was not Gidget..." I had to laugh a bit myself. Veronica was a perky little brunette all of about 21 that I had started something with until she found someone better. She broke my heart for a while, but I am well over her. Okay, so the name Gidget fit her well.
Stiing on the floor crosslegged with the pizza box between us, our flow of conversation and laughter never interuppted by the gooey cheese. I had never had pizza this amazing before. Maybe it was the company, maybe it was the pizza, who knew. A quiet knock on the door as it opened slowly made my heart jump. Was I ready to meet anyone else in his life? I sat where I was hoping that a secretary would appear around the doorframe.
"Hey Ike," Zac barely even looked up, almost if he had been expecting him.
A tall blond man in his looking in his 30's walked towards where we were seated on the floor. I started to stand and Zac's hand appeared for assistance. I sure hope I didn't have a long string of cheese of something equally as bad stuck in my teeth.
"Nice to meet you" He leaned back on the edge of the desk and looked at Zac.
"I'll just be quick" he glanced my way "sorry to interrupt, but Tay took that call from MoJo. They're coming here the week of the 20th"
"Hey, that's great, how'd he get them to do that?--" Zac looked genuinely pleased.
"You know Taylor, gets what he wants when he wants it. Glad he's on our side.." he chuckled a bit. A glance his way proved my feelings correct. He was looking at me and talking to Zac. He looked back at Zac quickly after catching my eye. He had the same nice smile that seemed to light a room, must run in the family.
Reaching his hand out he shook mine again.
"Nice to meet you, hope to see you around more..." he turned and headed for the door, but was nearly knocked over by the door swinging open further and yet another blond man headed through the door.
"Did you tell him ...?" He asked Ike, not seeing me half hidden behind Zac. This must have been a big deal, they all seemed pretty excited about the whole thing.
"Yep, just told him and Ri...." He looked over at Zac and myself, The other blond man seemed a bit surprised to see me.
"Oh hey, Taylor, nice to meet you." I was almost a little taken aback, not only by his exuberance, but he wasn't dressed like Zac and his brother. I had a feeling I knew where the clothes in the picture had stemmed from.
"Clarissa, Ri for short..." I shook his hand and stepped back towards my safety net next to Zac. They both headed out the door chattering amongst themselves. I heaved a big sigh and sat back on the sofa.
"Sorry, they knew you were coming and nothing gets by them, we're really close, they think I am still 14 and they have to look out for me. So how did it feel to be officially checked out and inspected by the big brothers?" He laughed a big laugh and flopped down beside me kicking the near empty pizza box aside.
"Hey Ri, that was what I what I was waiting for..." I felt his hand lay on my back, it's warmth melted through my back and didn't help any with the erratic patterns my heart was choosing to take on at this moment."We can go take a walk... Or just go somewhere for awhile" I took a second to make sure that my words wouldn't come out as shakey as I was feeling.
"A walk would be wonderful" I felt like my smile was going to crack my face. A walk down by the river in May, nothing could be more spectacular.
She didn't try to move away, this was a good sign. I heard her take a deep breath and let it out, almost coming out as a sigh but I think I heard a small shudder in it.
"It's beautiful Zac... I love this time of year. This is what I think about during those horrible hot months ahead." Reaching up I moved my hands to her shoulders. She turned her head and looked up at me, she smiled, placing her hand over mine. My heart soared...... reassurance, all I was looking for, just a bit of reassurance.
"Not half as beautiful as you", I leaned down and spoke it softly near her ear. All I wanted at this point was for her to turn around so that I could kiss her. I took the chance and moving my hands down I encircled her waist moving her closer to me in almost a hug.
" Zac, you are such the charmer..." She said still looking out at the river. I think she knew as well as I that this was an important step in our relationship. She turned just slightly and reached a free hand up to my shoulder.
"So I guess we are really going to do this, huh?.."I stumbled over my words.."I mean like the boyfriend-girlfriend thing?" I wanted to make sure that she was thinking in the same direction I was before my heart got carried away any furthur than it already was.
"Hehe, well I guess so..." Her laughter was nervous, but I knew from the look in her eyes that we were on the road to more of a relationship. I felt different than I had in the past, like we had more of a bond. I am guessing this is a good sign.
As I walked by the full length mirror at the end of the hall, I stopped. Looking at myself I had to laugh a little, If Zac could see me now... Baggy grey sweats pulled up to my knees, a tee shirt and no bra, and hair just left to dry from the morning shower. One of the great advantages to working at home...you can be an amazing slob and no one cares. The phone broke my my thoughts
"Hello?" a smile overtook my face the moment I heard his voice on the other end.
"Hey, beautiful..." I could tell he was smiling too and from the sound of his voice had, more than likely, just awoke."When do I get to see you today?"
"Bad news...Well, good news for me, the job I was waiting on came through and I need to work most of the day..." A big sigh from his end.
"Oh, I guess that means I should work today too" A small chuckle escaped regarding the conversation we had the day before. I had told him he was going to get in trouble for running away from work all the time. He said his boss didn't care. Smart alec.
"And you wouldn't be calling me beautiful if you saw me right now"
"I'll bet you are anyhow...tell me what you look like...he said this is a low deep voice.
"Zac Hanson!" I exclaimed,"You are bad!"
I knew what he was insinuating and even though I loved every minute of it--I had no intentions of letting him know that. That side of our relationship was still developing and it was untread upon territory.
"Ri?" Still flushed from his previous comment I managed to answer with a normal voice.
"So no way today--? huh?" I could feel his crestfallen look through the phone.
"Zac, no matter how much I'd like to sit and have a lovely lunch with you in some quaint italian bistro, I am afraid not. I will be at home hunched over the computer all day, I'll probably get frozen burritos for lunch..."
"Well just know I will be thinking about you all day..." There was that smile in his voice .
I hung the phone up with a smile on mine as well.
~*~
"Wow, look Taylor, Zac is in his chair..." My brothers were both standing in the doorway to the office. I looked up totally unamused. They took this as an invitation to come join me at my desk.
"Don't tell me..."Ike started in.
"No, she just has to work today." I gave them a half smile to reassure them I was fine.
"Do we know exactly how old she is yet?" Ike always prying for new information.
"Just turned 36 a few weeks ago" I gave him the brotherly *satisfied?* look. We all cracked up. It was nice to laugh, I had been feeling pretty down.
It was amazing how much work one can actually accomplish when one sits down and actually makes an effort. Walking down the hall for yet another cup of java, I heard Ike yell..
I looked at my watch, only 11:30....this was going to be a long day.
~*~
I actually walked by the clock and tapped on it. Time couldn't actually be moving that slowly. That's what I get for galavanting around town for the last two weeks. We had seen each other everyday and spent considerable amounts of time together each of those. I hoped that things weren't moving to fast for us, but it felt right, no reservations from my normally cautious personality had even come up.
It's just reaching 11:30. I guess I could take a short break, some time in the garden is just what I need. I left all the papers just where they were, grabbed an apple and headed outside. There was no better therapy that digging in the dirt, it cost nothing and it was so satisfying.
My *oh so obscene* daisy duke shorts and a lightweight top on, I headed for the yard. One advantage of living so rural is that you never had to really worry about nosey neighbors or passerbys peering at you hunched over the vegetable bed. This has been a wonderful year for my plants, they were all so lush and green. It was only early May and I had alot of produce already. Nothing like homegrown vegetables.
Water, mud, earth and the smells of such were almost intoxicating along with the warmth from the sun. Most people I know detested the heat that Oaklahoma springs and summers brought. I find it invigorating, but then again I have always preferred the heat to the cold. The winters here could be wicked, the cold temperatures and sometimes even snow, were common.... and the ice, that was the worst. At all costs I attempted to stay of the roads in the winter. After all, it was what had cost me one of my most tresured things, Dan.
I really should be working. I rose off of the rickety old adirondack chair that I had taken as a momento from gran's house. The paint was peeling and it needed be sanded down and repainted, but I am not sure the feeling would ever be the same if I painted over the hideous salmon pink that gran had been so fond of.
I remember as a child going to her place, out off of the 75 down south. We pulled up and both my parents gasped, salmon pink...everywhere. Not just the house and lawn funiture, but the fence, the rocks, the mailbox and even the chicken barn in the back pasture. After the gasp there was gales of laughter. She too had lost her husband at a relativly young age and raised her four children, fatherless. I often wonder if that had contributed in some form to her colorful character. I had to wonder if this was the lot in life that I had been dealt, to live my life out as a widow, my children moving on and me growing into a colorful old woman, alone. A smile began to creep over my face as I thought about Zac...well, maybe not.
I stood facing the sun, glad I had my sunscreen on, reveling in the warmth that filled my body. I stretched, taking in as much of the warmth as possible before heading back inside. Wheels on the gravel, it was unmistakable. A visitor in the middle of the day was not just unusual, but plain weird. I turned to find Zac hopping out of that huge truck. He looked like and angel with the sunlight glinting off of that amazing blond hair. I stood stunned for a moment in my ,several inches to short, shorts, splattered with mud and barefoot.
~*~
It's odd that even after such a short period of time, that I know some of her favorite things, I can walk in someplace , a store or a restaurant, see something and smile knowing that it would bring a smile to her face. She had a penchant for spicy foods, the hotter the better. Standing in the deli I chose several things that I hoped would cause her to forgive my boldness at appearing at her door unannounced. A little stir in my stomach once again alerted me to the fact that I was more than a bit nervous about this. The fact that I had never been to her house yet, was a valid point, but it had not ever been a real issue. She had always just met me where we going or at my house. I had never really thought about it up until now. I hoped I was making the right decision.
The smell of the italian food was tremendous. I had one more stop to make before heading out. I knew exactly where she lived, not far at all from the old house on W.76th. I had never been there, but I was sure I could find it. Running back up the steps to the office I grabbed my CD's, what was lunch without music? I had some great old ones I wanted her to hear. I had saved every one and cared for them meticulously. Of course I grabbed a few of our old albums from the cabinet that I had promised her what seemed like a long time ago, on one of our first dates.
I smiled and threw Tay a *thanks* as I flew out the back door. I think he knew I wouldn't be back for awhile. As I headed at a fast pace across the lot a small voice came out of nowhere.
Aside from a concert, this had been the first time in a while that I had been approached on the street, so to speak, for an autograph. These last several years, not only was Hanson a normal sight in town, but the out of towners just usually stared and whispered. I wish they knew that was more annoying than actually being asked for an autograph, or even being disrupted during dinner.
"Are um...Taylor and Issac......" She was brave and bold, hoping for a joint autograph session.
I headed out of town towards Ri's house thinking to myself how young that girl had looked and seemed, thinking of the days when there were thousands of girls that age and we were the quintessential band for that age group. It had taken us years and several albums to mature and gain a different following in he industry, much to Ike and Taylor's joy. I don't know, I always kind of liked those girls.
I slowed when I thought I might be getting close and there it was, 3317, I turned slowly into the gravel drive and saw her standing, stretching in the sunshine in the front of the house. I stopped and jumped out. I was hoping to surprise her, but no such luck. She turned around quickly with a look of total terror on her face. Well, maybe I did surprise her.
"Zac?!" she tried to cross her arms across her front and with one bend to brush the splattered mud off her legs. Her cheeks were bright pink, I'm not sure if it was from the sun or not.
I looked at her standing there in front of me, I have to admit it was obvious that she had not expected company, but I was thrilled that I got to see her like she was. Her hair pulled back into a small tail exposing her beautiful thin neck. It made her face seem even smaller than it was. I am guessing that she had been wearing makeup when I had been with her every time before as I had never noticed the smattering of cocoa-colored freckles across the bridge of her nose. I am almost sure she doesn't know that she has a splotch of mud on the bridge of her nose.
"Zac..." I backed up and looked into his mess of an office. Both he and the other brother sat against his desk with evil grins plastered on their faces.
"Um...yeah?" I was almost afraid to enter the office but did so cautiously.
"We got a song we want you to listen to.." They both looked like the cat that ate the canary.
"Me...Me and Mrs. Jones...we got a thing goin' on...." The stereo blasted out...That was it, enough to send them right over the edge and nearly falling on the floor holding their sides.
"Oh so funny..." I started to chuckle and then joined them. Ok, so that was funny.
"Hey Zac, you wanna go get some lunch?" All I saw was Taylor's head stuck in my door.
"Nah you go ahead...I'm not hungry.." Then he appeared in full.
"Zac, you got it bad man. Bummed because you can't see her for a day?" He just shook his head.
"Geez, just take her lunch at work, whether you can stay with her or not, at least you can see her." I had forgotton what a workaholic Jenn was until the baby came. Taylor probably had some great ideas.
"Thanks Tay, perfect." She had said that about frozen burritos with such dread in her voice. She'd love this.
"Zac?..." It surprised me and I turned to look but at first didn't see the small girl that was cowering by the door.
"um yeah, ..?" I knew that she was probably a fan, but it had been a long while since fans this young hung around studio doors waiting for an appearance from one of us. As I approached my suspicions were confirmed, in her hands lay the latest CD. She fumbled with it trying desperately to pull the liner notes out. Still after all these years, I kept a pen in a pocket and I produced it with a flourish. It was lesson we all learned long ago.
"C-C-Could I have..." she couldn't finish, she just sort of shoved the liner notes in my direction. I smiled and happily took them.
"What's your name?" I bent down closer to her level held out my hand and shook hers gently as I had been trained to do at such a young age.
"Fi..Fiona" She stuttered out. I had to chuckle a little as it felt good to actually have one of these giddy teens going to so much trouble for just a handshake and a signature.
"Fiona, how old are you?" She looked at me with these sparkling brown eyes and announced she was 14, and that she had found her way down here on her own hoping that she might get an autograph. She was indeed adorable and if I had been many years younger, my eyes would have been sparkling as well.
"Yeah, they are." I looked up just in time to see Jenn pulling in with my newest niece in the car.
"In fact, that is Taylor's wife right there." I smiled knowing that a wife is not what she wanted to hear about. But I was in a hurry.
"Hey, Jenn, this is uh...Fiona, I signed her CD can you take her inside and have them finish it?" Her eyes sparkled and she laughed. I knew that I would get a razzing later about picking up teenies in the parking lot.
"Sure thing Zac, come on Fiona..." I ruffled the blond curls that adorned the baby's head, and ran for the truck as I yelled a bye over my shoulder to Fiona.
"What..are you here.."
I held up the big bag from the italian deli...
"Lunch..... I couldn't have you eating frozen burrito's." I guess she gave up trying to compose herself and dropped her arms to her side.
"Well Mr....I hope there is hot links in that bag....or I might not forgive you for catching me like this" Her laughter tinkled from her mouth, I swear it sounded like a song when she laughed. She turned to head in the house with me close behind, getting a full view of those beautiful golden tan legs and those shorts, well, those shorts... there was so little of them, they might have actually been her daughters. Not that I minded.