I have to smile back at Ike across the ballroom as Joe Brown, a.k.a "Elvis incarnate for the day," croons a sweet 'Love me Tender' while the couples dance. Hiring Joe was our idea. It wasn't easy, but we managed to find the very same Elvis that Zac wanted to officiate their "almost elopement." We had at first set it up as a surprise during the ceremony, but when Kate found out, she nixed the idea. Zac and Lacey were surprised enough for him to show up at the reception. It turns out that he was the son of the actual guy that married Elvis and Prisicilla.

Life has taken its share of turns and twists these past few years, some more surprising than others. I never did hear from Bonnie again, but then again neither did anyone. The closest we got was a letter addressed from a general delivery in Spain. The letter didn't surprise me, but how I came to know of it did.

A quiet day in the studio led to me sitting on a sunny patio reading one of those self-help books on one subject or another. Ike appeared and sat
down beside me, I could feel that there was some sort of tension in the air; unbeknownst to me, it was right inside the door.

"Tay, um, someone's here to see you, but you don't have to if you don't want." I had the immediate feeling I knew who it was and the anger started to seeth up into my pores. Sure enough, Ray appeared through the door.

You see, I had determined at that point in my life that it was him that was responsible for everything. He drove her away, he caused the arrest, he had written the letter in the first place, it was all him. No one but him and I know to this day about the conversation we had, or I should say the conversation I had while he listened, just days after it had all ended. I let him know my feelings in no uncertain terms about what I thought of his racist attitudes and how he had damaged his one and only most precious
possession, his child. I had to do it, there was no other way I could get on with things.

**

"Get him outta here..." I gritted my teeth and looked at him with all the disgust I could muster.

"But Tay.., he..he has something, I think you need to know about." He had evidently been here for awhile, talking with Ike, it was clear. I looked up at Ray again, and if I didn't know better, I would think he had been crying. It was then I saw the envelope in his hand. My heart skipped a beat.

"Mr. Hanson, um, we recieved this from Bonita yesterday, ....Georgie thought you should see it."

Yeah, right. Her mom. I never had any problem with her, other than she was attached to this ...this man. Why wasn't it her here with this then
instead of him?

He sat down on the bench across from me, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ike slip back inside. Now it was just Ray and I. Looking at
him I had to think at that point, that he looked as though he had aged in the last six months. He looked worn, or maybe just tired. he handed the pale blue envelope across to me. I pulled a crumpled and somewhat worn looking letter on plain lined paper from the envelope.

Daddy,

I have written this letter a hundred times in these
last few months and I am still not sure what I can say.
I can't say that it was any one thing that made me leave,
It was the sum of the expectations. I have never been me.
Never have I done or been who or what I wanted.

Who knows, it might have started that summer you sent me
away I think the reason I "got better" is because I
changed. Not for the better, but into what I thought
you and everyone else wanted me to be. If it kept me at
home with you, then that's what I would be--what everyone
wanted me to be.

It seeped into every aspect of my life, daddy. At home,
I worked to please you, At school, I worked to please the
teachers. I never let the boys close, because I knew you
wouldn't approve.

But it happened daddy, I fell in love; it had to happen
at some point. Your little girl grew up. I thought that
you would approve of Taylor. He came from a good family,
had a good education and a good job, but no, you had
to mess everything up.

I couldn't do it to you daddy, I couldn't do it to him.
It wasn't perfect and that's how it had to be, or I couldn't
go through with it. If had to face you or Taylor again,
I would have broken. I was being pulled in so many
directions, I didn't know what else I could do.

I am happy daddy. Don't worry for me. I have a good job
and a good life. But I won't be back. I don't think that I am
strong enough to deal with my former life. Who knows,
maybe someday.

I want to ask you daddy,for a favor. I want you to make
sure Taylor is okay. I know you blame him for this, but until
the day I know you have forgiven him, I cannot even concieve of
returning to your life. I want to make sure he knows daddy,
and I want you to tell him. I loved him, more than I have
ever loved anyone in my life, but I would have ruined him.
I would have pulled him into my own world of despair,
and tarnished him.

Daddy, he is a good man, go to him. I don't want him to
hate me , but I want him to understand and I think through
you is the only way that he will. I haven't the courage yet to
write him, but you may tell him what I have said.

There isn't a day goes by that I don't think about all of you.
The memories are still crystal clear. I will heal, I can't
tell you when, but I feel more myself each day.

Mum, Daddy, Taylor,
I love you all.

Bonita

I clasped my hand, wrinkling the already tested paper. I released it and smoothed it refolding the note and putting it back in the envelope. The silence was thick in the air and I felt as if he wanted me to speak first. I saw a shadow of Ike waiting just inside the door, probably waiting to pull me off of him. I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't
even waste the energy on the pathetic man.

"Taylor..." his slight accent hung on the edge of his words. "I'm sorry..." I pulled a deep breath in, not thinking that I would waste my breath on
a answer but the words came out without my willing them to.

I handed the envelope back to him as I spoke. "This doesn't excuse anything , Ray. You are still the bigot you always were, and as far as I am concerned you always will be. You are here because Georgia sent you and because you feel guilty for losing your daughter." I looked him
sternly in the eye as I calmly told him again what I thought of him. I had always been told to forgive, but I couldn't, this was too heinous of a crime in my mind.

He stood to leave with the envelope still clutched in his hand, I noticed a slight shake, almost making me feel sorry for the man. He opened the
door slightly when another thought crossed my mind. I needed to know.

"Where did you send her?...and why?" He paused, and the door drifted open, indeed, there stood Ike, hands in pockets.

"...We...she...she ran away, it kept happening, she wouldn't go to school, we had no choice, they took her. She always thought we sent her, but they took her. She lived in a group home for awhile when she was eight, and then for a few weeks at a facility in Oaklahoma City. She needed help, help we couldn't give her. We always told her it wasn't us. Social Services took her as incourageable..." The sobs started to rack the mans body so hard that he had to sit back down on the bench. Ike took one of his hands. I was crumbling inside. She had never told me. I would never let this man see me in this state and hastily retreated from the room. Ike stayed with Ray, obviously taken in by the mans emotional state.

"Tay...Taylor..." Ike's voice echoed down the hall. I kept walking, headed for a safe place where I could assemble all the new facts that had just been placed in my hands. I stopped around a corner, and leaned back against the wall, breathing. In, out, in, out. This was a huge part of the puzzle. How could I have never known, how could it never have come out until now.

**

It wasn't long after that day, that Ray and Georgia moved to Tulsa. They moved into the house they had bought for Bonnie when she came here for college. There are times in your life when you really dislike your parents. They do things you tell them not to, they do things you believe are
wrong. My mother, my dear sweet mother, felt it necessary to *bring them to the fold* as she put it. It had taken some time, but I had forgiven him. I had learned in some of my many hours of counseling and talks with my mother and father that bigotry and predjudice is nothing more than ignorance. It was hard let my anger toward him go. I felt like if I couldn't be angry at him, then I had nothing. It was all for naught.

But now, some three years later, I sit and watch Ray out on the dance floor with Isabel Jane, Ike's beautiful baby girl, in his arms swirling her around and her head thrown back giggling louder than the music. My gaze drifts to watch Ike and Kate, her mid section once again swelled to exploding capacity with another new Hanson ready to come into the world.

Ike and Kate--now that has been a wonderful and joyous ride. The smiles on their faces as they stand surveying the scene at the reception, are
wondrous. Ike's hand is resting gently on the top of Kate's stomach as it almost always was with Isabel. They knew they were expecting a girl
from the moment they could find out with her and her name Isabel, Kate and lacey's late mothers was set fromt he start as well, Jane coming later from grandma. This one was another story, they chose not to find out and we are all as anxious to know as they are.

The first time though it was rough on Ike, man, he was downright hysterical at times, and the day she went into labor with Isabel...that was the end
of Ike as we knew him. Calm, cool, collected, big brother no longer. They had sent her home from the hospital since she was still in very early labor. I remember the scene like it was yesterday.

**

"'Tay...Taylor"...Ike is gasping into the phone as I pick it up.
"My..She...Kate's...we're having the baby!.."

"Where's Zac, he needs to go lock up and then go to church and find mom, she's there with the kids..."

"Hey , Ike, calm down, she's back. She's right here." I looked over at my mom with Zoe asleep on her lap, smiling. She knows before I even tell her.

The next thing I know it seems we are in the waiting room at the hospital again. This time it feels odd though, Mom with us, and Ike behind the doors. Not more than minutes later, He bursts through the door, carrying a small package and heading the opposite way down the hall with two nurses racing to keep up with his long strides. A few minutes later Kate's midwife sneaks her head out the door.

"Diana and Lacey?...she quietly get moms attention. She'd like to see you. Zac stands to follow Lacey and mom, I grab his hand to pull him down.

"You'll have your turn. Give them some time now." I smiled and patted his hand.

Zac and Lacey had grown quite close to Ike and Kate, they spent alot of time together, almost enough to make me feel left out at times, but I knew why, and it was good for Zac. They were almost finished with their premarital counseling and had figured that because of their age, another 2 years would be better for them to wait. Zac was not what you could call happy about this in the beginning for reasons only an 21 year-old man could have. But he understood.

Ike appears in front of us dressed in the green hospital fatigues they have given him, with a grin the size of Texas.

"She's...She's beautiful guys, come see" Racing ahead of us back to the nursery and in the door, we stood in front of the glass windows. This
was a familiar feeling, but again odd in a sense that Dad was outside with us and it was Ike holding the red wrinkly little face peering from the blanket up to the window. He's right, she's beautiful. Ike pulls the blanket slightly back from her head to reveal shocks of black hair sticking every which way. Pointing to it and smiling amazingly, we all laugh. Isabel Jane, the first dark haired Hanson.

**

I look back to the dance floor, Isabel now twirling across the floor in the arms of her Uncle Zac, as his bride, and most of the crowd look on in gales of laughter. Zac and Lacey have waited so long, six years, almost seven. Zac places Isabel back in her daddys arms and heads my direction, I think he sensed my pensive mood and is coming to draw me into the celebration.

His grin could light this hall tonight, and probably be seen in Bartlesville as well. He pulls a chair up and slumps ino it, sweaty and out of breath after struggling out of the black tux jacket, mind you, tails and all, Zac could never have had less.
"So you're married..." I look out of the corner of my eye, my heart actually tugging a bit thinking that I was the odd man out.

"Married, jeez, that sounds weird.." He grabs my hand from the top and squeezes it.
"I can't belive you did it , Zac.." I always knew, even when Bonnie was still in my life that he
would be next.
He actually is silent and pensive for a moment, then the grin breaks again.
"...Well, I haven't done it yet.." He quietly laughs.

"Well what are ya still doing here then?.." I elbow him then look up to see his wife, wow, Zac's wife..., wiggling her finger suggestivly at him from across the room. I don't think he sees her
.
"Um, Zac..." I nudge him slightly with my elbow again...and motion with my head in her direction. His smile brightens yet again .

"My wife calls, what can I say?" He stands, bows, and heads directly to her. I watch as he pulls her into his arms and softly kisses her, enveloping her in a hug, closing his eyes and slowly swaying with her as the lights brighten a bit.

Pastor Dan tapping a glass calls everyones attention to the front of the room. Ike stands beside him with Isabel on his hip. After the crowd quiets, he starts, I figit nervously knowing that I soon will be called to the forefront to end the toast after Dan and Ike have had their say. Feeling a hand on my arm I turn to find Amanda at my side.

"You ready?" Funny, she can tell I am nervous. In our hours of phone calls we had talked about this, the fact that Zac had asked me to do this and I really thought that Ike should. He was the best man, and Zac was obviously closer to him at this point in our lives, but he insisted.
"Yeah, well, as ready as I'll ever be.." She actually made me feel a bit better about all of this. I smiled and slung my arm around her shouders giving her a small hug.

Alot of the family was worried at first that I was spending so much time with her. I always knew my mom was wise, but I overheard a conversation with she was having with Ike on the subject one day.

"Issac, God never shuts a door without opening a window. Amanda is Taylors window." It was such a profound statement. She was my window to a future life that was there. In fact, she was the one that actually kicked my butt into gear. I remember one conversation in particular.

**

"Taylor ..." she let out a huge sigh. "I am going to say this and it seems harsh, but you need to hear it."
Amanda was never one to tell people things. More one to sit and listen and reiterate what you were feeling. This was sometimes good, sometimes bad. I always told her she would make a great psycologist. "Get over it. She dumped you and left. Yes, you loved her, but she obviously didn't love you enough to stay. You have to get it together and get on with your life." It stung, but I knew she was right.
"She isn't coming back Taylor, and you and I both know it. Beside, even if she did, can you honestly tell me you would pick up with her where you left off?" Again, right on the nose.

**

I went to Vermont to see her shortly after that conversation, half mad at her, half needing to see her and tell her thank you. I had gotten on with my life, rather nicely in fact. I started seeing my friends and yes, even a date here and there. Even seeing Ray at family functions became an easier burden to bear.

I have to wonder at times why Amanda has never married. Her career is established, and she dates, frequently even has relationships for periods of time. I asked her why once.

"Because no one can hold a candle to you, Taylor." I wish she would give me a straight answer now and then, she has this dry sense of humor, one that you never really know...really, if there wasn't a glint of truth behind what she was saying.

".....with examples of relationships like your parents, and Issac and Kate, Zac and Lacey, you will never lack in direction.." Pastor Dan was still going on. "... everyone here in this room is here as witness' of this union today. Zac and Lacey have vowed their lives to one another. You will be there during the good times and bad, and my challenge to you is to hold them accountable for the promises they have made before God and yourselves." He raised his glass. " God bless Zac and Lacey and their lives together."..A resounding 'Ahmen!' was heard throughout the crowd as his part of the toast was complete.

Ike wanted to say a few words before I gave my toast. That was an oxymoron, Ike and a few words. I moved towards the front of the crowd, Amanda gave me a smile and my arm a gentle a squeeze of encouragement I turned and gave her a quick hug before making my way through the crowded floor.

"My little brother Zac and I have become close friends over the past year or two." I could tell this was going to take some time. "Though five years separate us, I am amazed at times at how astute and profound he can be, teaching me things, forcing me to look at something in a different light. Zac, I hate to say this, but you are your mothers son." The crowd crackled with laughter. "Lacey, you, you have been a part of our lives and a part of our family for so many years, that welcome to the family would be a redundant statement."

I was amazed to look up at Ike as I scooted through the crowd and see that he was misty, he looked down and smiled.

"Zac and Lacey, I can only hope..." He was trying to get thorough this without breaking. I watched as he pulled Kate close to his side with the free arm that Isabel wasn't occupying "...I can only hope that you are as happy in life as I am." The crowed sighed in awe. He raised his glass "To Zac and Lacey, God bless you in the lifetime to come."

Issac handed me a glass from the table and I stepped to the microphone on stage. I always hated this, even from the very start, being on the spot in front of family and friends. I didn't have anything written, but I knew what I wanted to say, though not in any particular order. I just started with my first thoughts.

" I was reading a book recently by E.E. Cummings....A quote in the book read.... 'It takes courage to grow up and become yourself' those words could have a different meaning to different people, but ..."
I had to laugh as I did when I thought of this "....Zac you never did grow up, but you have always been yourself, that still takes great courage." A small laugh rippled though the crowd. " Like Ike said a few moments ago, for someone so young, you can be so profound, blatently so at times, you have taught me a great deal. There was no other choice in life for you but Lacey, from the start, I think we all realized that not only would she be the only one to put up with you, but the only one who could make you a better person than you already were."
Now it was Zac's turn, I could see from my position on stage that if I didn't end this quickly that none of the Hanson brothers or their wives would have a dry eye left.

"There was a song, by an obscure songwriter back in the late 90's that touched me. It has been almost a mantra for me at times, and I think that a quote from it fits well at this time."
I had fought back and forth with this in my mind about whether I would sing the chorus ,or simply quote from the words, but after much consideration, I decided that a simple quotation would hold the most attention to the actual meaning.

"We are born to shimmer, we're born to shine
We're born to radiate
We're born to live, we're born to love,
We're born never to hate."

A hush remained over the audience.
"Zac and Lacey, you have lived this quote your entire life, continue the tradition..." My glass raised along with the others in the room to full arms length. " Zac and Lacey, continue to shimmer." I hear the audience resounding and glasses clanking together...

"Here, here, To shimmering!"

...and so it ends.

[laceysmom2]

[Shimmering]