I came home that afternoon, to mom and dads, to find mom crying her eyes out saying something that Taylor was a suspect and was at the police station. I panicked and went running down there only to find dad, Taylor and Christopher, walking out of the station. He wasn't a suspect, they just had to get a statment about the last period of time he was with her. Mom, as well as the rest of the family, were needless to say, relieved when we came through the door. It was a mad rush off to the airport this morning early, making it here just in time for sound check.

Taylor seemed alot more calm about things today, he was still visibly upset, but wasn't pacing and talking to himself with a panic-stricken face. He and Zac sit across from each other, engaged in a discussion, with small smiles and serious looks between themselves.

I'm the one feeling a bit panic-stricken today. On the plane this morning, Kate and I sat close, laughing and talking. She was teasing me like she always does, when she knows I can't follow through on things. I told her that next time she was *indisposed*, she would be repaid for this in full. Her answer didn't register at first,
"...that might not be for oh, 9 months or so..." and flashed a big grin. I looked back at the magazine she had interrupted me from, that is until the statment rewound through my head. I looked up at her, more than shocked. She was just smiling, and glowing, oh man, she's glowing.
"Are you...?" A grin was beginning to take over my face slowly.
"9 days late, Ike, I run like a clock, I am never late." Her face got serious all of the sudden.
"But we..." Shaking her head, looked back in my eyes.
"Nothing's foolproof, Ike" I leaned over and kissed her, sweetly at first, then those inner feelings took over. We were in first class, family was the only ones with us, not like we couldn't have a moment.
"For sure?" I held her close and nuzzled her ear.
"Nah, I haven't even taken a test, we'll do it in the morning." How could she be so calm about all this. I could be a father. I always wanted that, I've waited for this day longer than anyone knows, almost as long as my wedding day, ....okay, wedding nite.

Last nite had to be the hardest evening we have ever had with each other. Not bad mind you, not a fight, but hard in another sense of the word. We had never had a problem with self control in our relationship, but ever since that fateful day in Las Vegas when we nearly made the big step, it has been harder. Not only for me, but for her as well. We talked about this last nite as well. In between taking time to explore the limits of the problem, that is. I think that might have been another reason she chose to stay home, to get a handle on things between us. I really am sorry to say though, I don't want to get a handle on things. I feel guilty, really guilty, it had been nearly pounded into us over the years that a physical relationship was only for within the bonds of marrige. You know what though? No one had ever told me why.

I was glad that Taylor seemed to be in a little better spirits today. He was still worried, greatly, I could tell that, but he was doing what needed to be done. Sound check went off without a hitch. Funny, sometimes Tay being in a mood, or worried about something, made for an even better show. He almost seemed to throw himself into the show.
"Hey Tay..." I pulled up a really comfortable steel folding chair.
"Hey Zac.." He looked up quickly and flashed a small smile for me.
"You okay?" He had just been sitting, hunched over with his head down.
" I'm fine Zac, just fine, no one needs to worry at me...I miss her though" Looking up again at me, he sat up.
"There was a reason for all this, I really feel like she'll come back, there must be an explanation, if she...if she ...weren't okay...I would know." He seemed confident and this was good enough for me. But I could tell he had been talking to mom again.

Right now mom is not the person I want to be thinking about. I could go to her with this, or even dad, but I know the answer I would get. Mom would start praying for me, and dad would start giving me this book or that to read. I am sounding like this is a bad thing, it's not, but it's just not what I want. I want concrete answers.

I looked over at Ike. He has a smug smile on his face, sitting there absentmindedly plucking away at his guitar and staring into space in the direction of his wife. Looking at him, I feel a stab in my heart. I want to be him, well, not really, but I want to sit there with that look on my face and those thoughts running through my head about my wife.
"Tay?" Some incrongruent noise came from his direction, I'll take that as an answer.
"Can I ask you something?" Taylor and I were never the ones to have these talks. It was always him and Ike. I usually went to Ike too if I had a major concern that I didn't want to go to mom and dad with but I had a feeling that I would get a dad answer out of him on this subject.
"Only if I can take the fifth..." he was actually smiling.
"No, really, I need you to tell me this..." I gave him a serious look to tell him that I wasn't fooling around.
"Ok sure , shoot.." I took a deep breath, unsure of what kind of reaction I would get.
"Why have we always been told to wait...for.... you know, until marrige?" He was not expecting that.
"Well, um, mom can show you where it talks..." I didn't need the bible answer I already had that. I had read that more times than I could count. I wasn't even sure that my interpretation of what it said was what I had been taught that it said.
"No, Tay, I need to know why. I love her, we will be married within a few years, we are still giving ourselves to each other..." He wouldn't look me in the eye and he changed his seat position uncomfortably. He had a secret.
"Tay..." I caught his eye, "Have you and Bon..?" He shook his head no, but looked away again. His turn to heave a big sigh, I 'm not sure that there wasn't a catch in it as well.
"I don't wanna wait Tay..." he looked up quickly. "I love her and I don't think I want to wait anymore."
He just sat shaking his head.
"No Zac, you can, you can wait..." The papers in front of him were being shuffled, another sign that he held a secret.
"....You didn't did you..?" I took a guess, I think it was on the nose.
" Zac, I I tell you it's between us...I never even told Ike." He smiled but it was tight compared to the previous ones. "It was Natalie..., I thought...we thought...we loved each other Zac, We both thought that marrige was our future, but we were 18--I couldn't have possibly been sure of that then. I loved her, but not like I love Bonnie."

Tay and Nat had been serious, she had actually been Taylor's first long term thing. She was very cool, but mom didn't really think she was Taylor's type. I overheard her and dad one nite talking. She told dad that Natalie would break Taylor's heart. It wasn't too long later that she did. It took him a long time to get over her. Bonnie is the first girl he had dated since her. I had no idea they were that serious.
"Zac, I gave Nat something that I can never get back, she gave me that too. I'm not sorry I did, but I am sorry that I can't give that to my wife."
" Your not sorry that you did?...Then why, I love Lacey, why should we wait?" He seemed deep in thought then did what I most didn't want him to do.
"Hey ...Ike," he called him over. Taking the chair he was sitting in, he dragged it behind him over to where we were sitting. I shot Taylor a look. I knew it wouldn't make a difference so I didn't even make a real effort to make it bad.
"Ike, you ever tell Zac about the wedding?...and the honeymoon?...He laughed a little, with a big smirk on his face." A small look of horror overtook Ikes face and then a nervous smile.
"And why is this course of conversation going on over here...?" He took a long look at me and then glanced at Taylor.
" I think Zac needs to hear the Ike Hanson rendition of the honeymoon..." Taylor laughed, it must be good--or bad--why was Tay laughing?

This is way more than I need to know, I sit thinking to myself, as Ike talks about things that I really never want to know about my brother ...or my sister in law. Ike looks over at me right in the eyes as he is talking about how glad he is that they waited, You know what? Sometimes he's alot smarter then I give him credit for.

Twenty Seven