(Chapters Seven through nine)
"You don't have to be 84 to write good lyrics. You don't have to be 32 to experience things." - Zac
"You don't have to be 84 to write good lyrics. You don't have to be 32 to experience things." - Zac
Just as I finished the last of the book work, Sarah sauntered in the kitchen. I suppose she was hungry, dinner was late because I spent an hour too much with Zac this afternoon and it had put me behind. Luckily there was enough leftovers to stretch for dinner.
I pulled the boxes out, as Sarah leaned on the counter. Her eyes got big at the sight of the delicatessen boxes.
"Wow, mom, when since do we have money for Carnigli's?" I think it was the mention of food that brought Nick into the kitchen right behind her.
"Zac brought it for lunch today..." I purposely looked at them as I said this wanting to get the sense of what their reaction would be on this issue. It was almost as if in a comedy, the opposing eyebrow on each of them raised in a skeptical arch. Nick was the first to speak as I started dishing plates to be warmed.
"So when do we get to meet him..." his eyebrow had come down, but his voice still revealed the skepticism that it showed.
"Do you want to yet?" I looked at both of them for hints as to what their true feelings were on this. Silence ensued as they slowly took a few bites each.
"Well..." Sarah started "Like I told you, it's just plain weird...but it's not up to us." She looked to Nick as if for some agreement. Nick nodded slowly, either ready to say something, or processing it all.
"Why him though mom? It's embarrassing...he like a million years younger than you!" Nick, always my dramatic one.
"Nick, he's an adult, I am adult, when you get to be one you will understand age makes no difference, and for your information he is only 8yrs younger..." When I said it it actually sounded like alot, but it didn't even make a difference when we were together.
"You guys tell me when you are ready, and I will do it...but not until you are ready."
With that the subject seemed to have dropped. They were quieter that nite and I thought they had sort of put it out of their heads until I walked by Nick's door later that nite. Sarah was with him and they were talking. Was it wrong to listen? Especially when I was almost positive of the subject matter.
"Nate saw them together the other day, he is still ribbing me about it." Odd that Nick would be my one to hold more emotion over the issue than Sarah. I felt like she was the one I sould be tiptoeing around with this, after all, here she is ready to start dating soon and now her mom beat her to it. But then again, Nick and I have a different bond than Sarah and I. I am Nicks mom, I even catch him here or there calling me mommy. Sarah and I are almost more pals.
"Well, did you think this was never going to happen?" Sarah also seemed to be more a voice of reason than myself sometimes. "I am happy for her, don't you see the way she looks and smiles when she's on the phone with him? He makes her happy."
"Yeah, well, whatever, but just think Sarah, how are you going to feel seeing him, probably here in this house, where dad was once." There was silence again. I took this as my clue to leave, not wanting them to come out and find me listening in.
~*~
"So did she love it?" Taylor walked in my office and flopped down on the sofa.
"Yep, scored big, I hope, she wasn't prepared to see me, but she looked so cute all messy like that. I just keep thinking that there is no way she could be 36, she seems so young."
"So where does she work, you never said..." I gave up on what I was trying to read and flipped my chair around.
Not that there was one thing I could pick out, but her home just seemed, well, like a home. I usually feel odd the first time in someone's home, but not here. I wondered if it was that we had shared so much already that this was just the verification of our relationship, the comfortable way we felt around each other, that naturally I would feel like that here. I pushed the thought out of my head as she carefully washed her hands and began filling plates for us. I just stood watching her, I liked her this way, natural, if she only knew how beautiful I thought she was at that moment. I leaned over the counter slightly and tried to catch her eye, she smiled without looking at me, she knew I was waiting for her to look. Taking her time, she filled a plate, and then pushed it across to me. Glancing up at me she smiled a little half smile like she does. She knows that drives me crazy and leaned in for the kiss I had been waiting for since I arrived.
You can never go wrong with anything at Carnigli's. Right down to the canoli's for dessert. We were both so full and had ended up sitting on the floor of the living room for our lunch. Breifly when I came in, my eyes had landed on the picture of two teenage kids on the coffee table in the corner. Dark hair like their mom, the girl with dark eyes and the boy with light blue eyes, kinda reminded me of Taylor's. At least I had a face to go with them now.
There were still a few untouched subjects that we had between us, her kids were one, my family another. Other than meeeting Ike and Taylor at the office that one day, we hadn't talked about mine either, other than to tell her about them rest of them. I feel like we kind of have been living in our own little world together, but we both knew that it was getting to be that time that we had to go a little more public with this.
"Hey guess what..." we were both leaning against the couch next to each other, the dirty plates still reminding us of how much we had just eaten. Snaking my arm around her back, I pulled her close. I wanted more of those kisses from earlier.
"Eww, Zac no, I just ate...just a sec..." she jumped up quickly and ran down the hall. I am assuming to brush her teeth, I didn't have a toothbrush with me, I was just going to have to taste like delicatessen.
I got up and walked over towards the small hall where she had headed. It was short, Just four doors, but covering the walls I discovered a gallery of photos. Not your usual ones like you might get at Sears, or Penny's but more candid ones, intimate, almost like a door to her other life that I had yet to be involved in. I found one immeadiatly I loved..Her, in a Dodgers jersey yelling full force with her arms up. Another with a man and I am guessing her daughter at a young age, stooped in the middle of a street at nite, hunched over a Halloween bucket. I looked closer trying to make out the man's features, but no luck.
"That's Dan and Sarah on Halloween a while ago..." I jumped a little, being so engrossed by the pictures, I hadn't heard her come out.
"These...these are the kind of pictures that I love, not posed or primped to be taken, just spur of the moment life snapshots. We had a photographer like that way back when, Taylor Crothers, he was amazing, he could make a simple sitting in the car shot into a piece of art." I realized I had been just talking, kind of to the pictures as I made my way through them, she just stood beside me, smiling. When I looked at her right then, I felt like my heart would beat right out of my chest. I had it bad.
~*~
Tuesday morning....I stand looking in the closet at the few items that hang there. He has seen me in all of them at least twice. I wonder ...Talking to myself, I wondered if I could find a little extra to buy something new for myself, even just a small shirt, just something to boost what I already had.
"Morning, Mrs. Morgan.." Nathaniel, he always reminded me of that boy on Leave It To Beaver...what was his name? The one who constantly tried to charm Beaver's mother...oh well...
Zac was coming at four to get me for dinner. I still had to break this to the kids, let them know they were on their own for the nite....this was a rare thing that I went out and left them, but they were responsible, it was fine.
Well, with the checkbook balanced, I found that even a cheap shirt or such was out of the question, I had money for food only, until the end of the week and since I'd be gone, I'd need to buy something easy for them at the market today. I sighed, but then I remembered...I had some fabric I had bought at a sale a few months back that I had not touched. A new dress it was!!!
I rushed Sarah to school and rushed home in an flurry to get started, I knew I had an easy pattern somewhere in there that would only take me a few hours to prepare. Then the phone would have to ring.
"Good morning Ri" I loved his voice first thing in the morning, more deep and a little gravely that it normally was.
"Hey, only my mother can call me that..." he snickered back..."Ugh...and you most likley hear her do it tonight." My turn to snicker.
"What's new Zac?...I am beginning to wonder what it is you really do there--as I am sure your brothers are, seeing as you are hardly ever there" I needed to be home today though if I was going to get this dress done.
"How about just a little while this morning", then you can be back for the afternoon before I pick you up tonight..." I was going to have to say no, I am determined to have this done for tonight.
~*~
I finally had it! After I hung up the phone that morning, I knew I had found what I wanted to do. For sometime now, I wanted to get her a gift, not for any special reason, other than she never seems to do anything for herself. She is with me, or her kids, and when we are together, she focuses on me totally. I think that is one of the many things I love about her. I have had alot of other girls who listen, but they never really *listen*. With Ri, you feel like there is nothing else going on in the world when you are with her. Jumping out of bed, I stop to think...where would you go to get a nice dress for a woman...I guess a call to Jess might be in order, she might even come with me.
Jess definitely did want to come, she was very into this. But I was beginning to doubt my sanity. Dragging me all over Utica square, we had been to three small stores, and now into Nordstroms, this place was huge, there had to be something in here.
Indeed we did find something, and Jess assured me that it should fit, kind of this stretchy, short floral type. She called it jersey-whatever that is, it looked like something Ri would wear. All I wanted to do was take Jess home and head out to take this to her, I would call ahead this time, but not too far ahead so she couldn't say no.
I dialed her number when I headed out on the freeway, I was about 15 minutes from her house, that way she couldn't say no, and I wouldn't just walk in on her like last time.
Pulling up, she was sitting in the sun outside in that funky pink chair, I wonder why she doesn't paint that thing. I really wish I knew what the reaction was that made me catch my breath in a way the first time I saw her each time, or even at a certain look she gave or movement she made. This was a new feeling that I had never had with other girls, something about her just made me happy.
She looked a bit shocked when I handed her the box, but gently untied the bow. The saleslady had wrapped it up nicely, all the while sneaking looks and smiling at me. I am guessing she might have been a fan, or at one time at least.
Suddenly I noticed a small tear forming in her eye, my stomach fell, had I done something wrong? Sitting down in the chair again, she ran her hand over the fabric, looking at it, and wiped the tear away.
"Thank you Zac.." she said it so quiet, I almost didn't hear. I sat down on my knees in front of her.
"Is it okay? what's the tears for?" I wiped away another that trailed down her cheek.
I knew this was going to come up with us sooner or later. Although I had tried diligently over the past seven weeks to keep our differences in theshadows, it was time to face the ugly truth. Look at him, he thinks the tears are of happiness, they aren't.
I pull him close and deepen the kiss, after all it might be the last one for awhile or maybe ever. I love his innocence and his trust, the way he seems to put me up on a pedestal and that he can seemingly make anything better with just a few words or a certain look. I knew that he was getting more serious when he showed up unannounced that day at lunch. I was a little taken aback, but it was such a sweet gesture that I pushed it to the back of my mind with all the other little nagging thoughts that plauged me about our relationship.
"Zac.." I pulled away before he was ready to. "Zac...stop" He was showering
my neck and face with little kisses.
"What....oh~~ what Ri?" he finally looked in my eyes, realizing something was wrong. "Oh, God...did I do something wrong?" Wiping the tears from my cheeks made it all the harder for me to continue.
"Zac, I can't accept this," motioning to the dress, and taking a deep breath before continuing.
"Have you noticed..... that we come from two different worlds, Zac, how different
we are?"
"We are?...Um, I mean, yeah, we are. But does it makes difference?" He seemed
perplexed at my point.
"Zac, the world I come from is scheduled, and budgeted, and...and ordinary.." I took his hands with mine and continued. "Yours is exciting, and worldly and wealthy. Never in my life have I been able to walk into..." I pulled the tag out of the collar only to discover the price had not been removed..."...Nordstroms, and buy a 140 dollar dress!" Looking back at him, with his puppy dog eyes, I continued, "I really love being with you, you're an amazing person, but it's too much too soon, I need some time, some space...." More tears started flowing as I came to this...I noticed he was a bit misty around the edges too.
"Ri, ...Ri I'll take the dress back. I didn't ...you never told me that I was...it was getting to be too much. If you had told me...."
Suddenly I was overcome with guilt; he was right. I had never even indicated how I was feeling, more than likely because I was denying it to myself as well. Here it all is once again, his innocence, one of his most endearing traits. And he was dead right.
"I am so sorry, Zac, " I put my arms around his shoulders and scooted forward in my chair to where he was still on his knees in front of me. I put my head on his shoulder for a moment taking the time to gather my thoughts, he took the chance to pull me closer and muddle my thought with his fingers running up and down my spine rhythmically.
"Ok..." I think I had it clear. I sat back up quickly with what seemed like my thoughts in order, only to look into his beautiful golden brown eyes steeped in confusion."Come
with me...." I stood up pulling him with me. Once inside the house I took a picture of
the kids.
"This...is Nick and Sarah...Nick doesn't like you and he hasn't even met you, Sarah, well Sarah, views you as some demi-god, I am assuming because of your occupation." I took his hand as he followed me over to the wall of photos that we had surveyed days before. I went to the picture of Dan on the wall.
I took a deep breath, nervous at thought of introducing him to the other man in my life.
"This, Zac, this is Dan...The love of my life. We were married for 13 years. He was the only thing I knew from the time I was 18, Zac. My first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything and yes, after five years I still love him, and I still cry over my loss."
One last trip walking to the center of the living area in my small house.
"And this Zac, this is it, my world, ..the kids, a small house and a dead husband at the age of 36." I just stood silent trying to see if he was grasping what I was telling him. His face had softened and he didn't look confused any longer, a little sad if anything.
~*~
I was frightened at first that I had majorly screwed up, well I had, but it was fixable, I hope. Taking her hands I led her to the sofa .
..."But it shouldn't matter, Ri, I mean that I am so different" She had taken me through her life step by step, it hurt a little to hear about her son's distaste for me, and even more when she talked about Dan, she still loved him. That was a hard, bitter pill to swallow, after five years she still loved him. What I wouldn't give for her to eventually love me that much. She was trying to scare me off, but all she had done was make me grow far fonder of her.
"It's not your life, or what you have or don't have that matters to me, it's you. I like you. Clarissa, brown haired, blue eyed, freckle faced, Clarissa. The rest we can work on."
I got the picture that I had been moving too fast for her, one of my best and worst traits all wrapped up in one. I had alot of friends and I was a good one in return. I had been the owner of a broken heart or crushed self confidence more than once by putting all my faith and effort into a relationship only to have it fail or find that it wasn't what I thought from the start.
"We can start by slowing it down a little..do you still want to come with me tonight ?" I wanted her to, more now than before, I wanted to have my family meet this extrordinary woman.
She looked over at the sewing machine and fabric on the table, and then back at me, biting her lower lip with tearstained cheeks and the small hint of a smile verging on her lips.
"Yes, Zac," She heaved a big sigh and smiled, wiping the last of the tears from her face. "I believe I will." I wanted to meet the people who made him the wonderful person he is.
"Now shoo, I have to get busy and finish my dress"
~*~
All of this time it had been building, but it came out differently than I had originally thought it would. I couldn't see what a man with a life like his would want with mundane old me. I wanted him to know how different I was from him, give him the chance to leave before he got in too deep. But there was the Zac I had come to know and care for, looking me in the eye and telling me it didn't matter, it would all work out. His words..."We will work it out," we...he didn't know that was it, he had struck the right cord with that word.
It suddenly dawned on me, the irony of the situation. With Dan, I had always been the one to make everything okay, I always smiled throught the hard times and I always made the big problems seem smaller. Now here I was on the receiving end of that, and I rather enjoyed being the blossom, rather than the gardener for once.
I watched him leave after he smiled that heart-melting smile and picking up the box on the ground by the chair. Hopping into that shining silver-grey truck, I had to laugh as I felt like I was watching him ride off on a stallion.
The frustrations of the dressmaking seemingly melted away and I finished the last button just as the clock struck two. I was off to get Sarah, flying high. Sarah was my sunny one, never seemed to be without a pleasant word or a smile on her face. Don't let me fool you, she was a normal teen and had her moments, but they were far fewer than Nick. Sighing, I thought of Nick. In all likelyhood they were going to meet tonight.., I hope this all goes well.
~*~
The smile never left my face this afternoon. We had weathered our first storm and it was alright. She was right; I needed to slow down. For seven weeks we had been each other lives. I had seen few of my friends and returned fewer of their messages, so that was my task at hand this afternoon.
Between Ike and Taylor, they all knew. That made it a little easier. They had been merciless with this older woman taunt, every chance they got. It kind of felt good though, almost like they were treating me as an equal instead of the little brother like they had all my life.
I have another daunting task ahead of me, meeting her children. After what she told me, it doesn't make it much easier for me. It's odd, I knew all along, from our first conversation, that she had children. I knew that they were older kids, but for some reason I never really thought about them as part of her. This was about to become a reality.
It seemed like I was almost more nervous tonight than I had been for our first date. Making sure that I was ordinary enough to not stand out, but making sure that I would, for her, at least. Too nervous to do much more than pace, I headed to the basement, pen in hand, and scrawled out the beginnings of a song that everyone would be sure to accredit to Ike. I laughed to myself, thinking about how wrong they were about me. Hardly anyone outside my family, except Ri, knew the "real" me. And today, she had shown me some "real" pieces of her, too. Someday, I might share this song with her, but it would be a long way from now. I had to put on the brakes if I wanted to keep Ri in my life. I would be patient; she was worth it. I hummed to myself, alternating turns glancing at my watch and scratching notes on the paper.
I could hear the roar of the truck engine in the drive from my post in the bathroom where I was putting on the finishing touches. I had seen Sarah earlier sorting through her closet looking for something to wear in anticipation of Zac's arrival. Nick, well, the last I had seen of Nick was his back as he walked through the door after school and retreated to his bedroom, with his music on just loud enough to block out any effort to make contact.
I turned and smoothed the fitted red dress over my waist. It had turned out well, with the little I was able to sew these days, I still had the knack. I guess it's like riding a bike. I did one last account in the mirror before walking out just in time to hear the knock on the door sound and Sarah rush to answer it.
She saw me in the hall and threw a look of "let me, please" my direction. I smiled back with a silent "OK".
Something, some feeling, rushed over me when I saw him at the door. When Zac stands at a door, he literally fills it up, top to bottom and side to side. A giggle escaped Sarah's mouth before she held her hand out introducing herself, Zac smiled and bent down enough to be face to face with her.
I wasn't until that moment I realized how nice he looked that evening. I was used to Zac in cords or jeans with casual shirts. But tonight, his hair was tied back nicely behind him, and he had a leather jacket on over the top of a button front shirt. He looked past Sarah who was questioning him endlessly, to me. His smile melted me into a puddle that I might never return from. Taking Sarah's hand he patted it and then moved past her to me, all the while with Sarah smiling and watching.
"Have you ever heard that song, Woman in Red? " he quietly asked me. I shook my head yes, thinking how it had been a favorite of my mom's when I was a teenager.
"....you look beautiful tonight" I blushed as I remembered the lyrics had said the same thing. I felt relieved as her took my hands together and gently squeezed them, glad that he would wait for a kiss until we were alone.
He looked toward the hall where the rumble of music was coming from under the door of Nick's room. I smiled tightly.
"He's been in there since he got home..." Not sure whether I should disturb him to introduce them, or just gently knock and let him know I was leaving. I chose to try the earlier.
"I'll go talk with Sarah" He smiled a brilliant smile over at her, "You go do what you need to do." He took a seat on the sofa and immeadiatly picked the conversation with Sarah up where it had left off. I approached Nick's door with hesitation. I knocked, once, then a second time a bit louder. The pounding of the music receded.
"Nick, can I come in?" No words, but the jangle of the lock indicated it was ok. I entered to find his room spotlessly clean and him laying on the bed with his school books surrounding him.
"...What a nice surprise.." I went to sit on the edge of the bed next to where he lay. Nicks room, was usually, to say the least, an average teenage room, looking like it had been torn from the rubble of Hiroshima. Maybe we were more alike than I thought, cleaning when I was upset or nervous was a key trait of mine.
"...Um, I am going to leave ...Dinner is in the refrigerator, you just have to heat it...." I paused, not sure if I should broach the next subject.
"Zac's here, would you like to meet him?" He looked up at me stone serious, but them the line on his forehead softened.
"Do you want me to?" It was so hard for me sometimes with Nick, he was my baby, my first child. He knew how to wrap me around his finger before he was three and the older he gets the better he is at it.
"Nick, of course I do..." I paused and sighed. "But if you'd rather wait, you can. I must warn you though, Sarah is not going to be quiet about it all night, so it might be better to get it over with." I could see the small smile verge on his lips, he wasn't the only one who knew how to work someone. I stood, and went to the door, getting Zac's attention from the living room, he smoothed his slacks with the palms of his hands,he was wearing slacks? I felt Nick approach from behind me and I moved aside.
"Nick this is Zac.." I watched Nick first looking him over, then at me, then I looked at Zac. Zac's face lightened a little and looked over to a wall in his room.
"You a dirtbiker?" Zac motioned toward the ever growing collection of motorcycle, oh excuse me, dirtbike, posters on his walls.
"Yeah, I love it, I ride a friends one a little bit, but I am saving to get my own. I laughed a bit inside knowing it would be a long while before he was anywhere near. He worked two afternoons a week for Grey, the older man at the corner market.
"I have a few, we should go sometime, there's this awesome place down by the quarry..." I slipped out of the room with a smile the couldn't be covered as I heard the banter of the guys going on in the background.
"He's so cute mom..." Sarah snuck up beside me and quietly almost whispered in my ear. I wanted to stifle the giggle, but let in come forth in all it's glory.
"Yeah he is isn't he.."
~*~
It was great, I was so nervous, right up until I knocked on the door, about meeting her kids, that I really truly almost felt sick. Sarah threw the door open and greeted me enthusistically with a dazzling smile. That was the easy part. I heard the thump of the music the minute I entered the house. I was smart enough to know that trick.
Ri, as always, looked stunning. Her dress had turned out wonderfully, red with tiny little stars and moons covering it. Lady in red, indeed, that was her.
I could have talked to Sarah for hours, but looked to Ri, standing there in the hall looking pensive by the door that held what I knew to be a son with a chip on his shoulder. I knew that she would have to deal with it before we left, so I retreated to a conversation once again with Sarah, releasing her to be a mother to her son.
I looked up minute later to see her smiling and call me over. That familiar rolling feeling was coming back to my stomach. I approached to find Nick. He was bigger than what I thought he'd be, it struck me as odd that this could actually be Ri's son. I shook hands with him after a polite introduction, and looked into the immaculate room to find, yes!, dirtbike posters on the wall.
It was at that moment, I asked about the posters, that I saw him change, almost as if before my eyes. He no longer saw me as the threat he had imagined, but now as a peer. We talked animatedly for a bit agreeing that a trip to the quarry with the bikes was a must. I looked back over my shoulder to see Ri and Sarah laughing madly at something. It was time to go and do this all over again with my family.
I had to laugh a bit to myself as she walked out the door giving the usual parental warnings and leaving the number to mom's house with them.
"Well that went a whole lot better than I thought it would.." She heaved a sigh as she literally crawled up into the seat of the truck. I rushed around to my side and hopped in.
"...Yeah, it did..." I offered leaning over for a kiss that I had restrained myself from giving her in the house when I first saw her.
"They're so much..... bigger than I thought...It's weird, I don't know, I knew how old they were, but I guess I just think of kids as ...well kids..." there was a bit of quiet for a moment.
"Would that be okay if I took Nick biking?" I hadn't even really thought about asking her before, Ike and Taylor never wanted to go anymore, it even was hard to get Mac to find time to go.
"Oh yeah, fine...I have to say though it makes me so nervous knowing that he's doing that, but I can't keep him tied all his life. ...I've never even seen him ride...and I knew he had been saving for a dirtbike of his own..." She sighed and smiled. "I guess he really is growing up."
I took her hand and we launched into another conversation about who all was going to be there that night and who was with who and what not...trying to fill he in on all the details before we arrived. I indeed felt odd about driving up to the gate at the house. Compared to hers it was gargantuan. I had warned her, but I could still hear the breath she took when it came into view.
"You have to understand Ri, that we bought this house when all of us were at home, right after the Albertane tour. Now that us three are out of the house, and Jess will be soon, mom and dad are thinking about selling it. We built the studio in town, so we never use this one at all hardly." She sat quiet looking at the formidable front.
"You ready to go in?" Taking a deep breath a quiet Yes, came out of her mouth. I hopped out and ran around to open her door.
~*~
I sit now in a large leather sofa, comfortable after the formal round of introductions. Issac's wife, being the most cordial , or the least busy, sits aside me as we chat and share stories. Their daughters, six and four, are like opposite sides of the coin, one looks like mom, the other a carbon copy of dad, funny how that always happens.
I watch Zac across the room, trying to evesdrop on the conversation he is having with his brothers and dad, without seeming too disinterested in the conversation I am invloved in with her. He catches my eye and smiles a smile that makes me want to leave right now and go spend a long time alone with him in a desserted place. I try hard not to blush, but I know I am.
"Clarissa..?" Laura, Ike's wife pulls me from my thoughts. I notice she is trying not to laugh. She stands and pat's me on the hand. "Go be with him." Now I am for sure red as I realize that she caught me ignoring her and staring at Zac.
I didn't join Zac right away, but stopped with Diana who was busily buttering the tops of the rolls to put in the oven. I offered help, but she declined stating that this was the last, everything was done. I liked her. Diana, she appeared so young, feeling like she was closer to my age that to an age that could possibly be Zac's mother. I was definitly going to have to work on this.
Zac's arm snaked around my waist and guided me to a door that let to a small balcony. I felt odd leaving behind those to whom I had barely just been introduced, but it was obvious Zac wanted me to himself. Not that I had to guess, as his lips were on mine before my thought pattern could be established. I was concerned that there would be prying eyes and ended it to look. He knew.
"Don't worry, they can't see...blinds on the windows." He was running his fingers over my face and neck before he started in with those beautiful warm lips once again. That feeling, the one that tells me that I am not listening to my own best advice, is was yelling at me, no literally screaming, as our embrace became more passionate that it had ever before. Reaching down to my waist he pulled me close and wrapped me snug in his arms. I could hear his breath quickening as my heart was just about beating out of my chest.
"Stop, stop, stop..." My concience was screaming, but no way, this was too good and even with my concience doing its best part to make me realize anything else, it felt right.
I heard the click and the slight squeak, but paid no mind. It wasn't until the throat cleared that we broke apart, Zac obviously heated and me flustered that we had been ...well...caught. I felt like a teenager. Issac standing there with a small smile.
"Dinner's on..." and he shut the french door quietly.
Zac looked down at me and smiled. I had to reach up and wipe the lipstick off the edge of his mouth or that would be a sure giveaway and to our whereabouts.
"That was ....um..." a small smirk played ont the edge of his lips, making me smile coyly in return.
"We need to get inside..." I brushed at my skirt and turned to head in the door. Grabbing the knob, I realized it was locked. Zac grabbed it next, trying to turn the handle and realizing the same thing. We both looked at each other and broke out in laughter.
He rapped on the window, hoping someone was right there to open it. They were, but all sitting down at the large table, waiting for us. All eyes turned towards us as we walked in the door and seated ourselves. Issac looked at Zac and smiled, before going back to cutting up his younger daughters meal.
Looking around the table, there were two or three others, younger family members that I had yet to be introduced to. A young boy and another teenage girl that appeared to be about Nick and Sarah's age. I could only assume this must be the illusive Mac and Zoe that Zac spoke so fondly of.
The din of the table steadily rose, and the tense feelings from the previous moment's happening disappeared completely. I was introduced to the rest of the family over later dinner and dessert. By then the noise level in the house had gone from din to college cafeteria. The younger set running off in all directions, and the older of that set teasing several of them mercilessly. This was the family I had when I was younger, the kind of family that I had always dreamed I would have for Nick and Sarah.
Zac had disappeared at one point, but I was engrossed in a conversation with Taylor and his wife about raising girls. He was such a devoted father, one could see that from the moment I was introduced. In fact, I noted that about this whole family, just how tight of a bond they seem to have.
~*~
Ok, so I hadn't been as careful as I had tried. Before pulling Ri out on the the veranda, I discretly closed the blinds on the window and the door, and when we left, I locked the door behind me wanting no interruptions. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, and after several elbows from dad and both brothers, I needed some time alone with her.
Really, I didn't intend for it to get as heated as it had. It had been a long time since I had anyone that made me feel this way, let alone as attractive as Ri.
After the first kiss, I knew she was nervous, but reassured her that no one could see. That's when it all cut loose. I was in deep and did not want to stop. Pulling her closer I knew I was in trouble. My heart was making my pulse increase and pushing me further.
I didn't hear anything. No door, no nothing. Ri pulled away suddenly and I look to find Ike peering through the door part way open.
"Dinners on..." he shut the door behind him. I could have sworn I locked that door...
I did. I mean lock the door, but could I have possibly been thinking more poorly that the door would be locked from the outside, not from the inside. I was still a little heated from what had just occured and I am sure my face was flushed, but I had to knock on the door.
Wanting to just slip in quietly was a dream, there they were all seated and all eyes on us. I looked around during the first part of dinner, mom was eyeing Ri, then looked away when she saw me. She looked worried, or tired. I continued to eat chalking it up to dinner for twenty.
I came to a startling revelation, you would think I had thought about before, but then again, I don't seem to be doing an awful lot of thinking today. I introduced Mac and Zoe to Ri. Where they had been up until dinner was a mystery.
There was that moment, like slow motion when realization comes flooding in.
"Ri, this is Zoe.." Dinner was nearly through and this was the first oppotunity I had to have to two meet.
"Nice to meet you Zoe, how old are you..?" Ri had the fine art of grabbing a conversation and running with it. So I excused myself, heading to the bathroom to wash my hands.
"Sixteen..." were the last words I heard as a headed away from the table. I stopped about three steps later. Zoe and Nick were the same age.
The bath attached to the study was the closest one. I slipped in and slid the door shut checking the lock on the opposing door that led to the family room. Before turning the faucet on, I thought I heard voices. Not just any voices, but Ike and mom. I wasn't around a whole lot and I am sure I was missing out on something if they had to go into another room and talk in hushed voices. So I did the only thing I could do. I listened.
"She is not, mom..." Ike's voice was hard to hush. " She's only 36..." Ike seemed to be reasoning with her and I knew by the last coment it was about Ri.
"Mom, she makes him happy, haven't you looked at them mom, watched them? I think Zac really loves her."
"But Ike...she has kids...she's done, she's... I wanted grandkids from Zac." She was near tears, I felt like I needed to step in at this point although Ike was doing a fine job of defending her. I opened the door to the bath and stood with my shoulder against the doorway and a look that told them I knew what they had been talking about.
Ike turned to leave, but I wanted him to stay, to mediate. I gave him a look that told him so. My mom and I were almost best friends, but this was a emotional issue and I needed a voice of reason.
"I do love her, mom..." the tears that had yet to spill dripped from the corners of her eyes.
"Yes, but Zac....." I cut her off. I knew this would have to be short. She was in no frame of mind to have a logical discussion about this.
"Not like we are going to run off and get married in six months love, but she makes me more than happy, mom, and she loves me too."
I gathered her in my arms, and hugged her until I felt the sobs stop. Then relased her and walked from the room. Needless to say, I loved my mom, but this was going to put a rough spot in our relationship. Ri's age never mattered to me and I'll be damned if it matters to anyone else.
"Well she does computer work at home, I think for some doctor.." his eyes got wide, what did I say?
"You took her lunch at home?...Way to go Zac..." I felt a little panic rise , was this good or bad?
"Is that bad?" he had a big grin on his face, so I am guessing no.
"No! You said you had never been yet...just seems like you guys are getting close. You know, Mom was asking me about her the other day, prying for info. I think you need to bring her around, maybe to dinner this week." The thought had crossed my mind and she had already met Ike and Tay, that was the worst of it. But mom, now that is a whole different story.
"What did she ask you...mom, I mean..." I was almost afraid to ask. Not like he could tell her much, they had only met briefly that one day.
"Well, I hate to tell you, but Ike spilled the beans about her being older..." He kind of winced. "She just wanted to know my opinion of her, I told her that you were good together, she is good for you." I knew I liked Tay better sometimes, but I wanted to change the subject,.
"So Tay, how's fatherhood?" I knew this would keep him going for awhile.
I wasn't even paying a bit of attention to what he was saying. My thoughts were drifting back to lunch. Following her in the house, I felt this sort of relaxation come over me as I entered. The house was far from grand or even big, just a small home in the country. She appeared to be quite the gardener, but I guess I could have picked that out from our walks together. She was always stopping to pull a leaf off and smell it or look at it them tuck it in her pocket. I thought it was cute, like a child with wild plans for her pocket full of leaves and flowers later on.
"They're beautiful, the pictures I mean..." I felt like I was getting a new look at Ri, like a new light had been shed on this side of her persona that she has been keeping hidden away.
"Ri, can you come have dinner with us on Tuesday?" It just spilled out, I'm not even sure I am ready to share her with the rest of them, but my heart must have known more than me.
"Good morning Nathaniel, you giving Nick a ride today?" He stopped by a few days a week to pick up Nick, it was a nice relief, gave me an extra half hour before having to get Sarah to school.
"Yes, maam.. you look nice today .." See I told you always the charmer. I had pulled a floral skirt and a sweater top out, threw it on thinking I might be able to stop at the discount place to find something on the way home from school drop that morning.
"Well, thank you Nate, now you guys get going..." I needed to laugh and I had to wait until I got them out to do it. I had looked out of the corner of my eye after that comment to see Nick shoot him a dirty look and hit him in the arm. I have got to get Nick to loosen up.
"Oh, Nick?" come right home after school would you? You guys are home for the evening by yourselves. A small frown came over his face...
"Are you going out with him?" I felt a pang with the tone he used on the word him.
"Yes, I am Nick" He hadn't even met him and he was beginning to form an opinion about him, maybe it was time for them to meet.
" Good morning Zachary..." I laughed, I recently had found out by accident that, indeed, his full given name was Zachary.
"So, do I have to wait until tonight to see you?" I could feel his smile throught the phone.
"I think I could blow off work for a while today..."
"Zac, I am going to work on a new dress for tonight, it's going to take me most of the day to sew...Not that I wouldn't love to see you, but well, tonight will come quick."
"Sew a dress?..You can do that?" Ah, a true male at heart, I knew it was there.
"Of course I can!" I was almost indignant and found it a bit odd that he had never seen a woman sew, especially with 7 kids in the house. She had to have sewn...?
"Isn't it easier to just go buy a dress?" I had to laugh again, another truly male statement and a statement from someone who I am sure had never been down to their last 20.00 for the week.
"It might be, but they are expensive, and it's fun..." He just sighed on the other end. He knew he had been beat.
"Ri, it's Zac, I have a surprise for you, I promise, I will just drop it off and let you be...well maybe grab a kiss too.." I laughed knowing I would never leave without one or two of those.
"Oh,I love surprises and I am a bit frustrated over this whole thing..." I could hear it on her voice. "I guess it would be nice to take a break with you for a few minutes...but a few minutes okay--no two hour lunch dates again..." I agreed, I would just drop it off and leave.
"I'ts beautiful Zac, perfect, but why...you don't need to buy me things..." She pulled it out of the box all the way and held it up. I noticed now that some of the floral was the same color pink as was in the chair.
"I just wanted to, when I heard you say you were going to spend the whole day making one, I knew that this would be something you would love, ...and it will look so pretty on you." I gave her a kiss with that and she dropped the dress to her lap and pulled me closer, making it longer. This was worth the whole adventure this morning.
~Eight~
~Nine~