...I can't believe what I've seen
I've been forsaken
I've been deceived
cast aside
left behind
I can't believe my own eyes...
~Jonny Lang~Leavin' to Stay~
Four
I went to the front porch to get some fresh air. The air in the house was stale, I hated that feeling. Sitting down on the top step, I thought back to the evenings events, well, it had actually started early in the afternoon, when mom and daddy were leaving to head home to Oaklahoma City. They had come up to see me and have breakfast for some odd reason, they never did this, mom said that it was at daddy's suggestion. He must have felt bad for doing what he did last week.
As they left he handed me an envelope and told me it was for after I left. I giggled...he always gave me a little extra money when he saw me, now I could go get that dress I had my eye on at the mall. It would be perfect for my date with Taylor this evening. After I had cleaned up the dishes and then myself, waiting for Taylor to stop by like he always did, I opened the envelope only to find a handwritten letter and none of the expected cash.
I could have and should have known this was coming, there was a reason I hadn't taken Taylor to meet them for over a year. Daddy didn't have a high regard for *white people* as he referred to them, there were other terms too-- oakies, white trash,--he thought they all were lazy, and had no respect for anyone. Funny how we ended up living in Oaklahoma huh? When I finally had given in to Taylor and his family's relentless questions, I took Taylor to go meet them one afternoon.
I could tell from the moment I walked in the door with Taylor in tow, that there was a black cloud hanging over daddy's head. Oh, he was polite enough, but I could tell that he wasn't listening to a word Tay was telling him about school, or his work. Daddy had heard all he wanted. He was a musician, that equalled unreliable and lazy, that was all he wanted to hear or know. Mom, well, mom was mom, whatever daddy said, she agreed with. That was the way she had been raised, you respected your man, no if's and's, or but's. In the kitchen with her, she told me quietly with a small smile that he was handsome, but he needed a haircut...I had to laugh, Taylor *had* cut his hair, alot, when he found out he was coming to meet them. I had told him how old country they were, he was so nervous. I had really thought, and hoped, that once they met him, and got to know him a bit, that they would grow to love him like I had.
That visit was nothing to the one last week when Tay and I went up to see them again, this time to tell them we had made a decision. We were going to get married. Inside I was excited, but outside I knew. I knew that daddy wouldn't take this well, but I never thought he would just not come out...the entire visit, he stayed locked in his workshop in the garage. He knew what we had come to tell them, I guess he felt like it wouldn't happen if he couldn't hear it first hand.
This was going to kill Taylor. One of the things that I loved the most about him was the fact that he never looked at people as different. With all his wealth and power, it didn't matter to him a bit if you were rich, poor, black, white, green, handicapped or otherwise, he treated you all equally. I stared back down at the yellow piece of paper in my hand. It wasn't going to happen. I was going to have to choose, and the choice was not going to be easy. Crumbling the paper, I threw against the far wall and sank to the floor. That's where he found me, crying, when he came. I think I scared him. He had never seen me cry.
"He's a bigot, Tay!!!" Ike was mad, I had never seen him this riled up over something. I was almost still in a state of denile that here were actually people out there that held these opinions in this day and age.
When I first started seeing Bonnie, or chasing her as Ike says, I never even questioned or thought about the fact that she might be of a different decent. All I knew was that I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I was told alot of things about her, that she was cold, she didn't love me the way I loved her, that I was *whipped*, that was Zac's favorite. No one knew her like I did though. When we are alone together, she comes alive, we share so many things, said and unsaid, her eyes sparkle, god, we'd have the most beautiful children......
She has a beautiful soul as well. She cares alot about her family, and though she doesn't show it on the surface, she cares alot about mine as well. The tears start to trickle down my cheeks again as I think about the night we *decided*, man, we got so much grief for that.....
We layed together, with our legs and arms all tangled on that ratty old futon she refused to throw away, the latest addition to my ever growong music collection playing softly on the stereo. She reached over and touched my cheek, smoothing away the hair that was in my eyes. I felt this ripple go through me, and it was right there and then that I knew that I had to be with her for the rest of my life. I swear sometimes it's almost like we're psychic when we are together, she sat up slightly and looked at me with those piercing blue eyes.
"Tay, we have to...." I knew what the rest of her sentence was.
"Let's get married...." I felt like a giddy high school kid making a rush decision, but we both knew it was right.
Now I finally knew what Zac had been talking about all those times he's didn't come home at night. We just spent the night , close, in each others arms. I guess I truly believed Zac now, though I never really believed him before.
Back to reality, I noticed that Kate had come downstairs.
"Is it, okay?..." Ike looked at me hesitatingly wondering whether it was okay to share this with her. Like she wouldn't have known the second he went to bed tonight. I think Ike had read too many of those pre-marital books, they had a whole shelf of them, he was trying to get me to read them on top of it all...
I waved my hand, telling him it was in an offhand manner. The letter was short enough that she finished it in a matter of moments. Her mouth just hung open with an astionished look on her face.
" Tay, this can't stop you, it can't..." this was a first. Kate was like Ike, not a huge fan of the whole realtionship with her, but this was a new side.
"It's, not, but...I just can't ask her to give up ...her family....." Sobs started to rack my body harder than they ever had, when I realized what this really meant.
Sometime later that nite, I was startled awake, and it took a minute to realize exactly where I was. I had fallen asleep on Ike and Kate's couch. I guess it was the slight rustle in the kitchen that had awoken me. I didn't want anyone to know I was awake, but I moved just enough to see through to the kitchen. There was Zac, shirtless, in baggy sweats, digging in the refrigerator. I smiled slightly and closed my eyes again laying my head back down on that horribly uncomfortable throw pillow.
Lacey had fallen asleep long ago, but I couldn't. Several times we had gotten up to listen at the door to see if anyone was awake. It was after Lacey had fallen asleep that I heard louder talking, I'm sure it's Tay.....he was crying.. I felt a tug at my heart, I wanted to go to him, but no one could know I was here. I sat there in the dark with the movie playing quietly and Lacey snuggled up close wondering, what had happened. Once or twice I even started to decide to just go out there and let the fur fly, then I looked over at Lacey and decided I couldn't do it to her. Ike was with him, I'd be able to see him in the morning.
At some point I must have fallen asleep. I awoke to the light from the tiny bathroom in one corner and Lacey humming in the shower. I really enjoyed waking up this way in her soft , warm bed, but I also hated it when she got in the shower while I was still here. That was a weak point for me. I could be as close as we were, sleep in her bed, even have huge makeout sessions and have the willpower to stop, but this, this was a bad one and now I had to pee. I lay there for a minute or two-- there was a shower curtain, I reasoned, it wasn't see-through I reasoned further and I had to pee. I made my way quietly into the bathroom, trying to distract myself from the thought that there was a Lacey in the shower behind that curtain and a Lacey in the shower equalled a naked Lacey in the shower. I stopped at the door to the bathroom that was just pushed closed but not shut wondering whether I should say something or just sneak in and get it over with. I gently pushed the door open slightly .
I tried in vain to think of something to get her back. Just moments later I heard the door to the bathroom click and lock. I took a towel I found laying on the floor, and attempted to dry myself, but I was hoplessly soaked. My hair, my sweats, everything. Knowing she'd be in there dressing and primping for a while, slipped off the wet sweats and jumped back into the jeans I was wearing the previous day. Not able to locate the shirt I had shed last nite, I started to hunt through a few drawers to find a borrowed one that I knew she had several of, that's when I came across.....
"Hey Lace?" I questioned somewhat tenatively.
"Hey Zac, you awake finally?" her cheerful reply came from the shower.
" Um...Lace, I gotta pee, can I come in?" she giggled slightly.
"No Zac, hold it...I'll only be another half hour or so..." she laughed again "Of course you can...."
"Hehe, ok but no peeking..." I was just tying the string on my sweats when she popped her head out of the curtain with the rest of it wrapped around her*naked* body. My mind was doing gymnastics trying to talk to her and not think ( but think) about things.
"Come here" she looked at me with grin that was somewhere between flirty and evil, I wasn't sure.
It only took about 1.2 seconds to be at the curtain. *please oh please oh please tell me to come in...* the thought ran through my head but knowing good and well that not only wouldn't she ask, but I couldn't even if she did. She moved forward and brushed her lips to mine, drips from her hair ran down my face and chest. At that moment I can't believe I thought there was anything more beautiful that a wet Lacey in the shower, I just stared at her. Out of nowhere, with no warning what-so-ever, a blast of water hit me in the face...soaking me, almost completley. Stopping as quick as it started, I looked at her to find a grin of pure evil on her face. She knew I wouldn't attempt to come after her in there, although, it sure would be alot more fun than waiting....
"Oh man.." I breathed, as I held up a beige lace slip-nightie sort of thing. "I didn't know she had these sort of things..."
Of course that would be the moment she walks out of the bathroom. "Busted"..... though highly emabrrassed, I managed to croak..
"This, I want to see you in this", before collapsing in a fit of laughter on the bed with her at my side.
Not moments after we quieted and were enjoying the moment with each other, a knock at the door, and it opens to reveal...
"Uh...Ike"
Both of us looked at him with guilty looks plastered on our faces, laying on her bed much too close, both soaking wet, and her lingerie in my hand...What a pretty picture this paints.......