As you can imagine the first moments with Diana in the house were about as awkward as they come. She was the first one to break the ice

"These are your children?" She sits and touches the frame of the kids most recent pictures I have on the side table.

"Yes, Sarah and Nick-Sarah's in Jr High and Nick's in High school."

She smiled and gently nodded, " I didn't realize our kids were close in age..or some of them."

I decided that it may as well be me to broach the veiled subject, seeing as it was me that took the first step and invited her over.

"Diana...you don't care for my relationship with Zac a whole lot do you?"

"Clarissa..." She paused. I knew all too well how she was feeling. I wanted to burst out in tears myself.

"...it's not that I don't want Zac to be happy, my gosh, it's all a mother hopes and dreams that her child will find...." She took a deep breath that ended up all too shaky.

"Zac has always been different through every step of his life, not at all like any of the other kids. I always knew that whomever Zac chose as his wife would be just as different as he was, I just wasn't prepared for it to be....this different".

I was taken aback by this, although Zac had never said anything to me, I knew that she was always just cordial and never fully accepted our relationship.

"I...um..Diana, you realize that Zac and I are nowhere near as serious as you seem to think we are."

Her head rose to look at me directly. "You are spending nites with Zac and it's not serious?" her voice had risen from the soft understanding tone that had calmed many of my fears, making my pulse race.

"It's not ....well, it is, I'm not going to lie. We are serious,but not serious as in life choices, marriage serious. I am absolutely, completely in love with Zac, and yes, we did spend the nite together. From there, what our relationship involves Diana, I think you have to trust Zac's judgement that we are being careful and are taking our relationship step by step."

"Clarissa, don't get me wrong. This is a different era that when Walker and I met and married. Please let me state this now- I in no way approve of a marrige relationship, including sex, outside of marriage, but I also know that all of my boys have had this relationship before they were married...whether they think I knew or not." She smiled a small smile after this comment. I knew that as a mother myself-there are a lot of things you know but just let the kids think you don't-after all, kids need to think they have a life separate from yours. I smiled back.

" I have spent a long time on my knees in prayer and in conversation with Walker-and even though I cannot say that you were a choice that I want to see Zac make, I have to realize that he is an adult and let him make his choices in life." Her smile spread broad across her face, "Although Zac is avoiding me just like when he was 13--I always knew when he had something he didn't want to tell me, he hid...or didn't show up at dinner ..." she chuckled again.

I had to chuckle too, I had seen this more than once. "He's avoiding you?"

"Well, he knew there was family dinner last nite and never showed. Issac told him, he knew."

The screen door in front slammed shut, I looked at my watch thinking it couldn't be time for Nick to be home already, but didn't think twice, it had been a long day already. Both Diana and I turned to look... Not Nick indeed, there stood Zac hands in pockets in the middle of the living room.

~*~

What I want to know is how the hell I ended up feeling like I am 14 and caught int he act...in the act of what I don't know. If I don't do something, anything, about this mess today, I may be on my way to losing everything, including Ri.

One ring, then two...message, but the business message, that means she's home working.

I grab my keys and head out the door without a word. I didn't forget to throw a dirty look Tay's direction. I can just imagine what went on at dinner last night.

The trip from town out to Ri's seems to get shorter each time I drive it. As I pull into the narrow gravel drive, I have to double check to make sure I haven't completely lost it. Parked in the drive is mom's van.

Now I'm a reasonable man, but understand this. There is something very wrong with finding your mom at your girlfriends house. There is something even more wrong when you know she has little liking for her.

The emotions that are running through me are hot and cold-curiosity, anger, insecurity and back to anger. Did mom come here on her own? She has no right. Did Ri invite her? Even worse.

I don't even remember walking in the door, but the first words I hear are those of my mother-"...Issac told him, he knew."

Both turn to look at the door slamming, not expecting to find me, obiviously by the looks on their faces.

"SO the women take over! Deciding how to run my life. I always thought that's how it secretly was, in the back of my head, but it was only a suspicion. I hadn't really ever seen it in action." I felt the anger stirring, bubbling, like bile rising in your throat.

"Zac..." My mother interrupts.

"...dont' even try to explain." I look Ri in the eyes for the first time. I hope she can see it, the frustration and anger. She doesn't even try to speak.

"So what is this mom? Here to tell her you want your baby back? Here to ask her to give me up for your sake? Dammit, mom, I am 28 years old, your were done with your job 10 years ago! Now you get to sit back and see just how good of a job you did..."

"...it was me .." Ri pipes up from the other side of the counter.

"I invited her. I know everything Zac, I've known for sometime how she feels about us, I've probably know the whole time-just unwilling to let myself realize it." Her voice turned to a slight bitter note. "We were trying to work things out, not hide from problems."

Now I felt like a real jerk, but I'm still damn mad. Mom still has a look of disbelief on her face. I can't remember a time I've been that harsh with her. She slipped off the stool where she had been perched at the side of the counter opposite Ri, looking down she heads towards the bathroom in the hall leaving me to face Ri, the problem and our emotions.

He stands there staring at me like he thinks I am going to have something to say. I am torn between wanting to crawl under the counter and telling him to leave until he can act his age. This is a peek into the inner Zac that I haven't seen. A side, to say the least, I don't like. To this point in or relationship, Zac has always had the upper hand, something I admired. His self assurance and security has melted into a persona I see in Nick on occasion.

"I can't believe.." He come closer to the counter and lowers his voice.

I can't believe you did this!" he hisses. "This was my battle to fight, my problem to deal with." He looks towards the bathroom door, waiting for her to re-appear.

"So the battle is about me and I don't get any say so? Talk about not fair, when do I get my input? We are both adults Zac."

I feel free as I take the chance to talk to him fearlessly. There isn't a whole lot more I could do at this point, if it's time for our growing bond to end then the slate should be cleared.

Emerging from the hall, Diana comes to me in the kitchen.

"Clarissa, thank you. Maybe there will be another time we can talk more." She leans in to hug me, then turns to leave stopping near Zac.

"..my job will never be done, Zac, a mothers job is never done." She touches his arm with her small hand and disappears into the sun at the front door.

Silence stays in the air for several minutes. Zac stands his ground with the counter separating him from me.

"She's an amazing woman Zac. I wondered many times how a woman of her stature had the endurance to raise all of you, but I now know. It's an inner strength."

Straddling a stool he collapeses onto it putting his head in his hands and covering his face. I start to wonder if he might be covering some form of emotion that he wouldn't want me to see. He stays in that position for only a moment or two before running his hands through his long shaggy mane.

"What was there to accomplish by this, Ri? Did you think you could talk her into liking you? Did you think that talking would solve all the problems? I bet you realize now how stubborn and single minded she is."

I can't stifle the chuckle that rises when he says that.

"Let's see, stubborn? Singleminded? Wow, that sounds like someone I know." As he looks at me, I can see his eyes change, soften somehow.

~*~

Maybe this was good this happened. I see a fire in her, a fire I somehow respect, no matter how angry it makes me feel. I can sense her reluctance to face me on this issue, but at the same time, I see a stubborness in her that I know comes from a determination to try and make things work. I shake my head and and am simultaniously startled at the radio in the kitchen blaring out of nowhere.

"You're right, she is an amazing woman. That doesn't mean I can't still be mad at her though." She starts gathering dishes and then goes to the table where her work papers are stacked neatly in organized piles.

"Are you mad at me?" she asks, back turned.

She turns looking pointedly at me for an answer. A feeling of warmth washes over me as she looks, big eyes, freckles and all.

"No...I was, but no.." I move to gather her into my arms. Will this work? I don't know, but if anyone can make it work, it will be her.

"What's the radio set for?" I wonder outloud.

"Kids, normally...Michelle's getting them today. She claims she was going to be in the area, but I know she just wants to find out what happened."

"Sheesh, she knew about this?" I like the feeling of her in my arms with the soft echo's of the radio behind us.

"Siblings are your constant allies, Zac, you should know that better than me."

I think about how I left things with Ike and Taylor, allies? Yeah.. Constant?-I don't know if I could say that earlier today, now I realize they were just doing their job as brothers. Torture, love, and kick you butt back into line when you get out.

We stay wrapped with each other now begining to sway slightly to the rhythm of the radio. You hear people jest about make-up sex, I can't say that I would choose this instead, but I can see where the comments about how good it is could be true if this closeness we are sharing could be any pre-cursor.

~*~

Time seems to stop as we stay silent swaying slightly to the radio playing in the kitchen. Someone was looking out for me today, I'm glad Michelle took on the responsibility of the kids getting home today as it would have been horrible to leave, not just this moment, but to leave after the exchange that we had.

Zac pulls me from this state of grace and motions me toward the small seatee' that is off to the side of the dining area. Pulling me down half into his lap he looks at me without words, seemingly aplogizing for anything that might not have yet been said. I kiss him gently to let him know that all is forgiven. In the back of my mind, I'm not sure I will forget.

He returns my kiss a little longer, and my memory gets a little foggier. A faint noise in the living room makes me break one of the folowing kisses we have been innocently exchanging. I hear "shhhh.." at the same time and see Michelle and Sarah move out of the line of vision. Nick isn't so quick. His look is one that could be disdain adding a small shake of his head as her turns in the direction of his room.

In one swift movement I am up and across the kitchen floor, my cheeks pink with slight embarassment. I hug Sarah, and then Michelle, while looking towards the door shutting simultaniously in the hall. I wait for the loud music, a sure sign to leave him be.

"I'll just be..." Michelle attempts to turn and head out the door. "No, please, I thought you would stay for dinner.." She almost always stays at least to visit and watch our afternoon craft shows. "Well, I..." She starts to stay and then looks behind me. "How about I take the kids to the store , we'll go get something for dinner." Her words belie the actual message of trying to leave Zac and I alone again.

"You stay, I should get going." Zac's voice comes from closer behind me than I expected.

"Just stop.." I interrupt. I was hoping you'd stay, both of you, unless you have to get back to work" I turn and say to Zac with a smug smile.

He laughs, "..and I can send...him..." I motion towards the shut bedroom door, "...for anything I need." I realize as I say this, that though the door is shut, the loud music that attempts to block me out never started.

While lost in thought I realize that Sarah, Zac and Michelle has made themselves comfortable in the front room and are debating what's going to be the TV choice of the moment.

I tap on Nick's door and crack it open. He's laying on his bed in silence with a school book spread out in front of him. Glancing up quickly, he then moves to sit, leaving me room to join him.

"Hey.." I say softly while taking a seat near him.

"Hey.." He returns in a deep voice that suprises me almost every time I hear it.

I want to say something to him knowing that what he walked in on was more than terribly awkward for him.

"I..uhh.."

"It's ok ,mom- He's not that bad.." He actually throwS a small smile my way.I ruffle his hair and kiss his head while getting up to leave.

"Just not too often, it's pretty gross..." He laughs.

"He's going to stay for dinner", I say as more of a statement than a question. "Will you walk down to the store for some tea and eggs..?" he nods, "...in a few, let me finish.."

For this moment, things are at peace.

~*~

[Chapter 18...and more soon!]

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