"If being a good man
means swallowing all my pride
then I will
I will"
~Jonny Lang~I Am~

Seven

Even after the late nite with Tay last nite, I awoke early today. After taking a minute to get Ike settled down, it was release day today, I wandered outside to get the paper and looked across the street to find Diana replanting the front flower bed. You would think that with all she had to do, that she would hire someone to do that, but no, as with many things, she called it "her therapy" .

"Kate, good morning!" her voice was a happy chirp almost. "I didn't expect you guys up so early today, especially with Tay over there all nite with Ike. Were they too excited about the release to sleep?"
"Um..." I didn't know what to say, it wasn't my place to talk about what really had transpired the nite before, and truthfully I was asleep for most of it. "HeHe..I was asleep, I don't know what they were doing." I gracefully lied.
"And Zac..?" she looked at me questioningly.... "Was he there too, hate to think of him all alone in that house the nite before a release, he always gets so anxious, even now..." her voice trailed off as she went back to replanting. I heaved a sigh with a slight smile being thankful that I didn't have to tell another lie on Zac's whereabouts.

Ike couldn't stop laughing about that situation this morning. He came upstairs, first, and told me that Zac had spent the nite with Lacey again. I had to again reassure him that I knew nothing was going on. I guess being a guy, he finds that hard to believe, but I know Lacey and I could tell if she was lying to me. Then we decided to have a little fun. We both went in and listened to make sure it was ok, then he quickly knocked and opened the door. The looks on their faces were priceless.

Diana's voice shook me..
"I'm glad to see that Lacey and Zac are seeing Pastor Dan..." I looked at her for a moment, a little shocked.
"They're what?" I know it sounded dumb, but I was stunned. I had no idea.
" I ran into Dan at the store yesterday, and he said how much he was..." she stopped midsentence and squinched her face..."Lacey didn't tell you, did she?"

You see, Pastor Dan is who Ike and I spent six months with before getting married, pre-marital counseling they call it. More like mortify you and spill your guts counseling I called it.
"I think I may have spilled some beans..." Di smirked..."Zac came to me awhile ago and said that they wanted to talk to someone about things...They're is gonna be out for my head. I'll assume Ike had no idea either then?"
"Um...No, not that he's told me..." Thoughts were racing through my head. How long had this been going on, and why--? "About what..?" the words came out aloud rather than thought like they were supposed to be. "I...I mean..why are they..oh forget it I'll just ask Lacey......" I was a bit upset that she would not have come to me about this.
She looked at me and smiled.
"Now don't be too upset...you know what a hard time Ike and Taylor have given him in the past, it was only natural he would come to me.."
"Well yeah..." I mumbled, head down, as I walked back to the house.

Eight

Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that I was glad I had taken that accounting class dad had insisted on last year. That man thought I was a deadbeat? I'd show him otherwise. I had almost finished all the paperwork, and was ready to find some of the tour tapes when Zac walked into the office.
"Hey..Tay...whatcha..." I looked at him, and I could tell that life was great for him. You could just see it in his eyes. He hadn't hit the harsh realities of life like I had in the past few days.
"Nothin'.." I hadn't really talked to him much about it. He asked me what had happened that night , and I had given him the condensed version.
"Would you grab the Albertane tape and the one from the last tour.." I motioned towards the video cabinet behind him. "And I'm gonna be gone for the day, you and Ike can take care of anything that comes up, it'll be pretty late when I get back . Oh, and just tell Bon I'm out on some business if she happens by."
"Where you headed..?" I really didn't want anyone to know, cause if Bon found out, she'd try to stop me. After I came home, I'd tell her and deal with the consequences.
"The city--Oaklahoma City..gotta take a some work up there.." I was short and curt hoping that would end his questioning, but then Ike would have to walk in.
"So any news on the release yet.... no first day figures?" He walked over and picked up the pile of papers I had been working on. I tried to stop him, but he was ahead of me.
"Tay, a financial statement?--what.." I looked at him sternly indicating that I wanted the subject dropped. But then again this was Ike. As he leafed through the pages a small smirk appereared on his face.
"You can't think that this is going to change his mind, can you?" He picked up the tour tapes, looked at them and set them back on the desk getting an angry crease in his forehead.
"The only thing it's going to change is that he is going to be a well informed bigot..." Zac's head snapped up at that word. I don't think he had ever heard Ike use that tone of voice and language before.
"It's not going to change a thing, not a thing...but do what you feel you have to..."


As I pulled up in front of the house, I noticed how perfectly manicured the yard was, something I hadn't noticed the other two times I had been there. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, and hopefully ease my trembling hands, taking the heavy package of paperwork, cd's and video tapes. I planned on sitting through every one of these until I formed some sort of a bond with this man. He had to see that I cared about his daughter and I had to prove to him, on his terms, that I was worthy of her and if using my status and money was going to do that then that's what I'd do.

I cautiously knocked on the door and was greeted by her mom. She smiled broadly and looked to the side of me for her daughter.
"I came by myself..." I smiled back as she was joined at the door by him...a knot formed in my stomach at the sight of him, knowing what he thought of me.
"Come in, come in," she glanced at the package I carried, and offered to take it from me. I felt like walking in on my knees, not out of humility,..... never, but I towered over them, so I sat quickly. I cringed as he basically dismissed his wife from the room, and she scampered away.
"Sir, um, how are you today?" I was having a hard time looking him in the eye, and my voice was shakey. " I ..uh..Bonnie showed me the letter you wrote her, and I felt like maybe we needed to get to ...uh.. know each other a little better." I was flushed, and I felt like I was going to throw up at any moment, but I needed to do this.

We sat and talked, for awhile, and brought the tapes out to show him one. No vcr, I had planned ahead and brought a portable, he sat non-plussed and watched it. I saw her mom sneak into the back of the room and glanced back with a smile. My heart soared when she smiled back warmly.
After talking awhile more, I stood to leave, and handed him all the papers and cd's and yes, a cd player.
"I love your daughter, sir, and I hope that you may have changed your mind about me after you see this." I took a shaky breath, I was suddenly nervous again cause I knew what I had to say. " I know that I can provide a wonderful life for your daughter, sir, and I hope that the color of my skin will will cease to be a factor." I held out my hand, he tenativly shook it and I turned to head out the door.

Once on the road home, I kept going over the four hours I had been there. Not much had really been said, he asked about the travelling and about our family. I knew that there was going to be some other issues stem from this, but hopefully they would be smaller that the one I had squelched today.

Nine

I had let this go all week, now it was Thursday, and I had to get his over with before our appointment this afternoon. Lace and I had been seeing Pastor Dan for a couple of months, just talking about things. We both knew we were kinda young to get married, but because of the way our lives had been, we both felt alot older than our actual ages.

I remember overhearing dad and mom talking when Ike got engaged. He was 22 and dad thought that was too young. Now Tay is thinking about it, and he's only 23, but he still seems so young, much more so than Ike did at his age and well Lacey... Lacey's just 18, I am sure we'll get flak for that one. That's one of the reasons I only told mom about this, she has always been supportive, no matter what she, herself, thought. Ike and Tay, well, they always think I'm in need of some sort of guidance.

Our last appointment, Dan said he thought we should maybe start the premarital program he had. He thought we were ready. It amazed him he said, to find some people so young with their heads in the proper place. Well, he didn't know about our more and more frequent sleeping arrangements.

I opened this workbook thing he had given us each. *So You Think You're Ready*--Man what a corny title, each chapter then being about different subjects...
for finances...
for disagreements...
for children...
but of course, the first chapter would have to be...
for sex...
"HaHa" I had to laugh out loud. "....of course" I thought to my self "...have been for a while."
I started to read through, .....this was humiliating, we were going to have to talk with him about our thoughts and our opinions on this...Oh my gosh...
(5) Do you know each others sexual status (virginity)?
(6) Have you discussed your views /thoughts/fantasies on sex with your partner?
(7) What disagreements do you have?
(8) What do you disagree on?
(9) What part do you think sex plays in a good marriage?
Why did I have to answer these things?...Ike told me about this, but he never mentioned it was this in depth...
On cue, he walks through the door of the office, and thank heavens there was a newspaper to cover the book.

I innocently stared at the newspaper hoping he'd go away, I needed to get this done, Our appointment was in an hour. He flopped down in the chair across the desk from me.
This office always cracked me up--big desk, leather chairs, so dad looking, but Ike and Tay said we needed a professional office for meetings. It was huge, a big conference table stretching across one side of the room.
I looked back at Ike, who had been silent for a minute, a small smirk appeared on his face.
"What are you hiding?" he snickered as he looked at me...
Innocent as I could be, I looked back with a
"What?" this time he laughed a little more, okay so innocence wasn't my strong suit.
"Zac, you're reading an upside down newspaper..." I looked at this paper I was so non-chalantly trying to read, to find, indeed, it was upside down.
"Oh- um...nothing,....just thinking.." he leaned forward and snagged the open book out from under the paper. This then produced a hail of laughter stronger than the others all put together. I was thirteen shades of crimson at that point, not only because of the fact that now I had to contend with his *fatherly guidance* on the subject, but jeez, it would have had to be open to that chapter.

Ike finally let me go, after regalling me with one too many stories of thier trials through this. Now sitting in the car outside church, I still didn't have anything in the book. Lacey would be here soon, I wonder if she had as much trouble as I did. It startled me when Dan pulled up beside me.

"Hey Zac...little early?" I don't know why I was having such a problem with the fact of having to talk to him about this, maybe because Lacey and I never really *had* discussed the actual issue, further than to know that we'd be waiting till marriage. The only other discussions we'd had we're heated nips of conversations, when we on our way out of each others house for one reason, or another, well really only one reason. I had the book rolled up in my hand, and got out of the car.
"You had trouble with this , huh?" he motioned towards the book rolled in my hand.
"Yeah, uh... alot..... then I had to live through Ike's recollection of the whole thing as well" I grimaced.
"Well, we got a bit before Lacey gets here, lets go talk..." Just what I wanted...

[laceysmom2]

[Shimmering]

[chapters Ten, Eleven and Twelve]